I recently started dating a guy who sometimes works night shifts and sometimes day shifts. When he works the day shifts I see him every day, but when working night shifts, we only have time on weekends which means I don’t see him at all during the week. Anyway, when Friday comes along he chooses to go out with his friends rather than being with me and I’m really confused because he always tells me that he loves me.
He also suggested that we buy each other rings as a symbol of commitment to one another. I told him I will think about it since we have only been dating for two months but I now I’m don’t think it’s a good idea to buy the rings, especially if he can choose to go out drinking with his friends over spending time with me.
I just don’t know how to tell him that I think it’s a bad idea since he hasn’t shown he’s really committed to me. What should I do?
See our guy’s response after the jump!
The fact that his work schedule interferes with you seeing him is a logistic problem. It happens, but I never underestimate the power of logistics to have an effect on the quality of a relationship.
I can tell you that the whole friends and relationship balance is a big trap. I would say be really careful about what you say about this… because usually when a guy a feels he’s in a position where he has to choose between his relationship and his friends, the situation gets ugly.
I mean, here’s a guy who’s got limited time, he’s probably stressed and the people who care about him most want to see him. And if the people who care about him most start to fight for his time instead of cherish the time they do have with him, his relationships start to become a source of stress, not relief. I would say the best thing is to let him choose freely and enjoy the time you do spend together. Enough said.
As for that whole ring thing… that just sounds ridiculous. It wouldn’t be a symbol of commitment… it would just be you buying a ring because you feel you have to and him buying a ring because he feels it would appease you. And with that kind of arrangement, I couldn’t imagine either of you looking at this ring as a symbol of something good.
But I think you know all this… I think you mainly just wanted to hear whether or not if I agree with your feelings/thoughts on the situation. I do – I think that buying a ring won’t do anything good other than maybe help the economy. 
I think a better thing to do would be to give him some space to come to you versus trying to find proof for how much he cares for you.
- eric charles
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If he is off the whole weekend, then he has plenty of time to see his pals Friday night and you on Saturday and Sunday. You are going to want a guy who has interests and friends. If he didn’t, and he was with you 24/7, at this point in the relationship, I would worry.
I am in a similar situation where my boyfriend works second shift. I work for myself. It was tough at first, but we make it a point to talk at a certain time during the day. And we spend the whole weekend together. However, if he gets off early when I was at an early point in the relationship and he didn’t express wanted to immediately be with me, I would feel rejected. But then started to realize, he has plans that he set months ago, or sometimes is just tired after work.
At a certain point, he started invited me or bringing me along when he saw family or went out with friends. I would say at 2 months, he came to see me after family gatherings, but at 4 months, I was included. It gave us a chance to really get to know eachother first.
As far as the ring, I think he is wrapped up in the initial emotional rush of the relationship. He might be starry eyed over you, but I agree, the rings would not mean anything let.