Ask a Guy: Back With Ex-Boyfriend, But He Doesn’t Text Back post image

Ask a Guy: Back With Ex-Boyfriend, But He Doesn’t Text Back


I had a boyfriend for just over a year, we split up about three months ago because of all the arguing and stress. He is quite ignorant and I’m used to having arguments with him and not speaking for days. As per usual I’d be the one to text first and cave in.

Lately we have been meeting up and occasionally sleeping together, it’s really good and we classed ourselves as seeing each other. But now I find myself feeling ignored, I’d normally expect a text a day or so but I’ve received nothing.

I always text him first so today I didn’t bother, and he didn’t bother texting me? Am I overreacting or does he just want the chase or a relationship?

He probably is busy and just doesn’t want to be constantly texting.

I’ve had this conversation all sorts of times with my guy friends – there’s no such thing as one text to a girl.  It’s usually a series of texts and we look at it as an interruption and a pain in the ass if we’re in the middle of something.

Now, I understand that women appreciate the little things like the occasional reassuring text message and little thoughtful gestures.  Some guys understand this, some guys don’t.

Regardless of whether or not your guy realizes how much you care about getting a text every day, I can promise you that every guy hates interrupting what he’s doing when he’s in the middle of doing something.

So what do most guys do when they’re in the middle of doing something?  What do I do?

They wait.  I wait.

I wait until when I have time to shoot texts back and forth with my girl and it won’t interrupt what I’m doing – sometimes that free time never comes for me (I am frequently working on projects and fill my time).

But that’s me – I work constantly.  That’s my life.

If I was out with my friends or spent my time relaxing, playing or chilling out, then the work-excuse doesn’t really hold water.  But even still, when a guy unplugs, he still loathes interruptions – there is no greater bliss for a man than total freedom from obligation…  completely zoning out into a blissful oblivion.

So the most likely scenario is he doesn’t want to be interrupted by having to text back and forth.  On the other hand, if that’s his reason, he probably also doesn’t realize how much this matters to you.

I don’t think it’s that he’s trying to manipulate you into chasing him or anything dramatic like that.  He probably just doesn’t realize that it matters all that much to you and he’s doing his thing.

Just make a point of making him realize how much you appreciate texts from him.

Something to think about is that there’s a difference between making him “realize” how much you appreciate something versus “telling him” something.  That’s another answer for another time.

Hope it helps,

eric charles

15 comments… add one

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irene

my ex boyfriend and I started chatting again after a year no talking … We broke up a year and months ago we hve beoken up 3 times within the time we dated for 2 years … him once and myself twice..We meet up once and kissed.. After that he stopped talking few months later I say hi to him on Facebook chat we talk and he comments abt my lovely natural hair… but he would take 2 days or more to respond. . then one day I asked him if we could try once more .. He said he would try but wouldn’t until his certain his sure… He asked me y I want to do this I told him with the past relationship I was nt able to love that person coz I would miss him and think of him… then he said he honestly does nt want to do this but will try as us being friends since we dnt knw each other anymore and will see if we date.. but y say that and nt be willing to spend some time to chat to me knowing chatting is the only communication we have … He takes for ever to respond or reads my text but only reply a day after only at 8:00 at night or 12:00 what should I do? should I stop talking to him ? If I do will he see that am nt running after him anymore and start chatting to me or will he just bail on me and nt try

Reply August 7, 2015, 8:53 am

DNG-Nameless

I see a lot off these questions not getting answered… did I waste my time posting mine on the other forums? 🙁

Reply July 11, 2014, 8:43 am

Stacey

My ex loves texting. He texts all day to many people at his cubicle job. His texts to me dwindled as he made cuter female friends to text all day. He never physically cheated on me, but he sure moved me to the bottom of the priority list

Reply June 13, 2014, 7:30 am

Ibsen

Quick question…ok maybe 2.

1. why would a guy start by constantly texting you and then suddenly stop? Obviously he was busy at work before and yet that didnt stop him, so why stop all of a sudden? Dont get me wrong, I get if its busy, but Ive found with my ex at one point, he would almost never text back and yet for 2 months into our relationship I got a “good morning beautiful” text from him.

2. If and when you tell the guy it is important that you hear from him, and if that is over text then great, but what if he takes that and understands it and yet when he does text you, its something along the lines of “Heres my one text of the day so you cant be mad at me for not texting you. Hope I meet my quota!” Its all a joke….

Reply May 16, 2012, 11:17 pm

Anna

“Something to think about is that there’s a difference between making him “realize” how much you appreciate something versus “telling him” something.”

Been there, done that. I stopped texting him for awhile, which made him “realize” how much my text messages made a difference once they stopped coming in. He began texting me back by asking how my day was etc.

Unfortunately, this only lasted for about a week or two. He resumed to his old ways and is currently NOT texting me back.

Reply May 14, 2012, 10:25 am

Kara

I am not a big texter. I only text people when we’re making plans. What I don’t get is when I text a guy ONCE in 5 days and I can’t even get a reply back. If I’m asking “Are you still up for movies on Saturday?” on Wednesday, is it really so hard to say “Yes” or “No, I’m busy”? Why wait until that Saturday to tell me that you’re free? And why get pissed off when I already made plans with someone else (sorry, my life doesn’t revolve around you). Crap like that pisses me off. It’s hard to develop a relationship with someone who can’t communicate like an adult.

Reply March 20, 2012, 9:05 pm

Aleah

Today my bf told me that he was goin to stop texin me cuz i am a virgin and hes not and i dont want to have sex wit hym so he stop texin and callin and started to ignore i calls n texs so i broke up with hym and now im goin through hell. We were in love

Reply October 26, 2011, 11:39 pm

zahra

ok n previous fight lasted three days n thn i forgived him n ths is the second time he did tht waiting 4 ur reply:)

Reply July 31, 2011, 2:05 pm

zahra

please tell me what can i do best to make him go crazy after me he know’s tht im really pretty n still can get better guys thn him …..but he is bit conservative here guys dont like to marry girls who date other men so tell me a really working thng that i do n the very next second he sits on his knee’s n say marry me ohhhhh please do sumthng i want him to leave all othr bitches. and btw i lost my virginty too on him we both were virgin’s tht time i was 14 and he was 15

Reply July 31, 2011, 1:59 pm

zahra

please tell me what can i do best to make him go crazy after me he know’s tht im really pretty n still can get better guys thn him …..but he is bit conservative here guys dont like to marry girls who date other men so tell me a really working thng that i do n the very next second he sits on his knee’s n say marry me ohhhhh please do sumthng i want him to leave all othr bitches.

Reply July 31, 2011, 1:58 pm

zahra

hey i was engaged to this guy ,he really loved me and wanted be any how the relation lasted for 3 years i broke the engagement and my dad arranged my marriage some where else but still he was just crazy after me infact he tried to commit suside but failed …..thn after i got married he use to find me some how from my cousin’s cell as he was his best friend ….all he said tht come back ur the only girl ive loved wanted to marry bla bla .on the other end my husband was a ass the marriage was not working i had two kids forcefully as i lived in pakistan n its really common here …finally after 5 years i got divorced i called him to wish his birthay he was really happy to see me back …now he was studying in london we starte going out by the time he had to go back to london now when he left he said zahra please dnt betray me i love u etc now there was this communication gap as i was nt having internet that time we use to call each other on weekends n thats it or on skype once ot thrise a week after six months he changed when he was comming back he called and said babe im going to france tough he came back to pakistan n didnt tell me .i had i vibe i called on his cell here it rang i was surprised he said i came today and im coming to meet u tht night we had sex he said ur my second half etc as he was dropping me back i checked his cell and i found a girls pictures in bra and panties i asked him he said its my cousin’s girl he used my cell and i forgot to delete i said ok altough i didnt talk to him for three days he called again n again thn after a month i yesterday i saw a girls text he said babe im sorry i wont betray u give me a last chance …its ur fault why did u left e that time ,,,i replied tht ok but u wanted me t come back now when im back ur cheating on me …i called on tht girls number and it was clear tht he is having sumthng wid her too…he said my parents wnt me to marry my cousin i said o thn do it what am i doing inbetween …..he was nt feeling well yesterday n i made soup n went to see him tht was the time whn i found tht calls n texts…..ok after all tht all he said is babe i love u n want u till the end now i switched off my cell didnt call him he called me 20 times n texted me too the last text said just one thng babe……. tht time i replied mr im not ur babe n nor im ur love i can just be ur friend ill b wid u in all the sorrow’s n happiness when ever u need me in life but nuthng more nuthng less as i have some rules which i cant letgo im sorry but i am happy single ……thn he called 6 times n i switched off my cell now u tell me what to do next…??????please help no idea what to do but i want him back as he was 7 back i want him to feel im different im the best n still difficult to get

Reply July 31, 2011, 1:54 pm

me

u seem very aggressive. maybe u should relax a little and not for 2 days but long enough for him and you to have better energy. just be sweet and dont text call or chase for at 2 weeks…(hard)
trust yourself. he is obviously attracted to u. I wonder if he is pisces… anyway hope it helps….

Reply January 13, 2015, 12:21 pm

Katie

This is a great one!

Now i look forward to reading something about the difference between making him “realize” how much you appreciate something versus “telling him” something….

it would help a lot of girls to communicate better with their guy i am sure…

Thanks!!

Reply April 14, 2011, 7:47 am

Chelsea Lyndon

I recently met a guy on-line and have been talking and texting with him for a few weeks, very intensely. He went away on a business trip and was even more intense with his communication and so I recipricated. We are planning on meeting this Friday for our first special date, but now he has been home for the past 4 days and has hardly texted me at all, says he lost his phone, it feels like he is distancing himself from me. I dont know what to think, I sent him the last few emails and have heard nothing back. I am confused, how can someone run so hot and cold?? Am I being needy?? And is he just not into me now? I feel like its one big challenge game, the only time men are interested in women is when women arent interested in them………..

Reply April 5, 2011, 2:22 pm

Clueless

I only discovered this site/section yesterday and I love this “ask a guy” section. I even sent in my own “problem”. I find my friends are too biased (in my favour) to give me honest advice sometimes. I am usually very focussed on my work and study and am a bit clueless when it comes to guys. I’m not into game playing or manipulating someone into acting how I want them to act, or being who I want them to be, so it’s great to read some advice that cuts to the chase.

Keep up the great work.

Reply January 12, 2011, 4:47 pm

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