Ask a Guy: Traveling and Cheating Worries post image

Ask a Guy: Traveling and Cheating Worries


My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. We’ve been through our ups and downs, but neither of us has cheated on the other. We love each other a lot, but due to previous events that have occurred in our relationship (such as lies, breaks,  etc), we are both questioning our “loyalty” to each other.

I am currently in a situation (family emergency) that requires me to travel far away for 2 months. I am worried he will cheat on me (it’s summer right now and girls are constantly in bikinis!), though he says he won’t.  And he’s worried I’ll cheat on him, but I know I wont!

From a guy’s perspective, what do you think?

I can definitely understand your concern in all this. You’re going to be away from each other for 2 whole months.  A lot can happen.

But worrying isn’t going to get you anywhere.  It’s only going to make you crazy… and whether you have no worry at all or enough worry to fill a room for days, it’s wouldn’t change whether or not the guy would cheat. On the other hand, if you can learn to let go and relax about this, it’s very likely that your situation will be a lot more livable

Figuring out a way that you can deal with the situation really is the only control you have – you can’t control him, so it’s not worth it to worry about what he might or might not do. In fact, whether or not you decide to trust him is entirely up to you.

I think that a lot of people hold trust back when they are afraid it might be broken.  It seems sensible and if the other person really has broken your trust, then it would be smart not to trust them.

If this is a situation where you are just worried, but you have never put your trust to a real test like this, I would say this is a good time to trust him.  Go all in – make the decision to trust him completely and let it go. Don’t snoop.  Don’t pry.  Don’t try to spy on what he’s up to.  Just decide to trust him and let it go so that you can be free to live your life and he can be free to live his.

There’s no way of knowing what the other person is doing, but you can’t have a great relationship if you can’t even trust the other person to stay faithful for a relatively short period of time.

Trust is foundational to a relationship.  It exists between two people and it needs to be there all the time – not just times when it is easy to trust them. Faith is also foundational in a relationship, but it exists within you.  You need to strengthen your faith in him while you’re away.  You need to make the decision to view him as faithful to you.

It’s not easy to do, but it’s a heck of a lot healthier and easier than living day-to-day for two months feeling like your boyfriend could be cheating on you at any moment.  I think your real mission is going to be about finding how to handle yourself, your worries and your fears.

There is an important takeaway for your relationship while you are away: when you talk to him, be a great girlfriend.  Make him feel good that he’s with you.  Make your conversations a good moment of his day.  Trust him completely.  Give him space to miss you.

And most importantly:  Don’t poison the conversation with distrust, doubt or suspicion.

It’s hard to do.  Really hard – long distance has killed a lot of good relationships.  But to be honest, I don’t think it was the distance.  I think it was the distrust that the people allowed into their hearts…

Hope it helps,

eric charles

9 comments… add one

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Joyce

Awesome help from Dr.Mac@yahoo. com.. He helped me restore my relationship just in 3 days.

Reply March 11, 2017, 2:10 pm

Michael

Hi I have been in a long distance relationship for five years now we actually got married after three years in the relationship. She lives in the United state and I’m in London but we frequently visit each other from time to time during our holiday,working things out for me to join her over there. But something terrible happen while she visited me one month ago from her old phone I find out she cheated on me with 3 different guys within the last one year and one of them was actually her ex boyfriend which I even warned her to stop every form of communication. I confronted her about it she didn’t lie but told me she did it. She cried and beg me for forgiveness, that it will never happen again. Just for the good of our marriage I accepted and gave her another chance because I will be joining her in the state next year. But I haven’t still gotten over it,I still think she might cheat on me again. Please advise me what do I do?

Reply November 30, 2016, 1:07 am

tiny

I have been dating this guy for over two years now,it is a long distance relationship and we meet after every three months,he has been having other girlfriends and I never had a problem with it.he has cheated with like 7 girls already including my primary school best friend,he acted like nothing was wrong and ignored me for over 3 months when I asked him why,he simply said I already know that he will tell me he loves me and misses me so there was no need for him to call me,so I also stated dating someone else and tried to forget about him and i also stoped visiting him.we met few weeks ago and he told me that he loves me,I don’t know how I feel,I mean I love the other guy too,is there any chance at such a relationship ever working out again ?

Reply January 7, 2015, 5:24 pm

snix

But he did stupid stuff while he was i an outing.. asking girls numbers and refusing to tell me the truth when we saw each other again..

Reply May 6, 2013, 2:23 am

christine

my boyfriend work’s out of town when i was talking to hem it sound like he was kissing some one i’m i crazy

Reply June 6, 2012, 3:37 pm

Abby

But what if he has cheated before? I’m in this situation now. I love my boyfriend, we have been together for 2 years, he is has cheated on me in the past. He is travelling now for 4 months on a contract. I want to trust him but there have been a few things have come up which have made me distrustful. Namely, not being able to reach him at night, inconsistencies between where he says he is ect. I have asked him if he wants to break up to pursue other people or just be free of a relationship. Every time he tells me nothing is wrong and that I’m just being insecure. I sort of feel like this situation is driving me crazy with worry. Why won’t he just let me go? That way he will be free to meet other people and I will be free to move on with my life. How can I get him to open up about this or just start this dialogue?

Reply October 15, 2010, 12:06 am

Jen

Sorry. What i *DID not do. I will not do it again with anyone.

Reply June 30, 2010, 10:43 pm

Jen

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for about a year and a half now. I’ve known my bf for 3 years now. I did something horrible and checked his email without permission. I know he is not the type of guy to cheat but I’ve had some suspicions (through observations of behaviors he’s done before) for male immaturities (What I did was immature I know) But, I sent him an intimate picture and made it very clear not to send it to anyone including his best friend whom he considers as a brother. I’ve also told him that in the past I’ve done this and vowed not to do it again after what had happened to make it even clearer that I was entrusting him with it. He didn’t respect my wishes and sent it to his best friend. It was a representation of my trust, love, and compassion for him and I clearly did not want it for anyone else. I also found an intimate picture of his best friends ex gf which he had emailed to his other close friend. He knows the girl, has hung out with her before, and is friends with her. Emailing that picture, viewing it/saving it, and emailing mine was wrong and out of line and I think it says something about the person. I’ve told him about my snooping and he is making it unbearable for me. I know we are both wrong here. But, he is making me sound like a psycho and making what I do sound extremely repulsive. Any thoughts?

Reply June 30, 2010, 10:37 pm

Ellen

Well, if you haven’t cheated on each other in the two years you’ve been dating, I don’t think a little distance will effect anything. Hopefully it will do just the opposite and make your relationship stronger!

http://www.firednfabulous.com/

Reply June 19, 2010, 2:51 pm

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