Ask a Guy: How Can I Become More than a Booty Call? post image

Ask a Guy: How Can I Become More than a Booty Call?


I was at a bar last weekend and ran into a guy I graduated with a few years ago.  We talked for a while and had a really great conversation, but my friends had to leave rather abruptly so the conversation was cut short.  We got each others numbers and around 4 AM he texted me saying that he wished the night didn’t have to end so soon.

Fair enough, but then he sent a few more texts, really adamantly wanting us to hang out… obviously a booty call.  We didn’t end up hanging out, but I did really have a great conversation with him and I feel like something good could come out of it.

Do you think there is any salvaging this?


OK, this is a good question, although I can almost anticipate that some people will crucify me for my answer.  Still, to all the readers out there, hear me out. I think this could actually be salvaged.

Here’s my reasoning:

On the surface, he was clearly texting you at 4 AM for the textbook booty-call.  When it comes to dating advice columns, that is almost always a death-sentence for a potential second meeting.  In fact, most dating “advisers” would be more likely to recommend castration than a second date if a guy tries something like this right away (man-hating jerks that they are.)

I look at it like this:  You both were drinking,  you kind of knew each other, you hit it off, you had a great conversation and the goodbye left you both wanting more.

I can completely understand where the guy is coming from on this.  It’s the weekend and he meets an attractive girl.  Obviously he’s going to want to spend more time with her to see if it goes anywhere.

That’s not being a bad guy.  That’s called just being a GUY!! (Sometimes I get all wound up thinking about how society is so quick to judge men for wanting sex.  It’s natural.)

And again:

1)  It’s a weekend night
2)  He’s attracted to you
3)  You were both drinking
4)  He’s a guy… and guys like sex.  Period.

Every time that I’ve picked up a girl, I’ve tried to take it as far as it can go.  I’m a complete gentleman about it and my approach is always lighthearted, enjoyable and respectful, but frankly, if I’m romantically interested in a woman, then sex and desire is part of the equation.  I have no shame about that and I have no reason to mask or sugarcoat it.

You said that his text messages came off as awkwardly adamant which I personally would attribute to is inexperience. He probably hasn’t quite learned not to drunk text a girl he’s interested in or maybe he has learned but was too drunk to be able to stop himself. In short, I do think his game sucked, but you didn’t say anything that led me to believe he’s a bad guy.

There would be red flags if he got angry at you, if he pressured you on some level (saying something like this is your only chance, etc.), or if he insulted you in some way for not wanting to hang out at 4 AM.

But him wanting to see you?  I would just call that a healthy sex drive.

It sounds to me like there is a mutual attraction there.  And the fact that you had a great conversation shows that there could be something there (once he learns to get his urges under control).

If you were one of my close female friends, I wouldn’t stop you from going for it.  I would say add him on Facebook or send him a quick text, something to show that you’re still interested despite his drunken texting. If you do that, he’ll most likely set up some kind of date or opportunity to hang out.  Then, hang out and see where it goes… without getting too boozed up.

Hope it helps,

- eric charles

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sarah

hey : i’m sarah and one day i went with my cousin racha to a night club and we meet some of her friends and we end up ad there house so me and ( H ) talked and the others went out to buy some stuff and we talked and i was drunk and tiered so i sleep in his arms and after a while ago we kissed and we keept kissing untill the morning but in the morning he didn’t talk to me so after a week he’s friend called my cousin racha and told her to come to H’s house we meet we had fun we dance we went out for a ride we kissed and we went to bad and we kissed and did some stuff but not sex and in the morning we talked he drive me home and he didn’t talk to me ever since so i text hem hey and we talked casual and i never heard from hem again except in the weekends he call my cousin racha ad 2 pm so that we can go out to his house again so what dose that mean i’m i a booty call , and why he didn’t call me for a date and why he always call racha so that we can go out and not directly me ?

Reply March 10, 2014, 9:37 am

Diane

I met my first husband at university. I thought he was wonderful. My first date with him was at a party. So was the second. He got incredibly drunk at both. I was 22 at the time and also into all the partying. What I didn’t know was that he had ADHD and was also an alcoholic. Please be careful. He might have been having a one off drunken night or he may have issues with alcohol. I’m just saying be cautious. I have been under my husbands emotional control for 21 years and have finally separated from him. Please keep an eye out for consistent alcoholic behaviour. It can cause a lot if suffering. Much love and peace to all.

Reply July 23, 2013, 12:31 am

Mandy

I Need Some Advice. Theres This Guy That Has Been A Booty Call For About A Month Now. I Like Him And Wanted To Know If There Is Any Way To Tell If This Can Ever Be Anything More Than Just A Booty Call.

Reply October 22, 2012, 1:54 pm

Anais

old post but for future reference, it CAN happen but you have to do it in a way that he’ll always be longing for you. The reason it usually doesn’t changei s because guys are big on maintaining the status quo and won’t feel inspired to do more if you make them feel you have them to yourself.

Always let him initiate plans and let him come to you. Don’t go to him

Don’t always be available. So basically just keep your life full of fun.

Embrace your feminine power. Express appreciation when you see him, let him do things and initiate for you, be flirty and playful

Don’t let him treat you like a booty call. Meaning stop accepting last minute calls and texts. If he wants more, he’ll step up his efforts.

Do all this while dating other men. Not sleep with them but dating.

Mirror his efforts. For example, if he isn’t introducing you to friends, you don’t do it either.

Reply November 13, 2013, 11:57 am

CC

Ok well i met a guy through a friend since she was dating his brother. I met him one night that we decided to all go clubbing. I wasn’t really into him, but we got along so he asked for my number… and so he kept in touch since. One time he send a text asking to wanting to get to know me better if i would like, and so i agreed and replied “sure that would be nice”. After that we went out to a bar got some drinks and i ended coming home with him but not sex! Lol he was really respectful! then again he invited me to a boxing match so we went… i came home with him again, and no sex again. After that we kept in touch he would text me here and there, but wasn’t long until i reunited with an old friend, and so soon enough he became my boyfriend, and completely stopped replying to the guy i was seeing before. My boyfriend and I broke up, and so me and the previous guy started hanging out again we went out i came home to him and finally the sex came after it became a constant thing. I don’t know if he left me in the booty call zone, but we hangout other then sex. Now he became distant doesn’t text as much. I noticed another thing that he started to not kiss me in public anymore like he did or hold my and like he did before. I wanna know if i should stay or leave or what’s going on ?Can someone help ?

Reply October 11, 2012, 2:39 am

She

need some advice. I met this guy a few months ago at a work party we got to talking and hit it off. We had a great first date, the chemistry was palpable, even though he is completely not my type. It was sweet, we talked about everything under the sun and when we were leaving he held my hand (weird but ive never had a guy hold my hand before). We had a second date a week later and I did the unthinkable I went home with him, something I have never done in my life, atleast not on a second date. But we had fun….and he called me the next day . For our next date we had a movie night at his place and yes we ended up having sex again…several times. After we sat talking and drinking wine. I remember thinking, this is nice! He was going to LA for work the next week, but wanted to hang out when he came back in town. This was cool with me because his birthday was that next week and i tought i could get him a small gift just for his birthday ( Im big into birthdays) while in LA i wished him happy birthday and we talked some. The day he came back i reached out to him again and wanting to meet up later that week, he said he couldnt because work was crazy. but suggestes the next week. I said ok. The following week i texted him to see how his day was going(ive done this before) and i got no response from him.. i still havent gotten a response from him which is weird because he normally responded to my texts right away. Anywasy its been a whole week now and Im wondering what to do. Should i send him another text, or should I just give up the ghost, take this for what it is, the asshole way of breaking up with me. I mean ive had this happen to me several times before , where the guy just stops calling, but these were guys that i never slept with even though i liked them, i just felt all they wanted was sex. and I really really dont want this guy to dump me.. atleast not in this way. Please advise on what i should do. Any thoughts?

Reply August 20, 2012, 9:34 am

sarah

u have to give hem time , and not text hem again at all , just hag out with friends and have fun and whatever u do don’t call hem or text hem

Reply March 10, 2014, 9:57 am

Nat

Need some unbias advice: I hang in a circle of friends and ended up dating a guy in the circle when we didn’t know each other that well. We dated for a month and then it ended because he was still sorting out his divorce and wasn’t ready for something new.
Since then, we’ve become really good friends. The flirtation never went away but he’s resolved his issues and was even in a relationship for a few months.

Now that he’s single again, he’s hitting on me and we’ve hooked up a few times. I don’t want to turn into a friend with benefits. I still have feelings for him. How do I turn this around?

Reply February 4, 2012, 1:21 pm

surriya

Hi

I met a guy at work about 18 months ago, he asked me out for a drink I agreed. The date went well and we emailed each other across the office for most of our working day for a few weeks after.

He then said he didnt know what he wanted when we were discussing a 2nd date we had agreed and said he couldnt make it although he did admit he was attracted to me.

To cut a long story short short we have been booty calling each other for around a year, neither of us have seen anyone else during this time and we see each other on avergae once every couple of weeks. He only texts me late on a weekend night when he wants us to hook up, i text him during the week and talk to him on facebook but mostly he doesnt reply.

He has invited me and my pals out on club nights now and again with him and his pals. But never anything more, problem is I think im becoming emotionally attached to him and during the last couple of months I think about him probably too much !

He also has become more affectionate towards me but I know there is no future in it, I am 44 he is 30 and wants children etc…..Do i stop it now before someone gets hurt or do I continue to enjoy a good thing while it lasts ??

Reply September 1, 2011, 1:22 am

AB

“That’s not being a bad guy. That’s called just being a GUY!!”
Hahaha, this was an enjoyable read. It’s so true. I don’t think it’s worth getting so caught up in why he’s texting you at such and such hour–at least he’s texing you and he clearly likes you enough to want to sleep with you! However, if it’s a habit, I can see that being an issue. Either way, I’m not a guy, but I know that sex is a healthy part of the male equation and indicative of some type of attraction to you.

Reply August 25, 2011, 1:32 pm

Eric Charles

:) Thanks.

Reply August 25, 2011, 2:28 pm

Kerry

I’m pretty clear about when a guy just wants to hook up which makes it easy for me to reject but this time it’s different and it’s throwing me off a bit.

Basically to keep it short and simple, I met a guy and we flirted a lot. And then we ended up initially spending a night together because he crashed at my place but nothing happened. Then a few weeks later we ended up spending an entire weekend together somehow and we really seemed to have chemistry. However, I mentioned to him that I know he doesn’t want a relationship and we should keep it simple and he agreed. I’m not really sure how friends with benefits works but it seems like he’s much more interested than in just sex — yet he made it obvious he doesn’t want a relationship. So what’s going on…?

Reply August 1, 2011, 3:22 pm

Tabby

I met a guy 2 months ago. We certainly hit it off. Physical attraction and deep conversations were there. We talked at least once everyday for the first three weeks or so. We were not exclusive, we both were dating other people. He kept telling me how much he liked me and how i was different and not your typical girl, which he liked alot. Anyway, the good times and laughs we shared seemed endless. He said he would like to continue seeing me, that he felt this relationship could possibly grow into something more. Well, after telling me that, i havent recieved a phone call or text. None. I texted him a few times, and he did reply most times, but telling me he was busy with work. He told me to allow him to finish the month, he has alot going on with his job. So i did. Month went by, and still nothing. I dont understand. So, i texted him one night to see what he was up too, and no response. So i texted back acouple hours later saying, ok then lol. Well, he replied to that. Telling me his truck got broken into and we will have to talk another time. Maybe it did maybe it didnt. Point is he told me he was home not in a good mood cause of the situation that had occured. Meanwhile, he was out having a good time drinking. I am so confused, things were going great, then he did a complete 180 on me. So fast too. Do you have any idea about what can be going on here? Does he just not want to be straightforward and tell me he is not into me anymore? I will GREATLY appreciate some insight on this matter!

Reply April 5, 2010, 8:11 pm

MeMe

I actually did just before I comment…it’s titled ‘not sure’. Just wondering how long it’ll take until I hear from you…I’m anxious to see what a guy thinks.

Reply March 9, 2010, 1:55 pm

Eric Charles

@Ellen LOL… true. Thanks too.

@MeMe I can’t comment on that… sounds like a totally different situation. If you write your situation to askaguy@anewmode.com, I will answer it. Just promise me you’ll make your description short and concise – nothing personal, I just get a lot of these so short & sweet is good. I just don’t want to answer your comment here because even though it is in the “booty-call context”, I think you’re talking about something different. (P.S. Make the title of the e-mail “From MeMe” so I know it’s you, if you do decide to e-mail. Thanks.)

Reply March 8, 2010, 7:28 pm

Ellen

Good advice, I totally respect your honesty. He might even feel a little embarrassed about his late night texts, so if the girl does something casual like add him on FB, he’ll know she wasn’t totally turned off by it. However, let’s hope for his sake of getting laid that he doesn’t make a habit of it! I mean…4am? Yikes. At least at 2am you can tell yourself that he actually wants to hang out with you before getting down to business!

http://www.firednfabulous.blogspot.com/

Reply March 8, 2010, 5:07 pm

MeMe

Ok, but what does it mean if you get the booty calls all the time, but you’re actually friends and have a big history? Like a history like it’s gone on on for years and you’ve both admitted to liking eachother at one point or another…???

Reply March 8, 2010, 4:08 pm

JustMe

I agree. When I met my boyfriend, we talked until the place we were at closed, then went somewhere else. And that closed too. We weren’t drinking like in this case, but it wouldn’t be weird to get contact at 4 am when we left eachother at 2. If we had parted during the day – YES, it would have been weird. I do agree with being sober the next time and picking an activity where drinking is not involved.

Reply March 5, 2010, 11:34 am

John

Thank you for telling it how it is. It’s so true about society and guys. If you say you want sex, you’re immediately some kind of pig or pervert yet the women on The View can ask men young enough to be their grandsons to strip down for them and they’re regarded as being feisty and fun. Double standard BS.

P.S. Yes I have seen The View. I hate it but the girlfriend watches it occasionally so I’m forced to endure.

Reply March 3, 2010, 1:20 pm

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