There’s this guy I really like and at first things were great. We texted constantly for about five days but then he suddenly stopped. I left him alone because I didn’t want to come across as annoying or something.
After that it seemed like I always had to initiate the conversations to get a response. It really seemed like he cared so why would he go from talking to be all the time to not talking at all?
You’re not alone. This type of question has been sent to me hundreds of times and I want to write about this to help you and everyone with this type of situation.
Actually, A New Mode’s relationship section is only part of my business – I also help guys with their dating questions. And believe it or not, I had a guy send me virtually this same question in hopes that I would discuss it at a speaking engagement I have tonight.
The problem… is not that you (or women or men in general) are doing something inherently “wrong” that results in the guy (or girl) stopping their frequent texting with you.
The problem is that it’s not sustainable. Texting constantly is a pain in the ass. Speaking from personal experience, I am an extremely busy guy and I generally avoid habitually texting back-and-forth-and-back-and-forth with girls because it sets a bad precedent.
Truth is, this guy probably was really into you when he was texting constantly and probably still is. But again, the problem is that it’s not a realistic, sustainable habit to be constantly texting little messages all day.
He probably was texting for the five days and then was like, “Wow, this is really time consuming and distracting from… the rest of my life!!!”
Sometimes we can get caught up into thinking that the other person is being rude when our text message goes unanswered. The truth is that when we send someone a text, we don’t know what they’re up to. We are interrupting them and expecting that they should answer a text message just because we sent them something is selfish.
I know you don’t mean it to be selfish, so I’m putting this way of looking at the situation out there because it’s useful to see things from that perspective.
From the other side, when you consider that you may be interrupting someone, you could see how one interruption isn’t that big of a deal. But if the other person feels that they are being barraged with messages it can be overwhelming or even annoying sometimes.
With that said, I can be guilty of being “that guy” who doesn’t text back. And I more than any other guy on the planet (seriously) know how much that can drive a woman crazy.
But I’m busy!! Texting is a pain in the ass and, even though I know better, the unconscious thought I have is that “she should know I like her.” Generally speaking I do make more of an effort to send an occasional text message so she knows the sky isn’t falling.
No reason I can’t be considerate to a girl’s feelings, but I promise you most guys don’t have any idea how crazy this whole texting / calling regularly thing is for girls.
Now the useful question from here is: What should you do about it?
I’m going to give you the same advice that I give to guys in this case because it applies across the board: Be unreactive to it and assume they