Exes With “Frienefits”: Is It Possible to Be Friends With an Ex? post image

Exes With “Frienefits”: Is It Possible to Be Friends With an Ex?


Everyone in the world has an ex. At least, everyone in America in their mid-twenties does. Exes are a tricky topic of conversation, always. Some people have exes they hate, some have exes they still love, and some have exes that they have somehow managed to keep around as a friend without any complicated emotional ties, lingering doubts, and regrets from the past.

Let’s talk about those people, the ones who seem to have mastered an impossible form of coexistence with a former flame. They are exes with the benefit of being friends, so, “exes with frienefits”? Let’s go with that.

“Exes with frienefits” is a completely mind-boggling concept to us. If you truly, truly loved someone, how, even if it’s years later, how can a friendship be developed? Will one person care more? Will both parties be “cool” and keep it simple? Why even have that person back in your life? What if someone gets married? The questions could go on forever. But our biggest is this: is this even humanly possible?

We can’t help but flash back to our favorite TV show, “Sex and the City,” for this one. In one episode Carrie and Big start hanging out JUST as friends, so much so, she even picks up a jazz musician while out with him. Their friendship seems genuine in the episode, carefree and fun; however, Big shows some serious jealousy when he calls Carrie to “tease” her about her impending date. And we all know the ending of Carrie and Big’s love story… they end up getting married!

So, in the case of our bible (SATC), the whole friends-with-your-ex thing is not possible. But, Carrie and Big make it look like fun. The two of them hanging out was enjoyable because they were exes. They already knew each other’s interests, likes, dislikes, and how to tease each other. By keeping it strictly causal, it makes total sense how friendship with an ex could make for a whole lot of fun for both parties.

But what about in the real world? Exes, especially serious ones, were a big part of your life. They got to know your family and your long-term goals. They know you for you, and cared for and loved you for everything that you are.

When you have an “ex with frienefits” you have one more person in your corner willing to support you. They already know the backstory; you don’t have to catch them up to speed on your complex relationship with that one friend or that problematic co-worker. If they’re your “ex with frienefits,” they still care enough to be there for you.

MORE: How to be Friends With an Ex

Above all, the most rewarding part of having a “ex with frienefits” has got to be the beauty of having someone who was once so close to you, remain close to you, even though it’s in a different light.

“Exes with frienefits” still seems like an unreal concept to us, but when you look around, it is definitely present in our real-world lives. (This website was even founded by a pair of exes!) We honestly aren’t sure we could get there with, well, hell, any of our exes. However, for those lucky people who have mastered this concept, and have made friends with their ex, we tip our hat to you. It must take a lot of maturity, self-security, and respect for a person you once loved, to take the risk of having them back in your life. If you’re willing to take that leap for an ex, it speaks volumes about who they are as a person. They must really be too good to let go (for forever, at least).

QUIZ: Can I Get My Ex Back? 

What do you think about being friends with an ex? Is it doable or just asking for trouble? Tell us in comments!

– The Ambrose Girls
ambrose girlsKaren & Kristy Ambrose are twins who write about all things dating & girly. Between the two girls and their beloved girlfriends, they have seen and heard it ALL when it comes to dating. The cool part about their advice? They combine both of their experiences in every article, essentially dishing twice the experience and advice to their readers! Check out theambrosegirls.com for more.

 

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bulelwà

If u were best lovers n friends at the same time and there were no complications n heartaches u can be best friends ever I am also friends with most of my exes n I don’t feel threatened when I c them with someone new w open up about our problems even those we encounter from our present relationships.U can’t even tell that w were once lovers unless u knew from back there.
Its a good thing coz that’s the best friend who knows u inside out n they can neva hurt u

Reply August 23, 2015, 5:47 pm

Nicole

Honestly I’m 50/50 on this.
I completely agree that if an ex can strictly be platonic while you are in a relationship it’s a great person to have. I’m friends with one of my exes (I don’t even use the term ex anymore and just call him my friend) but I feel comfortable with this because we BOTH know it’s only a friendship and nothing more. We got along well enough as friends before that when our attempt at a relationship failed we were still able to be there for each other and enjoy the friendship. I don’t have problems with my SO still talking to his exes either.

That being said however I think there is definitely a line when it comes to “exes with friendifits”.

Eventually whoever it is you’re currently dating WILL need to become your best friend and your top priority. If you and someone you dated before are still close friends that’s great, but they’ll probably not be as close to you as your current partner and that’s how it should be. Putting your ex partner up there with your current partner (even if your ex is an amazing person or friends for several years) leaves a lot of doors open for problems. Say if my SO and I got in an argument I would NOT want him going and venting to someone he dated. I would want him to talk to me and try to work it out or even talk to his family or strong role model for advice. His ex may have good advice, but when you confide in someone about something personal it opens an emotional and mental door that not many people get to see, usually only family and your partner. Even if you don’t feel like talking to them about it opens that door, they may take it as such, and if you truly respect and care for your current partner you won’t tempt fate.

Reply August 16, 2015, 12:00 am

zonke

I need help .I have lost apetite on sex with my boyfriend since he slept wwith my sistr two years ago and he also just sleeps like I am m not even there .is this love ????????

Reply August 13, 2015, 8:52 am

bulelwa

Leave him gal its uselesz to stay in an unhealthy relationship h doesnt love u thats y h went for ur sista u dont have to even try to b romantic with him h will just use u as his option when h doesnt get wat h wants from outside

Reply August 23, 2015, 5:50 pm

Marie

A nice concept, but it doesn” always take two people acting as adults… it may end up being four. I was a really goid friend with an ex, even during my marriage… but I got divorced and we got back together for a year (I was loyal to my husband, I never thought of my ex bf to be more than a friend… my husband used to say this ex bf still loves me but I kust laughed… turned out he was right, after the divirce my ex bf confessed he has always lived me)… anyway, we broke up and remained friends, until HE got married. His wife didn”t tolerate our friendship (let”s face it, not many people would..) so I was dumped… as a friend. That hurts too, you know… and now I am in a situation, where the guy is on and off with me… because of his ex, who still loves me and makes him dump me time and again. Well, obviously it us either or… I could live with their friendship, but given her feelings and hatred of me, it won”t work. Unfortunately, I can”t take it anymore, it has been going on for eight months now. He just has to choose, and I am afraid if it is her he chooses… he not only loses me, but due to her jealousy he loses every future potential partner as well, or he has to “settle” with his ex, cause she won”t have him date anyone else. So, it is really difficult once one of the exex-now-friends starts to date. There can be no jealousy involved, not from the new partner as in my first scenario, and be samned if one of the exes-now-now-friends still has feelings. No matter how much I want to be just friends or how tolerant I am of exes, I end up being dumped and hurt. Not good….

Reply August 1, 2015, 11:26 am

bulelwa

It doesn’t mean that when u befriend ur ex u have to b lovers again for me if w separated there’s no turning back my love is deeper n strong only when w involved once w part ways it ends completely only memories stays for sometime n they fade
Erase that u once were lovers take him as a stranger u just met n u accidentally connected somehow as friend
U c u lost everything due to hanging ur feelings on him lust doesn’t pay only gets u hurt

Reply August 23, 2015, 5:57 pm

Jackie

Very good article. I was married to my ex for six years. We divorced and became the best of friends we had each other’s back for any good or bad that went on in our lives. He became very I’ll in 2010 and I took care of him up until he passed in Nov 25, 2015 on my birthday of all days. Yes you can be frie nds with your ex. My fiancee and I and my ex lived together also.

Reply July 31, 2015, 4:03 pm

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