Ask A Guy: Is He Committed To Me? post image

Ask A Guy: Is He Committed To Me?


I recently started dating a guy who sometimes works night shifts and sometimes day shifts. When he works the day shifts I see him every day, but when working night shifts, we only have time on weekends which means I don’t see him at all during the week. Anyway, when Friday comes along he chooses to go out with his friends rather than being with me and I’m really confused because he always tells me that he loves me.

He also suggested that we buy each other rings as a symbol of commitment to one another. I told him I will think about it since we have only been dating for two months but I now I’m don’t think it’s a good idea to buy the rings, especially if he can choose to go out drinking with his friends over spending time with me.

I just don’t know how to tell him that I think it’s a bad idea since he hasn’t shown he’s really committed to me. What should I do?

See our guy’s response after the jump!

The fact that his work schedule interferes with you seeing him is a logistic problem. It happens, but I never underestimate the power of logistics to have an effect on the quality of a relationship.

I can tell you that the whole friends and relationship balance is a big trap. I would say be really careful about what you say about this… because usually when a guy a feels he’s in a position where he has to choose between his relationship and his friends, the situation gets ugly.

I mean, here’s a guy who’s got limited time, he’s probably stressed and the people who care about him most want to see him. And if the people who care about him most start to fight for his time instead of cherish the time they do have with him, his relationships start to become a source of stress, not relief. I would say the best thing is to let him choose freely and enjoy the time you do spend together. Enough said.

As for that whole ring thing… that just sounds ridiculous. It wouldn’t be a symbol of commitment… it would just be you buying a ring because you feel you have to and him buying a ring because he feels it would appease you. And with that kind of arrangement, I couldn’t imagine either of you looking at this ring as a symbol of something good.

But I think you know all this… I think you mainly just wanted to hear whether or not if I agree with your feelings/thoughts on the situation. I do – I think that buying a ring won’t do anything good other than maybe help the economy. :)

I think a better thing to do would be to give him some space to come to you versus trying to find proof for how much he cares for you.

– eric charles

{ 14 comments… add one }

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pappu

i have a boy friend from 2 years we have child in relation but we miss to marry but my parents pressured me to marry other guy when I pregnant in 3 months with my boy friend but now I separated from my husband I don’t want to cheat him I told him to Mary another girl my lover accepted my chilled he purchase dress for him giving money also for his birth day also but unfortunately for him marriage fixed he need to go with decision because of his mother but he promised me he will be with me I can believe him or not? he can stay for me life long?or he will go with his wife?

Reply November 26, 2014, 7:10 am

cayteerose

I have a bf I been with off and on for a long while. He spends more days out of the week with his friends. Playing videogames. Just now he has been playing vgames for 6 hours with a friend that was just here the past four days playing the same game. I have told him how I felt,I did not yell or nag, it was a convo. He said I just have to deal with it. He thinks sleeping in the same bed is spending time together. I tried playing his vgames with him and he just gets mad cause I’m messing up his score. Idk what to do

Reply June 21, 2012, 1:23 am

Guest

I have a bf when we first started everything was great we spend a lot of time text and call everyday and he would go everywhere we are dating 4 like 10 months about 4 months ago he started to change I see him once every two weeks we hardly spend time he text me during the week only when he is at work he does not work during the weekend but he does not even call or text I feel like he is treating me as part of his job just go out during the week and take the weekend off at this point I feel like the only thing left to do is break up with him..But not sure if is the right thing to do please help..

Reply February 12, 2012, 9:22 am

emme

ok so no one is helping me, and we had a fight, and it all most got reallly bad, till i stoped it, and you know how we act like we are ok but we are not,ya…….. so what do i do about this wedding thing?

Reply December 12, 2011, 8:21 am

emme

ok so i met this guy online and he is great but he keeps saying he loves me and that he will never hurt me, but the thing is he does hurt me and im shocked he doesnt know, and we had a right to day about us both lieing and stuff, and out of the blue he says i love, i want to believe you and i say what huh, something is wrong, he wont tell me so i have to dragg it outa him and i lied about my age im 2 years younger than i said i was, so he said some stuff that hurt me alot, and so i said save it, i know where this is going lets just end it now, and he tells me he will never end it and stuff and he seemed really nice, so you know im just crying cuz i was thinking i was gonna lose him, and then he said give us a chance and i said ok, , btw im 15, and he is 19, 20 soon, idk bad age and stuff, but after we make up, he asks me to marrie him, what do i do!!!!!1 help me plzz

Reply December 9, 2011, 10:25 pm

emme

fight*

Reply December 9, 2011, 10:26 pm

emme

hm

Reply December 9, 2011, 10:18 pm

meg

my bf makes be feel dump , mad , annoying and like i cant achive things that i want to do but yet on the other hand he says he loves me he harrases me for a child but then when i say i might get the implant renued he says okay i dont understand him . we see each other everyday and we have been together for a year

Reply October 4, 2011, 9:42 am

emme

well i think if he makes you feel like you cant achive things then, when ur wiht him u will always feel that way, my guy says: i will never hurt you, tho alot of the time he is hurting me, and you have had a year to be wiht him, does he make u feel good about ur self? cuz if he doesnt he is nto the “one”

Reply December 9, 2011, 10:11 pm

Lovy

Hi, I have a bf whom i really love alot and he too says he does.but he dnt give me much time i like to talk to him before we sleep but he always keeps me waiting.. we meet up on weekends only because of our work. i m really confused now because everything was fine when we started 1 year ago but now i dnt knw wats wrong.. he always say that i have to grow up. he is not ready to listen anything to me if i try to explain him wat i want he says u only knw to blame and fight.. he sometimes bring him mom also in between out fights i dnt like it.he did not talk to me for two weeks because he said he was trying to punish me.. i stopped talking to him a week ago so that he realizes my value.. kindly tell me what should i do so that we are happy as before?

Reply August 23, 2011, 2:53 pm

emme

idk if u can be happy as before, it kinda looks like he has given up, and if he is tellling you to grow up ect, thats not nice i would just give up on him, but if u wanted to try to back it better, i would talk to him and say smething like : ok you keep hurting my feelings and u bring up my mom, if you are commited to me show it cuz it doesnt look like it, and i dont want to get hurt anymore or wast my time ect.. so try that

love emme :) hope wiht helps somewhat

Reply December 9, 2011, 10:17 pm

confused

hi,
me and my bf met on this online dating site, we started talking and pretty much it picked up from there. after 2 months we decided to meet up (btw he lives 2 hours from where i live and he is 6 yrs older than me and he has a kid) we went on a date, and it ended up great we had fun. and again we went on our 2nd date… which also ended up great and so on. so after like talking for 7 months we finally made it official ( it took that long ) we’re an item already. so here’s the prob. since we come from different culture idk how it works around here. he has a crazy sched. sometimes he works at day time or sometimes he takes night shifts and we dont have the same day off. we hardly talk and exchange msgs. he hardly replies. i dont text him that much coz i dont wanna make him feel that im too clingy. he would call me on his way to work or on his way home. but whenever its his day off he never hit me up. im just confuse bout how i should feel about this,we like see each other once a month, and theres really no agreement on whens the next time we’ll see each other.. im not sure if he still is interested but then again he would call me and say he misses me and wants to see me. can you pls help me on how i can confront him about this? i really like him but i feel like im the only one making the effort, i feel like im a doormat already…

Reply June 25, 2011, 3:07 am

Smart Payment Plan

Christy above posted a really great response. When I started dating my bf, We were together 24/7 for a few weeks. slowly he wanted to turn some attention to his family and friends and I initially felt rejected, but later realized it was important. Thankfully, he was patient as I worked through the separation anxiety. But the only way to keep a man is to let him go, I have found.

Reply October 20, 2010, 9:14 pm

Christy

If he is off the whole weekend, then he has plenty of time to see his pals Friday night and you on Saturday and Sunday. You are going to want a guy who has interests and friends. If he didn’t, and he was with you 24/7, at this point in the relationship, I would worry.

I am in a similar situation where my boyfriend works second shift. I work for myself. It was tough at first, but we make it a point to talk at a certain time during the day. And we spend the whole weekend together. However, if he gets off early when I was at an early point in the relationship and he didn’t express wanted to immediately be with me, I would feel rejected. But then started to realize, he has plans that he set months ago, or sometimes is just tired after work.

At a certain point, he started invited me or bringing me along when he saw family or went out with friends. I would say at 2 months, he came to see me after family gatherings, but at 4 months, I was included. It gave us a chance to really get to know eachother first.

As far as the ring, I think he is wrapped up in the initial emotional rush of the relationship. He might be starry eyed over you, but I agree, the rings would not mean anything let.

Reply August 14, 2009, 10:25 am

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