You are ready to commit … but is your man on the same page?
It’s a very common question that plagues many women so let’s get into it and talk about the signs a man is ready to commit because no one wants to waste their time, right?
There is this idea that men are commitment-phobes. The second a guy hesitates about his feelings for a girl, he’s branded a “phobe.” But that’s not true. Most guys aren’t commitment-phobes, they’re bad relationship-phobes. Is that a thing? I think we should make it one!
Guys aren’t afraid of relationships, we’re afraid of bad relationships. Most guys don’t go out seeking commitment. We’re not usually on a quest to find a relationship. We date around and then when we meet a girl who just makes everything better… we want to be around her more and more. And before we even realize it, we’re in it. We’re committed and can’t imagine life without her. It’s as simple as that.
But what are the signs he’s ready? How do you know if you’re dating a guy who is ready to commit, or if you’re wasting time on a dead end?
Here is how to know:
Watch For These Major Signs He’s Ready To Commit
1. He wants to be around you
Men are pretty simple creatures. If it feels good to be around you, he’ll want to be around you more and more. When a man is ready to commit, he will invest in you by spending time with you.
He will initiate plans and follow through. When a guy is seriously interested, he wants to spend time with you and will make plans to see you, he won’t passively wait for you to reach out to him and then possibly accept, depending on his mood
If he doesn’t reach out to you, it means he’s not excited by you or motivated to take things further. If he’s into you and serious about you, he’ll want to be around you, a lot.
2.He doesn’t disappear on you
This ties into the previous point. When a guy is ready to commit, he won’t come in and out of your life, vanishing for days or weeks at a time and then acting like it’s no big deal.
When I like a girl, I’m always thinking about her and I want to talk to her. If it’s the early stages of a relationship, I won’t just go days or weeks without contacting her because A) I like her and enjoy talking to her, so why would I do that? And B) I don’t want to leave room for some other guy to snatch her.
The only time I would go days or weeks not talking to a girl is if I was luke-warm about her … if I was sort of into her, but not crazy about her… but still wanted to leave the door open.
MORE: Why Guys Disappear
3. You can be your true, unguarded selves
The best part of being in a relationship is that you can just be. No masks and no pretense.
This is an especially blissful feeling for a man because there are so few people that we can be our true selves with. Men don’t have the same emotionally open relationships with our friends as women do.
Most of the time we live life behind a mask and present an image of what we want to be. But even the most “macho” guy has a soft exterior, and all of us have untouched parts of ourselves we want to share.
A sign that a man is ready to commit is that he can be his true self. He is totally open and unguarded with you. Men aren’t like this with most people. So when he opens up to you in this way, it means he’s serious about you.
4. He’s reliable
When a guy is serious about a woman, he won’t leave her hanging. He won’t flake on plans last minute and leave you high and dry. Yes, some people are flaky by nature, but even the flakiest guy will push past his flakey nature for a woman he really cares about … at least to the best of his ability.
Flaking is a sign he doesn’t really care about messing things up with you. A guy who really makes every attempt not to flake is showing he really cares and sees the time you spend together as something important.
And beyond that, he’s just there for you. If you need him, he’ll be there … or at least, make every effort to be there.
5. He makes future plans
He doesn’t make abstract plans – he makes real plans.
Sometimes guys can get caught up in the moment and say things we don’t mean. Well, we mean it in the moment but not necessarily in the long term. When he actually makes a plan and follows through, that’s different.
Making future plans doesn’t only include planning a vacation or getting tickets to a concert next summer, it can also apply to more practical elements of life, like moving in together or getting engaged.
When a guy is ready to commit, he will freely and openly discuss the future with you. But again, it will be real future talk, not grand, idealized plans for things you know are never going to happen. He will follow up his talk with actions.
6. He brings you into his world
You haven’t just met his friends and family, you know them. He cares what you think of them and what they think of you. He wants you to like them and be close to them
When I really like a girl, I really want my friends and family to like her. I want my friends’ girlfriends and wives to like her. I want her to exchange numbers with my sister so they can hang out and be friends. I want to bring her into the fold. It’s really an amazing feeling watching a girl I like bantering with my friends or really getting along with my family.
Any guy can introduce you to his family, but a guy who genuinely cares about how you interact with them, and how neatly you fit into the fold, is a guy who is serious about committing to you.
7. He really cares about what you have to say
Ultimately, a guy commits because he realizes his world is better with you in it. You’re someone he can trust and lean on.
Part of this is you represent a safe place for him. He comes to you for advice or for your opinion on something and he really listens to what you have to say. This is a huge sign he respects you and has carved a space for you in his life.
In addition to taking your opinion into consideration, he also cares about the things that matter to you … those things now really matter to him.
He not only listens to what you say, he remembers the details, even the most minute. If you mention a favorite flower, he’ll bookmark that information in his mind so he can surprise you with a bouquet.
8. He shares his passions with you
One major thing pretty much all guys do when they like a girl is sharing their passions.
When I really like a girl, one of my favorite things to do is introduce her to my favorite bands and play her my favorite songs. It’s almost like listening to it for the first again by vicariously experiencing it through her. I also like to do this with my favorite movies.
Whatever it is- his favorite bike path or hiking trail or ski lodge or place to surf, when a guy has a passion for something and is serious about a girl, he will want to share it with her. He doesn’t expect her to love what he loves, even though that’s always a bonus, but he wants to share it with her because it’s a way of sharing himself.
MORE: Why He Won’t Commit
9. He wants to commit
The biggest sign a man is ready to commit is that he wants to commit … meaning, he wants the same kind of relationship you want. He is at a point in his life where he wants to settle down with one person.
This is where most women go wrong. They choose a guy who clearly doesn’t want what she wants, and then they hope they can somehow change his mind. She can’t … and then she laments that all men are “commitment-phobes” and life isn’t fair.
Choice is everything, that is what will determine your success when it comes to dating and relationships. You can’t choose a guy who tells you he never wants to get married, ever, and then stick it out hoping you can change his mind. You can’t get into a committed relationship with a man who flat out tells you he doesn’t want a committed relationship.
10. He makes you a priority
When a guy is ready to commit, he makes his partner a priority
He carves out a sizeable chunk of space for you in his life. He is there for you, he makes time for you, and he shows you through his actions that you are at the top of his priority list.
Now sometimes you’ll get bumped for important matters, but overall, you’re at the top slot.
Here is why most women get confused when it comes to men and commitment. They date a guy who kind of likes them, but they don’t quite have him. But they sort of have him. He’s there, they hang out, they enjoy each other, but he’s just not committing.
The mistake she makes is thinking if she sticks around longer … if she shows him how great she is … if she helps him get over his issues … then he’ll finally give her the commitment she wants. But it never works out that way in the end because in these cases, the guy was never into her enough, to begin with. She was never a priority and she knows it, she just doesn’t want to admit it.
She is essentially a “placeholder” for him until someone he really likes comes along. He doesn’t intend for it to pan out like that, it just happens. He doesn’t want to let go of her because a part of him is attached to her and cares about her. But he doesn’t commit either because … he doesn’t want to. So he basically has one foot out the door for the entire relationship and she makes herself crazy trying to figure out how to bring him all the way in.
This is what it looks like when a man doesn’t want to commit. When he does want to commit.. it’s the opposite. He’s in it, and you know it.
So what really inspires a man to commit?
It’s about a woman who really “gets” him, who really sees him. A woman he trusts and can be his true self around. A woman who inspires him to be his best self. A woman he just enjoys being around, who he wants to be around. She doesn’t need to guilt him into spending time with her, he wants to be there. Basically, when a man is deciding whether to commit to a woman, the question he asks is: is my life better with her in it or not? If it’s better, he commits. If it’s worse, he leaves.
Granted no man expects things to be perfect all the time. That’s just an impossible ideal. Sometimes things get rocky and that’s fine. It’s not about a few bumps in the road here and there. It’s about the whole picture. How are things for the most part? How do you relate to one another for the most part? How are your interactions?
What makes you one of a kind in the eyes of your man is your ability to reach him deeply. It’s not about sex or cooking his favorite foods. Those things are nice and he’ll definitely appreciate them, but that’s not what really reaches a man at his core.
What this comes down to is appreciating the person he is. Really seeing him and appreciating him. It’s about recognizing his mission in life and supporting him in it.
A lot of women have a fear of men not wanting to commit, so they come into the relationship with walls up and oozing a sense of anxiety. This is the worst way to start a relationship off. That creates an energy that repels men.
When you hold onto those fears and insecurities, you’ll notice you become like Teflon to men, nothing sticks. And you won’t know why because you’re not doing anything outright. And that’s true… what you’re doing is beneath the surface. So take control of your thoughts and your fears. Don’t let them overrun you.
Above all, you can’t shove a square peg into a round hole. If he doesn’t want to commit, you can’t force him to. Just accept that he isn’t the right guy for you and gracefully move on, without holding onto anger or bitterness because this will only hurt you.
The Biggest Signs A Man Is Ready To Commit:
- He wants to be around you
- He doesn’t disappear
- You can be your true, unguarded selves
- He’s reliable
- He makes future plans
- He brings you into his world
- He really cares about what you have to say
- He shares his passions with you
- He wants to commit
- He makes you a priority