Ask A Guy: My Boyfriend Watches Porn post image

Ask A Guy: My Boyfriend Watches Porn


What’s the deal with guys and porn?  My boyfriend and I have been together for a year.

I get that guys watch porn I guess, I will never understand it, but I’ve grown to accept it.

But how much is too much? Is there such a thing? I’m not going to lie, it does make me uncomfortable.

I did something and I admit I was wrong for doing it, but I went through my boyfriends e-mails and found a video that he had made and an e-mail that he sent to another girl saying sexual things. Would this be considered cheating?

OK, you’ve got two separate questions going on up there, so let me address each thing individually.

First, the porn… When you get down to it, you have to realize that men are biologically different than women, as is what they respond to sexually.  What men respond to and what women respond to is massively different.  I’m not saying there’s no overlap, but it’s more different than it is similar.

There’s all sorts of evidence for this – I mean, for one, look at porn consumption.  Men watch porn, women just read it (I mean if you think Fifty Shades of Grey isn’t “girl porn”, I don’t know what to tell you.)

Men and women are turned on by different things because of how we’re wired by nature.  We never chose it and neither did women.

So when you say that you don’t understand why guys watch porn, well, that makes sense.  Clearly men and women have different internal responses in the realm of sexuality.

When women ask me questions about men and porn, what they’re really asking is, “Is he looking at porn because I’m not enough?” or “Does his porn habit mean that I don’t turn him on anymore?” or “Is his interest in porn a sign that he isn’t satisfied in the relationship?”

At the core, the reason women ask me about men and porn is because they want to know if it’s a red flag about his feelings for her.

So here’s a few things to consider…

First off (this might sound a bit crude), men have to get the poison out.  I’m not saying a guy has to have sex, but if he doesn’t ejaculate after a certain amount of time, his body will do it for him.  That’s what a wet dream is – you’ve got so much man-batter in you that you ejaculate in your sleep.

I can’t speak for a woman’s experience, but nature has instilled men with an insatiable urge for sexual release.  One “load” from a guy has enough sperm to impregnate a country’s worth of women and men are “ready to fire” at least once a day… and that’s a very conservative statement.

If he’s got a good amount of testosterone going through his system, his level of sexual desire is much higher than the average guy.  Diet, muscle mass, heavy weightlifting, etc. are all factors that contribute to higher testosterone and, simply, the higher the testosterone levels, the higher the sex drive and need to “release”.

On one hand it’s fun, but on another hand it’s inconvenient and uncomfortable.  Then add a layer of the shaming our society likes to put around sexuality and you can understand why men run to their private porn retreat… they want relief from the throbbing, relentless biological cravings.

When a woman really realizes the biological burden (and secondary social-shame burden) men walk around with, you can understand that a man’s sexuality is something he has to deal with and take care of frequently.  It has nothing to do with love… or his feelings for you… or the quality of your relationship…

… and it has everything to do with his own personal biology.

If you’ve read other things I’ve written, you’ve seen me say that for a man, love and sex are two totally separate worlds in a man’s mind.  If you are concerned about the state of your relationship, then look at how he’s relating to you, not his porn consumption.

Granted, I do highly encourage everyone to aspire towards living a healthy lifestyle with exercise and fitness.  Not just for the aesthetic elements like looking more attractive and “hotter” to him sexually, but also because it will make you feel more confident, happier and more radiant.

Most men find the typical “porn stars” to be kind of over-the-top and artificial… it is far more sexy to by with a real woman who is genuinely turned on and into sex.  So if the thought of him watching porn intimidates you on some level, then finding ways to genuinely enjoy sex with him more might be helpful.

Let’s switch gears now to the other part of your question…

You said you went through his email and found videos and evidence that he’s communicating sexually with some other woman.

I mean, that’s a tricky thing… I can tell you that I’ve had a girl or two invade my privacy and I dumped them immediately.  For most guy’s, it’s an absolute deal-breaker so be careful.

I’m not hear to moralize or lecture you – that’s not what I’m about.  I will say that the reason that you went through his private correspondence is because, in your gut, you don’t trust him.  You don’t feel that he’s totally into you or totally committed.

Now, that may or may not be the reality – I’m just saying that’s how imagine you feel.  At this point, though, you’ve already started down the path of snooping and you saw more than you were supposed to see.

Maybe it’s nothing… maybe he’s not satisfied in his relationship with you.  The only thing you can do is continue to invade his privacy further, all the meanwhile drowning in your own fears and paranoia… or…

You could start paying attention to a much better indicator on your relationship – how much effort does he put in to keep you around.  Look at the situation objectively – how much effort does he put into keeping you happy?  How much effort does he put into connecting with you, talking with you and being there for you?  How much attention does he give to you specifically?  How often does he make you a priority in his life?

Ask yourself those questions and really look at your relationship objectively – that’s where you’ll find the answer.  I’d even go so far as to say you already know the answer in your heart, you just wanted help moving through your thoughts about the situation.

Good luck and hope it helps,

eric charles

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BAM

I wish I had gotten here sooner. So, heres my theoretical counter. I’m not saying women want to do this, but I have noticed double standards when it comes to men and porn and women and porn. Here goes.

So, men can look at other woman on the internet to jack off yes? It is a release thing. It is necessary. It is needed because it is a ‘safe way’ to get sex and not be cheating.
Ok. Fine.

Then when us women NEED attention, and need to know that we are still sexy, and need are still worthy of attention (because our boyfriends are off faping to fake bimbos on whatever device screen)… we should be able to post a naked pictures/videos of ourselves online, for all other men to see and think: “Damn yeah! You are hot enough that I would have sex with you in real life” and fap away to us. And it shouldn’t be cheating, your boyfriend should not be bothered, because it was filling one of our needs, our need for attention.

Even further. If a girlfriend wanted to become a porn star or one of those people online who talks to guys and gives them a private shows on the internet for money… It ALSO shouldn’t be an issue. I mean, I’d be getting paid. It would be an economic need. I need a good paying job. And of course we can separate our work life from our home life right? It’s just a job. As porn for men is just filling a need.

I’m just saying, if a guy is going to say they need porn for their needs, and that they can separate it from their relationship.. well us women can do all that too. !
But the point is, WE have more self control and respect for our partners than that.

But you know, if worse comes to worse, try that and turn porn around on your boyfriend. The idea of other guys faping to his girlfriend will probably bother him and then you will see just how ‘separate’ porn and their relationships really are.

BAM.

Reply November 18, 2014, 10:20 am

sallie

A few months ago, my boyfriends brothers girlfriend had found porn on the computer ib their living room. His girlfriend and his brother had a massive argument about it however his brother was in complete denial. Then only yesterday i found porn on the computer this time. I spoke to my boyfriend asking if it was him he said no it was his brother, he then was joking around saying how looks at a hamsters porn website. I felt relived but i was edgy because he was too and i knew he was telling a lie. Then 10 mins later i went on his phone, i saw the exactly same thing. ‘busty’ ‘hot teenagers’ with a load of other things. I felt so hurt that he lied to me and i still do now. The fact that he obviously looked at them and felt it wasn’t good enough so he went in the computer to get a closer look. I feel so ugly, now he looked up hot teenagers and other things like hard blowjobs. I know there is nothing i can do now because he will carry on i wont be able to for fill him, he will be thinking of them or suggesting other ways to do it like those other girls. He said his cousin looked at them however his cousin didn’t have his phone and he wasn’t there at that time. He then said it was an advert but since its been googled searched i know hes lying. He always says why are you looking at them for? When in honestly not. He gets paranoid whenever we go outside. Just knowing hes done this seeing girls naked, when he would have a go at me for looking at boys with clothes on however i don’t. I feel like the relationship was based on lies and he was looking at other girls along because he knows he can get some one more attractive and would be prepared to do anything for him. I feel a massive part of trust has been lost and he is willing to trust. However afterwards he was really upset and said he didn’t want to lose me. But now i will never know if he does it again because he will be more careful looking it up. What shall i do?

Reply October 30, 2014, 4:06 am

Jennifer

So, if a guy has all the opportunity in the world to have sex with his wife after she gets off work, but Would rather watch porn and jack off all day is okay? Because his body ‘needs’ ro ejaculate…

Reply December 17, 2013, 5:33 pm

Eric Charles

Lol… Do you honestly think that’s what I’m saying here?

Reply December 17, 2013, 10:18 pm

Sapphyreopal5

Am I the only woman who can relate to men in this fashion (or at least understand)? If you ask me, porn isn’t a problem unless:
– it’s interfering with your sexual life (or even replacing it almost if not all the way) or other aspects of your relationship (and no personal insecurities don’t count here as they are YOUR insecurities afterall)
– he expects you to look and act like the porn stars he sees in the videos. Chances are, he knows porn is more fantasy and nothing more or less
– he is sexting other women and/or is getting pornography from women via email, text messaging, etc.
– he actually has pornographic images, videos, etc. stored on his computer of women he actually knows (yes I’ve had this happen to me in the past)
– he is watching it in front of you or when you are in another room and is aware of how uncomfortable it makes you feel (now that is just being disrespectful)

If you ask me, it’s not just about sexual biology but just how the human biology works generally speaking. Humans naturally want to get the most out of their efforts. People want to make as little effort as possible and get the maximum amount of pleasure they can from this (goes for food, sex, exercise, etc.). This applies to pornography and masturbating to it. Sometimes masturbating to pornography means that: you are making the effort to please just yourself, touching yourself the way you like it, and then orgasming all for a lot less effort.

Do you really expect you and your significant other or whatever you want to call your business with someone else to be on the same page sexually forever and on a regular basis? It’s literally almost impossible to have sex with someone each and every single time they are horny. If you are at work, if you are on a business trip or some other personal trip elsewhere, or are otherwise busy doing something else and your lover isn’t closeby and you happen to be horny, do you REALLY expect them to come to you (or you go to them) for a booty call? Come on now. Pornography is sometimes just that: a temporary substitute.

Let him enjoy his pornography or heck, why not JOIN in while he’s watching and tell him you’d like him to do some of those things to you should you like what you see? Come on, don’t let a woman who is clearly inaccessible intimidate you; show him what he is missing out on should you catch him in the act. Or if you want to be daring, make some porn just for him; I mean, what man wouldn’t LOVE watching his woman masturbate while shouting his name in pleasure or seeing sexy pictures of his lover (should be done with discretion of course if you go this route)?

All should of course be done within REASON:)

Reply July 30, 2013, 10:27 pm

CK

I do agree with you as well so no you are not the only one feeling this!!! I once was that girl…. the one who complained until I’ve learned better porn is no problem in most cases some women are offended because some feel I already know and cant be taught what I already know, listen everybody learn something new daily, rather then complained then learned to roll play just like they do in the porn video, it can be fun try it and don’t knock it until you have tried it, just do your own style I didn’t like porn at first but thanks to a lot of them saved me from looking like an a**, watching with him gave me enough to learned him I did what I’ve seen and he laugh at me and said I see someone being paying some attention and afterwards gave it to me good, we been having fun every since, then one day I ask him if he loved me then all hell broke lose ( on my beliefs ) because I was the one who was upset because he wouldn’t answer the ? now he never he did or he didn’t I got upset with him even thought of walking out on him, because I loved him so much and deep down I knew he loved me as well, the part I couldn’t get is why he couldn’t tell me he love me ( I seek help and I found Eric Charles that explained to me about men) here I am responding to your answer in the book described all the things he was doing as well to the t, when I read that I thought of our previous arguments he also said im not making you happy any more I don’t get it you get the best of my world I work over time trying to please you and make you happy you are the only girl im talking to obviously when I important gigs who’s there u, when I took a two weeks vacation who did I spend that with u, hey no one else is there but u, why are you so mad at me. because u wouldn’t say I love you verbally, after reading Eric Charles and Sabrina book it opened my eyes up wide he does loves me he just shows rather then says it now we back to where they relationship should be in fact we getting married in June 2014

Reply October 31, 2013, 9:39 am

Sapphyreopal5

Am I the only woman who can relate to men in this fashion (or at least understand)? If you ask me, porn isn’t a problem unless:
– it’s interfering with your sexual life (or even replacing it almost if not all the way) or other aspects of your relationship (and no personal insecurities don’t count here as they are YOUR insecurities afterall)
– he expects you to look and act like the porn stars he sees in the videos. Chances are, he knows porn is more fantasy and nothing more or less
– he is sexting other women and/or is getting pornography from women via email, text messaging, etc.
– he actually has pornographic images, videos, etc. stored on his computer of women he actually knows (yes I’ve had this happen to me in the past)
– he is watching it in front of you or when you are in another room and is aware of how uncomfortable it makes you feel (now that is just being disrespectful)

If you ask me, it’s not just about sexual biology but just how the human biology works generally speaking. Humans naturally want to get the most out of their efforts. People want to make as little effort as possible and get the maximum amount of pleasure they can from this (goes for food, sex, exercise, etc.). This applies to pornography and masturbating to it. Sometimes masturbating to pornography means that: you are making the effort to please just yourself, touching yourself the way you like it, and then orgasming all for a lot less effort.

Do you really expect you and your significant other or whatever you want to call your business with someone else to be on the same page sexually forever and on a regular basis? It’s literally almost impossible to have sex with someone each and every single time they are horny. If you are at work, if you are on a business trip or some other personal trip elsewhere, or are otherwise busy doing something else and your lover isn’t closeby and you happen to be horny, do you REALLY expect them to come to you (or you go to them) for a booty call? Come on now. Pornography is sometimes just that: a temporary substitute.

Let him enjoy his pornography or heck, why not JOIN in while he’s watching and tell him you’d like him to do some of those things to you should you like what you see? Come on, don’t let a woman who is clearly inaccessible intimidate you; show him what he is missing out on should you catch him in the act. Or if you want to be daring, make some porn just for him; I mean, what man wouldn’t LOVE watching his woman masturbate while shouting his name in pleasure or seeing sexy pictures of his lover (should be done with discretion of course if you go this route)?

All should of course be done within REASON of course :)

Reply July 30, 2013, 10:27 pm

Tanya

But why would a guy choose porn over a real woman? I would love to have sex several times a day or at least once a day. But if my boyfriend rejects me & only will have sex with me once a week or once every two weeks, how can he justify looking at porn when I’m more than willing to have sex? That is something I can’t understand.

Reply May 27, 2013, 6:48 am

A

I have the same problem. It sucks. I always want it, he rejects and watches porn when I go to sleep. I’m thin fit, we get along good otherwise, I don’t understand! Wish we could get an answer on that one! It’s so bs the double standards men think they can get away with.. Guess what.. If I don’t have sex for a few days i will have an orgasm in my sleep.. But I don’t masturbate.. Ever. Why? That 1% chance I MIGHT get laid, I would rather have a sex orgasm. So.

Reply June 8, 2013, 4:20 pm

farah

Ladies I am married (have been for 3 years this July) we were dating for 5 years before that and have recently found that sloopy c**k su**ers does it for him its so gross I hate it. I too could have sex a couple times a day but he always says he’s tired. If hes too tired and not sexual with me really he shouldnt be looking at porn then. Our sex life has gone down since marriage so I thought he’s just not sexual anymore boy was I wrong. I dont understand if they have a wife or gf why the porn???

Reply July 10, 2013, 6:32 am

Anonymous

Hi. I recently had this conversation with my boyfriend of nearly three years. I found porn left up on his PHONE, so random, and immediately confronted him about it. He stated that “all guys did it” and if he didn’t masturbate he would be irritable all the time, lash out, etc…

First of all, I think using the male population as an excuse is weak. Basically it’s the “if everyone jumped off a bridge would you?” fiasco. I told him it made me feel not good enough, like I wasn’t pleasing him sexually, and that, in my opinion, it wasn’t much different from a woman sending him nude photos (how is this any different?). He said that it had become a habit but that he could see it hurt me. We were around each other often and had sex once, sometimes twice a day… Yet he still needed his porn fix.

He said he would stop watching it because he didn’t want to hurt me and because we had sex often. He said that he didn’t need it when I was around. I was pleased by this, it made me feel important, and time went on quietly.

Then, I came over unexpectedly one night after a fight with my roommate and came into his room. I’d left my laptop at home so I asked if I could use his. He started acting all nervous which I thought was weird but I didn’t comment on it and started getting into my email. He then proceeded to grab his computer while rattling off that he needed to check something, and I looked at the screen seconds before he deleted the history. Uh… He admitted to watching more porn a few HOURS after we’d had sex. He was apologetic but said that breaking the habit was hard. I was hurt again but didn’t comment further and just said, “okay.” He promisd to try and stop, broke that promise, and now I hate porn so much more.

What possible gratification does porn provide a couple of hours of having real sex with a real woman? I’m adorable, beautiful, if a bit socially awkward (which supposedly adds to my humor and attractiveness), we enjoy our sexual loves, they are healthy and virtuous. So what? What am I not giving him? He is ejaculating every day, he is getting the sex he wants, so what gives?

For the record, I never told him to stop watching porn. He came to that conclusion all on his own. He was the one who said “you’re more important than these porn stars.” He’s the one who initiated stopping masturbating, at least while we’re in close proximity to each other. So why does he feel the need to still do it with all of these factors in place?

Thanks for listening and please respond. I would really appreciate some insight.

<3

Reply May 11, 2013, 12:37 pm

a

I dont get why he needs it atleast he admitted it, my husband told me they links were pop ups and cookies and maybe I pressed something I was so hurt, confused and upset and more so because I always want sex and he doesnt.

Apparently they all do it its like a guilty pleasure but I like you hate it and think its so wrong especially as we are now married. I didn’t even think to ask him cause I assumed since he met me 8 years ago he doesnt need to look at that rubbish! It made my stomach turn looking at those ugly skanks and the hardcore sex videos. GROSS!

Hang in there I’m told they all do it even at 54!

Reply July 10, 2013, 6:39 am

Ziggy

This is absolute misogynistic bullshit. “Oh women don’t need a sexual release in the way that men do”, seriously that’s absolutely ridiculous. And to say that male sexuality is a burden???? I mean , of course, women don’t have sexual urges or masturbate. Good one. Urgh.

I really hope that women aren’t taken in by this, if something your partner does makes you uncomfortable you should talk about it and come to some sort of compromise instead of, at the writer basically says, “just put up with it love”. Oh, and while your at it do some exercise so he fancies you more, but don’t worry he doesn’t need to do the same for you, nope, just be an object that he can fuck, that will do nicely.

The cherry on the top is the advice about the e-mails though, obvs she shouldn’t have looked but come on, lets not pretend there are any grounds for this to be innocent, sending sexually explicit stuff to other people without the consent of your current partner is cheating. End of.

I can’t believe how angry this has made me.

Reply April 27, 2013, 11:55 am

b

Snooping aside, you just found out your guy has been cheating on you. Flat out, no questions, he sent sexual emails to another woman, that’s cheating.
When combined with the porn, I cannot believe that a possible sex addiction was not brought up. That’s not to say that everyone who looks at porn is addicted, but it does happen, A LOT.
And on that note, girls watch porn, too. We don’t just read it. Both sexes are visually stimulated, shame on you Eric for giving such sexist advice.

Reply March 2, 2013, 11:45 am

Eric Charles

First off, people these days are so quick to diagnose everyone with a disorder. Maybe instead of being a sex addict he’s just… a guy… or not that into the girl he’s with… or simply, an asshole.

Further, girls look at porn, but if I were to make a pie chart of who looks at porn, the pie chart would be a huuuuuuge portion devoted to men and a teeny tiny sliver devoted to women.

It’s not sexist. It’s called looking at stats. Pull up the web stats for popular open community porn sites (where anyone can upload a video). The audience is massively male.

That’s not sexist. That’s just reading statistical evidence.

Reply March 11, 2013, 2:03 am

shana

This is a topic I am extremely interested in. I’ve read other stats that suggest a lot more women are looking at porn. I myself enjoy it, however, if you look at the market itself it is dominated by males and the product is women. There is a a huge lack in straight male centric porn for women. I only know one site that has male model category and even so, they are mostly gay. Even though I enjoy porn I’m left feeling uncomfortable because most video are focused on the female and the male is more of an accessory. I’ve been told it’s “really cool” I like porn, but it’s similar to a girl liking football, it’s a “guy thing” and that’s the part that I would like to see change. I’m saying that this might have less to do with biology versus psychology and social acceptance. Ideally I want to be able to search “hot brunette” and the results should have some straight males thrown in the mix. I think the market for women needs to open up asap. This unbalanced stigma is hurting relationships but until there is male porn for females it’s understandable that a woman could nott relate to the use of porn.

Reply November 24, 2014, 1:46 pm

would prefer not to say my name

P.S. I would really appreciate some feedback on my thougths.

Thank you!

Reply March 1, 2013, 5:28 am

would prefer not to say my name

Here I go again with my comment, will not comment on fb cause want to be anonymous for readers. But reading all girls’ comments I found few interesting things to think of:
– whoever needs some stimulation (like watching porn or reading 50 shades of grey) to get turned on (to get some flavour in sex) are ok with their guys doing the same, so they can hit it when both ready – doesn’t it mean they don’t have enough sexual attraction to each other, so need an additional turn on? Isn’t it settling for less – a guy/girl that doesn’t turn you on enough?
* I understand that with time a couple might need that, but I would hope in my relationship it would be not less then in 10 years, too optimistic?

– a lot of girls say they’d watch with him. But they did not ask the guy, so queston is: would he want it? And if yes, why wouldn’t he ask for it? And why would he want to do it with his girl? (coming back to first point)

– some would laugh about it – for me a sign of insecurity, cause whatever comes to sexuality and sex is not supposed to be funny

– From your answer
“Whether you like porn or not, it’s not going away. The amount of internet traffic devoted just to porn is staggering. It’s the number one use for the internet – more than anything else.” – EXACTLY, and it’s growing, isn’t it a little scary?
According to the loads of girls’ comments here, very little are actually happy with their relarionships (but steal accept them), I read comments when girls are spending years with assholes, settling for so little, so my question is: maybe it actually became an easy way for guys to get satisfaction and diversity without putting any effort in realtionship/marriage/commitment, maybe that is where the assholes from their stories come from?
And maybe that’s why so girls answered it’s not a big deal, cause the majority (and your website is a proof) settle for smth they don’t like, they accept things that hurt them, just to be with a guy who might not even deserve it.

And also this:
“As a general statement, I don’t think porn is the problem in relationships, but rather the woman’s reaction to it.”
Sure, the reaction is a problem. But that can be said about anything like “lie is not a problem in the relationship it’s the reaction to iy” (the guy is with you, right? why react on lies?), “girl flirting with others is not a problem (she is with you anyway, what is the big deal?)”
I am not saying this things are the same, I just say this way of thinking may apply to many things.
So here is my round up: I see it as another thing girls settled for just to be with a guy, to seem cool, to get the guy. Cause while I read anonymous letters/commetns on the web the truth was lots of girls suffer from it/don’t like it, or at least ask the question why it is happening.
In my opinion if more woman would be telling their guys the truth and not be afraid to loose them, then they would be treated like queens (be a prize, right?).
Afterall what is it that is more important being with a women you truly love or watching some porn?

Reply March 1, 2013, 5:23 am

Eric Charles

I understand where you’re coming from on this…

I’m not pro-porn, but I am pro-accepting realities of the current world we live in. Oftentimes, I’ve found that the biggest problem women come against in improving their situation is that they can’t even look at or accept their situation.

If a guy wants to look at porn, that’s what he’s going to do. And if a woman wants to stay in that relationship and is happy with it, then she’s going to stay and nothing’s going to change.

All in all, if you’re not happy in your situation, change it for yourself. You’re not going to be able to change the other person and if they’re not a good match for you, then that’s that. Either learn to accept them exactly as they are now or leave and find someone who’s a better fit.

With your comment, I think you nailed it fundamentally when you were talking about how the women accept what they don’t want and settle for so little. That’s the fundamental issue – they don’t want what they have and instead of leaving, they stay and think something’s going to change.

Great relationships come naturally from compatibility. And forcing a great relationship to happen between two incompatible people is pretty unlikely. With an incompatible couple, it will always feel frail and precarious under examination.

Settling is what happens when two people believe that they’re with the best that they can get, but not what they want… and then they use things like porn, nagging, arguing, emotional-abuse, etc. to fill in the gaps left by their incompatibility.

Reply March 11, 2013, 2:12 am

would prefer not to say my name

Thank you for the reply. Totally agree on compatability. And luckily I found that guy who treats me just the way I want to be treated and as a couple we are perfect for each other. In a year of relationship we had 3-4 arguments all in all and they always ended with a solution good for both of us, and we never came back to the issue once solved. And as I said we are happy and he really is what I want the way he is. If he wouldn’t like my reaction and was against what I said, I would end the relationship.
Yes changing someby is impossible but changing few “single” behaviors yourself for your loved one is absolutely normal (when they are not fundamental or very imortant part of being yourself, but smth like watching porn every now and then for him and being a flirt for me).

Reply March 11, 2013, 10:30 am

would lprefer not to say my name

Ok, I’ll be honest, I was waiting to hear your point of view on porn issue. I value every piece of advice form you usually and not that I don’t accept or understand what you said , but I didn’t get anything new from it this time that could help. I read and heard a lot about it, all the things just like you said, so I guess I should blame the nature and accept that nothing/noone can help. If you looked at my pics you would see I am good looking (guys say hot), I am a happy person with my friends, work, interests, I am in a relationship with the man I love and he treats me really well and we are going to marry soon. And yet I felt hurt when once found out he was looking at porn when I was there for him anytime he wanted. I genuinely love and enjoy sex and the more I get the better, I heard from my guy and exes that I am very good at it (even heard the opinion that I am # 1 in it). But I was really hurt. It is my nature. He apologized and said he thinks it was wrong and that he doesn’t want to hurt me, he said it’s just a habit, but it didn’t matter what he said I was still hurt. I got over it though and we are perfectly fine. But I still feel hurt when I remember about it. Call me crazy but it is my nature. So if he wants to be with me he has to keep it out of my life. That’s it. Keep it out of my life, the best thing a guy can do for his gf, wife, if it bothers her and he cares about her. I can pretend I am fine with it to make my guy happy and not to shame him, but how long will I last before I will stop loving him cause I will feel hurt? I am fine with watching porn when in LDR (that is what our situation is now), I do it myself, as you said it is a biological burden. But when we are together and I am there for him, please keep it out of my life, otherwise I will be hurt and eventually will stop loving him one day.
I did tell him how I felt and I appreciate his understanding. If he tried to convince me it’s ok, I wouldn’t be marrying him.

Reply February 27, 2013, 11:13 pm

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