Ask a Guy: He Hasn’t Texted Me Two Days, What Did I Do? post image

Ask a Guy: He Hasn’t Texted Me Two Days, What Did I Do?


I’ve been seeing this guy for the past month. He’s been very sweet and I really like him.  He lives over an hour away, works during the week and hunts on the weekends, so seeing him regularly has been difficult.

At times he would text me in the mornings, but then he gets busy. Eventually, he started going  days without texting unless I send him a text first.

He’s talked about us doing things together in the future.  He’s even said nice things about me to his mom.  But now it’s been two days without a response to my last text – did I do something wrong?  Should I send him another text?

I am always amazed at the number of messages that come in around texting.

Let me break this down.

You met this guy, he’s really sweet and you like him.  You believe there’s a future with him because he’s mentioned the idea of you doing things together in the future and he’s talked about you to his mom.

So you make those facts your focal point… and you’re curious as to why he might not text you back, when it seems “written in the stars” that you’re meant to be together.

As a guy, I read your story like this…

… guy works during the week and is unavailable on the weekends…

… guy lives an hour and a quarter away…

… guy goes days without texting you…

… and so far all you’ve really had is three dates, some text exchanges and a couple of verbal allusions to doing things together in the future.

This sounds to me like a case of “jumping the gun”.

I mean, this dude’s life is packed… from what you described, he has virtually no free time.

And maybe this is a guy thing, but we don’t put any value into words until they’ve been substantiated.  He says you’re going to do things in the future?  That’s nice.  He talks to his mom about you?  Great.

What has he DONE so far?

As far as I can tell, occasionally texted you and gone on three dates… not sure if they were officially dates or not, but you’ve seen each other 3 times.

Personally, I hate being disappointed in my life.  And I learned years ago that the way to avoid being disappointed is to not get excited about things until they’ve come to fruition.

So here you are, all excited about this guy and the possibilities of a relationship and frankly it’s way too soon to get excited about anything.  I’m not saying that there’s no chance for a relationship here, but your excitement is blinding you from the simple reality:

You don’t have anything yet.

It’s not that you did anything wrong.  It’s just that you don’t have anything yet…

To varying degrees, guys know that women get all wound up about this whole texting thing.  Did he text?  Does he text you back?  Does he text you regularly?

As a guy, we’re thinking, “What the hell is all this texting for?  What is the point of texting?  I don’t have anything to say, everything’s fine, I don’t need to be distracted, I’m busy, etc. etc.”

If whether you should text or not is your biggest concern right now, you’re missing the big picture.

You don’t make a big deal about whether or not you send a text to one of your friends.  Or your family.  Or even a co-worker.

Yet, because you’re so blindingly excited about the possibility of a relationship with this guy, you’re nervous about every little move you make.  Somewhere along the line, you became convinced that texting was an art form akin to disarming a time-bomb.

Relax.  You can text a guy if you want.

If he doesn’t respond once, he may have been busy when he checked it and then forgot to respond later.

But what about just simply sending one simple quick reply to let me know he received it,” you respond.

Guys don’t think like that… when I get a text from a girl, I’m not thinking about replying as sending just one message… I think about it as kicking an avalanche of messages into motion from the girl.

And when I’m busy, I don’t want that distraction… it’s annoying when I’m completely occupied and I send a message saying I’m busy, then in response I get a whole cascade of messages… or the girl just leaves some open-ended bombshell on the table like, “OK :(”

As a guy… when you cause the “unsmiley face” to happen, you know she’s going to make you pay one way or another.

Every guy has experienced that.  Maybe not with you, but with some other girl.  We don’t want to deal with it… we like to keep our consciousness stream-lined, not distracted by emotional / relationship issues.

So if you want to know why a guy doesn’t text you… it’s probably because men in general (myself included) don’t like texting.  Period.  It’s typically an annoying interruption.  When we text, we do it for you.

There’s no harm in sending him a text and just checking in if he left you hanging.  Don’t be accusatory, be pleasant… if he ignores a second text from you this early in the relationship, he’s just not feeling it.  Move on.

Hope it helps,

eric charles

 

{ 30 comments… add one }

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Bethany

It gets no better with age. I went on a date yesterday with someone I met online: we are BOTH 49!!!!! We has a great day, I thought: went to a gallery, for drinks, strolled around lots, had dinner… spent 7 hours together in total. He sent me a text saying “lovely meeting you”. I replied, “had a fun day. Would be great to do it again.”

Silence.

I’m guessing he has no interest in doing it again. If he did, he’d have replied something like “sure, let’s make plans in a few weeks” or something, anything…

When you get to be my age, you realise very quickly that if someone wants to hang out with you, they let you know it pretty clearly, and quickly. If you have to decode, decipher, try to ‘figure’ out anything, try to find the ‘meaning’ in things he does, then you should move on. If you don’t, it’ll wound your self-esteem. You’ll be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Reply July 27, 2014, 8:40 am

kristen

Hi,
This guy just started texting me a few days ago and told me he liked me then out of now where he just stopped and its been 2 days. Should i text him again or is he not intrested?
I’m Confused help!

Reply July 17, 2014, 10:52 pm

Samantha

I’m all for straightforward advice but the tone of this reply wasn’t necessarily warranted. I’m not into excusing this behavior as “just being a guy”… Have to ditch the silence games at some point in adulthood if there was a commitment or, sex, implied. Yet adults still do this; nice interview for the job, no call back. I’m sure anyone dislikes being led on to dead ends. Saying guys just don’t like to text is not always true. My new bf; I see him text all the time . It’s ok cause it’s his friends who are closer to him…But that’s the difference that I don’t like. I feel like we shouldn’t date unless we were that close first. Sounds pressuring but really, I’d rather be single than be in a fling. I’m 25 and I think I’m too old for that. Even texting seems questionable but well, it’s the new age. I want to find someone who becomes a best friend and then try to make it happen. Not try to make a best friend out of holding hands long enough. It’s been a couple days since we spoke and a week since we’ve seen each other. It’s fine if we’re trying it out but he already wants to be partners now, not just “potential” anymore.

My past relationships failed after giving them “space”…They even said “You never text me” …Did they want me to? They acted just like the guy in this question, not to mention cutting any conversations short. I’m not panicking, just would like it to be clear.

Reply March 5, 2014, 7:33 pm

krizia

how about me im in a ldr
and my guy job is dj so we know how hectic that is, usally we talk once or teice a week but not this week he said he loves me and i feel that and he told me thousand times as well as marrying me, the only time where he replied was when i accidentally woke him up but didnt get mad and said i lvoe you…so whats going on? is he aoviding me or im being paraniod? does he still want me tobe his wife and spend life time with me ? does he still lvoe me?

Reply March 1, 2014, 4:03 am

Jessie

I have read multiple articles about how girls are “needy” and how we have to “back off” when a guy starts to pull away. I have to call bullshit on some of this. If a man I’m seeing suddenly starts to pull away I’m supposed to back off and give him space?? Ok, how much space?? A day, a week, a month, a year??? From what I’m understanding is that I have to change myself from being the caring, communicative person I am because some man can’t seem to grow some balls????
I have to walk on eggshells and not disturb him until he realizes what he wants and that may NOT even be me! Not responding to a text is a choice. Not calling is a choice. Suddenly becoming MIA is a choice. He’s CHOOSING not to do these things so WHY in the world would you want to be with a man who obviously doesn’t care???? This JUST happened to me. I’ve been seeing a guy for 2 months. In the there were phone calls and texts and dates every week. He bought me flowers and cooked me dinner and immediately after that the calls, text and dates came to a halt. I did not text him, I stepped back and gave him space. It’s been two weeks. My birthday is tomorrow. I have not heard a word from him in 3 days. To me, it’s done. I’m moving on. I need a MAN, not a boy who can’t communicate his feelings appropriately. I think women need a wake up call. I realize now that I was a FWB and that’s both his wrong doing and my stupidity. The way I look at it is I’m a self sufficient, financially independent, intelligent, fun woman. I deserve a man who will respect me and not play head games. I think it’s unfair to tell woman if they just hang on or just give some space and not be “needy” he’ll love you. (cough, cough bullshit!) Guess what? I’m a woman. I’m not “needy” I’m more emotional and there is NOTHING wrong with that.

Reply July 22, 2013, 1:31 am

Jody

EXACTLY!!! “You’re too clingy” ummmm I wasn’t clingy, freaking out about what was wrong when we have regular communication going. ugh men who refer to women as clingy and needy are just so “slow” i dont understand how they dont notice anything wrong when you talk/text to a girl daily and the skip days out of nowhere! of course she’s going to wonder what she did to push him away! theyre the same way, they just don’t want to admit it or they stop caring/trying once they have the girl

Reply August 13, 2013, 11:02 pm

Lila

You say you’re not needy, but you kind of come off like it. Three days? Really? Perhaps he has things going on in his life. The world does not revolve around you. Try thinking outside yourself. There are plenty of reasons he may not have responded and most of them probably have nothing at all to do with you, so try not to infer based on absolutely nothing that it’s about you or how he feels about you, whether he cares or not. It’s three days. Chill. The worst thing you can do…what will push a man…ANYone away…is to make them the center of your universe. Maybe he’s a total pig, but maybe give him the benefit of the doubt until you find out otherwise. It’s human nature to back off some when the “thrill of the chase” seems to be waning. So, yes, backing off when that happens IS your best course of action. No point in getting all overwrought and bruised-ego’ed about it. It is what it is. It has nothing to do with you. Period. It’s the way people ARE and that does not make them bad people or mean they don’t have “balls”. Men were meant to pursue….they want that hunt…so let him hunt you. And again, chill.

Reply June 29, 2014, 2:03 pm

Monique

Hi there is this guy I like and we are just good friends, but we both have made it clear that we could see each other in each others future. He doesn’t like to text, obviously what guy does, so I guess I get the why he does not text back sometimes, cause I will try and keep a conversation going, but sometimes well most he just stops replying back. We are not together at the moment because I have not moved up there yet for school. He was excited at first when I told him I was moving, but unfortunately my moving date got pushed back a month so now he is just all calm and just like o ok thats whats up and everything. Before he was like I cant wait for you to move and I wish you was here, he feels a relationship is what he is missing and he hopes its me he can get in one with and feel that void, and stuff like that, but now i am not getting that. I get maybe now he is like I believe it when I see it type, I mean understand if that is the case, dont want to get any of his hopes up, and what not I def. understand that. Maybe I am reading to much into it. I really think we would make a great couple, when we are together just hanging it feels right…What do you think?

Reply July 18, 2013, 3:57 pm

THANKS

THANKS
Hi Eric,
I’m so glad I came across your article. For the past week I have had a struggle over whether or not I should end things and move on from the guy who I like whom I have been speaking too for a month and 3 weeks. This struggle came last week when I didn’t hear from him all week after he texted me that he will get back to me about hanging out again when his free. I was beginning to think he wasn’t interested in me anymore. So I sent him a text to see how his sisters and best friend’s birthday was and got a really positive reply that he can’t wait to catch up with me again which I told him to let me know when he does want to catch up again. My mind started to go back into negative mode when I heard nothing back and it’s been five days. I was really thinking of telling I was going to move on because he’s obviously not interested in me until I read your article and thought hey we have only hung out twice and that we don’t have anything yet. I usually end things when I don’t feel like this aren’t progressing but after reading this I realised I need to be patient for one and two we don’t have anything yet. You have saved me from making myself look like a fool for ending things before they began; overanalysing his texting habits and losing a really great guy ?. Now just have to keep remembering this and say positive until he asks to out again which I hope is soon.

Reply November 15, 2012, 9:49 pm

Kayla Tijerina

so my problem is about the same as (he hasnt text me in two days what do i do ) exactly he lives an hour away and is an accounting manager at a stripes, only i suspected that he was cheating so i did the un thinkable and cheated on him i had to tell him felt bad too hold it in ,he brokeup with me acted like he cared and 2 days later is with someone else , then like 3 weeks later he wants to be friends with benefits what is his game what is this can itrust him if i get back with him or is it just a game , i ws a virgin before and just thought if i did what i did he wouldnt have an excuse to hold on to me , soo was he cheating ??????????????

Reply November 3, 2012, 1:24 am

Lila

He’s not the only one playing games. Why would you cheat on someone b/c you “suspect” he was cheating on you? I don’t understand your logic. And you’re trying to make it sound like it’s all him! I think you need to take a break from all relationships from this point forward until you get it together. Relationships do not work when the people in them are insecure and jealous. It’s always going to be a hot mess.

Reply June 29, 2014, 2:07 pm

Krista

Hi,

I met this guy at a club. We danced, had fun, we kissed and I left. He texts next day to see if I wanted to get together soon, to which I said yes. A couple more texts back and forth ( the day after clubbing) and we stop with his text. The following day I send a text saying, I thought about him due to something. He hasn’t texted yet and it’s been 3.5 days already he hasn’t replied.

I fail to understand why he hasn’t replied if he seemed so interested in me. I want to know because he seemed like a nice person and it was kind of elusive (or the alcohol). Don’t feel these things often. Please reply :-).

Reply November 2, 2012, 3:59 am

AK

Actually I get upset when family or friends don’t respond. And to be honest my guy friends text the shit out of their friends. And the difference is my family and friends respond. I think this is all guy illusion of “omg a girl did it so this must be her being a problem” bull. Boys get excited over texting it’s just this society causing this negative view on women. I listen to men complain all the time. I’m in a working field with mostly men. The attitude against women is bull. They get just as excited.

Reply October 9, 2012, 7:05 pm

Hanine

What is meant to happen will happen. Don’t get excited until he asks you out. Until he wants to be exclusive. Trust me. I learned that the hard way. I personally don’t believe in women chasing men or even perusing them. It’s their job.

Reply September 17, 2012, 5:41 pm

Thankful.

That does help and I agree after 3 ‘dates’ you don’t really have anything. But what in my case we lived over an hour away and across 3 months had had 8 dates. I’ve just moved to the same city (not for him so don’t panic! :)) But he can still take a couple of days to reply. I understand that if a guy is busy he may take two days, but isn’t that just plain rude if you’ve asked a specific question or are arranging to meet up??

Reply August 20, 2012, 6:26 pm

A.

So my boyfriend, we are enganged to be married in june 2013, we have been dating for a 2 years now and all of a sudden in the last two weeks hes been lying to me about where hes been going when he leaves for hours at a time. I cant get ahold of him at all anymore. Hes been distant not wating anything to do with m. I’m not allowed to go anywhere with him. Is he just sick of the relationship, or is he cheating??

Reply August 14, 2012, 6:09 pm

Lila

Ask him straight up. That’s the only way you’re going to know. We can’t answer that for you without inferring things about a situation and person we’ve never even met. If he lies about it, you’ll know.

Reply June 29, 2014, 2:09 pm

Alex

You know, now that I have read your site, i have more confident, but I cant help but doubt about everything I now do, like for example texting or emailing. Every time I want to say something to my partner, I now doubt if its going to be an annoyance to him, and I prefered to wait till i see him again. The messeges that I sent to him are the ones that I dont finish with a ”see u tomorrow” but I cut them out, bcos is what u have said that its stick to my mind, everytime. I really thought that, if someone really likes u or loves, it will be exciting to hear from them, if u havent see them in a week or so, but now I know that its not. I mean that is what technology is for, so we can use it in our convenience. But thnk u for all the advice u have gaven, not only to me, but for every women out there, I dont have much experience in love, so this has help me with things that I totally ignored.

Reply August 7, 2012, 3:40 pm

Sapphyreopal5

I agree with a lot of what Eric says, yet I think that it really depends on the person. If someone wants you, they will keep in contact with you. If they get annoyed or irritated about you messaging them, then they just don’t like messaging YOU (and is time to move on in my opinion). It’s not necessarily about all guys not liking to text in my opinion. I agree, if someone loves or really likes you they will love hearing from you whether it’s a phone call, text message, email, or social media message (ex. Facebook).

Reply August 17, 2013, 5:22 pm

shauna

Need serious help!! I already know the answer however i feel as though i need someone to back me up here. Been with the same guy for almost 3 years, we’ve never had a great sex life from the beginning and now it’s dwindled down to a quarterly commitment. He always rejects me when i try to initiate, when we do have sex (once every 3 months) it’s all about him. He never tries to please me at all. Foreplay is not a word in his vocabulary. I have discussed this with him on numerous occasions, even asked him if he was gay. All i ever get in response is “all you ever want is sex”. He claims to be in love with me and doesn’t want to break up. I am at the end of my rope, feeling like a foolish idiot. I really want him to desire me, I love him very much…. My self esteem has taken a nose dive as a result. Any suggestions, comments? Pretty sure i should just boot him out! We are both 35 if that makes a difference.

Reply July 29, 2012, 10:36 am

RoseW

Girlie,you need to leave. Love must be intertwined with lust. You deserve someone who worships all of you, including your body! :)

Reply June 17, 2013, 8:58 pm

Janey

How do I post on here?>

Reply July 28, 2012, 7:22 pm

Lona

I think he’s cheatin on me !!! But I’m not sure weird calls but he Dnt answer the samenum every time Nd txts how I will know if that’s agirl he told me he’s is his friend oh god Wt to do I asked him he gt angry Nd he told me u Dnt trust me Dnt b wiz me Nd u pushed me away that Wt he said help plZ ! Tnx

Reply July 23, 2012, 8:18 pm

jane

your comment is super hard to read because you are missing a ton of vowels, but i would say that yes, something is shady. when a guilty person gets called out, they often get angry that they got caught and in this case it worked because his anger made you insecure and afraid AND it made you stop questioning him. instead of HIM feeling nervous, which he should because he is up to something shady, now YOU are nervous and feeling like it’s your fault. i wouldn’t put up with any of that at all. i would say “yeah i don’t trust you because you are not being honest or trustworthy” and i would dump his ass.

Reply July 24, 2012, 10:52 am

Lona

I think he cheating on me but I’m not sure there’s always a number in his phon he don’t answer infront of me Nd when the same number and him a msg he hide the phone Nd when I ask him who he tell my friend I don’t want to answer Nd become angry ” u Dnt Dnt trust me stop doin this leave me alone if u Dnt trust me” I Dnt know Wt to doo how to know if he’s cheating on me or Nott :((( plZ reply tnx

Reply July 23, 2012, 5:47 pm

cassie

I have been dating this guy for about 4 months. He would ALWAYS send me good morning texts and we would talk all day. Now he says hes busy and he cant handle talking to me right now . He would hangout with other girls and go to parties. He always says he loves me, but now I don’t really believe it. He confuses me and sometimes would go a week without talking to me, until I would finally text him. I don’t know if I should just give up on him. It seems like I don’t really matter to him anymore.

Reply July 22, 2012, 8:31 pm

jane

the problem is that you are still thinking of how he acted four months ago instead of how he is acting now. there is a saying: “Men vote with their feet.” it means that his actions will show how he feels. look at the hard facts of how he is acting NOW:

-he doesn’t text you
-he doesn’t want to talk to you (saying “i can’t handle this” is BS for “i don’t want to”)
-he hangs out with other girls
-he only replies never initiates

i would stop talking to him. don’t get wrapped up in memories – people change and situations change. don’t sit around blaming yourself, you probably didn’t even do anything “wrong.” just move on to a man who chooses you.

Reply July 24, 2012, 10:57 am

Lara

Important subject. Addressed well ! Thank you for the insight Eric.

Reply July 20, 2012, 1:08 am

Janet Adeline

Hi Eric:

I couldn’t agree with you moe about guys opinion about text. Women seem like to text men and enjoy the time of sending and reading replies. My male freind said the same thing about texting, they don’t like to send text. Especially when they are working on something, men like to work on their own and don’t like to get disturbed.

I have learned this through the previous breakup. Now I don’t get frustrated when my partner doesn’t reply my text message.

Janet

Reply July 19, 2012, 9:14 am

Annie

Hi Eric,

First off thanks for writing this Ask a Guy post! I’ve missed reading them and I was excited to see this new post when I checked anewmode.com today.

I have question– Should I be worried if my boyfriend doesnt text me for days at time and we’ve been in a relationship for half a year? We’re both busy people and we meet up only once a week; he stopped planning dates now and I dont know what to do about the lack of frequent contact.

I’ve given him space and haven’t texted him during times where he’d stop texting me for 3-5 days every week, but this has been going on for a month or so and I don’t know what to do.

How do I initiate more frequent contact with him without acting needy?

I miss how often he used to text me when we first started dating; he used to ask how I was doing every day if not every other day.

Does he just not care about my day anymore? Or do guys just not like sharing day-to-day details through text like girls do?

And is no contact whatsoever (no texts/calls from him) monday through friday until we see each other later in the week normal?

Thanks for reading this,

Annie

Reply July 18, 2012, 11:42 pm

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