My relationship started out mushy and sweet with tons of texting, but recently slowed way down. I hate to admit it but I did let myself seem a little needy, unintentionally of course. He straight out told me “I don’t know what I want right now.. I just got out of something that was messy.. all I did was work and see her.. but I wasn’t lying about how I feel about you…”
I was a little confused so I played it cool and told him to just relax and not to put pressure on what we are. It’s best if we just go with the flow and see what happens. Two days later he texted me, just seeing what was up, and we had a short, simple, normal conversation.
So my question is, did I save face after being needy by playing it cool? And if so, is it the right move to not contact him…?
To answer your question, yes, it seems like you did the right thing by giving him space and taking the pressure off.
But with that said, let me define what I mean by “right thing” and while I’m at it also define “neediness” and “freak out phase”.
So first, acting needy is more of a mindset than it is an action or something you say.
When you are coming from a needy mindset, at the heart of it you have a fear that he’s going to leave or that he’s going to withdraw in some way. And in response to that fear, you feel compelled to make him reassure you or put a label on the relationship or prove his feelings towards you.
Neediness comes from a fearful place and broadcasts a feeling of fear to the guy. You “need” him to respond in a certain way or else you’ll assume your worst fears are true and then you’ll get upset.
When a man feels that energy coming from a woman early in a relationship, it feels like coercion – he either has to give in and act how you want him to act or deal with you being upset.
When I talk about a guy having a freak out phase, I’m just saying that the guy might be feeling like he’s losing control or freedom. Not every guy goes through feeling that way, but many do. Sometimes it’s a guys response to needy behaviors, sometimes it just gets triggered through his own fearful self-reflection.
Regardless, giving a guy space to sort it out is the best way to respond if a guy is feeling this way. If he’s feeling like his freedom or control is slipping away, the worst thing you could do is respond to that fear by “needing” to change how he’s feeling.
At the root of neediness or “freaking out” is a fear: Fear that being with their partner will lead them somewhere terrible. And being able to accept fear and give yourself and your partner permission to have fears is a healthy step along the way towards a better relationship.
Hope that helps,