Breakups are never easy. Never clean-cut. Never painless. Even in the most amicable situations, there is healing to do, whether you get back together in the end or not.
A lot of the pain we experience when a relationship ends is the result of our own illusions about the relationship, about our ex, and about ourselves. Sometimes, it’s hard to let go of the self-image you created as part of a couple. And you can feel like a break-up is not only severing the relationship but also dismantling your own image of who you are as a person.
When we see relationships as a part of our identity and as something to be gained or lost, it is inevitable we will suffer when it comes to an end.
Right now, however, you might not be in a place where you can start true healing. Maybe you’re confused. Maybe you are questioning your own feelings for your ex. Maybe you are second guessing the breakup itself – thinking of scenarios where things could have gone differently.
Believe me, I get it. I’ve been there enough times – somewhere stuck between wanting him back, wanting him to want me back, and hoping for us to get back together in the future.
And it doesn’t help when your ex is sending you mixed signals.
If you are in the same scenario, the first step towards ultimate healing could just be getting clarity on what’s happening on his side of the street.
Does he actually miss you or are your own desires or confusion clouding your judgment?
If you want to know for sure that your ex misses you and get the information you need to move forward, read the following surefire ways to tell you are still on his mind. If he checks several items on this list, he is definitely still thinking about you.
13 Signs Your Ex Misses You:
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1. He finds random excuses to contact you
He finds the most random reasons to reach out to you. He sends you funny cat memes on Messenger. He calls to tell you he found his lucky purple sock. Maybe he sends you pictures of himself: a picture of him with his family at his brother’s graduation or of him getting an award at work.
Whatever the means of contact or for whatever the reason, your ex reaching out is a clear sign that you are still on his mind. He wants to hear from you.
He might also want to know if he still has access to you. Will you engage him in conversation, or will you blow him off? Maybe it’s his strategy to try to rekindle the relationship. Or maybe he’s still so hung up on you that a few texts or calls here and there are enough to give him what he needs.
Sending innocent messages or contacting you for seemingly “important” reasons are a great way for him to see if you are receptive to him reaching out and if there is a possible opening for him in the future.
2. He jokes about missing you
Humor has often been used to soften the impact of the truth. Comedians do it all the time.
If you find your ex is joking about missing you, then don’t be so quick to brush it off lightly. He might be using humor as protection. Maybe he really wants to tell you he misses you, but he’s not sure how you will take it … so he says it jokingly. That way, if you don’t respond well to his advances, he can always fall back on the fact that he was just kidding.
3. You see him everywhere
Every time you look over your shoulder it’s like he’s there. Maybe he happens to show up at the restaurant you and your girlfriends go to every Friday night. Or, you see him randomly jogging the park the same time you normally do. Suddenly, he starts shopping at your go-to grocery store. Whatever the scenario, he is always there!
When a guy is investing that much energy into seeing you – i.e. going out of his way to position himself in your line of sight, consider there may be some things he hasn’t come to terms with regarding the end of the relationship.
Granted, if you both go to the same school or live in the same small town, it might be inevitable to run into each other. But, if the run-ins are much too coordinated to be a mere coincidence, it’s a clear sign he is showing up on purpose because he misses you.
4. He acts jealous when you date or even talk to other guys
There are few emotions more difficult to conceal than jealousy. It can consume you and come out in very subtle ways. If your ex is showing signs of jealousy, that is a strong sign he misses you.
Does he stare at you when you talk to other guys or broaden his shoulders if another man looks at you? If he sees you at a party with a new guy, does he start acting funny or start being mean — making nasty or rude comments about the guys you are with?
If your ex is doing this, it is a clear sign that he still has feelings for you. If he didn’t care about you, then he wouldn’t care who you were talking to or spending time with.
Although he might miss you, his jealousy might not necessarily mean that he wants you back. His actions may be totally ego driven, to say the least, so look at this in the context of the rest of the signs.
5. He gets nostalgic
If your ex is often nostalgic about your time as a couple, this is a clear sign that he misses you. If he is reminiscing, then he is thinking of you and the relationship in a positive light. And, more than likely, he is wishing some element of you and/or the relationship was still in his life.
Your ex might even send you texts that begin with: “Remember that time….” If your ex is lost in the past of what once was between the two of you, that is a strong sign that he has some of his own healing to do. He may be holding on too tightly to the past.
6. He calls you when he’s drunk
Many people say a drunk man’s words are a sober man’s thoughts. While it’s a well-repeated catchphrase, it might not be entirely true.
Alcohol lowers inhibitions and heightens our emotions. A man isn’t necessarily at his most honest when drunk… he’s at his most emotional. And in that emotional state, he may reach out to you and lay on the thick emotional declarations of love. While this may very well mean he misses you, don’t take whatever he says as 100% fact.
The point is, you can’t take what he says while he is drunk at face value. There are a lot of factors to consider – mainly that alcohol can stir emotions and behaviors that are not typical of normal behavior and might not represent his true views when he is sober.
If he is regularly reaching out when drunk, then chances are he does still have feelings for you and does really miss you. That doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to get back together, but there are some feelings there that he can’t quite shake and he’s using alcohol as an excuse to air it out.
7. He tries to make you jealous
Is your social media timeline flooded with pictures of your ex and his new fabulous life? Do the pictures include him on exotic vacations, in the most exclusive clubs, or even him looking extra snazzy at work? Bonus: Do all those pictures conveniently include a couple of hot girls? Then it might mean your ex is trying to make you jealous.
What’s the most obvious reason your ex might want to make you jealous? Well… maybe he still has feelings for you and wants to guage your feelings for him.
My ex made a point of letting me know every time he traveled outside of the country (out of courtesy, I’m sure) and he always made sure that I knew girls would be on the trip.
That was his way trying to get a reaction from me. And when that didn’t work, he would just flirt with other women in front of me. Yes, really.
When your ex is flaunting new women and/or his accomplishments in front of you, that is a sign that he’s not over you. He wants to see if his actions will reawaken any feelings you still have for him as well. It’s not the most healthy place to come from, and is a good sign that he has some issues he needs to address resulting from the end of the relationship.
8. He wants to meet and “catch up”
A lot of the signs your ex misses you have to do with him sending out feelers – trying to see if you are still receptive to him. If your ex wants to meet and catch up, more than likely it is his way of gauging whether the door is still open to rekindle the relationship.
When a guy wants to catch up, it is usually with the intention of taking things further. Maybe a second meeting. Maybe re-establishing a pattern of consistent communication … something.
Catching up in and of itself just isn’t a thing. There is always an intention behind it. I am not saying that those intentions are always noble or good for you, but they are there. Whether or not you are curious enough to see what’s on the other side of it is up to you.
Maybe he wants to rekindle your romance. Maybe he is curious. Maybe he wants the satisfaction of knowing you miss him and want him back.
Whatever it is, he is thinking about you and wants to see you. If he didn’t miss you even in the slightest, there would be no reason to catch up.
MORE: Signs Your Ex Misses You
9. He stalks you on social media
If you are both still connected on social media, an occasional Facebook or Instagram like here and there can be harmless. But if he’s commenting on all the new pictures you put up on Instagram or in some instances going back and liking the old ones too, or liking all your Facebook posts – it means he’s keeping up with you on social media.
And if he’s actively following your social media all the time, it could mean that he misses you and wants you back in his life. Or maybe he just wants to see what’s going on with you. Maybe it’s to lessen his own fears that you are moving on too quickly without him.
Whatever it is, you are definitely on his mind and he can’t fully let go.
10. He tries to figure out your relationship status
Seeing the person you once loved move on can stir up emotions, even if you were the one that ended the relationship and are perfectly content with your decision to move on. When you still love your ex and regret breaking up, however, seeing them move on can be even more crushing.
If you notice that your ex goes out of his way to monitor your relationship status, either through social media or mutual friends, he definitely misses you despite what he says. After all, if he didn’t care, he wouldn’t be that interested in who you were dating. He would be moving on with his own life and moving on from your relationship.
If he’s still checking to see who you’re dating, that means he still thinks about whether or not he has a chance with you.
And if he seems happy or relieved when he finds out you’re not dating anyone, it’s a pretty good sign he wants to be the one you are dating.
11. He’s not dating anyone new
This sign can be a bit trickier to judge. If your ex is not dating anyone new it might mean he misses you, or it could mean he is taking time to recover from the breakup or enjoy his single life before jumping into another relationship.
But, it all depends on how long it’s been since you two broke up, and how long you dated in the first place. If it hasn’t been that long since you broke up, or if you guys dated for a long time, him being single might be his way of doing the responsible thing and making sure he is truly ready for a new relationship.
For example, if you were together for five years and were living together, he might want to take a breather from the responsibility of that kind of commitment and take some time to rediscover himself as a person outside of the context of a relationship. That’s normal and can be very healthy.
However, if you’ve been broken up for a while and you know that he’s either turned down dating opportunities or if he isn’t even pursuing other women, it might be because he misses you and can’t bring himself to put anyone else in your place just yet.
12.He always seems genuinely happy to see you
Does your ex just light up when he sees you? Do you feel that he is genuinely happy to be in your presence? That’s a strong sign your ex misses you. When we are in the presence of someone we truly enjoy, it’s often hard to conceal it. Either we start blushing or smiling or our pupils dilate. Our whole demeanor just changes.
If you are noticing that your ex can’t contain his excitement whether it is a serendipitous run-in or an on-purpose meeting, he probably misses you.
13. He tells you he misses you
If your ex misses you, sometimes he just tells you in addition to all the other signs on the list.
This doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to get back together, though. Like I said before, sometimes your ex wants to assess you. He wants to know how you feel. In many cases, it’s for his own ego – getting the satisfaction of knowing he can get you back if he wanted to.
Tip: Many of the signs that your ex misses you involve him trying to assess you and activate your feelings for him. For the most part, it is harmless but can begin a vicious cycle if you feed into the drama of it all. After a break-up, it’s always a good idea to take some time for yourself and avoid all contact with your ex. Why? Well, it allows you to see the relationship clearly for what it is, gives you space to detox from the relationship, and begin the healing process.
When you are truly liberated from the emotional rubble of the relationship, you can then have the freedom to choose the future that is right for you.
So, here are the signs that your ex misses you. Now, it’s important to note that just because he misses you, and you miss him, doesn’t necessarily mean you should get back together. Usually, when a relationship ends, it ends for a reason – probably many reasons. If those reasons aren’t solved, then how will things be different this time around?
I am not saying that the relationship will never work or can’t work in the future. What I am saying is there may be issues that need to be addressed first.
Working on yourself is the most important thing right now. Maybe in the future, you will get back together… maybe you won’t. Either way, you would have done the work to become a better person. And being happy and whole is a strong foundation for love anyway… whether it’s with your ex or someone else.
Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?
These Are The Top Signs Your Ex Boyfriend Misses You:
- He finds random excuses to contact you
- He jokes about missing you
- You see him everywhere
- He acts jealous when you date or even talk to other guys
- He gets nostalgic
- He calls you when he’s drunk
- He tries to make you jealous
- He wants to meet and “catch up”
- He stalks you on social media
- He tries to figure out your relationship status
- He’s not dating anyone new
- He always seems genuinely happy to see you
- He tells you he misses you