I’ve been talking to a guy for a little over a month but we have not officially met up (I actually met him about 5 years ago through a friend but we were seeing other people at the time). We have talked about getting together, but have yet to actually set a date.
Our main form of communication is via text message, and we’re skirting on the border of friends and more than friends. About 2 weeks ago, I straight up asked the guy I’ve been talking to/flirting with if he just wanted to sleep with me. I’ve noticed that any time I’m very direct, his answers are kind of vague.
I’m guessing he is unsure of what he wants but I’m just wondering if being direct is a bad thing? Don’t men usually think women are overly complicated?
I don’t really look at that question as being direct.
The way that your question communicates to guys is: “I’m afraid that you’ll hurt me and use me.”
I mean, think about it… of course he wants to sleep with you. He’s a guy.
So the only really meaningful part of that question is the word “just”…
When you’re asking a guy if he “just” wants sex, you’re implying that he has intentions to take advantage of you and is some kind of scumbag. It can put a guy’s guard up.
Plus, in order for a guy to even answer the question of what he wants with you, he needs to spend time with you. Interact with you. And see what your chemistry is like: emotionally, physically, personality-wise, etc.
You can’t expect a guy is going to know any of these answers of how things will play out until you spend time together and see how you are together.
You’re right when you say that he seems unsure of what he wants, but there’s no way he could be sure of what he wants with you yet.
The only honest answer any guy could give is that he wants to spend time with you and see what happens.
Now in the broader sense, I don’t think that being direct is a bad thing. For example, when a girl is texting me dirty things about what she’d like to do that evening, I am very pleased with her directness.
But when a woman has some kind of fear or hang-up in her own mind and she interrogates me about my intentions, then I want no part of it.
It looks like a direct question, but it is actually neediness being projected onto me when really it’s something the woman should be addressing within herself.
For where you’re at right now, I would just say if you and him are interested in each other, you should go out and see what the chemistry is like.
I’ve always been able to tell the type of guy who really truly just wants to sleep with a girl, so if I can tell, I’m sure you’ll be able to tell.
To put it in different words… if you take personal responsibility for all your actions in your relationships, you’ll never have to worry about a man “just” wanting you for sex.
Give it a shot and worst case scenario you kick him to the curb and move on. But spend some in-person time together first and see what the chemistry is.
Hope that helps,