The Only Way to Know If a Guy Likes You For Sure post image

The Only Way to Know If a Guy Likes You For Sure

“Does he like me?” is by far the most oft-asked question amongst girls in the dating world. They discuss with their girlfriends, they read articles about what “signs” to look for, they analyze every interaction, every text, every facial expression, all in the hopes of finding that elusive answer. The sad fact is, this is a huge waste of time and energy because deciphering whether or not a guy likes you is incredibly simple. In fact, I can sum up this article in once sentence: when a guy likes you, it’s obvious!

Every day, on Facebook, in the comments section, in the forum, in my inbox…day in and day out I hear variations of the same question: Does he like me? How does he feel about me? Is he committed to me?

And really, when you get to the heart of it, if you have to ask…you already have your answer. But let’s dig into this a little deeper…

Why is it so confusing?

know-if-a-guy-likes-you-1Okay, so if it’s so obvious, then why are so many women so confused in this area? I don’t blame you – I have been through the exact same thing many times. You meet a guy and you feel chemistry, maybe he asks for your number, you send flirty messages, maybe you hang out a few times, but he doesn’t officially ask you on a date, and he gives you no indication of how he feels. He seems into you, and you know that the chemistry you feel can’t possibly be one-sided, so what the heck is going on? Are you wasting your time on a dead end, or do you need to just wait it out a little longer before landing in relationship-ville?

The excuses I have come up with over the years when trying to figure out if a guy liked me and to explain away why he wasn’t asking me out are truly out of this world. Maybe he’s afraid of ruining the friendship…maybe he likes me so much he’s scared…maybe he’s intimidated by me…maybe he thinks I’ll reject him. I would entertain every possible scenario except for the obvious…that maybe he was into me, but not enough for it to matter.

MORE: 5 Signs He’s Not That Into You

Where most women get confused is in that gray zone, the area where he shows interest but nothing really comes of it, and you just don’t know how he feels. But here’s the thing: you do know. It’s obvious. He is somewhat into you, he has fun with you, but he doesn’t like you enough. Or maybe he does like you but just doesn’t think you would work out as a couple – and if that’s how he feels, then he probably isn’t the right guy for you.

I know how hard it is not to take such things personally. I mean, if you like him and he doesn’t like you in the same way, then there must be something wrong with you, right? Wrong. Not everything is a match, not everyone is compatible, and sometimes the timing just isn’t right, and that is something that is totally beyond your control.


The Fantasy Future

know-if-guy-likes-you-2Another reason a lot of us get so confused in this realm is because we cling to the vision of how we want things to be, rather than seeing what is. You want a relationship with him, so you cling to any sign that he wants the same thing. You focus exclusively on tiny pieces of the puzzle instead of putting it all together to see the larger picture. When looked at individually, a puzzle piece can be completely ambiguous, so you create your own interpretation of what it means.

This obsessive line of thinking is what Eric and I often refer to as playing “emotional detective.” Women will dig into their memories and observations and go through every detail, no matter how small and insignificant, to try to uncover a “hidden message” or “secret code” that the guy is sending. The reality is that by playing emotional detective, you usually only succeed in doing one thing: driving yourself absolutely crazy!

The problem is that it can feel like obsessing and analyzing will have some sort of payoff, like there will be a reward for all this time and energy spent attempting to figure out what’s what…but there won’t be.


Guys Don’t Hide Interest

know-if-a-guy-likes-you-3Men, in general, are goal-oriented. They see something they want and they pursue it. It’s how they’re wired. It goes against a man’s nature to like a girl, see an opportunity to pursue her, and turn the other way.

Men don’t typically play games or do things to intentionally mislead or manipulate you. When a guy likes you, he is drawn to you. He wants to be around you, he finds reasons to talk to you, he becomes a presence in your life, and he gives you a special kind of attention that no one else is given. He lights up around you, he is excited to see you, he loves spending time with you, and he wants to get to know you more. Once he does, either a relationship will develop, or it won’t. (If it doesn’t, it’s probably because he realized you aren’t compatible.)

QUIZ: Does He Like Me? 

It’s Obvious…

Closeup portrait of young couple talking while walking along a beach. Young man and woman strolling on a beach.

When a guy likes you, you just know. You see it in the way he looks at you, in the way he talks to you, in the way he factors you into his life. You see it in everything.

When I first started dating my husband, like very early on, I remember that if he took a little while to text me back he would always give me an explanation as to why, something like, “I’m sorry, I’m at a noisy bar and didn’t feel my phone vibrate.” I would never expect him to reply to my texts right away, and I would never expect or need an explanation. People get busy; sometimes I go hours without responding to texts. It happens. His explanations for his texting lag-time were his way of showing me I mattered, that I was important to him, that he would never read a text from me and not reply to him. It was a small thing that spoke volumes. And when a guy likes you, you will have countless examples like that. You don’t even have to ask, you just know.

You don’t worry about the relationship or stress over it and doing so would almost seem silly. Even if you’re just dating but you aren’t official, you don’t worry. You know how he feels. And the people around you know how he feels. Your friends will see it, your family will see it, the waitress will see it. It will just be obvious.

MORE: How to Stop Stressing Over Your Relationship 

If he likes you, and wants to be in a relationship with you, he will make sure you know it and he will pursue it. If he likes you but doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you, then…who cares? Why are you even thinking about him? I have made the mistake of waiting around for some guy to get his act together, and those situations never end well. You have to live for yourself, you have to live according to your timetable, you can’t invest in what could be, and you need to see and appreciate the what is.

Where to Put Your Focus

Putting your focus on getting a guy to like you, or figuring out if he likes you, doesn’t serve you in any positive way. Where you should put your focus is on really liking yourself and on finding happiness in your own life. Trust me, I know it’s way easier said than done, but that’s what makes all the difference.

The fact is, you have to trust the timing of your life. Trust that things will unfold as they are meant to. We don’t have much control over anything in this life. You can’t control how a guy feels, or when, and if, certain things will happen to you and for you. All you can do is find a way to be at peace, to accept yourself as you are, and to love who you are.

I dated my husband in high school for a few short months and was absolutely crushed when it ended. While I have dated many, many guys over the years, none of them could quite measure up to him and I could never pinpoint why .

We didn’t stay in each other’s lives after our breakup but our paths would fortuitously cross every few years somewhere totally unexpected and every time this happened I would be filled with a renewed sense of optimism and hope. I would convince myself that now was our time, that this was it, the chemistry was so palpable, so how could he possibly not feel it too? After each run-in we would maybe talk once or twice on Facebook, but then he would fade back into the abyss.

Last summer we ran into each other, yet again, in Central Park, but this time I didn’t do what I had done so many times before.

… (continued – Click to keep reading The Only Way to Know If a Guy Likes You For Sure)

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This is by far the best and truest article about dating I’ve come across.

Reply October 21, 2016, 10:58 am


There’s this guy I really like at work, we used to text a lot – even on our days off and we talk about other things. Recently though, he hasn’t been texting me as frequently and even if I text him first, he won’t reply to one of my messages, but will reply to something I needed to be resolved at work. People at work think that there’s something going on between us – it’s obvious to them. At work, he’ll come find me and we’ll talk and my coworkers catch him sneaking glances at me. This may seem redundant to ask, but I really can’t tell what to do from this standpoint on! Any advice?

Reply October 16, 2016, 12:36 pm


Well, not always true. My last relationship that lasted for 4 years started after almost a year when I liked him a lot, but he just didnt give me the signs. I would text him, we’d exchange a few messages, and then he’d never reply. When we were with friends, he talked to other girls more than me. Very seldom did he reach out to me first and he never asked me on a date. So I friendzoned him, thinking that he was not into me, and started dating someone else. When we finally got together, he revealed that he kind of fell in love with me the week we met, but as a shy and unexperienced guy with low self esteem he thought that I was out of his league and any attempt to date me would lead to rejection, failure or both. And it was only after I persuaded him that I had strong feelings for him and would not reject him that he finally opened to me. Had I asked him to take me on a date when we barely knew each other rather than ten months later, he’d see it as a joke and reject me regardless of his feelings. So the thing is… You just never know. Guys have various reasons for acting strangely and it’s often more about them than us.

Reply August 31, 2016, 5:48 am


Hi I’m not really sure if this guy likes me. We were at a party with a bunch of friends and well the cops showed up. I wound up running in a corn field and he found me and comforted me we have never been very close but he constantly had an arm around me or made sure that I was warm or that I was okay and if I was walking behind him he would make sure I was still there and if I needed help he was there if it wasn’t for him I don’t think I would have made it but during all that I started to like him and I don’t know if he was just being a good friend or what.

Reply July 24, 2016, 10:32 pm


He might just be a gentleman. Are you guys dating now? I see this was posted back in July.

Reply August 29, 2016, 12:36 pm

Donna Glasgow

Hi Sabrina,

I realize that I never been in any relationship for longer than 6 months. I am 40 years old. I will say however that I am the one who has always broken up with the guy, for fear of being hurt. I don’t want to continue like this anymore. I want to be in a good, healthy relationship and I want to be free from all fears and hang ups about men.

I recently met a guy but he is in a relationship with someone. We met about 4 months ago while I was on a business trip and on the day we met, I believe because of how deeply we connected, being physical was something we could have done but choose not to do.

Since then, he calls me every day and has done so for 4 months now. He shares every part of his life with me and values my opinion. He is also there for me the minute I express concerns or even hint that something is wrong. He says he more than likes me.

I like him a lot but I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who is in a relationship with someone else. I must admit that he is a loving and respectful man. He makes time for me and he uses every opportunity to spend time with me.

he always says that he is glad that he never started off the relationship between us with a sexual encounter because he would not have gotten to know the person that he cares for now.

Sometimes we feel like really great friends. Best friends even, so much so that I often recommend that we remain just friends but he says no to this.

This man I possibly love more than any man I have ever met. We have not been intimate as yet but he wants to be and he says that he wants us to continue to get to know each other.


Reply July 23, 2016, 4:34 am


I am 35 yo girl dating the 40 yo successful doctor. He’a a succesful Physician Assistant in SF, divorced and has 1 son. I also come from a highly respectable Indonesian famil We’ve been in 10 months of long distance before he decided to come to visit me on July 16, my birthday. He never mentioned before that he’s taking his female PA with him even though he told me that after visiting me he’s going to go to Singapore for a medical conference. We had great times, finally made love. everything was beautiful until I got drunk and I felt that his female PA touched me. the mistakes I made was I yelled at his Female assistant, when I drunk on my birthday. I also refused to have sex with him. I didn’t remember any of the event cause I was so drunk, I only remembered that I vomit before I passed out.
The next morning he became cold and distance and kicked me out from the apartment we rented, his PA told me that he needs to go to Singapore to attend a meeting and I better leave cause they want to finish some work before going to the airport. at first I complained cause he promised to stay with me at least for a week but he told me that he is also shocked with the change of schedule and asked me to leave soon. Before I left, I apologized directly to his PA about what happened when I was drunk and also apoloflgized to him for pushing him away when he tried to have sex with me while I was drunk. He kissed me and hugged me before I go and told me that he’s proud of me for being calm and showed dignity under the unexpected circumtances. Shortly after I go I sent him long messages to thank him for a memorable birthday and the effort he made to fly from San Fransisco to Jakarta to visit me, I also apologized for my attitude when I was drunk. I told him that I will give him space and time he needs, I told him I love him and I don’t need another man to make me whole and I will just do the things I do and keep working my way to get scholarship to USA as we’ve planned. I told him, I’ll go to US with or without him. This is the first time I made mistake and for the whole 10 months during our Long distance I showed him I am no drama queen, I am strong, independent and have qualities he needs in a partner.

it’s been 2 days since the night. He’s going back to his country now. and still no call nor messages.
He’s not blocking me on the apps we use to communicate though. I stop messages him and I9 don’t even call him not even once until now. I show him that I mean it when I said I want to give him space he needs.
Do you think I still have a chance with him?
I’m still trying to accept the fact that he broke my heart and he might slept with his female PA. I guess I’m still on that classic denial state.
Any help/advice is warmly accepted.

Reply July 20, 2016, 8:48 pm


Nina, I’d say move on from this one. He might be thinking that you do not know how to hold your own when under the influence of alcohol, to him he might not think that those are qualities he wants in a partner.

As for his female assistant, did you all sleep on the same bed? When you say she touched you, touched you how? It seems like you were jealous of her, did he give you any reason to be?

I would give him space but move on, if he comes back-great, if not, you know not to make this kind of mistake again. Also, please work on your behavior when it comes to consuming alcohol, it’s a huge turn off for me especially those looking for life long partners.

Reply August 29, 2016, 12:35 pm


Dear All,
I recently took the quiz about ” Doe he like me?”, the results that I have received explained exactly what I was blinded to see.
I meet this guy about 3 months ago, and we hooked up the first night of meeting, I thought that was the end of meeting him, until he started inboxing me, and thereafter we started chatting via messaging. We messaged everyday, and I went to him whenever had plan. But I also went to him and he never planned to come to me. I invested a lot of my time into him and got somewhat attached knowing that I had him to go too, whenever I needed to chill and hang out. We talked a lot about the fact that he wants to hook up with other girls because his single and young, and I don’t like that, but nevertheless, we have no title, so why would I want to stop him from doing what he wants to in his life. So I decided to keep my distance and I stopped chatting to him, after I did the quiz and it mentioned that I should keep some distance until he initiate the communication. Which he has, but I am trying not to get my hopes up because I already know that there isn’t any hope in forming any relationship with him, because he has already made that choice for himself about what he wants to do. Thing is, How are we going to make a friendship work, if whenever we hanged out, we hooked up, We don’t know how to just hang out with being sexual. Am I investing too much time in an hopeless situation?

Reply July 20, 2016, 4:09 am


Is There Anybody On Here That I Can Chat With That Can Give Me Any Advice On Love

Reply July 19, 2016, 8:26 pm


hi am really confused…i approached the guy i completely fell head over heels for, he seemed interested. about a wk later we hooked up, i thought that was the end of it but it wasnt, he would come over on his lunch break and just chill. my thing was i would trip out on him when he didnt txt or call me bc right away. he would explain why, he recently seperated so he was trying to get bck on his feet so he wrkd alot. we eventually hooked up again, but once again i got ugly and he txtd me to relax let him do what he gots to do and things would change. i tried but unfortunately he started to no contact rule…i nagged about wntin tme and attention. now he lives a few houses up from me, he seemed mad at the world but nw hes smiling again and ive caught him lookin dwn my way a few tmes. can u help me to figure out if he still wnts me or its over? what should i do?

Reply July 11, 2016, 10:21 pm


Thanks for sharing, it really is a very intoamrfive article and really helpful for some type of companies like mine. I love when We’re shopping the world wide web and i appear throughout a internet site with beneficial points similar to this. Thanks a lot for your research, We have noted a number of them the following so I can use them in a long term. Kudos for you and keep up the good blogging operate.

Reply April 25, 2016, 8:39 am


I’m so glad I ran across this article, because everything that you are saying is true and every point you have made I felt, I have been talking to this guy for about a month we have school together and he told me how he wants to be my forever. at first I wasn’t buying it but then he was always texting me and wanting to be around me. so I had gotten use to the idea of being his girlfriend until one day he picked up lots of hours at work so we never had a chance to have our first date yet and I started getting curious but after reading this article I realize where I went wrong. I went in paranoia mode and felt as if I could explode at any minute. I did everything in this article and now I realize. I shouldn’t make accusations up about our future. the future hasn’t even started yet, slow down chica. don’t get yourself worked up over something that isn’t there yet. So what I got from this article is to be patient, focus on myself first and then the right man will come along and bring joys in my life by loving myself and putting myself first he would love to be around me and never want to leave, so thank you I love this piece

Reply April 23, 2016, 11:20 am


The thing with the guy I like is that… ummm maybe I should start differetly. I’m kinda in the situation that I really want to succeed in my studies plus there’s this guy. And I kinda feel that when I really lighten up in pursuing the studying goal he’s no match. Pursuing my studies is like a vision to be fulfilled and every man, except the one’s who also have a vision, would be kind of like a disturbance. At least it’s the thing I think that this is the case – so we’re maybe incompatible? Is that the thing of incompatibility you’re talking of? I really wonder if having BOTH would even be possible??? 😉

Reply March 22, 2016, 2:18 pm


Dear Sabrina,

Thank you so much for this! A very wise piece of advise indeed (which I shall endeavour to take on board!). It is one of those things that make you feel good already as you read it! And thanks for your personal story too. Anyway, sorry, just thought I’d share. I now feel embarrassed I’ve even been googling the ‘does he like me’ kind of stuff but it turns out to be a very pleasant sort of embarrassment. 🙂

Thank you!

Ana x

Reply December 10, 2015, 11:09 am


Finally…the most honest, sincere, heartfelt article all women should read. Truly brilliant and one I will pass along to my friends that continuously pine away and question whether a guy is into them. While I’m not in a serious relationship I do know in my soul that when I am seeing a guy it’s always obvious whether he’s really interested. They’ll call, schedule dates, text you to see how you are and pursue the relationship. If you’re left wondering and they float in and out of your life you have your answer. As humans when someone or something is important, we make time and invest our energy into that person or pursuit. Just something for everyone to consider. If you keep it simple and remember this it will be easy to navigate the dating world.

Reply October 22, 2015, 1:03 am


How do i speak to you personally? My depression has been causing me a lot of trouble and i have no idea if im overthinking of if im seeing things as it is

Reply October 5, 2015, 3:47 pm

shilpa m

I need help Sabrina.. Please respond.. M devastated

Reply September 26, 2015, 8:16 pm


wil a man who proposes marriage to me stil love me as am far from him.

Reply September 17, 2015, 4:40 pm


Hi Sabrina,

I’ve been following your site for awhile now, and I was wondering if you could give me some advice on my situation..

I’ve been seeing this guy for about 8 months now, and we see each other at least 2 times or more during the week and always on the weekend at sometime. We met through a mutual friend and he was the one to ask me out on our first date. I’m very inexperienced when it comes to dating but when were are together it feels natural. He makes me laugh and we always have a great time together. We share a lot of the same interests and he even invited me to play on his co-ed baseball team this summer with his friends.

He hasn’t had a girlfriend for at least 5 years and he’s told me every one of his girlfriends have cheated on him and that’s why they’ve never worked. When we are together in public people think we are a couple and it gets awkward at times when we haven’t had that discussion yet. We hang out with his friends which are my friends now a lot too and we constantly get asked if we are or aren’t a couple. In July when we were out with friends we were in our own little bubble not really paying attention to those around us, a friend of his asked us “Are you a couple now or what?” He replied “I assumed we were.” But we never discussed it so when I brought it up the next day he claimed that he never said. I’ve tried to bring it up a few months ago too just to clarify what it is we’re doing but I don’t think I did it quite right since he tried to avoid the subject. But he did say he’s not seeing nor looking for anyone else.

I’m just wondering if I push on the subject more or if I should just enjoy how it is at the moment. I know its just a label and it doesn’t bother me when we are together alone, but once people start asking questions it does bother me a little bit.

Thank you,

Reply September 3, 2015, 12:12 pm

Amanda Toure

Sabrina, I think this is a great article. This is eye opening and this is so useful! I will definitely share this with people and take this to heart. I learned so much, and it’s true…when a man likes you, he will make it crystal clear and you will not need to guess at all. He will make it loud and clear.

However, Sabrina, I believe that this article is directed towards women, not girls. I believe you are talking about men, not boys. I am a 15 year old teenage girl who is also asking “Does he like me?” But I don’t think teenage boys have the confidence, maturity or experience to make it clear that they like a girl. Therefore, I believe this article is directed to men and women, not boys and girls. Sabrina, am I right when I say this?

Reply September 1, 2015, 10:09 pm


Thanks for the article Sabrina, it’s so wise… Actually right now I’m in this after-first-date-crush situation and the article helped me a lot. I’m just gonna live my life and see what happens. And if I have worse day I’m going to print this article and re-read it as many times as needed.
Thank you! and all the best 🙂

Reply August 19, 2015, 4:54 am

Sabrina Alexis

You are very welcome. So happy the article helped and I hope everything works out 🙂

Reply August 20, 2015, 12:49 pm


Dear Sabrina,

Thanks for your article. I would like to ask for your advice.
I met a guy(English) in mid June, we went out 3 times till now(the 3rd date was 1 week ago), he didnt really ask me out, Friday around 4:30pm, then texted me ‘do u fancy a burger and beer’ or ‘do u want to grab a pizza and beer, if you dont have any plan’. It sounds like so spontaneous, no plan at all.

But we did have good time, laugh and enjoy he meal, the kiss goodbye politely. we keep texting each other for 8-9 weeks, on and off everyday, he is the one always send me message first but I feel that…the messages become less and less compare with the 1st few weeks.

Honestly, Im not sure whether he likes me or not….or keeping me I really dont feel he likes me or into me…

or…it’s because he is going through divorcing now, so…want to takes thing slow? He did tell me, he wants ltr before we met the 1st time… or it’s because I told him we could be friends after our 1st time, so he now sees me a friend only?

The reason why I told him, its ok to be friends, it’s because, it’s obvious that he sent me fewer message after the 1st date, so I thought he was not interested in me, that’s why i sent him ‘friends message’, then he replied, he was no problem to be friends at the moment, as he was so busy in work and felt tired in dirvocing…

Sorry, I know…Im not good in writing, as Im from Asia, hope you understand what Im saying and thanks for your attention.

Reply August 17, 2015, 5:16 am

Sabrina Alexis

I think you’re overthinking things way too much and that is causing the problem. Try not to analyze the relationship and just enjoy being in it. And as I said, when a guy likes you…it’s obvious. There won’t be anything to think about or worry about.

Reply August 20, 2015, 12:51 pm

Sunshine Johnson

Hello Sabrina I love reading the emails u send out and my question for u is this: There is a guy at my workplace that I like and we joke around all the time about different things and a few week ago he gave me his kik messenger name and told me to message him and now at work he makes it a poi t to find out where I’m at and he will walk by me and kind of rub on me or pushed on me in a friendly way and he smiles at me and winks at me sometimes and so I don’t k ow if he likes me or if he is just playing me so I’m asking u for your advice so if u get time will u pleas help me understand….thanks so much

Reply August 6, 2015, 8:05 pm

Sabrina Alexis

It sounds like he likes flirting with you, but he also might just have a flirty personality. Either way, don’t waste your time trying to figure out how he feels. Even if he does like you, what’s the point in knowing that unless he’s actually making a move and doing something about it? My advice is don’t focus on it, just live your life and be happy and if he truly likes you, he’ll make sure you know it.

Reply August 10, 2015, 8:33 am

Patricia Espiritu

I love reading all of your point of views in relationship . It helps me to understand how a man thinks . Questions that I ask myself you seem to know the answer . I am currently dating a man that I’ve known for many many yrs . We started out as friends and now we are seeing each other . I have strong feelings for him . He said he likes me to, but I want more . We have been seeing each other x 2 yrs . I’m afraid to ask him where he see this friendship going towards . I don’t want to pressure him . I want more them just friends .
Thank you Sabrina ..

Reply August 6, 2015, 12:22 am


Hello Sabrina! I just wanted to congratulate you on your wedding and tell you that I’m also getting married this coming February to the man of my dreams! A large part of why my relationship with my fiancé is so strong is because I’ve been following your site for a couple years and the advice here is truly fantastic! I followed everything I’ve read in your articles and Eric’s articles and (and continue to follow your advice) and I really credit your site with helping me work out some of the issues I’ve had with past relationships! Everything you guys say is so logical and makes so much sense. My fiancé and his friends have even said they don’t usually meet girls who understand men so well haha. Thanks for everything and keep the good advice coming!

Reply August 5, 2015, 8:51 am

Sabrina Alexis

Congrats to you as well! And wow, thank you so much for sharing that amazing review, I can’t tell you how much it means to me to hear that and I am so glad our content has been so helpful to you. Wishing you all the best for a life filled with happiness and love 🙂

Reply August 10, 2015, 8:36 am


thanks again Sabrina for your feedback you and Eric are very helpful. sometimes it’s hard to hear the truth. both of you give such good advice. we are luck to have this site. lot’s of love in S.B.

Reply August 3, 2015, 5:23 pm

Sabrina Alexis

You’re very welcome!

Reply August 3, 2015, 10:12 pm


Wonderful article as always, Sabrina! Your insights are always so on-point and you’re a very gifted writer. Many congratulations on your engagement as well. 🙂

Reply August 3, 2015, 5:11 pm

Sabrina Alexis

Thanks so much, that means a lot to me 🙂

Reply August 3, 2015, 10:12 pm

Shannon Hooper

Dear Sabrina,

You are absolutely right. I’ve made up just as many excuses as any other woman for why men aren’t asking me out. And, the times I’ve thought that I just needed to give a guy a little encouragement, I’ve never let an opportunity pass to let a man know that if he’s into me, I’m into him. And, I have never, ever, EVER once had a guy suddenly declare his interest and ask me out. If a man wants to ask you out, he will. End of story.

Life is much, much easier when you except the fact that guys aren’t asking you out because they don’t want to. There is no other reason. But, life is also much, much sadder when you have to face the fact that guys simply don’t like you. It’s a bleak way to live knowing you’re going to spend the rest of your life without any sort of romantic intimacy, without a family, without someone there who has your back when life gets rough….

I think that’s why so many of us make excuses. We’d rather be delusional than live with the truth. But life is what it is. Many of us who don’t want to settle for less than we deserve, absolutely will end up alone.

Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials! I find myself increasingly happy for those woman like you who manage to find someone to make a life with. I wish you all the happiness and good luck in your new life.


Reply August 3, 2015, 4:05 pm


I feel like what this articles tells me is that I’ve never really had any man actually interested in me or interested in me enough to pursue me. I’ve been approached by guys that I’ve been interested in, but then they quickly leave. I don’t know if I’m acting too interested or not interested enough. I pretty much feel like I want to give up!

Reply August 3, 2015, 3:26 pm

Sabrina Alexis

I don’t think you should focus on acting in any particular way in order to attract guys, I think your focus needs to be on feeling confident and happy within yourself, that is really the key in order to have an amazing relationship and to have anything good in life, really.

Reply August 10, 2015, 8:38 am


Men will often only approach women that are approachable, so if you are tense or scared of being rejected yourself you might unconsciously give off signals that say ‘do not approach’. So I wouldn’t give up just yet =P Work on being more approachable

Reply August 14, 2015, 2:59 am


I absolutely LOVE this article. It is so important to hear and hear and hear (because sometimes we girls says “yes I know but..” ) so hearing it more than once is good. The only thing I would add is that sometimes we make it confusing because of self esteem issues. I’m dating a guy now (after 20 years in an abusive marriage) and on our first date he drove 3 hours to see me (we live in different cities – he didn’t even ask me to meet him half way) he drove here, brought me chocolates, took me to eat, we spent several hours talking and he was a perfect gentleman the entire time. When he left he texted me about an hour later (wasn’t even home yet) and asked me out again. And I noticed myself wondering later that night “does he like me”. When I realized I was questioning things I had to step back and think “why am I even asking” – there were no mixed signals at all. But just as our brains can make up signs that aren’t even there (the emotional detective) we can also make up problems that aren’t there either if we aren’t careful. So if you ask “does he like me”- look at why you are asking – if you can’t see a reason to ask you probably have some issues with self esteem or past relationships you need to work on. (Which I know, I should have those taken care of before dating, but who has that kind of time?) 🙂

Anyway, thanks again. I love this site and everyting you and Eric do. If I were a better listener – you guys would make this whole being single after 20 years thing easy breezy!

Reply August 3, 2015, 1:42 pm

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