I know it can be heartbreaking when you feel like the guy you’re with no longer loves you and doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
He hasn’t said this to you outright, but you know in your heart something’s off.
You might have even asked yourself, why doesn’t he just break up with me instead of lingering and dragging things out?
The truth is break-ups are hard, even if you are the one who wants to leave the relationship. Inevitably, feelings get hurt and he may genuinely not want to hurt you.
Knowing for sure where the relationship stands will give you what you need to take the next best step.
Oftentimes when we want a particular outcome in our relationships, it’s easy to overlook the glaring red flags. Instead, we hold onto signs that indicate that the relationship is the way we want it to be, no matter how minor those signs are. I’ve fallen into this trap too often in my relationships until I was finally able to see that wanting a fantasy led to all the heartache I’d been facing.
Seeing things clearly, for what they are, prevents us from wasting time chasing fantasies and gives us the clarity to see the paths that will lead us to the love we want.
Important Point Before We Begin…
It’s important to note that a lot of the signs that he doesn’t want to be with you have to do with him putting in less effort. Maybe he’s no longer opening up to you and has gotten really cold lately. Or, maybe he doesn’t want to go on dates like he did before. Whatever the specifics are, the point is he’s not putting in as much time and energy as he did at the beginning of the relationship.
And while that is a good indicator that he doesn’t want to be with you, it’s not true all the time. There could be other reasons your boyfriend is not stepping up as much as he used to.
Maybe he’s just gotten complacent in the relationship, or lazy. It’s also possible he’s just taking you for granted and doesn’t feel like he needs to show up in the relationship as much to keep you happy because you keep showing up for him despite his lack of effort.
Sometimes all it takes for a guy like this to step up is to face the possibility of losing you. Sometimes guys just need space in a relationship and this isn’t a big deal.
If that’s the case, just back off for a while and focus on yourself and see what happens. If he’s interested, he will come back. But, if he genuinely no longer wants a relationship with you, he might take this opportunity to leave the relationship for good.
If you want to know if he just needs space or wants to be out of the relationship for good, read these 10 definite signs he doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
The Top 10 Signs He Doesn’t Want To Be With You Anymore:
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
He’s annoyed by you
The laugh that he thought was the cutest thing about you, now irritates him. Simple questions get short or harsh responses. The way you used to cuddle next to him while watching a movie now makes him too hot or too itchy or uncomfortable. And, it seems like any little thing you do annoys him. That’s a good sign that the relationship doesn’t feel good to him anymore and he wants to end things.
A healthy relationship is gauged by how good you feel with your partner right now. And, while it’s very tempting to look at how great the relationship felt in the past and put major effort into regaining what you both had, only how you both feel now is relevant.
So, if in the past he was fun and easy-going, but now he is always frustrated with you, take it a sign that the relationship is not working.
Granted, this may be a phase. Your man might be going through a hard time right now. Maybe it’s a very stressful time for him at work. Maybe he’s feeling uninspired or like he’s not achieving his life’s mission. These things might have him be a little more short-tempered than usual.
But if you can’t point to anything that could be affecting your man, he doesn’t seem to snap out of it and keeps getting annoyed at you, take that as a sign that he might be having second thoughts about your relationship.
He seems withdrawn
He used to be really open with you. He often shared stories about his day, about his feelings, or really anything that was on his mind. Now he’s closed himself off to you and seems to have shut down. That might be a sign that the end of the relationship is near.
Like I’ve said before, he might be experiencing a phase of being withdrawn that has nothing to do with you or the relationship.
His pulling away could very well be the result of something happening in his external or internal world that has him preoccupied. Or, he may feel the need to withdraw to solve a problem on his own. And that can be normal.
However, if this lasts for an extended period and he’s at the point where he is not even communicating with you anymore, that’s not normal and more than likely a very bad sign for the future of the relationship.
He takes forever to reply to your texts
In the beginning of a relationship, things are normally quite intense. You want to see each other all the time and there’s a lot of texting back and forth.
As the relationship matures and you both get firmly settled in, it is expected that some the initial intensity would die down and the texting would decrease over time.
But if he’s routinely disappearing for days at a time and getting annoyed at you for being upset about it, it’s a clear sign he doesn’t want to hear from you and might not even want to be in a relationship with you anymore.
He doesn’t make time for you anymore
When your man is no longer making you a priority in his life, it is a good sign that the relationship might be over. No matter how busy he is, if he really sees connecting with you as important, he would carve out time to spend with you.
When he says he’s busy as an excuse not to hang out, see it as an avoidance tactic. He wants to avoid you because he is not ready to face the reality that the relationship might be over. He doesn’t want the responsibility of dealing with the issue, and so he chooses to avoid you all together.
If your man turns down a date or two because of prior commitments or because he’s tired, then that’s understandable. But, when he has an excuse every time, it more than likely means he doesn’t want to spend time with you at all and the relationship could be coming to an end.
Doesn’t try to comfort you when you’re upset
One of the major benefits of being in a relationship is having a reliable support system. There’s no better feeling than knowing your partner has your back and you can rely on him to be there for you when things get rough.
I’m not talking about relying on your partner to “make” you happy or even to be responsible for pulling you out of a bad mood or fixing your problems. What I’m pointing to here is having someone in your life that allows you to be yourself and is happy to be on your side and help however they can when you’re experiencing difficult times.
It’s what brings intimacy and fosters emotional bonding. When your man is not interested in comforting you or supporting you when life throws you lemons, he’s stifling one of the most important ways to connect emotionally in your relationship and it’s a sign that he could be thinking of moving on.
He jabs you between the ribs during fights (not literally, I hope!)
When two people of different backgrounds, upbringings, or simply two different brains come together arguments are inevitable. One measure of a healthy relationship is a couple’s ability to fight fair. Are your arguments serving to move the relationship forward, or are you fighting to hurt each other?
If your man argues with the intention of hurting you rather than solving a problem or moving things forward, it’s a good sign that the relationship is about to end.
His cruelty and meanness during arguments could be the result of a lot of negative emotions bubbling up to the surface. Maybe he feels anger, resentment, or frustration in the relationship and arguments provide an easy outlet to let these emotions come to the surface.
If this is the case, it is a good sign he is miserable and doesn’t want to be in the relationship any longer.
He just doesn’t care about your needs anymore
Your man was once very attentive to your needs and the needs of the relationship, now he only focuses on himself. He wants to just hang out with his friends. He only wants to do what he wants. He doesn’t even want to hear you out anymore when you need a shoulder to lean on.
This could mean your relationship is coming to an end. Or, it could very well be another case where he is taking the relationship for granted or just testing boundaries.
Whatever the scenario, when your man stops putting as much time and energy into the relationship as he used to, it could make you feel crazy, longing for something that used to be.
It’s important here to remember what you want in a relationship, the vision you had from the beginning, and to have enough self-love and courage to accept nothing less without blaming anyone or expecting anyone to behave in a certain way.
If it turns out your man is just taking the relationship for granted, stepping back to focus on yourself and your wellbeing might be the thing that encourages him to step up.
But if he shows no intentions of putting in more effort even after you’ve taken a step back and made your needs clear, that’s a strong sign that he’s not interested in doing what it takes to continue the relationship.
Your intimate life doesn’t exist
It’s very common for there to be a lot of intensity at the beginning of a relationship, a concept we’ve discussed before. You want to be next to each other all the time, you can’t keep your hands to yourself and this is normal.
Over time, it is expected that your steamy sex life will slow down to a pace that is more natural for you both.
However, when you’ve stopped having sex altogether and it doesn’t seem like your guy is even attracted to you or turned on by you anymore, it’s a big sign the relationship is over.
He just seems unhappy
Most people experience a bad mood from time to time. And it’s common for one or both partners in a relationship to experience the doldrums every now and again.
But, if your man’s bad mood seems to be constant and you can’t point to anything outside of the relationship that may be causing him distress, then it’s a good sign that the relationship is what’s bringing about his bad mood.
Relationships are only as good as they feel right now. If you man is constantly in a bad mood and there is no sign of his mood improving, this is a strong sign that the relationship may be coming to an end.
He doesn’t tell you he loves you
If you’ve found yourself asking “Does he still love me?” lately, it’s a bad sign for the relationship. When a guy is in love, he makes it obvious. He is enthusiastic about the relationship and wants you to know how he feels about you.
Granted, he may not profess his love from the mountaintop or write love songs, but he will let you know without uncertainty that he loves you.
If your man is not showing you he loves like he used to and has even stopped saying he loves you, it might mean that he doesn’t.
If you really wanted your relationship to work, I know how hard it must have been to read these 10 signs your man doesn’t want to be with you. This is especially true if more than one of these signs rings true for your relationship.
I also know what a blow something like this can be to your sense of self. It’s tough to be with vulnerable with someone, show them who you are, and then have them decided that you are not what they want.
It’s a hard pill to swallow. I know first hand how painful this can be to accept. You don’t want to take no for an answer. You want to prove that you are worthy of their love, time, and affection.
I’ve been through this a few times. Looking back, I’m am so grateful those relationships didn’t work out because I can see now that none of those guys were the one for me.
Accepting the reality that someone doesn’t want to be with you is the first step to finding the love that you truly desire.
Letting go of what’s not working can be the biggest gift you give to yourself. Seeing a breakup as the only sensible step toward having a relationship that works gives you the freedom to walk away powerfully and be excited to see what’s next.
If a guy doesn’t want to be with you anymore, know that it doesn’t mean you’re unlovable or unworthy. It just means he isn’t interested in dating you.
People do what they feel is best for them and most of the time it’s not personal. There are plenty of men who would love the chance to get to know and love you for who you are. Focus on that.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
These 10 Signs Mean He Doesn’t Want To Be With You Anymore:
- He’s annoyed by you
- He seems withdrawn
- He takes forever to reply to your texts
- He doesn’t make time for you anymore
- Doesn’t try to comfort you when you’re upset
- He jabs you between the ribs during fights
- He just doesn’t care about your needs anymore
- Your intimate life doesn’t exist
- He just seems unhappy
- He doesn’t tell you he loves you