Ask a Guy: Budding Romance Killed By His Pregnant Girlfriend post image

Ask a Guy: Budding Romance Killed By His Pregnant Girlfriend


I met a guy 4 months ago when I was on holiday.  We connected instantly and ended the night with a kiss.  He mentioned that he was seeing someone but she was in another country for 6 months for work.

Soon enough, we were texting each other every day and it was only a matter of time before emotions grew, we met up and spent some amazing (and intimate) time together.  I think we both knew it was heading somewhere special.  On the last night, he received a phone call from his gf saying she was pregnant and coming home.  Disaster and heartbreak….

He said that he cares for her and therefore must give it a go and do the right thing.  I agreed and walked away, admittedly very sad.

I thought it was over but he won’t stop contacting me! Sometimes 5 texts a day, mostly about what he is doing, eating, thinking etc. – so nothing emotional.  I don’t understand.  I gave him an easy  out and the option to leave and have a life with his girlfriend and baby.

Why is he staying in contact?  Is it his man way of saying he misses me?  What should I do as I really care about this man…. Horrible timing I know.

I’m sure you’re disappointed.  Just when things look like they’re starting to get going, life throws you a curve ball.

To the guy’s credit, he’s doing the honorable thing in the grand of scheme of things.  There are unfortunately many men who wouldn’t step up to the responsibility of being there as a father to their unborn child.

Your question was about what his texts mean, specifically if it means he misses you.  I’m sure he misses you.  I mean, if he was texting you regularly before and you had an amazing time together, there’s no doubt that he wanted it to continue.

He obviously wasn’t expecting his girl to get pregnant.  I don’t know how serious they were, but if she’s having his kid, it’s serious now.

I can totally understand you being saddened by this whole situation and I’m sure deep down you’re wishing that something could still happen with him somehow.

I can tell you that I give opinions in my column and I refrain from giving “advice”, but in this situation, I have to say that I think it would be a very bad idea to continue pursuing a relationship with this man.  His life is going to become massively more complicated given his situation and there is no way that this other woman will be out of the picture now that she’s pregnant.

He probably will miss you.  He may even continue contacting you.  But the odds are massively stacked against you in terms of this leading to a good place.

Again, that’s just my opinion, but if you decide to keep this guy in your life I can’t imagine this being anything but a long road of heartache and drama.  Tough situation to say the least but the best thing you can do is distance yourself, move on and keep your options open.

Good luck,

eric charles

2 comments… add one

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idiots

Guys have flings with girls when they’re on vacation. Nothing serious is going to come out of that. Him texting you what he’s eating is just him being an attention whore. He’s a dad and with someone. You knew he was with someone when it started. You’re just the other woman. Get over it. Change your number or ask him to stop texting you. He’s pathetic and you’re gullible.

Reply August 9, 2010, 11:52 am

finnja

Jusr walk away from it. A couple of years back I was in a kind of similar situation. I was abroad in the US for a post-doc year and met a guy from my home-university. He pursued me like mad, like he couldn’t live without me, bla bla… and finally I fell for him. But I wanted to return to Europe to my job, he wanted to stay in the US. He wanted a stay at home wife for his future kids … long story short, we decided to part for now, and meet in Europe around Christmas to see… To better overcome our breakup, and he started a relationship with a co-worker, who was totally into babies and ‘stay at home mum’ stuff . Over the phone (we talked weekly), he used to praise her cooking skills but complained that her looks and their sex wasn’t really thrilling (God knows, why I kept listening). When we met around Christmas, he tried to persuade me to have a night together. I just couldn’t, it felt wrong (Though at that point, I thought it would have been my chance to win him back – but I wasn’t sure any more I wanted him. I had a slight feeling of being exploited by him) . So he went back to the US and one week later he called and confessed that his girl friend was 3 months pregnant- well, maybe he was trapped, but what do you expect from a woman, who only talks baby at the first date? He knew since November, had never had intentions to leave her. Why had he wanted a night with me? Well, because he figured, it would feel good, and would remind him of the good old old times, I guess. I decided to quit contact. He called, wrote emails (why do you give up the great friendship we have, we had such a great time together…) . He stopped texting me about 8 months after that confession, three months after their baby was born, 2 months after they married. Would he still like to have contact with me? Probably. Did he ever feel the urge to say ‘sorry’ for his. No. Why should he? He just didn’t want to give up the ‘good times’. What can be wrong about that? Oh, and his wive never became a stay at home mum. Though she’s not really into her secretary job, she just feels, her hubby doesn’t bring home enough money… Sometimes, Karma is a bummer 😉

Reply August 5, 2010, 7:40 am

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