Breakups can be tough. Whether it is the end of a summer romance or a five-year relationship, a break-up can leave you heartbroken and confused. As much as it hurts to see the one you love walk away, not knowing what comes next can be just as devastating.
There are so many questions you probably want answers to. What went wrong? Does he still love me? Will he ever come back?
It is so easy to get consumed by the need to know where he stands and how he feels about you. And from that place, it’s difficult to move on powerfully. Fear and uncertainty about the future can keep you stuck and prevent you from being truly committed to your quest to find lasting love.
Knowing for sure that the relationship is over can really help to give you peace of mind. Seeing things for exactly what they are can also bring the freedom you need to move on.
To help you gain a sense of clarity, here are 15 undeniable signs that he doesn’t want you back.
The Top Signs He Doesn’t Want You Back:
Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?
1. “It’s not you, it’s me”
He uses the most infamous break-up line since the late 1980’s.
There are any number of ways your ex could have broken it off with you. If he chose to say “it’s not you, it’s me,” take it as a strong sign that the relationship is over.
We all know splitting from the person you love can stir a whirlwind of thoughts, feelings, and body sensations. Amidst the emotional chaos, it’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to “fix things” to get him back.
When your ex says it’s not you, it’s me, he wants to make it clear that there is no need to try to “fix things,” because you simply can’t. At the core of it, he is saying he no longer wants a relationship with you and there is nothing you can do to fix it.
He is the reason you two are not together. And if he is the problem, you really have no power to change that.
Don’t take that as a challenge. Simply accept it for what it is.
It is his way of closing the door on the relationship and eliminating any hope you have of re-establishing a relationship in the future.
2. He tells you to move on
You can feel his patience for you wearing thin. You no longer have meaningful conversations about your future or salvaging the relationship. He appears to be moving on and one day finally tells you it’s time for you to do the same.
Maybe he is tired of you trying to get him back or he’s tired of seeing you hurting because of him, and he wants you to move on more than anything.
Whatever the reason, it can be devastating to hear the person you love say they don’t want you. But, the alternative is much worse – spending weeks, months, or even years wondering if he will ever come back.
If your ex tells you to find someone new and genuinely wants you to find happiness elsewhere, take it as a gift.
Focus on improving yourself physically, mentally, and emotionally. Go out and enjoy the things you love instead of waiting for him to come back to you. You will be a better person for it.
3. He’s in a new relationship … and it’s serious
Your friends see him out on the town with a new special lady. He’s changed his Facebook status from single to “in a relationship.” From the looks of things, he has a new girlfriend.
Granted, all relationships are not created equal. Sometimes the easiest way to numb the pain of a previous relationship is to jump right into a new one. In the case of a rebound, who knows what the outcome will be. If he is only with someone else to help forget about you, there’s a chance he still has strong feelings for you and might come back (but I wouldn’t bank on that, regardless of if it’s true. That just won’t help you in any way).
But, if he’s appeared to have moved on to a healthy and happy new relationship, take as a sign he doesn’t want you back.
You should take this time to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally for your own new and amazing relationship.
4. No more trust
Trust is the lifeblood of any successful relationship. Without it, the relationship is bound to fail. It’s like having a smartphone without a charger. It will work for a short while but eventually, it will fade and die.
If something happened during your relationship that eroded the trust between you, it’s safe to say that he won’t want you back.
Men appreciate honesty, loyalty, and trust. If he feels like he can’t trust you, he’ll have no desire to continue a relationship with you.
5. He doesn’t respond when you reach out
Your ex basically ignores you. Texts go unanswered, phone calls go to voicemail. He may even block your number and social media accounts.
When your ex has stopped communicating with you, know that it’s time for you to pull back as well. Although this can be hurtful, depending on when you broke up it might just the thing you need.
If you’ve been following ANM for a while, you would know that we advocate a period of no contact following a breakup, also known as the no contact rule. (Read all about it here: Everything You Need to Know About the No Contact Rule.)
The point is to help you get to a better place emotionally and mentally so you can gain clarity on the situation and know what to do next. Cutting off contact may cause your ex to come back, but that’s not the goal here. The goal is for you to put yoruself back together, because let’s face it, breakups can really do a number on us. If he comes back, great! If he doesn’t, at least you’ve started the moving on process and have started to heal.
6. He seems annoyed at you
How does your ex react when you run into him? Is he excited to see you? Is he bothered? Does he even acknowledge you in public? Think about it. This will tell you a lot about how he feels about the relationship.
If your ex is irritated, angry, or annoyed whenever he’s around you, take that as a clear sign that the relationship is over.
If you cheated on him during the relationship, or spitefully sold his favorite baseball cards or something like that, it makes sense that he might still be angry for a while after the breakup. His annoyance might even be an indication that he still has feelings for you.
But, if that isn’t the case, and he just seems annoyed or irritated by your existence and not anything particular that you did, he probably just wants the relationship to be done with.
7. He’s not flirty at all
Intimacy doesn’t just go away because you break up. When you spend weeks, months, or even years building a connection with another person, it makes sense that it will take time for feelings to dissolve.
If your relationship was once filled with fun and sexy flirting and now you can’t get as much a sultry smile, see this as a sign that the relationship is over.
Chances are he is intentionally trying to create distance and eliminate any remaining feelings of intimacy between the two of you.
Basically, he doesn’t want to lead you on and give you the impression that he still has feelings for you.
8. Doesn’t want to hang out…. ever
He used to be down for anything; now he always declines your invitations to hang out. You ask him for coffee, to catch up, to see a movie or anything else two cordial people might be interested in doing together and he always says no.
If you ex doesn’t want to hang out with you at all, chances are he is doing his best to create distance between you so he doesn’t lead you on.
Take it as a sign that the relationship is over.
9. He wants all his stuff back (and gives all your stuff back)
Physical reminders of the person we broke up with can definitely slow down the process of moving on.
When your ex asks for his stuff back, or gives you your stuff back, it’s probably his way of getting rid of anything that reminds him of you so he can totally sever ties and move on.
This is always painful when you love someone, it means that the relationship is over for good. But, it’s probably the best way for both of you to move forward. (See no contact rule.)
If your ex is really ready to move on, not only will he break up with you, he’ll break up with your stuff as well.
10. You’ve been trying to win him back for a long time…
If it’s been a long time since your break up and you are still pining for his love, it is time to move on.
Maybe he will come back, maybe won’t, but the truth is, it’s counter-productive to pour time and energy into hoping and wishing to get back what you had. Living in the past causes you to miss out on all the opportunities life has for you today.
If it’s only been a few weeks since you broke up, there may be a chance for you. However, it is still important that you focus on healing yourself and improving your mental and emotional state.
But if it’s been a while since you split, and he’s not showing any interest in getting back together, it might be time that you come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over for good.
11. He doesn’t even try to get you back
When a guy likes you, he makes it pretty obvious. There’s no secret code to figure out. If he likes you, he’ll put in the work to get you. When men perceive something as valuable and important to their lives (well, this applies to people in general), they will do what’s necessary to get it, whether it be a new car, a big promotion, or a relationship.
If your ex had the opportunity to win you over and didn’t jump at the chance to do so, chances are he doesn’t want you back. If he was interested, he would definitely make an effort to let you know one way or another.
12. He says he: “Just can’t do this anymore”
People tend to deliberate over a break up long before they actually tell the other person. It’s common for people to weigh all the pros of cons of their relationship and face all the fears that come with leaving a relationship well before they say anything to the other person.
So, when a guy says “he just can’t do this anymore,” he means it. Trust him, he probably thought about it long and hard before he came to a decision he thought was best for him or even the both of you.
The best thing you can do is accept this as his truth and begin the process of healing and planning for a future without him.
13. He doesn’t care if you’re dating someone new
He used to stare at you when you talked to other guys and broaden his shoulders if another man even looked at you. Now, he sees you at a party with a new guy, comes up, says hello and even offers to buy you two a drink. He’s definitely showing signs that he’s moved on.
Sometimes dating someone new and having fun is just what it takes for your ex to realize what he’s lost and come back to you.
If seeing you with a new guy doesn’t make your ex jealous, chances are it’s because he no longer has feelings for you and he doesn’t want you back.
14. He says you “deserve better”
Like the infamous line we mentioned in the first point (it’s not you, it’s me), when your ex says you deserve better, what he is trying to communicate is he is the issue. In this case, he is saying he is not the guy for you and can’t give you what you want and since there is nothing you can do to change the person he is, there is no choice for you but to accept that the relationship is over.
15. He just wants nothing to do with you
When a man is done with a relationship, he has no need to be on his best behavior or sugar coat the fact that he is no longer interested.
If your ex tells you flat out or shows you through his actions that he is done, the best thing you can do is believe him.
If you wanted your ex back, I can understand how painful reading these points could be, especially if more than a few of resonated with you, but it’s better to have all the information you need to get closure.
Pining for someone who clearly doesn’t want you will not get you the love life you desire. Taking responsibility for your love life and actively working on yourself is the best gift you can give yourself. And, when the right man comes along, you both will be prepared to take on that journey together.
Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?
The Top Signs Your Ex Doesn’t Want You Back:
- He says it’s not you, it’s me
- He tells you to move on
- He’s in a new relationship… and it’s serious
- No more trust
- He doesn’t respond when you reach out
- He seems annoyed at you
- He’s not flirty at all
- Doesn’t want to hang out…. ever
- He wants all his stuff back (and gives all your stuff back)
- You’ve been trying to win him back for a long time…
- He doesn’t even try to get you back
- He says he: “Just can’t do this anymore”
- He doesn’t care if you’re dating someone new
- He says you “deserve better”
- He just wants nothing to do with you