Let’s talk about the signs a guy doesn’t like you.
I always feel a little bad when I write articles like this because I don’t want to be the one who crushes someone’s hopes and dreams. There is something magical about meeting a guy you like … and discovering he likes you back.
Conversely, it can be absolutely devastating to learn a guy you like doesn’t like you. It is also devastating to waste months, or maybe years, of your life, holding onto hope that he does like you and he’ll realize it and ask you out any day now.
All of us have a habit of seeing what we want to see. Of holding onto the signs that indicate reality is as we want it to be, no matter how minute those signs may be. I lived in a fantasy land for far too long and it didn’t do me any favors. It was only when I took off the rose-colored glasses and looked at things through an objective lens that I could see the truth.
And that’s the gift I want to give to you with this article… the gift of clarity and truth. So here we go. Let’s talk about the biggest signs he doesn’t like you.
But first, I want to share a personal story just to show you that I really truly get it. Several years back I met the man of my dreams. He was sweet, funny, engaging, and not to mention, he was insanely hot. We had a bunch of mutual friends so we would run into each other pretty often and every time the chemistry was explosive … at least I thought so! But he wasn’t asking me out and I couldn’t, for the life of me, figure out why.
TAKE THE QUIZ: Does He Like Me?
I spent month obsessing over this. I would make sure to be places where I knew he would be, you know, just in case that was the day he realized he was head over heels in love and finally asked me out. But nope, it was always the same old.
I thought maybe he was intimidated by me … maybe it’s because we have so many mutual friends and it might get weird … maybe he thinks I don’t like him and I need to send stronger green light signals.
Long story short, I brought a girlfriend of mine to a birthday party where he was and the second he saw her everything changed and he immediately got her information and asked her out.
Looking back, the writing was always on the wall, I just didn’t want to see it. But if I had looked, I would have clearly seen he was demonstrating the signs on the list below.
OK, now let’s do it for real.
The Biggest Signs He Doesn’t Like You
1. He treats you the same as everyone else
When a guy likes you, there is a difference in the way he acts around you. His tone of voice is different, his mannerisms are different, his demeanor is different. The differences can be subtle, but they will still be there.
This makes sense when you think about it. When you like someone, you want them to like you back, so you present yourself in the best possible light. You’re on your best behavior.
A sign of a healthy relationship is that you can relax and just be yourself, but in the beginning, this isn’t always necessarily true. You’re not totally your real self, you are your best self. Basking in being your true authentic self comes a little later when things are a bit more established
2. He doesn’t initiate contact
He may give you a polite and friendly response when you text him, but he doesn’t usually text you first or initiate conversations. Forget about how nice or flirty he may be in response to you — this is what trips a lot of women up. Instead, ask yourself how often he actually reaches out to you. If he doesn’t … well he probably doesn’t like you.
Another part of this is he may not take opportunities to talk to you when they’re presented to him. For example, you see him at a party or somewhere of the sort and he doesn’t come up to you. Instead, you’re always going up to him. Again, don’t focus on how he behaves during the interaction, he may just be a polite, friendly guy.
Another thing to pay attention to is if he is always the one trying to leave the conversation.
Maybe you go up to him and you guys are having some friendly banter, but then he says he has to go say hi to his friend or he has to get another drink or he has to use the bathroom.
When a guy likes a girl, he will keep that conversation going all night long, he can say hi to that friend another time, he’ll ask you if you want to accompany him to the bar for another drink, he’ll stretch his bladder to the limit, he’s not leaving that conversation! If he finds excuses to stop talking to you, it’s because he’s not interested in talking to you because he’s not interested in you.
3. He flirts with you … but he flirts with everyone
This is a major point of confusion (and it’s one of the main reasons I was so confused by the guy I told you about at the beginning of the article).
So you meet a guy and you feel overcome by the electric chemistry. You can’t help but get excited by him and all the possibilities … but then that electricity just evaporates and he’s gone.
What happened? How could he go from being so into you to gone?
The answer is he probably wasn’t into you to begin with, he’s probably just a very flirty guy in general. Some people just have flirty personalities. They flirt with everyone, it’s just their mode of interacting.
Like I mentioned earlier, when a guy likes you he’ll be different around you. If he flirts with everyone, then him flirting with you is meaningless. If the way he flirts with you is different, then he might have feelings for you.
4. He isn’t interested in learning about you
When we like someone, we can’t get enough. We want to know everything. We want to know exactly how they got from point A to point B in every single area of their lives. We want to know every scar, every scratch, every story, every embarrassing moment. And we remember it all.
When a guy is interested in a woman, he shows interest in her. That means he wants to know all about her, he asks tons of questions and really pays attention and takes it all in.
If he doesn’t seem interested in what you have to say and doesn’t show any interest or excitement in finding out who you are, it’s a big sign he just doesn’t like you in that way.
5. He doesn’t remember what you tell him
This ties into the point above. A big sign a guy likes a girl is he remembers the details. A big sign a guy doesn’t like a girl is he has no recollection of the stories and details she shares with him.
When we like someone our brain is in a highly activated state. We pay attention, we listen closely, and we remember the details. Our brains have so much information to process every single day. There’s no way to have easy access to it all, so we pay special intention to the important stuff and edit out the rest.
Think of your interactions with guys you like. I bet you remember everything, even the most minute little details. I remember exactly what I was wearing the night I met my husband … and we were 17! (A red J-crew spaghetti strap tank top, Mavi jeans, and platform flip-flops, in case you were wondering. And don’t judge the flip-flops, it was the early 2000s!) I remember every single thing about that night, and yet, I couldn’t tell you what I ate for breakfast two days ago.
The point is, we remember what matters. If you remember every detail of every interaction with him, and he doesn’t even remember what you do for a living even though you had a whole discussion about it the first time you met, then he’s telling you where he stands. Or maybe he just has a horrible memory, so just put this in the context of all the other signs on the list.
But in general, what a person does and doesn’t remember can actually tell you a ton about them, so pay attention.
6. He’s not around
When a guy is into you, you’ll notice that he’s suddenly always around.
He will show up where you are, he will end up in the same part of the room as you, he will just always be around. This may sound obscure, but when you pay attention you’ll see it everywhere… as long as the guy likes you.
And if he can’t stage these fortuitous run-ins, he’ll find reasons to be close to you, to be around you. He’ll offer to do things for you, he’ll suggest you hang out, he’ll think of something!
7. He doesn’t care who else you’re hanging out with
You mention going on a date with another guy and he doesn’t even flinch. You talk about being on a bunch dating apps and he says, “Good for you! I’m sure you’ll find someone on there,” and he genuinely means it.
If he’s into you, he’s going to get at least a little jealous at the slightest mention of another guy you’re spending time with. You’ll notice his demeanor changes, he looks a little tense, his ears perk up, his voice raises a few octaves, there is a sudden and definite shift.
Men are competitive by nature, even if a guy likes a girl only a little he won’t want some other guy snagging her. If he genuinely doesn’t care and doesn’t have a reaction, or his reaction is that you should definitely pursue some other guys, he genuinely doesn’t like you.
8. He doesn’t make any time for you
“Too busy is really you’re not important enough to make time for”
This one applies more to a guy you’re casually dating (whereas the others were more about a guy you want to be dating).
Maybe he does ask you out … but then he cancels last minute, he can’t find the time to squeeze in a date, he tells you that he’ll be in touch soon to set something, but you don’t hear from him.
Now sometimes things do come up, that’s not an issue. It becomes an issue when it turns into a pattern … when he always flakes and there’s no raincheck.
It essentially means you’re just not a priority to him. We make time for things that are important. Period.
9. He talks to you about other women
If he talks to you about other girls or a relationship with a girl comfortably, he most likely isn’t interested in you in a romantic sense.
Don’t fool yourself into believing he’s trying to make you jealous. He’s doing it because he genuinely doesn’t like you. If he liked you, he wouldn’t talk to you about other women and risk ruining his chance. With men, the most obvious explanation is usually the correct one.
He might mention another girl being hot, and this isn’t such a big deal. A guy can like a girl and mention other girls being attractive. It’s more about him talking about liking other girls and wanting to date them. Talking about them on more than a physical level.
10 He doesn’t open up to you
He doesn’t share his feelings … not his feelings about you and not his feelings about things in general. He doesn’t let you in, you are basically on the same level as everyone else in his life.
Most women will label this “intimacy issues,” and sure, it’s possible. But often, he just doesn’t like you enough to want to go there.
When we let someone in, we’re investing in them. We are inviting them into our world because we see the potential for them to become a part of it.
When a guy sees no such potential, he’ll offer up the bare minimum. You’ll get the basics: where he’s from, where he went to school, how he got into such and such line of work … all the things you can just as easily find out on Facebook and LinkedIn.
It’s hard to open yourself up and be vulnerable. When we open up to someone, we are investing in them. It’s a risk just like any investment. But it’s a risk worth taking when it’s for someone we have real feelings for.
11. You just know
One of our main mantras here at A New Mode is: when a guy likes you … it’s obvious.
Obvious as in no secret codes or hidden clues to uncover. If you have a suspicion that he’s not feeling it, it’s probably because he isn’t. If you need to look for proof that he likes you, he most likely doesn’t.
If a guy wants you, you’ll know it. He won’t make it a mystery; he won’t try to confuse you. He will make it clear and obvious.
If you had to answer this question right now without hesitation: “Is he on the same page of the relationship as you?” what would the answer be? Ask yourself that. You don’t have to say the answer out loud, just listen to what your gut is telling you.
There you have it. The definitive signs he doesn’t like you. I know it’s a hard pill to swallow. I know how tough it is to shove your ego out of the way to get that pill down there. I’ve been there. It sucks, it hurts, you don’t get it, you want to fix it.
I’ve lived through this many times and in looking back, I can now see with crystal clarity that none of those guys were right for me. But there was no way you could talk me out of that notion at the time! As they say, hindsight is 20/20…
All you can do to “up your chances” of finding love is be your best self. A part of this is getting your ego under control and accepting that sometimes, a guy just won’t like you back and that is OK.
It doesn’t mean you’re flawed or damaged or unworthy. It just means he isn’t interested in dating you and so what? There are plenty out there who are, so focus on them instead.
Signs He Doesn’t Like You:
- He treats you the same as everyone else
- He doesn’t initiate contact
- He flirts with you… but he flirts with everyone
- He isn’t interested in learning about you
- He doesn’t remember what you tell him
- He’s Not Around
- He doesn’t care who else you’re hanging out with
- He doesn’t make any time for you
- He talks to you about other women
- He doesn’t open up to you
- You just know