What Guys Really Think About Texting post image

What Guys Really Think About Texting


Last week, I was witness to an event that has shocked and awed the few men that have had the great, great privilege of observing it. I saw the mind of a girl work as she received texts from her current love interest. It was incredible. I had been hypothesizing what it is that girls think we’re actually doing on the other end of that phone and finally someone pulled the curtain back and allowed me to meet Oz…Oz was a girl. Oz was very confused.

It began Friday night. I crashed at my cousin’s place for the night in Williamsburg and she and her roommate had gone out and done Williamsburg things like drank alcoholic beverages and told boys to go away. That is, until one boy approached the roommate (let’s call her Mel), and Mel did not ask the boy to leave.

Fast-forward through what I could only imagine was heavy bar flirting, them making several plans to hang out the next day, and eventually a semi-awkward goodbye of her telling him no, he can’t come home with her, and then it’s the morning after…and the texting began. And as a guest in the house of these rambunctious 20-something females, I had backstage passes to the show.

10:15AM Boy: Hey last night was fun. Maybe we can do something later.

OK, so we have already reached our first bump in the road. “What does me mean, MAYBEEEE, Noah? When guys say MAYBE, does that mean he wants to hang out or he doesn’t want to hang out?” she asks the only guy in the room. “Umm, I mean, I guess he just used the word maybe,” I so eloquently responded.

10:20AM Girl: Hey I had fun too. I will be around later this afternoon.

She was proud of her perfectly vague response.

2:00PM Boy: Hey, what’s up? Going golfing with the boys. Can we grab a drink after?

Oh, wow, now there are big problems. The girls reading this are probably getting angry just looking at their iPhones right now. But as her temporary consultant I found nothing wrong with this text. She, however, had a grocery list of problems with it. First of all, it was four hours after the first set of texts (I guess that’s bad). Second, now he’s changing the plans? It was going to be an afternoon chill sesh in the sun, and now it’s drinks? She’s not pleased with the last-minute changes. Who comes first? The exciting beauty in the bar or a stupid game (her words, not mine. Golf is lovely). Now she will show him who’s boss of this conversation.

2:45PM Girl: Have fun! I’m down for whatever just give me a time.

Key factors to her response (in her mind): 45-minute wait time and her first demand – secure a time.

5:00PM Boy: Hey sorry my phone was in my bag while we played. I won the round so they’re buying me beers. What are you up to?

“Noah, what does he mean what am I up to?! I am waiting for him to give me a freakin plan! Guys can’t commit! Not even to just an afternoon! And we had plans last night! What should I tell him I’m up to? I should say I’m busy, right? I should just tell him never mind and go find someone who will wait around for him while he figures out what he wants! Right??” she said enthusiastically.

My response: “Mel, you only met last night and even though you made plans, you guys were drinking. He probably didn’t take the plans that seriously and I wouldn’t have either. Just ask him again if he can do something tonight….”

My cousin Jess pipes in: “All guys are D&*^S.” Classic.

5:02PM Girl: Sounds like fun. What time did you want to do this?

5:04PM Boy: I’ll call you when we leave the bar.

5:07PM Girl: It’s ok. Another time.

5:08PM Boy: Wait what? What happened?   

End Scene.

I learned so much from this episode. Please read on…

Let’s start in the beginning. There is one key to truly understanding texting between you and your guy, or soon-to-be guy: He is thinking about his text for the amount of time it takes to write a text and he is thinking about your response for the amount of time it takes to read it. Girls, on the other hand, when their iPhone makes that sacred sound, seem to turn instantaneously into psychologists, interpreting every single syllable, period, time allotted between texts, if he read it quickly or waited, if he read it quickly then why didn’t he respond immediately, and on and on until said girl is crying in the fetal position and everyone around her is rubbing her back and validating the age-old mantra that “All Guys Suck.”

MORE: When a Guy Doesn’t Text Back

We don’t all suck. Some of us do, so stop texting those ones. But in order for boys and girls to get along, we need to understand that we’ll never understand. What I mean is that a girl will never understand how we can watch nine innings of baseball and we will never understand how one could possibly need that many shoes. Instead of trying to get deep inside each other’s heads, I think it’s time we start acknowledging that there are qualities about one another that we don’t relate to and that’s OK. In fact, that’s the point. That’s how we complement each other and build off the other’s strengths.

This all applies to texting. We’re unfortunately in an age where calling seems too intimate so we shield ourselves behind our screens and exercise our opposable thumbs like the keyboard Olympics are coming to New York. So when texting that new or old guy, know that you’re texting a different species. It will make things easier.

MORE: 5 Things Every Girl Needs to Know About Men

The guy was so confused when Mel said, “It’s ok. Another time.” Because in his mind, he literally did not think there was any tension between them at all. It’s like you’re playfully throwing snowballs at a friend and all of a sudden your friend beats you over the head with a baseball bat.

This unsuspecting gentleman (whether he was in the wrong or not) had no idea a bat was coming his way. Mel was ready to swing away the whole time. Defenses already up, artillery loaded, waiting for him to validate her feelings that she was the last thing on his mind.  In reality, he probably did want very much to see her that day and he also probably wanted to play golf with his friends very much that day…and that’s about as much as he thought about it. That decision, when communicated over text, doesn’t have the greatest opportunity to end in playing in the snow. I would guarantee that if she heard the nuances of his tone and his jokes and every other sense you get over the phone, this would have ended very differently.

Also, I have been making it out like guys are completely immune to over-thinking texts. We are not. I think we just assume innocence until proven guilty. Just the other day a girl gave me her number and I texted once just to say that it was me and there was no response for about an hour. In Mel’s case and maybe some girls you know, she would have begun to pound her head against the wall. In my case, and most guys I know, I figured she was busy with her family because she told me she was on her way to see them. She texted me back when she had a chance and the world continued to spin on its axis.

Now the ultimate question: why does it take time for a guy to respond?

Out of everything I witnessed that Saturday afternoon, what stuck out most was the frustration Mel felt as a result of him not thumbing away at his keyboard and making those little typing bubbles as soon as humanly possible.  Those typing bubbles are our best friend, aren’t they? Yes, even dudes enjoy the typing bubbles. But we need to drive this point home because I have gotten in trouble with even my female friends for not texting quick enough. The reason guys take a while to text back is because….we’re busy or whatever you said doesn’t warrant a response. That’s it. It’s really simple.

I have a few more texting tips that, if followed, will promise to … (continued – Click to keep reading What Guys Really Think About Texting)

19 comments… add one

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Reiko

I’ve been seeing someone for 2months now and we spoke about this yesterday when we met up. At first we were constantly texting until we first met in person. After that we started to text less and less. During the times when he texted less I over analysed thinking he had lost interest. I was being vague when answering and getting upset when our conversation didn’t seem to go anywhere. Each time we meet he always says how much he misses me and treats me amazing so for me I get confused each time I went home. He then said to me yesterday ”I think I’m ready to get into a relationship with you soon. The only problem is I think if we dated for real you’d end up texting me and calling me a lot more… I don’t really like text chatting. I like our level of communication daily now.” I was in so much shock because I honestly thought he had lost interest all this time. We were going to be nothing more than just two people who met on tinder.
That’s when it hit stupid I was basing his interest in me over how many texts he sends me. It made me realise how obsessed I was with his messages when I had nothing to worry about all this time.
It’s interesting though… how different we preserve things. So now, I leave it at that. I text only when I miss him. He texts only when he misses me.
Ladies, if he misses you he’ll make contact with you. If he misses you he’ll make time to see you. If he misses you he will come to you! It’s that simple. Don’t worry and just go with the flow! 🙂

Reply September 15, 2016, 9:36 pm

Rose

My crush told me first he is in love with his girl. No chance for me to go out with him. One week after, when I saw him again, he told me he just broke up with her. Now he tells me we can chill out but no serious relationship. I like him would like to chill out really with him. But until now he is acting weird, same behaviour. We make plan to chill telling me he will text me, but never text me. What should I tell him next time I will see him to the bar he works for? I m confused….I see him only when I go to that bar and he is always excited to see me there!!!!!!

Reply September 12, 2016, 9:04 am

Tatiyana

I’ve been texting this guy and he always responds but I have to initiate.
He gives one word responses and acts like he genuinely thinks it’s Ok
I know not to over analyze because he says he’s interested.
but does this mean that we won’t share a lot of communication even though he likes me
And if I stopped texting him would he leave me to the dust
I’ve had women tell me he’s stringing me along but now I need a man’s perspective

Reply August 13, 2016, 1:26 pm

Elizabeth Wald

Great points in this article! I have more to add. Men are hunters. They see their prey and they go get it. The chase is the thrill, adrenalin is at its highest.

If the prey just stood in the field waiting for it to get killed there would be no hunt.
This would completely disrupt our Neanderthal existence.

A man is a hunter. He wants what he can’t have because the chase is in his genetic code. Once a woman is too easy,writes too much, too often……without reciprocity, there is not hunt. And no relationship.

Reply March 30, 2016, 6:31 am

echo

I agree with Sydne and Kat. He’s just a BOY, an immature one. Nothing here to do with relationship skills or communication skills or mindset. We girls don’t need such a BOY.

Reply January 26, 2016, 10:46 pm

Sara

Girls, you’re bashing the guy, but really Mel was never anything but vague with him.

In the morning, she should have said, “Yep, had fun too. Will be available this afternoon, what/where/when do you suggest?”

To which he’d have answered by making plans.

Same when they text during the afternoon : the way she communicates, he had no way of knowing she was waiting on him – she looks like she’s absolutely happy all the time, and probably busy with a life of her own.

About meeting up for drinks “after”, she could’ve said “Sure thing, I’ll be free at X hour”. That way he could have either had a drink with his friends and met up with her after that, or told them he had a date and couldn’t stay.

Why do girls expect men to be mind-readers???

Hilarious article by the way. Well done Noah, a pleasure to read you 🙂

Reply June 8, 2015, 5:23 pm

Sydne

The problem here is that the boy she is texting with is just that…he is a BOY. A MAN would have called and said “I would love to take you to dinner. When are you free?”
An immature boy will send texts like “hey uh maybe we could do drinks?” or “if you want we could maybe get together later”…you know why? BECAUSE THEY ARE IMMATURE AND NON-COMMITTAL. these are huge red flegs. RUN.

Reply December 10, 2014, 5:40 pm

Jlu

Thanks for the article….found it entertaining as i have found myself in that type of textathon at times. However, Can you please provide advice how Mel should have handled that situation so that Boy would have made concrete plans instead of her waiting around for him? I know your article says to pick up the phone, but sometimes its not that simple and am wondering how she could have changed the sitaution via text?

Reply October 20, 2014, 11:27 am

Jude

I disagree to a certain point. Yeah we shouldn’t over analyze, but come on! Everyone has things to do, and time is money. I would get really upset if a anyone did this to me 1. He’s texting he’s out having fun, 2. He’s wasting my time and 3. If he’s serious about wanting to see me he should be able to give a time and place.

I have done this to people, sad to say. It really comes down to one simple thing ….. I just didn’t care enough to make it a priority and plan a time and day. It’s selfish really and I don’t do it anymore. It’s just wrong to keep stringing people along until I decided if I really did want to see them.

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Reply September 2, 2014, 5:34 am

Kat

I’m sorry, this is not about how much he’s into her. This is about being inconsiderate. HE initiates plans, then he makes other plans. Fine. Stuff comes up and he doesn’t even know her. But….. HE again initiates actual solid plans (drinks after), then makes other plans again! SO rude. Rude to do that even to a regular friend. Good for her for cutting it off.

Reply August 28, 2014, 2:24 pm

Jennifer

Great article, but how do I go about getting this guy I’ve been seeing a couple months now to text less and call more?
We’ve only spoken on the phone once after I suggested we really need to talk on the phone more. I don’t like this feeling of a texting relationship more than voice and in person. Texting ruins a lot with dating.

Reply August 1, 2014, 12:33 pm

Chan

I’m in the same boat. Often times I chalk it up to his stuttering issues. I’ve noticed that once he becomes anxious he tends to stutter.

Reply August 5, 2014, 6:17 pm

Jennifer

Issue of mine solved… We’ve talked on the phone daily since I posted that lol. I do understand we won’t talk some days on the phone and I’m totally ok with that.
It’s just he’s super busy and often texting is easier because he can reply when he gets a chance and now we’ve managed to leave texting for the fun and flirty stuff 😉
He originally thought I expected long conversations via phone due to the lengthy topics via text but I assured him that’s not the case because if I say stuff, it’ll be faster than reading a ton of words on a screen. More dragged out 🙂
We are now missing each other more with texting less so, nothing to lose really!!
It takes work and a lot of communication sometimes. Just talk to him and say it’s difficult for you to get a feel for how he’s meaning things via text and you think you’ll both benefit from chatting on the phone at least once a week. Suggest it, don’t say it should happen.
Thanks to this site, I have learned a lot and am able to better understand my guy… Thank you, Noah!

Reply August 5, 2014, 7:46 pm

Noah Williams

Wow. Awesome feedback for everyone! I’m glad you were able to use this to help! Sounds like you’re doing an awesome job balancing the phone and the text. I like the flirty touch as well.

Reply August 5, 2014, 11:26 pm

Jessica

This was so funny, and SO true! Thank you Noah!

Reply July 31, 2014, 9:50 am

Noah Williams

Thanks so much for reading it Jessica! I hope to put out a lot more soon. Hope you like em!

Reply July 31, 2014, 3:48 pm

Linds

Amazing advice, hilariously put. Basically everyone just needs to pipe the #$%@ down, not over think it, and enjoy life. I think that’s a good idea too to avoid texting too much in the beginning until you know the person better- too much room for misinterpretation otherwise. I’d love to see how the average man would react if they were privy to a woman’s inner psyche over their texts haha!

Reply July 30, 2014, 2:18 pm

Noah Williams

Linds, I really appreciate the feedback. I think you’re spot on that everyone should just get to know a person before the mass texts begin. That way nothing is lost along the way and you get eachothers humor and what not. And yes we need to stop overthinking everything! Thanks for reading. I hope you like my next one coming soon

Reply July 31, 2014, 3:46 pm

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