Ask a Guy: Did I Lose My Chance With This Guy? post image

Ask a Guy: Did I Lose My Chance With This Guy?


There was a guy who seemed interested in me, but at the time I was pursuing another guy. Things have changed and I’m interested in this guy now, but a mutual friend told me that I “missed my chance and he’s moved on.”

He seemed like he liked me before and I think he might now, but I can’t tell if he’s into me or one of the other girls that he hangs out with. How can I tell if I still have a chance with him? How do I know if he still likes me?

You can’t read his mind. There’s stuff that would suggest he likes you and stuff that’s a bit more questionable.

I know you want him to like you, so you’re scrutinizing every element like it’s a little clue or suggestion as to whether or not he likes you. You’re playing the role of “emotional detective” – scouring about through your memory bank to find “clues” to help you read his mind.

That’s a losing game. Nobody can read minds. However, having more experience will help remove a lot of mystery about men.

When you don’t know, you’re best strategy is to assume the best.

That’s a lot different than what most people do. Most people assume the worst and it stings them hard – it makes them worried, fearful and insecure. And the feelings of fearing for the worst are so unbearable that anyone would do anything to stop those feelings.

Now here’s the deadly part: Most people assume that the only way to get rid of this awful feeling of insecurity is to put yourself out there or lock him down or blame him for “making” you feel this way.

These are all HUGE mistakes because:

a) They show him that you are desperately needy for his approval.
b) They show him that you can’t handle your own emotions and blame him for your emotional responses.
c) You’re putting the control of your emotions in his hands – the only person that can TRULY address your emotional insecurities is YOU.

So here is the strategy that the most successful women use to get the guys they want: Even though they don’t know what the guy is thinking, they believe, with every fiber of their being, that the guy thinks they’re hot, wants to hook up with them, wants to date them.

They make the decision to hold that assumption hard and solid in their mind and they act in the world accordingly.

Now… that might sound bold. Maybe even crazy? You might even be thinking to yourself, “But if I do that, how will other people see me? How will he see me?!?”

Well… here’s the amazing part. He’ll see you as confident. He’ll see you as a prize to chase. He’ll see you as someone he wants.

Why? Well, most people typically have neutral opinions of others and usually spend more time thinking about what other people think of them.

When you decide to think for other people and decide what they will think about you, a magical thing happens: They very quickly fall in line with how you see yourself.

Now, they might not see you that way immediately–people tend to have automatic ways of acting towards people they just met or people that they’re already used to– but they will.

When you hold firm and solid on your position and don’t stray from it, other people will fall in line with that reality. It might take a day… two days… three days… a week. But if you believe enough, it will happen.

So the answer for you isn’t to know whether or not he likes you. The answer is to decide what you want him (or men in general) to feel/believe about you… and never believe otherwise.

If you really, truly take on this strategy, it will change the rest of your life for the better. I’m not kidding, this is a huge strategy to getting men to find you irresistibly attractive.

Hope that helps,

eric charles

P.S. Dressing sexy is always a good move, go for it.

47 comments… add one

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Diyanah Jalaluddin

My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago. His reason was he can’t accept some habits of mine. After the initial break, I kept texting him to get some closure and after I realised that I myself can’t talk about it without breaking down, I told him that I feel it be better if we don’t contact each other at all for a whole week to cool down and sort our feelings out. Yesterday he seemed to be cool because when I texted him asking if we could meet up to talk, he seems fine with it. I wonder if that is any indication that he’s willing to work it out with me

Reply January 17, 2017, 1:43 pm

Ari

Okay so there was this guy who really liked me. He told me how much he liked me and he actually showed it. He would talk to me everyday and text me everyday and take me out and wanted me to let loose. He even stopped smoking and going to parties because he knew I didn’t like that. I guess I was scared to tell him I liked him because we were so different. Anyways he told me he had to stop seeing me since it had been so long without me telling him my feelings. 4 months passed and I started to miss him and realized that I actually did like him. I started texting him again and asked him out. We went to the movies and made out 3 times and that was my first kiss. He never talked to me after that night. Can you explain why or help me because I am so confused

Reply December 11, 2016, 3:34 pm

Pj

Thank god! I’m doing the right thing. It’s hard believe me. I really miss this guy.

Reply November 3, 2016, 4:10 pm

TO

Me and this guy have been talking on and off for about 4 years. We finally started talking and we slept together. I really like him, but I had a feeling he maybe talking to someone else. I panicked and told him I wanted to be friends. He seemed a little bugged and upset about it. now he won’t really talk to me. Do you think there is a chance to start seeing each other again

Reply August 12, 2016, 4:56 pm

Heather

My friend is good friends with this guy and he asked her for my number. We were talking for a couple weeks and but then he had to leave for a month to go home. He just got back last week and we hung out but it was different. He was with this other girl for two months before and we started talking a month after they broke up. The other day he told me he was ready for a relationship and that we don’t really know each other well enough yet to date. But before all this happened we made plans to go to a concert together this week and we are still going together. How do I get him to want to be with me again? He told me he still wants me in his life but just doesn’t want to get hurt again.

Reply August 9, 2016, 1:10 pm

Kassandra

I forgot to mention that I talked to my friends about. One of them said that maybe of the summer his feelings would grow for me! Could this happen? Pleas help me out! It’s my first time in a situation like this!

Reply July 26, 2016, 4:06 pm

Kassandra

A boy told me he likes me on the last day of school! I only got one chance to talk to him that entire day and that is what he told me before I had to go! What should I do? School is out and I have no way to communicate with him. Plus I’m not sure what my feelings are towards him. What should I do? I’m really confused!! I’m in middle school by the way. Please help me out!

Reply July 26, 2016, 4:02 pm

Nallely patino

So I was talking to my friend the other day and I asked him if he ever liked me and he said yes and I was like since when and he was like since the day we started talking until I think right now and I’m not sure if he does or doesnt

Reply May 16, 2016, 10:47 pm

Akisha

I love this advice so much! I’m going to use it now, thank you!

Reply February 12, 2016, 4:54 pm

Simone

I have had a crush on a principal at a school where I work. I’m a nurse there. We both have been flirting a lot in the hallways with sparking to one another and small conversation. We just recently exchanged numbers and talked briefly on one night. The next day we hooked up at a bistro for drinks. While we were leaving, he asked me to go somewhere with him real quick and so I did. Apparently, his apt was right around the corner and as soon as we got on the elevator, he was all over me. I must admit, I am very physically attracted to him and I Know he has the same attraction for me. This mystery spot was his place and as soon as we hit the foyer, it was on. I mean he was all over me. I was shocked at how aggressive he was. And I do admit, I was all over him too. At first it was just heavy petting and kissing but then he unzipped his pants and just whipped it out! I was shocked! I mean, he is the principal at the school!! Anyway one thing lead to another and although we didn’t have sex, I gave oral. I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. I just didn’t expect him to be so forward. I’m 41 and he’s 40 and yes, I know we are both grown and both very attractive. I just don’t know if I should call or wait for him to call. I’m ok with a strictly physical relationship and I don’t think that it should have happened so quickly. I’m just not sure what to think of him or what he thinks of me now. What is your opinion on this?

Reply February 5, 2015, 7:13 am

ashley

I like this guy & I had sex with him twice already I don’t want to be a booty call but im confiused idk if I shouldn’t have sex with him anymore till I know if he really likes me but then at the same time I don’t want to find a guy for me and end up having sex I don’t want another body :/

Reply February 1, 2015, 5:18 am

khris

If a friend asks a girl to give his friend another chance and she says thanks what does she mean by that?

Reply January 27, 2015, 5:47 pm

beckie

What does it mean when you hesitate after a guy tells you that he likes you because I’m really confused right now please help

Reply December 14, 2014, 12:09 pm

anna

Please help me Eric I need your help! So I didn’t talk to my ex for 3 weeks now and I will talk to him soon but he tells all of his friends that I’m hot and attractive and my ex just stares at me and checks me out a lot at school. But I’m not to sure if he likes me or not! I don’t know what to say to him when I start to text him again? Do you any tips on how to create a convo with him. I dont wanna say anything bad so that he leave me again.

Reply November 6, 2014, 7:05 pm

Jesse

I need an outside opinion… So my ex breaks up with me due to fact I was taking to long to make the commitment of moving in with him after I kept saying I would. He told me he loved me but wasn’t in love with me anymore. I needed to know if all hope was lost so I came up with a question to ask him to help figure it out. I ask him if showed up at his house with my car loaded down and told him I quit my job would he be able to tell me he didn’t love me and turn me away?!? His reply was “stop it” after a couple msgs back and forth he ends up blocking me without saying. Is there no way to get him back and give me yet another chance??

Reply October 30, 2014, 9:04 pm

Ryan

If you want some advice from a dude I’d be willing to help. I value simpler, more direct communication. To me it sounds like your tendency is to over-complicate and over-analyze. If your guy is like me, that will make him want to shut down rather than open up. If he was already upset with you then he probably just doesn’t want to deal with you for the time being.

On to the larger question at hand though…. To be perfectly honest I have no Idea what he’s thinking. It kind of sounds like he wants to be done and you aren’t taking it well. I would examine your relationship. Try to think about whether the way you guys act around each other is different than when you were going strong. At this point I am pretty much tapped out. Any more advice I try to give you would be me just making things up.

What you do with that info is up to you really, but I wouldn’t suggest trying to change. That shit never works out for either person. Fight or move on, but I would suggest strong action either way. None of these wishy washy if’s and maybe’s. Yeah it might hurt more, but risk reward and all that… Best of luck.

Reply November 6, 2014, 11:39 am

Ryan

If you want some advice from a dude I’d be willing to help. I value simpler, more direct communication. To me it sounds like your tendency is to over-complicate and over-analyze. If your guy is like me, that will make him want to shut down rather than open up. If he was already upset with you then he probably just doesn’t want to deal with you for the time being.

On to the larger question at hand though…. To be perfectly honest I have no Idea what he’s thinking. It kind of sounds like he wants to be done and you aren’t taking it well. I would examine your relationship. Try to think about whether the way you guys act around each other is different than when you were going strong. At this point I am pretty much tapped out. Any more advice I try to give you would be me just making things up.

What you do with that info is up to you really, but I wouldn’t suggest trying to change. That shit never works out for either person. Fight or move on, but I would suggest strong action either way. None of these wishy washy if’s and maybe’s. Yeah it might hurt more, but risk reward and all that… Best of luck.

PS. Probably won’t reply… Sorry.

Reply November 6, 2014, 11:41 am

jenny

Hope to hear more from u thank u!

Reply August 9, 2014, 6:21 pm

Anastasia

I am in a similar situation, in which I have this huge crush on this guy. Half a year ago, I was definite that he was interested in me. But a few months ago, he suddenly no longer seems interested. It hurts every time I think about how I no longer see that sparkle in his eyes when he looks at me, and how he no longer gives me those huge smiles. We still talk, but he doesn’t ask me as many questions anymore… To protect myself, I try to expect the worst. I try to tell myself to move on because he is no longer interested. But then it’s so hard when a part of me tells me maybe one day, he will like me again.
So at this point, I don’t know where to go from here. I am pretty much stuck =( What should I do??

Reply January 6, 2013, 9:06 am

Whits

well I have started dating and kissing and having sexual relationships with a guy who I liked since I was in matric however now lately he just ened things cos he and my sis had a thing and i was left alone.
I am still hurt still wish he were mine i went crazy but now I have colled off I called to say hi now n then and also two weeks ago sent a msgs that I still care he just kept saying his busy my heart is a mess i miss him i wish things were differnt I am one big mess and today i called him again his phone was off seems like he changed his number what do I do i dont want to seem desperate just want him to love me again like he use to and that we can go back to the way things use to be between us.

Reply November 5, 2012, 1:56 am

Lucinda

Me and my ex we are not talking to each other just sometimes now. I went out with him about 1 year and 6 months he is now got a girlfriend but he doesnt seems happy at all, and i dont even know if he still likes me or not but i would really like him to come back to me but i dont know what to do how can i tell him ? i really need a help.. :/

Reply October 22, 2012, 4:05 pm

Shay

I met this guy a couple of weeks ago, he’s usually on the same bus as me every week. A couple of weeks ago we started talking and really hit it off, since then every time we see each other we have a great conversation. When I saw him last week or two weeks ago he finally asked for my number, something I hoped he would have done a very long time ago.
When he pulled out his phone to take my number his phone was dead so he gave me my number instead and told me to text him so he could have my number which I did when I got home. He replied to me that night and we had a short awkward conversation which is unusual for our convos and I haven’t heard from him since.
I’ve sent a couple of text messages since then yet he won’t reply and I haven’t seen him on my bus. Would one short text conversation ruin his opinion of me? I deleted his number so I won’t txt him again but I’m disappointed, I really liked him.

Reply September 7, 2012, 4:41 pm

rachel

hey guys , iv had work done at my house and got chatting to one of the workers he friendly and got on well , he told my neighbour he fancies me and asking ie if i have a boyfriend? how old am 1 ? and was i single? i dont wanna chase him as i dont wanna seem desperate? what shall i do? as i dunno if he single or not ?

Reply August 3, 2012, 4:06 pm

iris

There’s this guy i like, we went on 2 dates after talking for a couple weeks, the last date went far beyond what i was thinking (not all the way but enough) and even though he texted me that night, the next day he was off and on about texting then said his phone was gunna die and hasnt texted me since. That was friday night. Normally he would have texted me in the morning. It’s sunday afternoon and still no text. I deleted him number from my phone (so i didnt text him the next day becuz i don’t like over texting people) but he still hasnt texted. I sent him an email saying i deleted his number and if he still wanted to date me (HE called it official on the second date, i asked him if he was sure and he said yes) and that i accidently deleted his number. That’s it, no other contact, and he hasn’t contacted me either. should i wait longer or should i just cut my losses and move on? (i gave him head becuz we made a bet and i’m horrible at not saying no to them)

Reply July 1, 2012, 8:58 pm

Felicia

me and my ex broke up 6 months ago and i still want him back, i broke his heart though. i have kept in contact with him occasionally bc i didnt want to lose contact and felt that if i didnt keep contact with him he wouldnt. so i do and he always does reply to me and we end up talking for hours at a time sometimes. recently i brought him to this dance that i went to and needed a date for. when i asked him to be my date he didnt hesitate in saying no, like he said yes right away. then the night of the dance when it came to a slow song he didnt hesitate in saying no eighter, then after it was done he told me he had a good time 2 times without me having to ask. the next day after we talked fine but then days after when in contacted him again he kept it short with me. Then i just texted him today 2 times bc the first time he didnt answer and nnow he still wont. Mine you he still has all the pics of me and him still on his facebook.
signed: i soooo confused, help????

Reply March 4, 2012, 11:46 pm

emily

this past summer i became close friends with this guy who goes to a different (but nearby school) than me. after a couple months of hanging out and flirting a lot (but never hooking up) i found out from somebody else that he had a girlfriend. i never got the full story- if they had been taking a break, etc. i told him i was upset but never really explained why because i was so embarrassed bc he technically didnt do anything wrong, but he obviously knew that i had really liked him. so, throughout the past few months we have texted a lot and seen each other a few times. sometimes he tells me he misses me which makes me think they have broken up. he’s fb status always says “single”, so i never know. i feel like they go off and on bc sometimes he’ll text me a lot asking to hang out and then sometimes when i text him, he seems preoccupied (with his girlfriend?). I dont know if I should flat out ask him if they have broken up? or if he has always just wanted to be friends with me? Its hard for me to be around him without liking him, so i usually try to avoid hanging out with him. we also tend to hang out alone bc we have no mutual friends. any advice? should i get involved even if he is still seeing somebody else? does he just view me as a friend? when people around us they always ask me like “so whats up with you and john?” or tell me that they think he’s into me.. so i dont think it is just me who thought we had something more.. am i just his back up?

Reply February 4, 2012, 10:01 pm

Someone

So I asked this boy out and he said mabye then the next day no but that was before christmas and now he keeps staring at me ? does that mean he likes me and plus he walked into a door the other day cause he was staring at me 😕 but he’s moving in 3 mouths to a year but everyone says he likes me but i dunno if he does and they say i should just go out with him untill he leaves…does he like me or not ? thanks plz help

Reply February 3, 2012, 12:52 pm

Natalie

I started dating this guy 3weeks ago and things were going well, he responded to my txts (even if it took him a couple of hours, still a responses) But then things just felt like they were going south, so I msg’d him to say that it was lovely meeting him and hanging out and I would see him around (obviously I wanted to see his response) he msg’d back later that day saying work was manic and he was just saying that it was going to be like this for a the next few weeks. I msg’d back the next day saying sorry to hear he is so busy and that I hope it slows down soon and that we’ll chat soon. But being a girl I didn’t leave it there……later that day I msg’d him saying that I get the feeling that he is after just someone to sleep with and I am not that girl but if I have it wrong to please let me know….blah blah. I have now not heard from him at all, then msg’d him this morning saying that I have been an idiot and if he would still like to hang out as before then great and I get that he is busy with work and I will give him his space.

Please help on how is get rescue this????

Reply January 26, 2012, 5:04 am

Jennifer

So I was recently dating this really great guy, however the night we were going to have sex, I over drank and got absolutely trashed and we ended back at the hotel where I was sick and started my time of the month…he is really upset and will not even talk to me anymore. I tried to text his phone and call him but he is ignoring me completely. The only information I was able to get from him is that he was done with me and would not be let down again.

He is also holding on to 2 years ago when we first began talking to that I ditched him on a date that I completely have forgotten. & one night recently I fell asleep at my friends apartment without giving his the apartment number and drove back to his home furious.

I do realize the mistakes I have done, I am trying to mend this before I know I have lost him completely.

Is there any advice you can give me on what to say or what to do to help me get him back. I am trying to give him a few days to calm down and think things over but I do not how to approach him.

Reply November 22, 2011, 12:29 pm

Nyemah

Well to me, it seems like you need to pay more attention to him. It seems like you want to have a relationship with him, but he doesn’t want to be with someone who gets drunk or forgets romantic things like a date or that. Try taking him out on a date or recommend something to do that both of you can do without being drunk or guaranteed sex afterwards. If you take charge and set a date, then most likely you’ll remember to go and not ditch him and he will see that you are interested.

I hope this helps and good luck.

Reply December 9, 2011, 1:43 pm

Nyemah

thank you everyone for the advice. I talked to him about our status n we have everything set as friends only…for now anyways.

Reply November 19, 2011, 4:56 am

Tiya

Thanks Lucy. Deff helps alot… Ive decided he’s not worth my time… He started calling again but i dont wanna be the girl he only calls when he has “time for me” 🙂

Reply November 15, 2011, 7:42 pm

Lucy

Tiya – Grab the book “hes just not that into you” and give it a read.. it could mean hes not interested but most likely hes testing the waters, to see how you react, so react in a cool calm and collected way, and if he doesnt come back to you… well why would you want to be with someone who doesnt make the effort anyway?
hope that helps
Lucy xx

Reply November 12, 2011, 5:41 am

Tiya

okayy so… this guy im talking to (were not dating) told me he has feelings for me. he used to call me every day and a few days ago he randomly stopped calling and texting. does this mean he’s not interested?

Reply November 4, 2011, 2:19 pm

Natalie

Nyemah,,

Wise up my sistah. He is USING YOU. You give him things because you want him to like you. Don’t do this. He does not deserve you. Drop him, pronto. It’s not easy, but you can only control you. Respect yourself. That way you know how to be treated.

Reply November 2, 2011, 10:11 pm

Nyemah

This guy I like knows I love him, but he says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now since he just got out of one a few months ago. However, we act just like a couple would. He would hold my hand or give me random hugs at times and I would hold his hand and give him random hugs too. People even have told us that we act and look like a cute couple, but they’ve even said I could do better and he’s a complete jerk. The only problem is is that I don’t know if he love me or not. He’s said he likes and loves me a couple times, but our relationship isn’t quite relationship level. He’ll check other girls out (which I understand he wants to see what else is out there) and joke about going after them, but in the end he’ll just come back to me. Plus I feed him, lend him money, and give him rides to places (he doesn’t like to drive). I guess I just want to know if he likes me for me and not for what I give him….and what I should do.

Reply October 31, 2011, 9:42 pm

Jewel

Nyemah, it sounds like he is happy with the status quo and doesn’t want a real relationship. that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like you. obviously he does, but not enough to want a real relationship. honestly i think he’s manipulating you a little and you could do better! you should stop letting him get away with this and pull back from him, know from the inside out that what YOU want is a proper relationship and if that isn’t what he can offer, then you don’t need him!

Reply November 1, 2011, 6:47 am

Some girl

I understand the insecurity of a guy that makes fun of a girl he likes. But it also makes me worried about his maturity levels. Boys in elementry school make fun of girls they like. I don’t want a guy that is like that. It probably means his emotional level is far below mine.

Reply October 31, 2011, 8:26 am

Jewel

so we arent dating but we’ve hung out several times and hes talked about wanting to do more with me, we bought tickets to something and will meet up later this wk, but he doesn’t really contact me on txt/fb too much..

if we usually are in very separate parts of the city & i am going up to his area (not to see him.. i’ll just happen to be there), should i tell him and ask him to join me? or tell him and see if he offers to join me? he’s not one for txting and he’s kind of shy, any tips!?

i mean since we are ‘just friends’ i know i would tell a friend about it without worrying, but since i like him i don’t know if i’m being annoying or what…

Reply October 31, 2011, 7:26 am

Tiffany

So I meant this guy about 2 months ago and I feel like he’s been giving mixed signals. He’ll mention plans to go out sometime and not follow through and even make plans and cancel at the last minute a few times or changed dinner plans to just dessert instead. We went out for coffee, got drinks, and dessert twice plus the cancelled dinner plans and what not. Is he just stringing me along?

Reply October 31, 2011, 12:37 am

babyxlove

Tiff , I know its confusing cause you have feelings for the man. But its really your choice do you wanna put up with the confusion and false hopes ? I know it might be a little to soon to tell him what’s the deal cause you don’t wanna lose the connection between you two but its better sooner then later so you don’t have to be feeling so down the longer you wait . Just try to talk to him when he doesn’t have no friends around or when you guys are out having coffee or a drink , do it when you feel like its the right time . Cause my fiance use to do the same thing to me until I said something and didn’t kiss his ass anymore trying to figure out what’s going on . Maybe you should find out if he’s going through a hard time or something is bothering . Just be there for him if he needs it . You don’t have to take my advice , I just enjoy helping someone who needs it cause I been through situations that makes me feel like crap and wouldn’t want anyone else to feel the same way .

Reply October 31, 2011, 2:18 am

Megan

Thank you so much. That really did help me. I’m so glad you understand where I’m coming from 🙂

Reply October 29, 2011, 1:08 am

babyxlove

Girl , all u gotta do is keep up with what he’s doing or saying . Don’t keep him guessing wit what’s wrong with u . Men don’t like that cause my man would always tell me I don’t know what u want me to do or say I can’t read your mind . So communication is very important k girl . Keep that in mind . I’m not telling you do what I’m saying its just tips and what I been through . And for him to get mad at me lol makes me sad . So I don’t want u to be like that

Reply October 29, 2011, 1:54 pm

babyxlove

Girl I say you don’t let your guards down . If he really likes you he’ll go after you . The age doesn’t matter me and my fiance has a 13 year difference I’m 20 and he’s 33 . So I understand and know aht your talkin about . Don’t blow him off . Just let him know don’t be shy , cause he can’t read your mind . If you don’t say nothing to him he won’t know anything . So let him know what’s sup what’s on your mind

Reply October 28, 2011, 11:17 pm

Megan

There’s this guy. He’s my neighbor. I have so many feelings for him. Our age difference I think could be a problem, but I can not tell. Our age difference is 8 years apart. He always texts me, saying he wants to see me. He works on the railroad though, & he gets called in different times everyday. We were watching a movie the other day there was four of us on a couch & we were super close our hands were touching but he didn’t try to hold my hand or anything. He is always asking about what I’ve been doing, how I’m feeling that day, & If I’m talking to anyone. Can you please give me advice about how to go about with this? If I should just leave it alone? Am I a friend or more?

Reply October 28, 2011, 7:05 pm

Emily

So, I understand I was needy. I texted him a lot, but this is just the way I am. I’ve never had a boyfriend and I was excited because I liked him so much. I’m not needy in person. However, I also get the fact that he cannot possible know this about me yet. Long story short, I texted him a lot and now he won’t even talk to me. I am respecting this and giving him space, but it’s been two weeks. Is there a time limit? Will a guy come back after a while if we got along really well before I went all crazy?

Reply October 28, 2011, 6:24 pm

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