From Heartbreak and Back: When He Leaves With No Explanation post image

From Heartbreak and Back: When He Leaves With No Explanation


Love will make you forget time and time will make you forget love. ~ Anonymous

After graduating from college, I moved to Israel hoping to experience life outside of my comfort zone. I started waitressing at an International restaurant/bar, where I met David. I remember laughing to myself right after meeting him- “you and this British dishwasher, as if that would ever happen!”

For the first two weeks, our verbal exchanges were kept at a minimum: speaking only Hebrew, saying only “thank you” and “you’re welcome.” It took two weeks for him to realize that I wasn’t Israeli (as he had assumed), and for me to realize that he, in fact, was not British. He was an American who grew up in Miami and had recently completed his three-year term in the Israeli army. From there, we became fast friends.

We spent a lot of time together over the next month; hanging out after work, during work, outside of work. I felt so comfortable around him, and felt like I could truly be myself and tell him anything. He was my best friend. I’m sure you all can tell where this is going…

At the time, the restaurant staff was two steps ahead of me and David. Managers would pull us aside separately and give us speeches on the dangers of workplace romances. Unable to convince them otherwise, David and I would just laugh it off…until it was too obvious to bear. I will never forget the first time we kissed, outside the restaurant, sitting in a pagoda on the boardwalk, facing the beach. We were both the cautious types, giving our newfound relationship about a month to see if it would fit. We would go on endless dates, saving the kisses for the end. It took two months and two weeks, countless hours spent together, and an “I love you” for us to make love and it was perfect. I truly loved this man.

David was hesitant from the very beginning, unsure of what would be between us. His original plan, following his release from the army, was to spend two months living on his own in Israel and then to spend the spring and summer in Italy with his father’s side of the family, writing, before he would return home and attend graduate school at Columbia for his MBA. But that was the future and for the time being, he wasn’t going anywhere. He needed to be around me–his words, not mine. Who was I to argue? Being that his original plans fell through, he eventually moved in with me, unsure of what the future would bring. We were honest with each other and that was all that mattered.

As Spring came to an end, he invited me to Italy. He figured if he really wanted to go, he’d have to take me with him. Plans were put in motion. We gave our two-week notices at work. I got an earlier flight to visit some family in London before heading to Italy.

A few days before I left, David received some horrible news: his father had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. I immediately suggested we cancel our trip, but he insisted otherwise.

It was when I called him from London to verify my flight to Milan that I could hear in his voice that everything was about to change. He didn’t cancel our plans, but deferred them. He had a flight to Miami the following day and said he would meet me in Italy two weeks later. All of a sudden, the solid ground we had created seemed a bit more shaky. It was at this point that my family began expressing their doubts about the situation.

Looking back on it now, I should have let go at that point. However, considering he was having a rough time, I figured I could accept his unsettling behavior. My mind worked overtime trying to justify his coldness and lack of communication during the moments when I felt most alone, because this was not about me.

Given the change of plans, I went with my parents to visit my sister in Paris. In a surprising twist, I met a really great guy on the way to a bar one beautiful evening. Although I couldn’t feel it or see it, I was shocked to realize that I subconsciously started to take back my heart–the heart that I had given to David. After all, I had found room (even if microscopic) to feel something towards someone else. The additional confusion really sent me over the edge. Everything started to spin. Next thing I knew, Mr. Paris was driving me to the airport, begging me to give us a chance. But my heart was not yet available to give, even though my plans to meet David in Italy had gone from deferred to non-existent.

I will never forget that horrifying feeling of seeing David when I returned to Israel. He had not shaved, showered, or changed his clothes in days. Blindly, I romantically demanded a kiss. His response: I need a coffee first. Everything stopped, including my breath. I started to hyperventilate uncontrollably as my current situation settled in. Over the next two weeks I spent in Israel, things got better, but they never returned to what they were. I let my powerful feelings for David return, convincing myself that it was I who had ruined things in Paris. The only other option was to give up, and that wasn’t even an option. We’d get through this.

I returned home to New Jersey and he returned to Miami. We spoke on the phone for hours every day, discussing his plans to move to New York.

July 31st: his birthday. On that Thursday, we spoke on the phone for three hours. He was arriving the following Friday. He wanted to spend his first few days at my house, to meet my parents for the first time, and I was going to pick him up from the airport. Words cannot express the excitement I felt- the man that I planned to spend the rest of my life with was finally coming into my world. I will never forget his last words on that Thursday, when he thanked me for being me and for giving him the most wonderful birthday present: that day’s conversation.

For the next few days, I had not heard from David. By that Wednesday, I was worried and left a message on his house phone (since he had not yet gotten an American cell phone) and written a short email. I got no reply to either. It has now been eleven months and I have accepted that I will never talk to my dear David ever again. And I will never know where it went wrong and why he decided to leave without making any contact or providing any explanations.

Believe me when I say that this was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. I experienced a month of hysteria–lacking sleep, food, sunshine. There were too many questions left unanswered. Who was this man, really? Did he fabricate his father’s illness? Was he a true sociopath? And then I realized that these answers were not what I needed. What I needed was to take the good from my experience and move on. After all, the worst thing I could do is let my ex have an effect on how I approach my future. An ex is a part of one’s past; and I made the firm decision to take time to get over it and leave it in the past, where it belongs.

In time, pieces of myself began to grow back and while I had some regrets about the relationship, I am still thankful for the experience because while it was good, it was a wonderful chapter of my life, and the bad is what made me the strong and confident woman I am today.

As for my future? I made plans to visit Mr. Paris this August!

– Ariele Noble

Share your pain and help others overcome theirs by submitting your story on making it from heartbreak and back to info@anewmode.com (submissions will be kept anonymous if requested).

13 comments… add one

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ade

My boyfriend and I been fighting for 2 months. A month a go he blocked me from some of his applications and finally he asking for space and I gave him. Actually kind of happy with this decision because of all intense arguments. I understand that i can’t give him any cling but after 1 month can I contact him and ask what happened or shall I keep waiting until he contact me?

Reply May 4, 2017, 12:02 am

Mr. Tibbs

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I was livid as I read it and even more flabbergasted by some of the responses. Cal’s specifically.

I know this was written many years ago, but if you still check this site, I hope you’ve found the answers you were looking for AND I hope for all our sakes that Cal’s balls have dropped, his brain is engaged, and he has more respect and care for his relationships and the people he has them with than was displayed in the post to your submission.

What happened to you is not okay, even if the vibe was off, you certainly deserve better. Your boyfriend had shut down and shut you out due to family drama and Cal wants you to take responsibility because he presumes ‘the vibe was off’. So off that your boyfriend forgot how to express his needs? That is shameful of him and Cal’s “advice”.

I hope you are loved and loving right back in the most beautiful ways.

Reply June 5, 2014, 1:49 am

Julie

Contrary to “anom”, I think think this was written really well. I can connect completely with your story as I have had a similar experience, though not as serious.
However, I would recommend that you all read Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray. There is specifically parts of this book that explain how “men are like rubberbands” and how men go “into their caves”, Gray references why men suddenly pull away and how to deal with it. Its strange to realize some of these things, but it makes so much sense and has completely changed my outlook on men in general. Again, I recommend it to everyone, men and women, it really can improve your relationships with everyone, not just significant others.

Reply June 27, 2009, 10:52 am

Cal

I’ll be quite honest from a guys point of view here. ‘David’ has received some bad news about his dad. Rather than cancel your plans together, he decides he would rather keep them. Maybe he thought at the time that the plans could continue at that time. He then later found out that he would not be able to keep them at that time as he was required to go home. Still, rather then cancel outright, he tells you he will meet you in two weeks.

Still, this is a family crisis and he is going through something very personal. And your initial reaction is that your solid relationship is now on shaky ground? Seriously??? And then your family is having doubts about him??? He went home to be with his family after receiving some bad news! He was having a rough time but you could accept his unsettling behaviour?

Fine, he should have cancelled the plans outright but maybe he was truely hoping that they could just be simply put off. Now this is just a huge generality here and I am basing my opinion on what you wrote here and how you expressed it… If I was David, I likely would have gotten the vibe from you at this point that you were at the very least put off and in between my own problems worrying about my family, I am now left wondering why you are acting this way.

To continue. You jet off to Paris for the two week period and meet a guy who you obviously like and spent enough time with that he was carting you off to the airport and begging you to stay? Personally, I would have gone to Miami and offered support to the person I loved. When you do see him in Isreal, the first thing you do is demand a kiss? Honestly, who demands a kiss?

Not to defend Anon’s post, he is right about an awful lot of glossing over, details skipped that should have been there, details that did not need to be there at all but to be fair to you, chances are there were far too many to include in a post of this manner.

I’ll give you my initial thought however, chances are he picked up on a pretty strong vibe from you when he said he had to go home first and he’d meet you in Italy two weeks later. Between his family problems and having you to worry about, he may have began having doubts about the relationship as a whole. This would not have started right away but everytime after he saw what he may have thought of as selfish behaviour on your behalf it would have grown two fold.

I am not saying he does not own some blame in this, experience has taught me that when a good relationship falls apart, both people had plenty of blame to take. You do seem to have a lot of questions as to why he became distant and from the way you put things in this post, I can, as a guy, see how it might have happened.

Reply June 27, 2009, 9:46 am

Michelle

I always think it is so crazy that someone else had/is going through what I am going through. The same thing happened to me and I don’t know why he stopped talking to me or how we stopped clicking. i am sad about itand will be for a long long time, but in a sad sick way I am glad someone else understands my pain. I hope Mr. Paris works out for you and you will have to update us 🙂

Reply June 27, 2009, 8:11 am

Jennie

I thought this was a beautiful story and am really disturbed and disgusted by “Anon’s” comments, they were beyond rude.

Reply June 26, 2009, 10:46 pm

darling

wow that anon person is really a loser. what kind of a lowlife scumbag do you have to be to criticize something a reader submitted. especially a painful story. then again i’m sure this anon person has several painful stories of his/her own that cause her to be so critical of others.

as for anewmode, you guys rock. seriously. you are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than all the other blogs out these days. <3 <3 <3

Reply June 26, 2009, 10:46 pm

Sabrina Alexis

To ‘Anon:’ The people who submit articles for this section are not professional writers, they are sharing their stories to help other people and for that reason alone. Do you know how difficult it is to take a painful experience and share it publicly? Obviously not because if you did, you would never ever criticize a person who submitted a story not for profit, not for fame, not to build clips, but to help other people get through their pain. I don’t think I’ve ever said this to anyone in my life, but you should be ashamed of yourself.

Reply June 26, 2009, 10:13 pm

anon hater

Why do people who leave critical comments do so anonymously? Where’s your writing for us to critique? Using the phrase “you people” is the hallmark of an awesome writer, btw. *eye roll*

Reply June 26, 2009, 6:10 pm

anon

This is some of the worst writing I’ve ever read. You glossed over some really important parts and included totally unnecessary detail in others. “For the next few days, I had not heard from David” is completely incorrect, and spring is not capitalized in one paragraph and capitalized in the next. You people need editors so badly.

Reply June 26, 2009, 6:08 pm

@icounsel4food

sounds painful to have to deal with such a lack of closure. But it really sounds like David was clinically depressed. Whether it was his father’s illness or something else, being aloof and not grooming one’s self do sound like some symptoms. If that is indeed the case, his “leaving” may have less to do with you and more with him and the clouded judgment that some illnesses like depression can bring on. Either way, I’m glad you’ve moved on.

Reply June 25, 2009, 1:26 pm

Monique

I think we’ve all been through a situation like this … but even reading someone else’s story doesn’t make it any easier to understand. I don’t know what makes someone cut and run like that, but it makes me very sad.

Reply June 25, 2009, 10:47 am

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