I’ve been seeing this guy for the past month. He’s been very sweet and I really like him. He lives over an hour away, works during the week and hunts on the weekends, so seeing him regularly has been difficult.
At times he would text me in the mornings, but then he gets busy. Eventually, he started going days without texting unless I send him a text first.
He’s talked about us doing things together in the future. He’s even said nice things about me to his mom. But now it’s been two days without a response to my last text – did I do something wrong? Should I send him another text?
I am always amazed at the number of messages that come in around texting.
Let me break this down.
You met this guy, he’s really sweet and you like him. You believe there’s a future with him because he’s mentioned the idea of you doing things together in the future and he’s talked about you to his mom.
So you make those facts your focal point… and you’re curious as to why he might not text you back, when it seems “written in the stars” that you’re meant to be together.
As a guy, I read your story like this…
… guy works during the week and is unavailable on the weekends…
… guy lives an hour and a quarter away…
… guy goes days without texting you…
… and so far all you’ve really had is three dates, some text exchanges and a couple of verbal allusions to doing things together in the future.
This sounds to me like a case of “jumping the gun”.
I mean, this dude’s life is packed… from what you described, he has virtually no free time.
And maybe this is a guy thing, but we don’t put any value into words until they’ve been substantiated. He says you’re going to do things in the future? That’s nice. He talks to his mom about you? Great.
What has he DONE so far?
As far as I can tell, occasionally texted you and gone on three dates… not sure if they were officially dates or not, but you’ve seen each other 3 times.
Personally, I hate being disappointed in my life. And I learned years ago that the way to avoid being disappointed is to not get excited about things until they’ve come to fruition.
So here you are, all excited about this guy and the possibilities of a relationship and frankly it’s way too soon to get excited about anything. I’m not saying that there’s no chance for a relationship here, but your excitement is blinding you from the simple reality:
You don’t have anything yet.
It’s not that you did anything wrong. It’s just that you don’t have anything yet…
To varying degrees, guys know that women get all wound up about this whole texting thing. Did he text? Does he text you back? Does he text you regularly?
As a guy, we’re thinking, “What the hell is all this texting for? What is the point of texting? I don’t have anything to say, everything’s fine, I don’t need to be distracted, I’m busy, etc. etc.”
If whether you should text or not is your biggest concern right now, you’re missing the big picture.
You don’t make a big deal about whether or not you send a text to one of your friends. Or your family. Or even a co-worker.
Yet, because you’re so blindingly excited about the possibility of a relationship with this guy, you’re nervous about every little move you make. Somewhere along the line, you became convinced that texting was an art form akin to disarming a time-bomb.
Relax. You can text a guy if you want.
If he doesn’t respond once, he may have been busy when he checked it and then forgot to respond later.
“But what about just simply sending one simple quick reply to let me know he received it,” you respond.
Guys don’t think like that… when I get a text from a girl, I’m not thinking about replying as sending just one message… I think about it as kicking an avalanche of messages into motion from the girl.
And when I’m busy, I don’t want that distraction… it’s annoying when I’m completely occupied and I send a message saying I’m busy, then in response I get a whole cascade of messages… or the girl just leaves some open-ended bombshell on the table like, “OK :(”
As a guy… when you cause the “unsmiley face” to happen, you know she’s going to make you pay one way or another.
Every guy has experienced that. Maybe not with you, but with some other girl. We don’t want to deal with it… we like to keep our consciousness stream-lined, not distracted by emotional / relationship issues.
So if you want to know why a guy doesn’t text you… it’s probably because men in general (myself included) don’t like texting. Period. It’s typically an annoying interruption. When we text, we do it for you.
There’s no harm in sending him a text and just checking in if he left you hanging. Don’t be accusatory, be pleasant… if he ignores a second text from you this early in the relationship, he’s just not feeling it. Move on.
Hope it helps,