A Guy’s Take: Is Unconditional Love a Myth? post image

A Guy’s Take: Is Unconditional Love a Myth?


A few days back, I was at Aroma Cafe waiting for my large coffee to appear when I overheard one woman lamenting to her friend…
At one point she said, “I mean, how could he say that?  He’s supposed to love me unconditionally.”

OK, full stop.

First off, whenever I hear that someone is supposed to do anything in a relationship, an alarm goes off in my head.  The phrase “supposed to” is basically the same as saying the word “should”: it’s a poisonous word for relationships.

It has a tone of blaming, shaming and coercing the other person to do what you want them to do… or else.

More importantly, when I heard her say that he’s supposed to “love her unconditionally,” I thought to myself, “Wait… do women seriously think that?”

Granted, I am very precise in the way I say things and how I use language.  So let’s make clear what it means to do something “unconditionally.” To do something unconditionally means that you do it without any criteria, conditions, or expectations.

In other words, she was saying that she believed that he’s supposed to “love her” no matter what she does or doesn’t do, how she acts, etc.

She’s essentially saying, “Well, my job is done. I’m in a relationship, he loves me, so I don’t have to do anything… he will just love me forever and it doesn’t matter if I stop doing the things that I used to do at the beginning of the relationship, please him in the ways I used to please him, or act like the girl he fell in love with…”

MORE: How Do Men Show Their Love?

Sadly, our culture believes that once you have a relationship, you can kick back and life somehow gets easier.  You can get lazy and not worry about your relationship since that area is handled (and I’m not talking about just women, this applies to men too).

My buddy got married a couple years ago and now has a son. His wife has gained about 50 pounds since they started dating.
He does love his wife, but he reluctantly told me that he no longer feels any attraction to her and is ashamed that he finds himself resorting to porn and checking out other women.

MORE: Why Guys Watch Porn

Now before I continue with the story, I know a lot of women are reading this and thinking I’m sounding like a total jerk for daring to bring up a woman’s weight gain, let alone suggesting that love has conditions. You know that I don’t sugarcoat my messages and everything I say is because I want to help you have true success in your love life.

I don’t want to upset you.  I don’t want to hurt your feelings.  And no, I don’t believe that relationship success falls 100% on the woman.
All I know is that if you want success, then you deserve to know what will bring you success. Someone needs to tell you the truth, even if it’s unsettling sometimes.

Back to the story about my friend and his wife…

At one point, they were having dessert at a friend’s house and she got up for a second piece of cake. My buddy quietly said to her, “Babe… you really shouldn’t be eating two pieces of cake.”

She smiled at him, looked him right in the eyes as she shoveled a delicious forkful of chocolate cake into her mouth and said, “I know… but it’s OK baby… you love me.”

As you could imagine, my buddy feels trapped in the relationship, helpless, and hopeless – he loves his wife and doesn’t want to leave her, but any time he tries to guide her to being the girl she used to be (the girl he fell in love with) she feels it’s unnecessary, since he’s supposed to love her unconditionally.

Here’s my point: Relationships do have conditions. Love might not, but relationships and attraction do.

Look, you selected each other based on a criteria.  There were conditions. I can’t imagine that either you or your man just threw on a blindfold, pointed at a crowd of people and randomly chose each other.

You met each other’s conditions for a relationship partner and you expected that you would both continue to meet each others conditions.

Yes, you love each other, but a relationship is more than just love. Relationships have conditions! Biological attraction has conditions!

I hate to be the guy who breaks the bad news, but it’s true. The good news is there’s a much better approach to relationships that will work great for you…

A much more helpful view of relationships is that you are in service of one another.  The man you are with gives to you in loving service as best he can… and you give to him in loving service as best you can too.

That’s much different than our culture’s attitude of, “Well, I’m married. Glad that’s handled – time to sit back and let a lifetime of perfect love just effortlessly happen for me.”

It sounds ridiculous when I say it outright like that, but that’s the silent and deadly attitude most people have about love and relationships – like it’s something you lock in and it’s just handled, instead of an ongoing constant relationship.

I remember someone suggesting something excellent once that stuck with me (I think it was David Wygant who shared the idea with me). He spoke to an old man who had been married happily for 70 years or so.  And when he asked the old man his secret, the old man said, “We just kept repeating the first 90 days of our relationship.  We never stopped ‘dating’ each other.” (Damn… maybe I should write a book called, “Never Stop Dating”.  OK, you heard it hear first, copyright A New Mode, Inc.)

To continue my point…

If you want the best relationship and love life possible, then…

The things that attracted you to each other at the beginning of your relationship should never stop.  The things that made you fall in love with each other should never stop.

Again, our culture has this weird idea that dating is meant to get someone on the hook and then once you’ve got them you can just be a slob afterwards.

You might think that I sound jaded and cynical, but there’s a reason why most marriages end in acrimonious divorce today. I need to say the hard truth – someone needs to try and help.

Yes, obviously the man needs to be holding up his side of the relationship.  But every day you are in the relationship, you’re choosing to be.  He’s not forcing you.  He doesn’t have a gun to your head.  So if he’s truly not servicing you in your relationship, you can leave…

But if you choose to stay with him… and you want the best love life and relationship possible… you need to look at a relationship as dating that person forever and being at your best, brightest, most attractive self in service of your relationship.

When you come from that place in a relationship, that’s when you start seeing him show up in the way that you remember him being at the beginning too.

Hope it helps,

eric charles

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Julie

“Did you ever think someone could show you love through a bologna sandwich?

I didn’t think so either.

Until I found out that my then-boyfriend-now-husband (a poor, broke, medical school student at the time) spent close to two months eating bologna sandwiches every day in order to cut down his grocery budget to $10 a week, just so he could save up enough money to buy me an engagement ring.

The truth is, marriage will cost you.

When you think of the cost of marriage, what comes to mind?

According to recent statistics, the average couple today spends $26,444 on a wedding. That’s a lot of money, but it’s nothing compared to the real costs of marriage. Because like it or not, marriage will cost you more than money. It will cost you something great. It will cost you a price much larger than the money you spend on a ring or a wedding or a honeymoon—it will cost you yourself.

I heard a married man on TV say (regarding whether or not he was going to stay in his own marriage), “I shouldn’t be with someone if I’m not happy.” It’s an attitude many people have, and hearing it made my stomach turn.

What an accurate reflection of the self-centered society we live in, everyone believing their main goal in life is their own personal happiness. What a small and shallow way to live.

If you’re getting married with your own happiness as your main goal, you will be disappointed in a severe way.

Marriage is not about your happiness, it’s not even about you. It’s about love—which is something we choose to give time and time again. It’s about sacrifice, serving, giving, forgiving—and then doing it all over again.

No wonder we choose divorce over commitment. Because often, we’re choosing “personal happiness” over real commitment, over real love.

They say marriage teaches you more about selflessness than you ever wanted to know. I have definitely found that phrase to be true in my relationship with my husband. Because at the heart of it, real love is all about sacrifice. About the giving of yourself, in ways big and small.

It’s about offering forgiveness when you’ve been hurt.

It’s about giving your time though it’s not always convenient.

It’s about sharing your heart when you’d rather hold back.

It’s about cleaning the kitchen after a long weekend, even if it’s your least favorite job.

It’s about choosing to respond with love when you’d rather respond in anger.

It’s about offering a listening ear, when you’d rather tune out or go to bed.

It’s about putting someone else’s needs and desires before your own.

It’s about giving up that last bite of cake, just so your spouse can enjoy it.

It’s about laying down your rights, to make way for the rights of another.”

That’s right… it sounds like your friend has a lot to learn about marriage. I believe keeping love takes dedication to self-improvement to self… don’t get me wrong. But I’ve put on weight since my youngest brother passed away of suicide almost two years ago. I don’t feel like the same person some days and I will never be the same person again.

Someone picked me. I’m pushing myself out of my comfort zone and making the best of each day, trying to be optimistic, but the girl he fell in love with? She’s gone. I am a new version of me at 31 years young.

You’re post is missing the point. Marriage is for better or worse. You choose to be true to the person in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. To love and honor them all the days of their lives.

Maybe that’s the reason why our divorce rate is so high. We go into marriage “thinking” we found the perfect body, instead of the perfect person for us. Someone who will walk with us all the days of our lives.

My best friend’s husband gained nearly 70 lbs since they met… and we laugh about it. She’s like it’s not good for his health, but that guy is a ball of stress. I want him to lose weight so he won’t die and will live a full life… not because she’s not attracted to him. She loves him as her husband and the father of her daughter. She loves him as the man who provides her for her and their family.

Hopefully people can reframe their thoughts. If your friend embraces his wife differently instead of telling her not to eat the last piece of cake, maybe she might like him.

Reply July 2, 2016, 2:42 am

Redhead

Eric,
I have been reading your newsletters and thinking about what you are saying. I started dating someone 5 month ago after a long marriage abd painful divorce. I can tell you this, making my new man a priority is the most import thing I have done differently. Making him happy really does make me happy. Not sure where this relationship will end up but I am happy to be with him where ever we may go. I am a very independent woman but letting him be in control is a nice break! Keep up the good work and advise.

Reply March 13, 2016, 10:21 am

LAM

I’m at the age now where most single people my age are divorced. Please tell me how to respond to middle-aged men that keep telling me I “shouldn’t have any expectations”. It seems like they have figured out the perfect excuse to just have fun and have no responsibility. They say women who have expectations are needy or gold-diggers. WHAT???!! I know things are different since I last dated, but I just don’t know how to process this.

Thoughts?

Reply September 19, 2015, 11:44 pm

Eric Charles

I get where you’re coming from… and I understand how it could seem like a guy saying, “You shouldn’t have any expectations,” could feel like he’s shutting you down or absolving himself from any commitment, present or future…

But I’m all about effectiveness here and if a perspective does nothing more for you than get you upset, then it’s not a very effective perspective to hold. I’m not talking about whether it’s valid or not… or right or wrong… there are lots of valid and “right” perspectives that don’t get you good results in the world… so my feeling is that you’d do best to only hold perspectives that get you good results.

What do I consider good results? That would be: you’re happy, you’re at peace and you get to enjoy a love life that you are thoroughly delighted with…

So how can we make that happen given what you just asked me?

Well, first off, let’s choose a perspective that finds common ground between you and the guy.

You want a relationship with a man, so it makes sense that taking on a perspective that frames men as “bad” is only going to work against you (e.g. “he’s getting away with something” or “he has the perfect excuse to just have fun and have no responsibility” or whatever)

Let’s take a step back and look at it with fresh eyes…

Maybe it’s just as simple as: men want to be happy and you want to be happy, so let’s find the path where both people can be happy.

People (men and women) have more choice at their fingertips than ever before… but their connections are also more shallow, jaded, cynical and guarded than ever before.

People, therefore are starving for a connection that has depth without all the yucky negative energy attached.

And since people have so much choice available to them (through dating apps, social media, etc.) they feel they don’t have to put up with crap from anyone… if being with someone feels like a chore, then they move on very quickly…

I’m not talking about men here, either… I’m talking about men and women.

In fact, given the playing field of today, your best move is to do two things: keep your options wide open and make the “vibe” of your relationship the top priority…

Most guys are open to a relationship (hell, most are starving for one)… but it has to be with a woman that feels awesome to be with… a woman who feels like a sanctuary… a woman they escape TO (and not want to escape FROM)…

When a man feels this good around you and knows that if he doesn’t lock you down, he could lose you to another man… that is when a guy will lock you down good and quick.

And if he doesn’t, you can know for sure that he never, ever, ever was going to…

Approaching dating like this works in today’s world of “don’t have any expectations” because, frankly, there’s no reason not to date around as a 100% single person until a guy proposes a relationship… and that’s only going to happen if he feels inspired to.

This is a win-win for you because you don’t waste any time and you are in the drivers seat… instead of waiting for some guy, you’re actively out there and it’s only a matter of time before a guy makes an offer to you… at which point you are in control to either accept or decline.

So that’s how to respond in this day and age… be 100% actively single until a man unambiguously proposes a relationship… and you either accept or decline. You are in control.

Reply September 20, 2015, 12:22 am

Sha

*ask

Reply July 19, 2015, 1:24 am

Sha

Hi Eric,
I just want to us. I have this guy (He’s not mine. I just love him. We have something but he don’t want to make label on it)

I’ve been loving him for so long. I care for him. And still waiting for him. Before, he said that he will love me back. But now, he finally said that we just have to stay friends. I understand it. But still, i’m here to love him. Am I stupid or I’m just giving unconditional love? 🙁 It hurts

Reply July 19, 2015, 1:24 am

Lina

I don’t think women expect unconditional love. I think it depends on the person.

I’m a woman and my (ex) boyfriend is the one who talks about unconditional love and thinks that’s how relationships work. That really annoys me because he pretty much thinks that the relationship is all about love and that he doesn’t need to keep up with his word. I’ve tried ending the relationship for the past 6 months and he keeps reappearing and contacting me and it has been really hard to move on, but yesterday he finally said he won’t try to contact me again. Don’t get me wrong, I can love someone unconditionally the rest of my life, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stay in a romantic relationship with that person unconditionally for the rest of my life.

Nonetheless, the example about your buddy is very superficial, everyone ages and gets uglier, some women get fat after being pregnant, and men get ugly bellies and lose their appeal as well. That example was very stupid specially when we don’t know the rest of the story. If the woman is working, taking care of a small child, and taking care of her husband when will she have time to take care of herself? I’m sure while he is watching porn she is actually taking care of their child and their house. Is the man wealthy enough to pay for her not to work and have time to make herself pretty and go to a gym? Is he considerate enough to help around the house so that she has time to exercise? Is he even good looking enough to demand a more attractive wife? Why did he even get marry on the first place? If she is still the same person in essence then I don’t get the point. What if instead of gaining weight the wife had suffered and accident that left her looking deformed (it’s happened), was he just going to leave her?

Anyway, it’s really annoying to see generalizations about men and women, and in my case every time I see one it seems that no matter what man I’m dating they act like the woman “supposedly” acts, and I act like the men “supposedly” acts.

Reply May 7, 2015, 9:18 am

Luci

Eric – You preach often about not using the word “should”, and I whole heartedly agree with that. But in this article you give your guy friend a pass for using it to his wife. So I totally get her bitchy response. The guy told her what to do. So in my opinion, the guy friend needs some training too. We can ask people to do things for us, but it is ultimately always their choice.

So here’s a suggestion of what he could say to his wife if he really loved her and really wanted her to lose weight: Babe, I do love you, but would you put some thought into the long term consequences of being overweight? It may not be hurting you now, but long term it could hurt your bones, your joints, damage your heart and for sure puts you at risk for diabetes. And I want to keep you around and healthy for as long as possible. So I really hope you will think about that. And it would mean a lot to me to know you care enough about yourself to try to take care of yourself for you and for me.

Then she has a choice, do it for herself for her health or spit in his eye. But he is much less likely to incur her wrath if he approaches it from a loving standpoint and gives her a choice.

Just an opinion…

Reply February 28, 2015, 12:21 pm

Luci

BTW – I am 57, weigh 115 lbs. and have had 2 pregnancies. My guy has always told me he did not care if I weighed 300 lbs. had purple hair and green teeth. I never wanted to test that declaration out, and instead hedged my bets. So I try to stay my best looking. And I do agree with the article that you need to try, but ultimately you need to try BECAUSE you love each other, and want to bring your best self to the relationship. But a power struggle like the illustrative couple is engaged in will never have a good ending.

Reply February 28, 2015, 1:07 pm

Get over yourselves

FFS if I hear one more beer belly balding guy with hair growing out of his ears and nose who can’t contain his disgusting farts complain he’s not attracted to his wife because she gained weigt after having his kids I’m going to scream. American men need to realize they aren’t the prizes they think the are (and American women too for that matter).

Reply February 22, 2015, 10:50 am

Eric Charles

Lol… that’s fair… I mean, it’s never smart to throw rocks when you live in a glass house.

On a positive note, isn’t it best to adopt a life philosophy where you’re always embracing and living your best self? Continually embracing fitness… growing in compassion and understanding of other people and the world around you… bringing more into your life and into the world…

I don’t think there’s any value in justifying one’s own negative position (a position they themselves aren’t happy with) by attacking/blaming the other side… that’s not the spirit of this article.

Reply February 22, 2015, 12:53 pm

Eric Charles

You have a viewpoint… that’s yours. It isn’t what it is — it’s just your viewpoint and opinion… just like this is my article and opinion.

The article wasn’t about skinny versus fat — it’s about continuing to put effort into the relationship, continuing to put effort into being your best self and continuing to take care of yourself (mentally, physically, etc.)

If you have some sort of philosophical agenda to assert, cool… but just because you project it onto my article doesn’t make it so… you’re seeing what you want to see… I’m not responsible for that.

The boiled down sentiment of this article is: Don’t get complacent if you want to have the best relationship possible.

And it would be my hope that the woman is with a man who shares that philosophy and spirit… and that they, together, inspire and encourage each other to be at their best.

I really can’t think of anyone that would be against that…

And no, I wouldn’t crucify you for saying that… it’s a fair statement, especially if the article was written with the intention of inspiring men to bring their best to the relationship (for the greatest good of both people)…

You might already have an image in your mind of who I am, what I’m saying in the article, etc. and there’s nothing I can do to make that fall away and change your mind… so we can agree to disagree, I’m fine with that. I said my part.

Reply February 24, 2015, 3:30 pm

Apal

Hi Eric,

Awesome article man. I am in the same situation as your friend. I have been with my gf for 6 years now, she is 15 younger then I am and beautiful and loves me unconditionally. I am here entire world but I feel completely trapped.

She just wants to have kids and get old but I still want to live. I want to travel and meet new girls and have no responsabilities like when I was younger.

What should I do? I have to leave here right? I think I have stayed so long because like many ppl I felt unloved and when a girl finally came along that really loved me and had my back no matter what I am scared to lose this maybe I will never find it again.

But this is not healthy is it?

I apprecaite anyones feedback.

thanks,
Apal

Reply December 30, 2014, 12:07 pm

Tasha

I read about half way into the article and couldn’t read anymore. When you stated that in the beginning of a relationship, we as couples dont have a blindfold on. We chose our partners with eyes open.
However, the truth be is that our true selves were hidden all along. We don’t choose to show our “real selves” until later on. We show our “best selves” and we try to emulate that as the relationship moves more serious. I know you meant that “our bodies” should stay the same, but after two children how is that to be physically possible. As a women post pregnancy, our bodies will never ever go back to what it had been. Maybe I’m ranting but the idea is absurd and frustrating. Im so glad that a man who has ideas; about how his woman will be perfect after bearing a child, is so thoughtful to share with us all on how where suppose to look. I find it insulting and degrading. Thanks for the oh so thoughtful thread….

Reply December 9, 2014, 3:11 pm

jack

your comments are quite encouraging

Reply October 18, 2014, 11:23 am

GLoria

Women we need to start looking nice for OURSELVES not men. That’s how I’ve kept up with mines, and everyone else has slacked. Love yourself first, YOU come first above all. If you start looking a certain way for someone else, you’re going to lose in the end. Keep in shape for yourself, not for a man. Look good for you, check you out. That’s why we women start slacking,it’s because we do it for a man. Do yourself a service.

If you think you look good fat, then rock it. I have some fat cousins who are in happy marriages, because they love themselves first.

I see more men slacking then women. Let’s be real. Men looses their damn minds once they know they have a woman. But I can understand what this means. Because I don’t want a fat ass man, I don’t want a short ass man, and he can’t stank. His tits can’t be bigger then mines. So I really do understand this article. Ladies we need to show the same sentiments. He think your fat, then you need tell him you think he’s a lame. Everyone wins.

Reply October 12, 2014, 7:07 pm

Anna

I think many people don’t have a clear understanding of what “unconditional love” means. I believe unconditional love is possible, but it is not the “squishy feelings” type of love. It’s a universal love, a choice to care and understand. It’s unselfish, which also can make it feel the least personal.

To bring up unconditional love (agape) means to bring up the other types of love in the Greek language. Such as eros (romantic love) and philia (friendship love). People know (or should know) that there are conditions with those types of love. If I was in a relationship with someone and they abused my daughter, the love and affection I had would be gone too. Unconditional love would still be possible (although in human perspective even that would be difficult), but unconditional love would JUST be about still caring and hoping they can get better, NOT a willingness or desire to still have a relationship.

In the example in the article, it is eros love that seems to be lacking. Part of this is attraction, but very likely it is more than that. A relationship lacking in eros, lacks passion and desire, lacks physical love but also sensual love. Eros is the energy of the relationship. A relationship that was completely built on eros usually fades away, but it can be sustained without if there is a strong philia. Most people want more than just friendship for their romantic relationships. Good news is that passion can be rekindled, but of all the loves, eros takes the most work. I mean, it should be fun, but there is less a moment of arrival and more of a constant movement. To be clear, I don’t believe eros is the most important love (it’s the most selfish of loves), and it is great if a person has a partner who will loves you even if the eros has faded out. HOWEVER, this doesn’t mean a woman should take advantage of their man who loves them either unconditionally or with philia. Even philia requires some work (what kind of friendship would you have if you never talked to each other, for example?). Eros is no different.

Reply August 9, 2014, 3:06 pm

beatrix

hey eric! i’ve been reading your work for awhile and i think your advice is great. i appreciate your candor and your precision with language. one complaint: your use of “girl” instead of “woman” smacks me in the face every time i see it. you tend to switch back and forth a bit, and to be honest, i find myself doing this too. your relationship advice is grounded, practical, adult– i’m assuming it’s written for men and women, rather than men and, well, girls. but seriously wording aside- thanks for decoding the male brain. you’re awesome 🙂

Reply March 19, 2014, 3:14 am

Eric Charles

That’s a good comment. I write it out of habit, but I see your point.

Reply March 19, 2014, 11:44 am

Hannah

This is the BEST advice ever.

Thank you.

Reply March 1, 2014, 1:09 pm

Eric Charles

Thanks Hannah. 😉

Reply March 1, 2014, 1:36 pm

Michelle

Thank you for being so honest! It’s what I suspected but confused by the prevailing politically correct advice about being yourself, etc. As a Christian I do believe unconditional love does exist but only God & Jesus can love you that way because They are perfect. Humans are flawed (born of original sin) so they cannot love unconditionally like God & Jesus.

The only type of love that comes close is a parent’s love for his/her child. That’s why Jesus described God’s love so often in terms of a Father’s love, to approximate what we can understand from our own experience. That’s why God listed “Honor your father & mother” as one of the top 10 Commandments.

Since only God & Jesus can truly love us unconditionally, that’s why the very 1st Commandment says that there is only 1 God & to worship Him & have no other idols.

When people expect their mates to love them unconditionally, they are putting expectations on them that can only be met by God. In effect they are idolizing their romantic partners over God.

That will always end in disaster because only God is perfect – so if you put a flawed thing such as a spouse at the center of your life as your source of unconditional love, your life would crack & fall into ruin because that type of foundation would crack under that type of pressure.

Reply January 12, 2014, 10:31 am

ashley H

I’m not going to diss god but there are so9me parents that can never be honored. I also know one person who gives unconditonal love. I was lucky to have it but the stupid distance made it impossible for us to go any farther this is why I think unconditional love has to start when you are at your lowest points. She connected with me when I was going to kill myself. The same vice versa

Reply March 4, 2015, 2:02 am

Jessica

Unconditional love is something people have for their children.Or as you said with the Lord.There are always going to be conditions.All you can do in life is be a good person and treat others as you would like them to treat you.Hopefully you find someone you have something in common with and physical attraction with and build from there.Good Luck to everyone still searching for it.The most important thing love yourself first.

Reply August 19, 2016, 12:07 am

Gwen

Thanks for a great article. Actually, Eric, I just wanted to thank you. I’m not sure if you’ll see this, but thank you. I’m engaged to be married and a lot of good things about my relationship involve advice I took from here. The open, honest communication and trust I read about has chased all my insecurities away, and I looked on here again just to see what tidbits you had, which is funny because since I’ve been in such a happy relationship, I did gain a little weight. It was’t anything he’s noticed, but I have, and that made a difference for me. I actually started working out, just to maintain (and to fit as perfectly as possible into my wedding dress), and it was not only for my benefit, but because I wanted to stay attractive for my fiance. I very much agree that when you’re with someone, it’s based on the expectations previously laid out.

So for the woman that had gained the weight, especially after having a baby: it is the most frustrating and terrifying thing. You had no control over that weight gain when you had your child, and now that they’re out and about, you’re still stuck with the excess. Exercise doesn’t shed the pounds like it used to, and you’re so uncomfortable in your body. It’s hard to admit that losing the weight is an obstacle, so you try to become comfortable and tell yourself it’s okay because your partner loves you….but don’t you want to try to get back to what you were? So you can be proud of yourself, rock your body, and be confident, to ‘seduce’ your husband, and gain back some of your intimacy! Love can be strong, it can be the, ‘because you love me,’ in some instances, but never take advantage to where your partner feels sad and guilted because of that.

Thank you again and good luck to everyone out there.

Reply December 6, 2013, 12:17 am

Iris

So at my age in my mid-20s, I’m still trying to figure out what love REALLY is. I’m still in search, but I often think about the bible verse: “Love is patient. Love is kind….”; so forth and so forth. I find it interesting that even in this biblical verse, it says nothing about love being unconditional. Interesting…

Reply November 11, 2013, 11:44 am

TJ

I think this is very realistic. Once you leave childhood, you need to leave your expectation of unconditional love behind. Everything and everyone has conditions. Everything and everyone has a price. You can choose to pay it or not, but you shouldn’t be shocked if things start heading downhill when you stop being in tune with what they need from you.

Reply October 31, 2013, 10:11 pm

Kelly

Amazing article, and so true. Thanks Eric!

Reply October 31, 2013, 1:39 pm

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