If a Guy Doesn’t Call He’s Just Not That Into You…Or Is He? post image

If a Guy Doesn’t Call He’s Just Not That Into You…Or Is He?


When a guy doesn’t call – say it with me- he’s just not that into you… Right? Well I firmly believed this for a while but now I’m gonna have to say that’s not always the case. Through the years I, like most of you, I’m sure, have found myself in those infamous and utterly maddening situations. You meet, you hit it off, you get really excited because you’ve finally found a great guy, and after that…silence. Once you’ve hit day 4 all hope dissipates and you must sadly accept the fact that you will never be hearing from him.

However, it wasn’t until I broke the rules that I realized this type of situation can’t be so easily explained, or dismissed. Experience is the best teacher of all and this particular experience was an eye-opener and game-changer for sure. So here it goes.

I met up with a friend one Saturday afternoon at a bar for a football game. Soon after arriving I met J. He was cute, charming, and we seriously hit it off right away. Our afternoon of fun turned into a night out and me, my friend, J, and his friend bar-hopped, talked, laughed, danced, and played pool until the wee hours.

Before heading home, J and I planned a date for that Thursday. We exchanged numbers, kissed, said our goodbyes, and I left feeling quite pleased with myself, knowing that I had played my cards right. Or so I thought.

I wasn’t expecting a call on Monday or Tuesday because of the ‘rules’ and all that, but by Wednesday night I started to feel a little panicked. Then Thursday came around and still no word. By 7 pm I had two choices: resign myself to the fact that he isn’t into me, or do something I had never, ever done before- call him. Deducing that I had nothing to lose, I decided to go with the latter because he was cute and funny and he gave me butterflies in my stomach which no one had done since my ex and I had been incapable of feeling anything for anyone after my ex and now I finally had feelings again and feelings don’t come around everyday so I wasn’t gonna let this go so easily.

So I called. As the phone rang I practiced the message I would leave on his voicemail in my head but was interrupted when, to my astonishment, a very perplexed-sounding J answered the phone. From there, a horrifically awkward conversation ensued. It went something like this:

“Hey, it’s Sabrina”

“Oh, um hi. What’s up”

“Well I was just calling to see if we were still on for tonight”

“Oh, um, hmm, right, um, yeah, I forgot about that. But if you want to, um, then yeah, sure okay I guess I mean if you want to”

Insert awkward silence as I try to navigate through the palpable awkwardness and get my thoughts in order

“Okay, cool, do you wanna just swing my my apartment and then we can head out”

“Um okay. See you soon.”

At this point I was absolutely panicked. I almost called him back to cancel the whole thing. If the phone call was that awkward I didn’t even wanna think about how awful an actual date would be! I didn’t get it, he was so into me that weekend, what could have possibly changed so dramatically? I called a few friends to tell them what had just happened and they couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer awfulness and hilarious awkwardness of it all.

Ten minutes later he called to tell me he was waiting downstairs. I stepped off the elevator to see an absolutely miserable looking guy slumped on a chair. I reluctantly approached him, “Um hey, are you ready to go?”

He looked up, and perked up a bit. When we stepped outside, he grabbed me, and kissed me. I looked at him, stunned, “Sorry, I forgot how pretty you are.” The only thought resounding in my head was WTF?!?

I was dying to ask why he didn’t call me but I restrained myself. I kept it cool and acted like him not calling didn’t bother me in the least. Without prompting, he said: “I’m so sorry I didn’t call. It’s just been a really crazy week, but I should have called.” I smiled, “No worries, it’s been a busy week for me too,” cool as a cucumber. The date ended up being one of the best I’ve ever been on- we chatted non-stop, sparks were igniting, and I just felt all warm and fuzzy inside. Towards the end of the date he looked like a fool in love. He couldn’t pry his eyes away from me and said he had never felt this way about a girl after a second date. Talk about the tide turning…

There was no doubt in my mind that I’d be hearing from him again and I was right. We dated for a few months, it never got serious, but I did have fun and I truly enjoyed the time we spent together.

So why didn’t he call me after … [Click here to keep reading...]

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lola January 19, 2014, 4:35 am

Waiting for the call is absolutely the worst feeling wver. I’ve been sating this guy foe a month and things got a little distant cause I had to leave town for a while. Ive met his family and everything. I kind of confrontws him about it and he said he missed me. I came back to town and he even missed work for two days to be with me. At the end of those days he told me to call gim when I got home and I forgor so he twxted asking if I was ok. I have called him two times on two separate days and he didn’t answer
I texted and he anwered that he was working nights. I decides to stop texting and calling. I haven’t heard from him in two days ir sucks. I really donr know what ro do

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hey January 8, 2014, 9:29 am

Hey everyone. What’s the movie title of the picture….the girl with the phone…I know its from a movie…please guys what’s the title?. God bless you all. and thanks for the advice.

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Darcy January 18, 2014, 11:52 pm

He’s Just Not That Into You

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dating disabled singles January 4, 2014, 1:37 am

Its like you read my mind! You seem to know so much about this, like
you wrote the book in it or something. I think that you could
do with ssome pics to drive the message home a bit,
bbut other than that, this is great blog.

A fantastic read. I will certainl be back.

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jenette November 25, 2013, 4:36 pm

Hiya,

Well here’s the thing! I went on a date with a guy on saturday via online dating site. We had good banter through emails, and met two weeks after that. The date was great, I could tell he was really into me, and he even extended the date to have dinner. He paid for the meal ( I insisted to split, he refused), he was really interested in me asking me about my family, goals etc and we exchanged funny stories about childhood and life. He was like putty in my hands. Anyway as the date came to a close by getting taxi together ( he was the first stop) he paid for the fare, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. He looked at me through the window an said speak soon twice. Twenty minutes later he text me saying he had a lovely evening and thanked me. I sent him a text message saying I enjoyed the night etc. So now what? What should I do next? Normally I’m good at these things but this guy is such an old fashion gent.

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cambel December 15, 2013, 2:41 pm

Omg same story here but then after 2 days he did not call me, i think its because i told him that i was going to spend time with my friend who came to visit me from far away but then i was like why he does not message me. Then i messaged him, after few secs he answered me and I even lied to him that my friend went away so then he can ask me out. then he asked me out again. we went for a movie then a dinner in a sky bar and had a great time and we kissed so good, he even told me he liked the kiss, after he dropped me home and told me ” see you soon” and i went home. But till now, he does not call me and i already said to myself i wont call him. But i saw on his facebook he is out with his friends. Only guys he was with…. I dont know what to do. I really like him so much. its been now almost 5 days :/

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Alaina November 18, 2013, 5:30 am

Sometimes he doesn’t call simply because he lost your number. This was awhile ago but I met a guy when we were home on summer break from college. I was working two jobs and he had to wait a month before I had a day off from both jobs to even go out. We had a blast and decided that we would meet up again during Christmas break (we both went away to school one on east coast one on west coast). When I got home I didn’t get any phone calls so I finally broke down and called him. He was very happy that I called him. He had lost my number and couldn’t remember how to spell my last name (not a common one or easily spelled) to look it up. He had gone to my old job but they wouldn’t give him my number. We ended up dating for 5 great years! So now I will make that ONE call if I don’t hear from someone a few days after they said they would call because you never know. But if there’s no response after that I move on, I won’t waste my time or theirs.

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val October 6, 2013, 9:30 pm

LADIES – I say if he doesn’t call you, someone else will. There’s a lot of fish in the sea. Heck yeah!

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Ella August 13, 2013, 1:55 pm

Hi, interesting article…
I’m confused about this guy… we met, had a great time… we kissed, we held hands, he asked me for a second date… and it was all coming from him… we also both agreed that there was that special smth between us. He also told me he felt like he’s known me for years… Right after our date he sent me a message telling me that he really enjoyed the time and that it was good to see me… the next couple of days he kept sending me good morning messages but nothing more… which I understand because he is a really busy guy and after the date he wasnt in town for a while… he’s travelling a lot… So after one good morning message I told him that I liked that he was sending me good morning messages coz it shows that from time to time he thinks of me… and after that NOTHING… I sent one more message asking if he was going to tell me when he’s back in town… but no reply… So what happened? Are men really that fake? or could it be that he actually also just forgot? I don’t really know if I should contact him again or not… what do think? HELP^^ I’m really confused about it… and I annoy myself with it…

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Debra August 23, 2013, 10:11 am

Ella, he sounds like a travelling salesman to me. Did he get sex? If not, that may be why he is showing no interest. I knew a guy who sent good morning texts to many women at once! I being one of them. They were always generic, like “good morning doll” or “hey beautiful, miss you.” Anyone’s name could have fit there. So annoying. He could also be married or have a live in supply girlfriend. I would not waste my time even bothering to worry about someone like this. Tip for the day: Don’t give a man sex outside of marriage, and you are more likely to find an honorable man who will respect your boundaries. I never have given them my body unless married and I am glad I stuck to this rule! A little hand holding and kissing is all they get unless I have the ring on my finger and the license recorded! Are you of this same thinking? I am now a widow who has been looking for the right man and think I found him on a Christian dating site. He is handsome, tall, slim, a cowboy, and very respectful of honoring God in our relationship. I really like him! I hope you find the right guy too!

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Ella August 28, 2013, 3:27 pm

Hi, thx for the reply. And no he didn’t get sex and I told him that he’d have to be patient to get that when me met… just to make sure he knew that I’m not a girl for a night… he seemed fine w/ it at the time… I’m having trouble trusting him, too but I’d like to believe in the good of people and believe that not all men are complete assholes… but who knows right?!

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Anais August 28, 2013, 11:08 am

Based on this, I don’t know why he decided to back off. So as an outsider, let me ask if he set something firm for a second date or did he just mention the idea? To me, a date isn’t really official until there’s a place and day chosen. Also if a guy just keeps sending Good morning messages after a date, you don’t have to feel compelled to respond to all of them (if you did). Let him call you sometimes too. I know that we live in this e-communication age but letting a guy call you and then saying you appreciate it is also good to do. If he keeps texting let him know you enjoy hearing from him via text but it would feel good to hear his voice sometimes as well. And see what he does. It gives him more to do to pursue you. If you don’t hear from him, it’s on to the next. And personally I no longer believe in initiating contact with a guy before a committed relationship has formed. Unless he’s been very consistent, I would every now and then.

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Ella August 28, 2013, 3:37 pm

Thx for your reply! Well he asked me if I wanted to see him again. I said “like a date?”, he said “Do you want a date?” and I said “yea sure”… He kept on mentioning it… Like in the middle of the date and several times at the end… So I really thought he meant it… But at the time he didnt know when exactly he would be back in town… he only said that he’ll need to come back to town the week after but that when I didn’t hear from him again. But I was thinking okay the plan is, we’re gonna see each other whenever he’s back in town. I did write him again after that asking if we were still talking coz he didnt seem like someone who would just stop talking to people… and he actually replied to that one saying he missed it (we were talking on a social network site)… So now we are “talking” via text… but not a whole lot… If I wasnt me right now but an outsider I’d tell myself that if he doesnt put in effort he’s obviously not that into you… but i dont know… I just can’t figure him out… it’s so frustrating. I still wanna see him again… the last time he was in town, he told me that it’d be nice to see me again but he also didnt directly ask me if I was free so we never met and he was only here for two days… I’d love him to call me but then again I feel like we’ve only met once and havent seen each other in forever now so it’d be kinda weird saying call me, you know… Shouldnt it be fun in the beginning? I’ve been reading so much stuff about dating lately that it just doesnt seem like it should be fun in the beginning but urgh this is so frustrating. Like I wanna write him but then again I dont want to seem needy but I rarely ever text him first… so i dont know. I probably should just forget about him but he’s just that very interesting man… I’m confused ;)

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Anais August 13, 2013, 11:04 am

Interesting article, though from his tone “Oh, um, hmm, right, um, yeah, I forgot about that. But if you want to, um, then yeah, sure okay I guess I mean if you want to” he didn’t seem all that serious in terms of a relationship but was interested enough to follow through on the date.

Personally if a guy I like does this, I wait to hear from him even if it meant I would have to risk missing a date. I wouldn’t assume he isn’t into me but I’d only call him if *I* was just interested in casual dating. It’s reverse psychology. If I like him a lot, I want to have him work and show him he should firm up instead of leaving me hanging.

For example, if a guy doesn’t set a time and just mentions the date and day, or I don’t hear from him for a week, I assume it isn’t firm until he contacts me again. Depending on how long we’ve been seeing each other, I give him til 1 or 2 days before the day he chose for the date to firm it up. Never the day of though. If I hear from him after that I say something like “Hey it feels nice to hear from you, and thought communication may have gotten crossed somewhere. I didn’t realize were definitely on for tonight and made other plans [which I actually do]. I wish I had known you were still available.” I hear what he has to say; sometimes he immediately offers rescheduling or he says some sort of excuse. I reply with ” But I would love to reschedule with a firm day time and place now, what do you think?” So next time he won’t leave you hanging. It works if they are interested; you just have to show them how to treat you.

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Francesca Darby June 11, 2013, 12:19 am

Hi..So me and my two friends went to a local bar and had a few drinks together. While sitting outside I noticed a guy sitting alone smoking a cigarette. He was really cute and didnt appear to have showed up with anyone so I struck up conversation with him. Right off the bat we really hit it off. He was super friendly, and even let me have a few of his cigarettes while we chatted. We had so much in common, he happened to grow up in the same city as me (etc.) He was soo funny, and really easy to get along with. He even stuck around and hung out with me and my friends just sharing stories, and getting to know each other for about 30 min after he finished his drink. I mean he could have left, right? So , me and my friends are about to leave to go to another bar and I really like this guy so I asked him for his number and he said of course!!..Obviously I didnt just want to let this cute, funny guy WHO IS ALONE to just slip through my fingers hahaah! I was so excited to call him and I thought for sure he would be excited too!

I waited a week to call.
On a friday night and he didnt answer. No voicemail system either :/

So two days later, I sent a text. And He has an Iphone so I was able to see wether or not he read it…and he did….but alas no reply :/

Im feeling like hey…wat the hell!!

a week later I saw him at the same bar…alone.
I didnt say hi.

lol

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Jennifer June 10, 2013, 3:55 pm

Guys who are indifferent about you will forget to call because they had a super busy week. Guys who are mad about you, and will treat you like a princess if given the chance, will call the next day. Period. Don’t settle ladies. Don’t be the one calling… especially if you are doing it out of desperation or confusion.

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Samantha May 27, 2013, 6:30 pm

Love the pic: great movie, although I didn’t like it the first time. Gets better each time I watch as a reminder.

Guys have the same anxiety as we do. I think they live in the moment more so and for my part, I know I tend to think a little farther ahead. Not sure if that’s a girl thing or a personal thing. Not helpful.

I was once told that guys won’t call you for a date on a Friday or Saturday night; they reserve those nights for guaranteed hot dates, not first dates. Is this true? Is it true for us older gems in the dating arena, or the 20- and 30- somethings?

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Lisa February 28, 2013, 1:24 pm

I currently met some one Ive known for a while, and we met for lunch. He hasn’t contacted me in about two days. He mentioned to me what my schedule was like through the week, and how pretty I was at the time of the luncheon. What do I do? Please help.

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snow January 29, 2013, 12:13 pm

I am 20 and i met this guy(24) online on one of the facebook apps, he seemed really nice i did not add him but we continued to talk initially we texted and then he called he use to call a lot but then his calls became fewer and fewer, and now he calls like twice a week weve known each other for three months and have met 3 times he has to travel an hour to see me he came all three times, but on the third tme tht we met up i told him tht my friend suggested tht i get a boyfriend wen i go to some busssiness school for my masters and he was like “will u dump me then” and i said that I have over an year to get into masters programe.. he has also talked about leaving for his higher education to abroad and we discussed this along the same lines.. he hasnt called me since friday(4 days) i dont knw if i messed up i did try to reassure him by holding his hand since we’re not intimate yet.. plz help!

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Mocha January 26, 2013, 6:39 pm

Hi, so I was seeing this guy for like 2 weeks in the summer but we both go to different universities and after a couple of dates we ended up mutually “leaving things open”. We were talking lots for the first few months, then a bit of a curveball – he sent me a really thoughtful birthday present. We talked more and things seemed really good. But after a while things faded, I reached out a few times and it seemed that the conversation flowed for a little bit but then there would be another long gap before a text or call. The longest being right now, I went on holiday during the Christmas holidays and he knew about it, even said he was sad I was leaving, but when I got back, not a peep! It’s been almost over a month since we talked, I sent the last text, and I just feel like every time I initiate a text, I send cheesy/cringey openings so that is why I’ve left it. What should I do, leave it longer, hint something or call him and ask what’s going on?

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akd77 December 18, 2012, 12:39 pm

I am recently going through a divoice after 15 years of marriage. I have know this Man who is 11 years older than me for about 10 years. We have always had this weird sexual attraction/energy that we could never do anything about. Well he is recently out of his releationship as I am mine. We hooked up and have been seeing each other causally for almost 3 months. We both decided that due to us just coming out of long releationshlips that we would just enjoy each others company. I feel like I am the one always contacting him. However he does respond to me each time I contact him quickly. But If I do not contact him first it can go a week with out contact. He seems happy to hear from he when I contact him. I guess I am confused. I do not know how to go about this since I have been out of practive for such a long time. Should I just keep doing what I am doing and contact him first? Sometimes he does contact me first but it is rare. I do not want to come off as needy because I am not but I do like what we have going on and do not want to loose that. Any advise is appreciated.

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mariona perals September 22, 2012, 8:28 am

Definitly true! I was telling to my friend the same thing a week ago. Thanks for the tip.

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Mirabelle August 7, 2012, 12:00 pm

I want to know that too… I recently started to chat again with a guy I’ve known online for like 8 years or so. We have been quite on and off though troughout the years but everytime we talk it’s like no months or years past away in between.
In the past he has been quite clear with the fact that he does like me. And still he keeps mentioning things like that certain songs or so reminds him of me. We exchanged number 2 weeks ago and messages each other a couple of times in a sort of friendly, funny and a bit of flirty kind of way. He wanted to meet, but I was busy at home and couldn’t join him.
Then a few days after I felt an impulse to ask him out and so I did. We met the day after, for the first time, in real life. It was quite nice. He seemed a bit shy but he was very attentive towards me and all. He hugged me when we met and he gave me a good bye hug.

When I came home I started to think about what had happen. I felt a bit confused, because even though I haven’t felt much when we met, I just felt quite comfortable that’s all. I started to fall for him badly, the more I thought about our meeting. I didn’t expect him to contact me right away, but around midnight he got online and said he had troubles sleeping. But he logged out before I could reply. Then the days passed by and I felt like crazy. I decided to send him a message telling ; that it was fun seeing each other and that we have to do it again sometime. No reply… but later that night he got online again and said he had gotten a message from me, but had troubles reading it as the display on his phone has broken down. I told him what I had written about it was fun seeing each other and that we have to do it again…. his reply was; absoloutely, we will solve it…
And I felt it was an odd reply. I was expecting more enthusiasm.

It’s not like I want him to be my boyfriend all of sudden. I just want him to be a close friend, you know hang out, do fun things together, laugh and just talk about anything. I don’t want to seem clingy or pressure him in some way. I just want things to happen, don’t want to waste any time. Because I feel open and impulsive and brave for the moment. Something I’m usually not. So should I contact him again or should I just sit there and wait and wait and turning crazy in the process?

I’ve tried to distance myself from the situation, but this keeps nagging me all the time, it’s so hard. I usually don’t feel this way or concerned about relationships of any kind (because most of the time I’m a loner and don’t have a bunch of friends), but this time it’s different, I like him and wish to get to know him more. How should I proceed from here?
I don’t want to lose out on a good friend…

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Debra August 23, 2013, 10:31 am

Mirabelle, you were in communication with this man for 8 years off and on, and he never asked to see you? That is a serious sign, flaming red flag, that he is either already married (or in a relationship) and likes to sneak into his imaginary dating world of online dating when his significant other isn’t around, or he is really not interested in you. Any available man who had an interest would have met you within a few weeks (not years!) initiating the contact. Stop nagging yourself over him, join an online dating site, and realize there is a sea of men out there looking for the right lady. I joined a Christian dating site and have had my pick of men. No kidding! It certainly helps with withdrawals over the wrong man and those nagging thoughts where we blame ourselves for their fickleness! Now I have a sweetie that I picked out from over six hundred profiles! My heart jumped when I saw his picture, I sent him a flirty “smile” and he took it from there. We have now been dating for two months and he calls every night. A real gentleman and so handsome! You will find the right one too!

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NEJ August 4, 2012, 11:31 am

i just want to ask one question. If a shy guy talks about the past history of the two of you with you, does this means that he is still into you?

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Ali July 28, 2012, 12:10 pm

Hi, I am new to this site and have been reading some of the comments trying to find one similar to my own situation but I thought best to just submit my own.
Basically I met a guy 4 years ago and not long after, he wound up going to prison for something he was later acquitted of. Anyway, I visited him throughout and assumed that we would be together when he came out. However this wasnt the case as he felt he needed to focus on his life when he came out and work hard to accomplish himself and be at the stage he needs to be. Cool, I did the same, I focused on my career and he did his, I’m in a good place in terms of my own life and whilst to me, he seems to be also, he is constantly striving for more. He says he will soon be where he wants to be and at that point he could consider giving me what I need. He feels that he is not in a position to at the moment.
Over the years we have come in and out of each others lives, him saying he will try harder to give me what I need but then it never seems to be enough. The truth is, I am ready to settle down now, I want to do it all with him; holidays, living together, marriage, children etc. Im in my late 20′s and he is in his early 30′s. I don’t want to date other guys, it doesnt feel right, I want only him. He has said in the past that I am too demanding, but I feel that I just know what I want and how I expect to be treated. I seem to have these ideals of how a man should treat a woman that he wants and respects. We recently regained contact and seeing him has brought all of my emotions to the surface again. I am trying so hard to remain cool and not call or message him but it hurts when I want to hear from him and I dont, when I want to see him but I cant. He has arranged a spa day for us next week which i’m looking forward to. Im just not sure how to behave to be honest, like i’m still wanting to be in a relationship with him or as if I couldnt care less, when deep down that is all I want.
Should I continue to wait? I am being too demanding? Surely two adults who care so much about one another should just be able to express their emotions naturally without always being so concerned about how it will be perceived. I know so many loving couples around me, ie friends and family, I can’t understand why I am having so much hurt and pain in my own.
Thanks in advance for your responses.

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Teri in VA October 9, 2012, 4:32 am

He’s just not that into you… AND you might be too demanding. Either way, have a good time with him, but keep your options open for other guys.

It’s hard when you are concentrated on one man, but when that man doesn’t want you, you need to WALK AWAY. Trust me, if a man really likes you, he will flip cars for you, not tell you he’s working hard to give you what you need/want. That’s total B.S.

Move on. You might have missed out on some great men waiting for him to change his mind.

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val July 11, 2012, 12:42 am

wow well wat i can say from my experiences is that i usually am the one that gives out the number cuz the guys ask for it.. and even if i felt a thing for the guy i NEVER expect a call yet somehow i always recieve a call:) which i only answer and proceed to a date if im really into the guy …. well thats actually how i got with my boyfriend :)
but i dnt think us girls should go after guys it makes u look that much desperate than they are about getting laid ……

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JaieGee June 22, 2012, 12:02 pm

Seriously? No offense, but I think a better headline for this story would be “Yep, if he doesn’t call, he’s REALLY just not that into you.” You put yourself through that and blatantly being disrespected for what, a couple of months of non-serious dating? And that was really worth it? I guess only you can answer that for yourself, but in my case I think I’d rather save my time for myself, my friends, and perhaps a dating partner who really IS into me, rather than waste a couple of months dating some guy who practically had to be begged to go out with me. Note to those who think I’m being sexist in thinking that a woman should wait for a guy to call–that’s not what I’m saying at all. I would say the same thing if a woman told a man that she’d call him, but didn’t.

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Lulu September 6, 2012, 10:36 pm

Thank you so much for saying exactly what I was thinking. And let’s be honest, it’s pretty clear you began sleeping with the guy. He definitely got what he wanted…

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SophiaC November 29, 2012, 2:15 pm

Absolutely agree with you! She sounded pretty desperate especially considering how the guy behaved on the phone. Get some self-respect girl! You put yourself through all of that for a few months worth of ‘fun’ ie boning. If the time with him had been that great you guys would still be together. Men aren’t stupid..they go after what they want. If he doesn’t call, he’s not interested. Calling him only delays the inevitable. Ask yourself this: why would you want someone who isn’t interested in you?

Side Note: I was really disappointed upon learning they were together for only a few months. I was expecting some great story about how they’re now married or they’re still going strong after 1 year+ or something good like that. Sigh, the saying “he’s just not that into you” is consistently so true and this situation is a great test case.

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CherlynC March 11, 2013, 12:01 am

COMPLETELY AGREE. When he didn’t call, I would have just let it go rather than waste a few months of my time. As a woman, I want a guy who is as into me as I am into him.

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CherlynC March 12, 2013, 11:35 pm

Just to add, but it seems that the whole article is just making excuses for the guy. And he did get to sleep with you.

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Z June 16, 2012, 6:18 am

Please help me!, I met him online we started testing and talking over the phone we connected really well we chatted almost everyday i felt he like me and i stared to like him everything was fine for the first 4weeks but little by little he started to be distance not calling not testing so i give him some time after several day i would text him so see how is doing he would reply really short message he would not try to keep the conversation also he would not answ my call or call me back … so last night i send him a text telling him that he not putting the same effort as before he was really distance that i would like to move forward if he allows me but i needed to know if he still interesting to get to know me since we had not met in person he lives 4hrs away that i did not feel like wasting my time. few hours later he respond and he said yes he would like to meet and he understand the way i feel. so i ask him if he will stop acting so cool and distance. few hours later after he told me yes less meet.. he said this: I THOUGHT ABT WHAT YOU SAID AND I HAVE BEEN SO BUSY LATELY. I HAVE MY SONS PRETTY MUCH ALL THIS SUMMER I THINK RIGHT NOW MIGHT NOT B THE RIGHT TIME FOR A RELATIONSHIP. WE CAN STAY FRIENDS IF U LIKe.
of course i responded saying yes no problem.

which the true is im mad and sad i really like this guy and think i loss my change with him im not sure what to do im sure if i should forget about him… i know he likes me but the fact i was so pushy and so needy that now im just a friend he is not calling at all im here loss PLEASE TELL ME WHAT TO DO

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Lorraine June 15, 2012, 1:12 am

Then I’d like to ask you (because you’re tempting me to call)… A friend gave my number to a guy, saying that I was needing help with portuguesse lessons. He added me to the whatsapp. Ever since I did it, it ‘s been me who talk first. He never talked to me. He’s been nice on chat anyway. Said I could call him anytime, and he’d be cool. I went up to see him for 1 hour “to ask doubts” and see who would he be at me. I noticed he was nervous but too close to me while sitting on the table. I let 3 days pass and texted with a simple “hi!” and he never texted me back. I’m pissed and desapointed. Totally think it’s right to had let him go. What do you think?

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Patty May 27, 2012, 11:41 am

So I noticed some of you mentioned rules and breaking rules. What kind of rules are they and where can I find more information? Thanks.

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Poviosis June 8, 2012, 3:26 am

They are probably referring to the rules in the dating book ‘The Rules’ – google it.

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Sarah April 18, 2012, 5:49 pm

hi

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JAQUI April 16, 2012, 1:17 pm

I LOVE THIS STORY LITTLE BY LITTLE IM UNDERSTANDING MY EX LITTLE BY LITTLE… NOW I KNOW NOT TO THINK OVER THINK WHEN THE GUY NEVER CALL BACK BUT ITS ALWAYS NERVE RECKING TO SIT AND WAIT FOR THE GUY TO CALL

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Isa April 5, 2012, 3:58 am

Ok, now i’m here so i might as well tell my story. I met this awesome, funny guy through a friend, we went out[ the 3 of us] a few times and then he asked me if i wanna go out with him. We went for a casual stroll in the park,we laughed, we really hit it off, he even looked on a compatibility site and we started laughing at how well our signs match. And then boom! Today is the third day i haven’t heard from him. I texted him yesterday asking casually “u still alive?” and he responded something like “yeah.why?” ……… i just don’t get. What is it about men?? i told myself that after the text yesterday i will not contact him until he does. But i REALLY like him so, help?:D

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Leona March 30, 2012, 2:01 am

I am going thru something similar! I met this guy we have dated twice and it’s been amazing even when I thought we were moving too fast -and by we, I mean him approaching and me saying yes but being afraid of acting like a pushover! , it’s just that the last 2 or 3 days I have felt a change …I don’t know, it may be just so much work or this feeling that yes! we were moving too fast..! We are supposed to meet tomorrow, until I see into his eyes the way he looks at me, I won’t feel peace.

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manoj April 1, 2012, 1:14 am

i think you feel real love to him thats why you think like this , i have to tell that first you have to study him and if you feel comfort then you continue leona

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feeling stupid March 10, 2012, 6:31 am

Ok I feel stupid and already know the answer, I’m too embarrassed to ask any of my friends for advice. So I met a guy online, he was lovely and we spoke for three months without actually meeting. We exchanged phone calls and texts daily and even regularly skyped. So three months later (three months because he always flakes), we eventually met, but because our plans fell through we ended up watching Dvds at his place. Yes we had sex. I k.ow this is a major rule break, but I didn’t care at the time. I texted him the same night and he ignored me and only responded the next day. I have texted him three times, and tried to speak to him on Skype….. He obviously ignored me as he was online. My opinion is that he’s a dic@head, I haven’t tried to contact him again. But what do you guys think? Why did he make am effort before we met, and if he wasn’t Into me then why did he have sex with me? I dont understand.

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manoj April 1, 2012, 1:18 am

hai miss friend neat time dont go with sex to anybody you really dont know him so first know him better,study his character very well and if he is really love wiyh you then only have sex with him ok my friend

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VMC June 18, 2012, 6:58 am

Actually it really just depends on the guy. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re grown and you made the decision to have sex with him. Keep looking at it as a mistake, you’ll regret it FOREVER! I did the same thing. Dwelled on it for a day and finally admitted it happened because I wanted it to. He did text/call back till some drama appeared in his life I didn’t want to be a part of. When the drama was over, he called. Not all guys are jerks. And I didn’t text him to death when I didn’t hear from him. I just lived my life and he showed back up!

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Confused .com December 28, 2011, 11:00 am

Hi. I met this guy on online dating site. He turned out to live only 20 min away from me.
We met in the town where I live and went for a walk. We got on really well, laughed and talked a lot. I was attracted to him very much.

On the way to our cars, we got some coffee and I payed for it, even though I saw he wanted to do it. He even told me that he wanted to pay, but I just said that it’s not a big deal and that he can do it next time.

He walked me to my car, said goodbye, kissed me on the cheek and date that didn’t even feel like one, was over. I was little confused because I didn’t want to go home yet, but I felt like he wanted me to leave.

I came home and half an hour later I got a text saying that he ”is not going to play it cool by waiting a while and then texting me” and said that he thinks I’m funny, smart, honest and very attractive. Now I was even more confused and to answer his text I told him that I think ”he is very nice too” and that ”his personality seemed very nice”. We then exchanged 2 more texts just about random things, where I asked what he was doing for the rest of that same evening. He replied and asked me the same and I gave an honest answer, by saying that nothing much, that I am just going to read a book… He never replied. I sent another message few hours later thinking that maybe he was just busy, and told him that I enjoyed our walk and talk that day… He never responded.
I was really looking forward to meet him again. Now 2 days have passed and nothing.
I have no idea what did I do or say wrong. Maybe it was because I used word ”nice”..maybe because I payed for coffee? I would really like to ask him, but I don’t want to look like a ”desperado”.
Cheers

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confused elder lady December 16, 2011, 2:03 am

I have been in a long distance relationship with a 67 yr old man, 2 years older than I. We have been together for almost a year, talking marriage, etc. Out of the blue he chickens out and says we are going too fast. Then he stopped telling me he loved me. I asked if he wanted to break up, but no, he didn’t. He said I was too insecure, that I had to work on that, although I caught him on dating web sites, trolling. Right now I just signed up again and he knows I will be in his house in less than 2 months. What is going on in this relationship?

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Flower White December 18, 2011, 5:28 am

Hi
You know what is going on but you’re in denial. It appears as though he’s too cowardly to break up with you.

1)After a year he told you you’re going too fast= afraid of commitment
2)Stopped telling you that he loves you =its over but he’s to chickenshit to end it.
3)You caught him on websites, trolling=he is looking for a replacement.

Please don’t go to his house, you’re old enough to know better.
I’d say there is no relationship.

Good luck. If you could find him, you will find someone else. Why would you waste your precious time even thinking about visiting such a man, are you a glutton for punishment?

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The Legend January 31, 2012, 7:30 am

Flower White: OMG! I think im in love with you!! Your advice is interesting, and sounds exactly like my bff. She’s the exact same way. I’ve been reading all the advice you’ve posted on this page and im impressed!! Now im hunting for the book you recommended “Why men love bitches”. Im desperately trying to learn to love myself as I was in a manipulative and abusive (psychological and sometimes physical) relationship with a guy who was 14 yrs older than me for 4 years. So the whole dating thing is a little scary and I don’t know what to do/how to act/how to keep them interested and intruiged. I’m going to be 25 this year and my life plan was to be married by the end of this year. I don’t even have a bf (been single for 6months now)…so yeah….I’m trying to learn to love me before i can expect anyone to do that! I’ve just never truly been single- always jumped from relationship to relationship and I think i used men as a way to validate myself.
Anyway…thanks for the advice. :)

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melissa December 13, 2011, 6:30 pm

hello, i’m a 22 aged woman who met a guy online as in dating website, he emailed me and then we started emailing each other on a daily basis for a bout a week and then he asked for my facebook…. i added him and since then we send each other messages on a daily basis and he actually mention that he wanted to come and see me and all that..what i’m confused with is why hasn’t he asked for my number yet???, i mean i want to talk to him on the phone and hear his voice and see how our phone conversation will go.. please help me with the best advice..thanks

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Flower White December 13, 2011, 9:06 pm

@melissa
unfriend and block him on Facebook NOW.

NEVER friend a man that you might want to have as a boyfriend -NEVER. No mystery and you give him privy into your life…

Then email him this ONE mail:
Tell him that you prefer to talk on the phone!

WAIT for him to email back to ask for your phone number.

You will have your answer. He is trying to manage you with scraps of communication and so far he’s gotten his way. Some men are “Keyboard Romeos” they live through the computer and avoid face to face interactions.

Melissa its not about HIM …this is about YOU. YOU desire a closer relationship.

Sorry to say, he most likely is not the one and may have a string of other ladies as well.

And KEEP PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE TO OTHER MEN.

You’ve learned a good lesson. NO FB for new men!

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Hannah December 11, 2011, 9:21 pm

I was dating a guy for about a month and we went out a total of 7 times. Each time we met we both seemed to have a great time and really enjoyed eachothers company. Then one day seemingly out of the blue he didn’t reply to my texts ( I sent 2 in a row) We had made tentative plans for the following weeks and discussed things we could do together. I really liked everything about him and am having a hard time believing he would just stop contacting me. I sent him a brief email to give him an easy way out but never heard back he is actively avoiding my phone calls (I’ve only tried twice and never left a msg) it’s been over 3 weeks since I last spoke to him. Is it worth calling or emailing him for my own peace of mind or should I preserve my dignity and salvage any chance, no matter how small, by just forgetting about him?

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Flower White December 12, 2011, 8:29 am

Sorry he chose to cut contact but a month is really nothing in the dating world. I do hope that you did not sleep with him!

Now Hannah MOVE ON. You reached out THREE times-zero response.

He’s just not into you. WHY would you further contact him? He’s done and you should be too. Billions of men in the world all you need is ONE.

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Out of Curiosity December 1, 2011, 11:26 pm

That whole man needs to chase a woman and if a woman initiates contact she is losing her self respect… isn’t that line of thinking anarchic? It is 2011, women should be able to contact a guy and not be seen as clingy. Why is always on the guy? It shouldn’t be this way, like the guy paying for everything. We fought for women’s rights but we still cling onto this whole traditionalist ideal of if a woman shows interest we are clingy and don’t have any value for ourselves. NOW everything should be done in moderation. You can’t call or text a guy 50 million times in a day unless he replies back and you have a conversation going, but one text that initiates the conversation, if he does the same isn’t a bad thing.

I think it’s an ebb and flow. Both should give. It shouldn’t always be on the man to call and/or text and if he doesn’t he’s not into you automatically. Like you said men keep busy. Also I don’t understand that whole never meet a guy half way if you both live far apart is silly to me. What does that show to the guy that your deprite? I don’t see it that way. I shows that your willing to compromise. I would be pissed if I was a man and the chick was like no you HAVE to drive all the way to my location when you have a car and transportation to met me half way. It would show your inconsiderate and I wouldn’t be interested. I have this line of thinking with men. If you can’t meet me half way then I will find someone who can bye. No animosity required or engaged.

I do find it quite funny like another poster said that this article is pretty much like don’t give up and reach out but all the advise your giving is drop him, give up and your loosing your self respect by reaching out. True you may not be the person whom has written the article but it still has people say to themselves…Hmm WTH?

By the way I’m not in high school and I’m not young at all. I may look young but I assure you I’m not.

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MrsRage December 2, 2011, 1:05 pm

Thanks this was really I was saying.
In regards to meeting half, there was one guy that I met off of a dating site and he was pissed because I wouldn’t drive to see him. He lived an 1 hour, the reason I did this was because he had already come to see me. Around the time we were courting, he would drive 4 hours every weekend to see his “mother” (in a small a** college town, so I know he was lying) but couldn’t drive less than that to see me.
#2 I was listening to my mother’s advice, she when her and my dad were courting he WENT OUT OF HIS WAY to see her. My dad was quite the player, whore type too, lol. My mom even spotted him with another chick out once while they were dating before they got into a relationship.
Mind you, they have been together for over 20 years. I know a guy will go out of his way if he loves me and ONCE ITS PROVEN, I in turn will go out of mine. I am naturally a nice person so I have to be careful. I have been played/used before, thankfully I am still a virgin.

I steer clear of non-virgins because they’re always trying to use people. Or to lazy to be a MAN. I found dating sites exclusively for us. :)All love here no more being played or used!!! HA!

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MrsRage December 2, 2011, 1:12 pm

SORRY ABOUT THE TYPOS!!! :)

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MrsRage December 2, 2011, 1:26 pm

Thanks this was really I was saying.
In regards to meeting half way, there was one guy that I met from a dating website. He was pissed because I wouldn’t drive to see him. He lived an 1 hour away, he complained alot. I guess he forgot that he said I was worth the drive. He also started b*tching about me not going to see him first. I drop him because he was trying to control me. I am a virgin, not an idiot.

Around the time we were courting, he drove 4 hours every weekend to see his “mother” (in a small college town, so I know he was lying) but couldn’t drive less than that to see me.

I took my mother’s advice. She told me that while her and my dad were courting he WENT OUT OF HIS WAY to see her. They didn’t even own a car!!!
My dad was quite the player, whore type too, lol. My mom even spotted him with another chick out once while they were dating before they got into a serious relationship.

Mind you, they have been together for over 20yrs. I know a guy will go out of his way if he loves me and ONCE ITS PROVEN, I in turn will go out of mine. I am naturally a nice person so I have to be careful. I have been played/used before, thankfully I am still a virgin.

I steer clear of non-virgins because they’re always trying to use people. Or to lazy to be a MAN. They know they can walk all over us because we are not “experienced”. I found dating sites exclusively for other virgins. The best date I’ve ever been on was with a virgin. All love there no more being played or used!!! HA!

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MrsRage November 28, 2011, 9:42 pm

I am not trying to funny, but why are you just telling everyone to move on? You did not do that so why not just tell them to go after what they want? If you really like someone just do that men OR women, if they don’t show interests after the few attempts then move on.

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Eric Charles November 29, 2011, 1:54 pm

That’s an over-generalization – she’s not telling everyone to move on.
.
But moving on can actually be the best strategy to re-gaining the attractiveness that people (men or women) lose when they fixate on someone..
.
When someone fixates, they devalue themselves and chase the other person. The other person (the object of their affection) is repelled by this needy, insecure admirer chasing them, *needing something* from them.
.
Whereas if the person cuts bait and moves on, but doesn’t slam the door in their former crush’s face, then it gives the situation room to breathe. And at that point, if there was any chance of romance, it is possible at this point (whereas chasing would smother the life out of any chance…)
.
Hope that clarifies.

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Kari May 24, 2012, 9:45 am

Love Love Love your articles… My BF and I have had rocky relationship ( almost 2yrs) .. But when we are good, it is great..There are trust issues on both parts more on my part.. I have never giving him a reason not to trust me, but he has giving me plenty.. I think that I have hurt his ego, he does not like people to know his buisness, there have been a few times where I have vented on FaceBook, and should not have.. He hates FB.. We recently in the last month or so had a few blow ups, and the last one he told me he is confused and thinks Iam to. That we need to take a breather/break.. I agree think that it is a good idea.. He has a few things at my place and I had a few at his place..so we send a few text so we can exchage or things. In the past when we have done this he has always keep in contact, telling me loves me, etc.. but the whole time he was also talking with another girl… I love him and believe we would have a great relationship if we could get past the trust issues. This time I want this break, I want him to if he will really miss me or move on.. Either way I need to do this, for me I honestly believe it is the only way I will know if he is really what I want or have I got caught up in this cat and mouse game.. To be honest I dont know how to just stop contact with him and tell him I feel like I can’t take a breather/break with us having contact every day and him continue to tell me he loves me.. I need this break and he knows he does to. I dont want to hurt him and he doesnt want to hurt me either. SO CONFUSED…. Please Please any suggestions advise… I really want some input on this..

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Mrs. Rage November 28, 2011, 9:38 pm

I am not trying to be funny, but why are all your responses telling people to move on? You didn’t in the article, you went after what you wanted.
Wtf?

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Flower White November 29, 2011, 3:49 pm

If you’re talking to me, and I HAVE been telling young ladies to move on, I am not in the article. I’m an 40+ single professional woman sharing my relationship advice with younger women.

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MrsRage December 2, 2011, 1:11 pm

Do you have any advice on how to attract them? I mean when I look my best I forget about the guy I was trying to persue. Basically because I’m persued by a bunch of other attractive guys, lol. I don’t intend on remaining single, I’m 24 years old.

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Flower White December 5, 2011, 6:12 pm

MrsRage you can attract guys just by being 24 years young. You must chose and vet men carefully. You smile at men and let them come to you. You let them email you first! You do not allow them to mangage you by crumbs of text. You train them to call you. You keep your busy life and some mystery. You don’t tell all-remember that, just because a man asks you questions doesn’t mean that you have to answer them all. You might want to follow THE RULES or read that book WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES.

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MrsRage December 7, 2011, 7:29 pm

Thanks! I hope I wasn’t coming across trollish.
And will do!

Jewel October 31, 2011, 7:03 am

so we arent dating but we’ve bought tickets to do stuff together in the next week, other than that he doesn’t really contact me.

if we usually are in very separate parts of the city & i am going up to his area (not to see him.. i’ll just happen to be there), should i tell him and ask him to join me? or tell him and see if he offers to join me? he’s not one for txting and he’s kind of shy, any tips!?

i mean since we are ‘just friends’ i know i would tell a friend about it without worrying, but since i like him i don’t know if i’m being annoying or what… :(

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FLower White November 3, 2011, 4:27 pm

@Jewel… He is not shy he DOESN’T WANT YOU “he doesn’t really contact me.”

PLEASE take the hint and move on!

No offense but you ARE being annoying – you “like him” but refuse to take the hint “he’s not one for txting” !! Have some self respect, and some mystery. Leave this guy alone and go flirt with a guy who will respond to you.

Please re-read my responses to others on this page. You sound young and I bet you are cute. STOP CHASING MEN.

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Emma October 29, 2011, 11:11 am

i went to a dance with someone and it was going fine then he had his arms around two girls i know and he was all over them and they both knew i was with him there and they still did it after i told them then i got mad and told emily to back off then she got mad and left and out of all my school years i have always been the hated person and no one asked me to dances or asked me out or anything! i am always the one who has to! and when ever i do they go all around other chicks even if they are my date for the dance
and i am like wtf!??!
and i wanna die of fucking embarrassment!! and idk what to do cuz he was all over them and i cried amlost all night when i got home! D:

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Flower White October 29, 2011, 1:01 pm

What do you do? You move on. You stop crying over this. You’re in high school, I take it. You have your whole life to date and learn about men now is the time to focus on your studies. Teenagers do cruel stuff to each other. I’d drop out of dating for now, you have your college years for that…

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Cloud Dancer October 18, 2011, 8:47 pm

Never have sex too soon! You can’t wait long enough. Here’s a surefire test … The more he turns you on, the longer you need to wait. Sorry, but true.

Aside from that, I recently met a guy online. We did some emailing, had a long phone conversation and then went out on a date. He told me he wanted to see me again and unexpectedly hugged and kissed me as we walked out to our cars. Two days later he called. I didn’t get to the phone in time, but minutes later I noticed he emailed also. He asked what I was doing later. I didn’t really think about it. I just responded to the email stating that I’d call him back. I called him back and got his voice mail. I asked him to call me back. He never called me back that day. It’s been two more days since then and I haven’t heard from him or received any emails. What gives? Do you think he’s fishing to see if I’ll call or email him again? Would you contact him? I’ve thought of sending an email, but I’m not sure. I think he’s kinda shy and I’m not. Why would he have asked me what I was doing later that day if he didn’t want to meet again? I’m over all these games!

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Flower White October 21, 2011, 8:42 am

…”I asked him to call me back. He never called me back that day. It’s been two more days since then and I haven’t heard from him or received any emails. What gives? …Why would he have asked me what I was doing later that day if he didn’t want to meet again?”

He doesn’t want to call you for whatever reason. He didn’t get the cookies when he wanted? Doesn’t matter why hes not calling, hes not calling!

Men are NEVER too shy to contact a woman who interests them!

Takes two to play games. Drop out move on.

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Mahaley January 15, 2012, 2:06 am

I arppecatie you taking to time to contribute That’s very helpful.

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Flower White January 17, 2012, 4:59 am

Why, thank you.

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carolyn October 14, 2011, 9:59 am

I met a guy in a bar over a year ago and he tried to get me to go out all this time. In July I invited him over to my house with the understanding that there would be no sex. He came and we watched tv and talked. Then we went on a date a couple weeks later still no sex. Then in sept we did have sex and after the first time a girl at the bar he said is only a friend told him I text her which I didnt cause I only know who she is by seeing her in the bar. He said he told her her didnt believe I did that ,so a week later we went out again and had sex. Well the person who text the other started texting me. I told this to the guy I was seeing and he said it was me. So now we arent talking and did he only want sex How do I get him back This person who I dont know is still texting me is it the girl or the guy I was seeing. Help The last text I got from the unknown person wanted to know what was new hun . Im so confused . I have text the guy I was seeing and told him I missed him and got no response.

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Flower White October 15, 2011, 12:30 pm

Let. It. Go.
Too much drama! Are you all in high school???

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Flower White October 10, 2011, 4:14 pm

PS
Unfriend him! Keep some mystery get him out of your personal life he has done nothing to earn that privledge.

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Flower White October 10, 2011, 4:13 pm

NO! STOP texting him! START ignoring his text messages!! When you ignore his text he will either pick up the phone or he get lost.

You made a mistake by not letting him come up to SF to see you. NEVER meet halfway on the first date! Plus you met him at a club – the best place to meet PLAYERS and CON MEN.

He is not chasing you he is being lazy with texting why are you anxious to see a man who is doing little to court you? I am telling you he has many women he’s doing this routine on. I am glad you didn’t have first date sex, he’d truly be GONE.

STOP. TEXTING. HIM. Stay busy leave him alone get on with your life.

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Sammy October 9, 2011, 1:50 pm

So I met this guy two weeks ago out at a club. He seems really interested in getting to know me- asked for my number and FB info. We txt everyday. He lives in SF and I live in SJ. He had a “business meeting” last weekend and asked to meet up between his meetings. Because I wanted to see him, I met him out. We talked even more and found out we had a lot in common and had fun. Before I left him for his next “metting,” he said that we should go to dinner sometime, but didn’t set an actual date. Still txting me everyday, he had to go to LA for “business” and ended up extending his trip. Who knows if this is what’s really going on with him. But, I’m anxious to go out on this supposed date, but he still hasn’t set any plans for an actual time to meet. What does this mean? Where is this going? Should I continue to txt him back?

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Sercet September 20, 2011, 1:45 pm

What does it mean when a guy say see you soon?????????

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Flower White September 20, 2011, 5:50 pm

It’s a way of saying bye, bye. I say that to friends as well. Means nothing, really.

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danika morose September 20, 2011, 3:54 am

I’ve known a man in his late 20′s for about 4 years- we’ve been friends and have always flirted back and forth and have even been affectionate with each other- smooching here and there, nothing more than that..when we’d bump into each other, we’d drink flirt and he’d steal a kiss or two- He’s tried many times to get me to sleep with him (always jokingly) and I always fend him off – jokingly. He’s in the entertainment business and travels a lot, has plenty of access to women, which though out our friendship, he’d never really mention. He’s always been respectful of me- removing most traces of “frat boy” behavior around me. He’s a bit younger than me- and always tells me age is never an issue, because it is with me- we’ve always gone back and forth jokingly about that and one day I mentioned that I went to dinner with a man his age- and he got mock jealous- and complained that I never give him shot- and I told him playfully that I can’t recall him ever asking me out- and he said if he was in town, he’d ask me out in a heartbeat. And I responded- when that time comes, if I’m around, I’d be delighted. Nothing else was made of that- we’d go about our business, separate ways and continue to keep in touch- talking about anything and everything, and still joking around and flirting. Our friendship is always so relaxed, with playful banter and just some general silliness.

I went about my business – giving it no further thought- So back in late July when he was in town, we saw each other in passing, as we both were involved with an event in different capacities- we chatted for a bit- he informed me that he would be back in my town at the end of sept/beg of oct. and I said “great we should hang out”- just being myself – because we always hang out as friends. So a few weeks pass and he pings me and suggests jokingly that i should find a place to romance wine and dine him- I joke around back and forth with him and I mentioned that I’d send him a few options and that he could pick out- and he said cool. A few days later I sent him options and i didn’t hear back- didn’t think anything of it- as both of us sometimes don’t reply for days on emails that aren’t emergencies. Every once in awhile over the next few weeks, he’d ping me with a “whats up” and be slightly flirty- just normal as always. It was getting nearer to the date, so I decided to text him with a simple- heya “are we still on like Donkey Kong?” And I got back a text with a “?” like he had no idea what I was talking about- I felt very embarrassed and just texted back – oh you mentioned that you’d be coming in a day or two before the event to hang out. And he texted back that he was flying in the day before.

Before everyone chimes in with the “he’s just not into you” thing- I get that 100%. The strange thing is- we’ve made plans before – and he’s had to cancel- as have I, but we’ve always told each other that we cannot make it whatever reason- it was never a “?”. Like you have no idea what someone is talking about- As friends, this was never an issue. Why the ignorance act? Why not a “sorry can’t make it”? Please don’t tell me that my own friend is “shit testing” me in some weird way….wait..we are friends…right?

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Flower White September 20, 2011, 5:47 pm

Um I got a headache reading that you are way too desperate…he’s not into you. And he’s a man, men don’t over think stuff like we do. Besides, he’s young and hot (I assume) and sowing his oats and staying busy. I give men credit, they know how to stay busy, unlike women…

I notice you contacting him… that means he’s not into you.
If a man’s not picking up the phone to make a date he really doesn’t want to be your boyfriend, it’s as simple as that. If a friend doesn’t reply to your text you’re not a priority.

Please move on dear. Men aren’t like us ladies. He’s busy I bet he has lots of girls he’s dating and playing with that’s what *some* (not all) young men do..

“We” haven’t made plans YOU did. And NO you’re not friends, just passing acquaintances for four long years. What is your issue? Stop chasing him and use your beauty on a man who is interested in you.

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Daisy January 16, 2012, 1:43 am

Geeze lady you give the worst advice ever. Someone’s a negative Nancy…

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Flower White January 17, 2012, 4:57 am

You talking to me, @Daisy? “A hit dog hollars”, sorry to have offended you with the truth.

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Beth September 28, 2011, 1:33 am

I doubt he’s shit-testing you.

A trend can’t be drawn from one point. From the information you give, it sounds like you’re friends, fun, playful, giving as much as you get. Contrary to some theories, guys are complex. It’s human nature; we all live inside our heads and no one else can read our minds. The only person who can tell you what “?” meant is him, and it’s possible even he doesn’t know.

If you doubt the friendship, then that usually either means he’s been sending out red flags or you’ve developed some unreasonable expectations and insecurity.

Red flags would be intentional behavior on his part that cause you bad feelings, with no attempts to correct it. I’ve had it happen where a guy friend attempted to keep me jealous, unhappy, and emotionally focused on him even though he had no intention of ever dating me. Needless to say, that’s the sort of friend to lose.

Insecurity and unreasonable expectations means that he hasn’t intentionally kept you interested, but rather returned more or less the same interest level you actively show him (and not the signals you think you’re sending, or the strong interest you built up in your mind), and your frustration stems from him not picking up on it and taking it further. That’s not his fault, and it’s not your fault either for having those hopes. It doesn’t make you desperate, we’re all wired to look for potential mates in people who make us happy. Once you deal with the insecurity, and drop the expectations, you’ll find the friendship restores itself if you want it to.

But for either case, you’ve already made it clear you know you’re not a couple. So if the uncertainty and possibility is harmful to your self-esteem or your ability to date other men, then it does not reflect badly on you to take the steps you need to be happy that you have control over.

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Anonomous September 9, 2011, 1:17 pm

I don’t really get the moral of the sotry to be honest…. basically, what your saying is….if a guy doesnt call….and you want to sleep with him….. call him and even if he sounds awkward about the whole thing, and tells you he’d forgotten about you…. insist on a date…. and when he tells you to your face that thank goodness your goodlooking… insinuating that he’s only interested in sex…. begin your celebratory date…. because you want to sleep with him. And that you did…. The end. Big Whoopie.

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FLower White August 17, 2011, 4:55 pm

@Blondie
Too much drama, how old are you-under 30?

Too many words for something that is very simple:

**It doesn’t matter what men say it matters what they do!**

PLEASE, young ladies Move ON! Stop wasting your time and creating needless drama.

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Sercet September 20, 2011, 1:49 pm

What does it mean when I guys says see you soon??? I met this guy and i out of my way to see him and afterwards I said for the drinks had a good time. He reply and said anytime and thanxs for coming. Then he said see you soon????

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Flower White September 20, 2011, 5:39 pm

It means nothing, dear Sercet. He was being polite, you said thanks, the ball is in his court.

Stay busy, date others wait to see if he contacts YOU.
Let him contact YOU.

Give some time, if he doesn’t contact you, you have your answer.
Men are simple they don’t over-think stuff like we do.

But for the love of God don’t text him saying hi!!!!
Keep your power and mystery.

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Sercet September 21, 2011, 1:05 pm

Thanxs, that what i through but it sucks because I was hoping alittle more but I am not goung to be the one chasing him.. If wants to see me again like you said the ball is in his court….And if i do run into I will be act cool…Thanxs again Flower White

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Sercet September 21, 2011, 1:14 pm

P.S Flower white…….I like you =) You are correct on the whole guys thing…I am going to come toyou for advice on man bc at times I am alittle weak when it comes to the whole guys thing I am alittle too forgiving…….

Flower White September 21, 2011, 2:19 pm

@Secret thanks for the compliments!

Yes NEVER chase a man! Show your interest be polite smile say thank you. The right man pursues YOU. If he doesn’t do that MOVE ON. Simple!

Please don’t say you’re weak -you’re learning -and please don’t be a fool for men, you’re young and have better things to focus on!

Remember, with men, it doesn’t matter what they say it matters what they do.

Blondie August 17, 2011, 4:36 am

I am going through the same stuff with a guy. He is in the military and overseas. We became friends and he stops communicating and I get mad move on and then he comes back. This has been going on for a year and a half. I moved on to another guy and he came back for a leave and wanted to see me. I agreed but only if he respected I was still with this other guy. Before he was to come I broke up with my BF at the time and the military guy was so excited to see me. I then got back with my BF at the time and yet I still wanted to meet and see him. I broke up again with my BF and finally after 3 dates trying to set up to see the military guy he finally had to leave and go back to war. We got into several civil small fights about what each of our expectaions were. He set up three dates to see me and during talking with him he asked me what I wanted and I told him a relationship and marriage. He did not seem to mind and actually said that could be a possibility. I told him it was his lost that we could not get to see one another. I know it looked bad that I was back in forth but the point was both guys knew about each other. I have and had developed this friendship with the military guy and emotionally I am into him. Now we got clos eagain because he chased me back and then started not writing back so I told him off and at the moment he had blocked his page. We already blocked and deleted eachother from FB twice me first. The point is that he always comes back and will be here in November. He tells me I am the greatest but has this lack of communication and every time I try and move on he comes back. The point is that I believe that if he is so into me then he wouldn’t take me for granted and keep in touch more. I am leaving it to him now. Everyone has a point that men who are really into you will have to do the work and women should stick with holding them to it.

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zeina August 15, 2011, 11:39 am

SAME STORY DIFFERENT PEOPLE ..you did nothing wrong ..we are girls

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FLower White August 14, 2011, 10:16 am

Thank you @Denise. It is so sad to read hundreds of words from women, saying the same thing.

Young ladies waste too many precious moments trying to get inside of his head.

No matter what:
IF HE WANTS YOU HE WILL CONTACT YOU. IF HE DOESN’T CALL, MOVE ON!

Even now, with me being mature 40+ and dating, some men will try to test me to see if I am weak (yes, ladies, I have been married!).

An old friend that I had a crush on, friended me on Facebook. He is cute! Single!
We made a date. He canceled the date 2 days before we were to meet cool. No biggie. He made another date with me. Okay.

He never called to confirm the second date.
I mirrored his behavior.
I never called to confirm the second date.

There was no second date.
I think, he wanted me to chase him. NO WAY.
Then, I deleted him from FB without a note, without a phone call, without drama!

I have moved on with peace, without worry. Because I know this:

IF HE WANTS YOU HE WILL CONTACT YOU.

Make no excuses, accept no excuses do not text, phone, im, or FB. Move on, girls!

“Men are like buses there is always another one coming along”

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mandymoo March 14, 2012, 6:01 pm

@flower white, I love this post, very well put and so right. I love reading your advice x

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Denise August 13, 2011, 2:30 pm

Flower White, I want to print your post out, put it on my wall (even frame it) and look at it every time I worry about a guy not calling me. You’re soooo RIGHT!!! Bless you!

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FLower White August 6, 2011, 9:16 pm

Girls! Listen to me I’m over 40 been there done that!!

1)If he wants you he will contact you
1)If he wants you he will contact you
1)If he wants you he will contact you
1)If he wants you he will contact you
1)If he wants you he will contact you

2) If he doesn’t call you MOVE ON he doesn’t want you no offense

STOP making excuses for men.
STOP chasing men
STOP whining about men

You are in the prime of your life. Move on.

This is from a lady over 40! When I was young like you I made the same mistakes. Men are the same all over. THEY contact women THAT THEY WANT TO.

Stop over analyzing men, stop whining about men!! Move the hell on, or better yet take time to be single, date yourself!

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mimi June 13, 2013, 7:03 am

As Flower says, my philosophy is, there are only two rules when it comes to men:

1. Never chase a man.
2. Never forget rule no. 1.

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Rachel July 30, 2011, 2:46 am

I came to this article because I have this mad crush on this dreamboat intelligent, nice guy who hasn’t actively pursued me…we exchanged numbers; and I instigated that. I called him and left a message- he called back but didn’t leave a message. I don’t want to call again and be desperate- it’s just that I have never gone after/ made contact with a guy like him before and it is hard to just let this one slide. Grrrr!

@Rain:
This is my opinion, and I am a woman who has been in similar situations…

The man you are seeing does not appreciate, nor treat you well. From what you wrote, it also sounds like he may be sexually abusive. Pushing a woman to do sexual things when a woman says no; is sexually abusive behavior. It doesn’t sound healthy and this man sounds like a user and a creep.

The question is: Why do you allow him to treat you that way? Why do you stick around?

If he treats you badly, and does not change when he says he will: He is being selfish, and doesn’t care about your feelings. He doesn’t care about you, only what he can get from you. Actions speak louder than words.

We teach other people how to treat us, by what we allow. This guy does whatever he wants to you, because he knows you are emotionally dependent on him and it being a secret only makes the situation worse, and it being a secret is used to his advantage over you. (This makes me angry that he is treating you this way. Grrrrrrrr!)

Also, forget his career. He chose to get involved with a student. He made the choice to get involved with you. Just because he has a degree, does not make him better than you, and you are not responsible for his career. He is.

It sounds like you are unhappy, and love does not hurt. If someone cares about you, they do not hurt you over and over again. If someone does this, they have a problem and are not good for you. He should add to your life in a positive way, not act in ways that bring you down.

Listen to your feelings and honor yourself. Read up on Codependency or Codependent relationships, emotional abuse. Also, find a friend or a counselor you can trust to talk to about this; you have every right to talk about this with someone you can trust. It is not good to be so isolated. If he was your first sexual partner, it is normal to be attached emotionally, and it is painful to be treated badly when we have feelings for someone and want something so much from them. You need to realize, that there is nothing you can do to make him treat you the way you want to be treated. Nothing he does is your fault. He is in charge of his self and the choices he makes, just as you are in charge of you and the choices you make.

Because of his sexual aggression towards you, I would say to you to distance yourself from him. It doesn’t sound healthy. Don’t keep this a secret from your friends or family. They are the ones who truly care about you, and there has to be someone who has your best interest at heart.

Live and Learn. Take it easy, and believe in yourself, and be kind to yourself. If this wasn’t going on in your life, if you weren’t so stirred up with sorrow…what would you be doing right now? What do you enjoy doing?

So here is my advice: Step back from this guy. Instead of worrying about him, listen to your feelings, your intuition and take care of yourself.

Talk to your friends or family or a counselor – but do not keep this relationship a secret any longer- that is not helping you.
Learn all you can about abusive behavior and relationships, and what codependency is.

Start doing what you enjoy doing, and be around people who make you feel happy- people who are respectful and share similar interests with you. If someone abuses you, do not keep it a secret. It is not your fault, and it is completely ok to get help.

You are young, in college and there is so much beauty and positiveness in the world waiting for you, and it is better to deal with this now; rather than later in your life.

Some quotes:
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” -Tyler Perry’s Big Mamma.
“I can do bad all by myself.” -Author unknown.
“If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck; it’s probably a duck.”- Author unknown
“Pain is the shell that encases your understanding”- Buddhist saying
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.” -The Serenity Prayer

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Rain July 26, 2011, 10:22 am

Hei,
I really need help,I am a university student,I have been single for 2 years since high school.Then a cute guy approached at school in end February.He is a staff,i had been seeing him around and we used to look at each other weirdly when we pass by.Then one day i was with a friend walking,he was coming in front of us,he passed by my side and said i follow hie.he is so cue so i followed him to some office lobby.He pretended he has seen me before and i look really familiar but am so shy,he asked for my number.i gave it to him,coz i could tell with the look in his eyes that he likes me.He started calling daily,we talked alot,said he likes me and would love to know me.i just took it lightly and never went out with him whenever he dated me.Then i had my laptop spoiled,i took it to a strange IT office for help by any expert only to find he is the boss there,he was so willing to help me,he even helped me repair my spoiled phone…he was just so friendly and caring.so the next time he dated me after that assisting,i went,we met somewhere outside but i dint like it so he suggested we go to his house,i was so tense but lastly gave in.on going,he was good,kind never did anything bad at all.we just talked,said he likes me since he had been seeing me around and dint have a better way to talk to me.he bought food,we ate and he took me back to my hostel with a cab to sweet.I kept going to his place regularly,we began kissing,but i never allowed him to touch me anywhere.and he was cool with it.Then he began acting weird,he dint call much,at times he dint want me going to his house,a time i went there and it was so messed up and i met a girl coming from the same apartment though i wasn’t sure she came from his house but they talked something i could hear just briefly.Since then he never allowed me to go see him during the day,just after 7pm,thats when he claimed to be free.Then i went away for holidays,we dint get to communicate well coz i had began having many doubts and getting so bored.I came back to school.same trend continued,i cant see him at daytime,and he began insisting we should start doing more than just kissing,i got so nervous and scared coz at times he could force touches on me.I could go find his house so dirt and messed up,i could arrange up,clean everything,fold all his cloths the whole day without complaining.A day i did that,and it happened some tablets fell form his dirty trouser pocket,i copied the names-Dormicum.i inquired from a chemist the next day,an they said they are antidepressants and hey could also be used as addictive drugs,and that some men use for sex drive.I was afraid of asking him why he used them and i went silent and ignored.We used to quarrel,i get mad,promise to never go back,but when he call and says he misses me,i couldn’t help but go back again.This time i went to see him,he was claiming to be unwell,but he was watching a movie,he had been watching the same movie the whole day,and still when i went he dint stop just kept watching and dint care am there,he was on bed,so i lay on the couch till 7pm,and now i needed to go,he agreed its ok,but he wanted me to get on his bed before i go,i did,we kissed still too much and he tried getting my pants down and i refused,he escorted me.the next day i went to check up on him and this time around,i bought him food with my money,i served him even fruits and he dint wake up to even hug me.i felt so dissolute because i lay on the couch again till late.I was on my moon,so he insisted on kissing,humping and it was so painful,i kept telling him he is hurting me but he couldn’t listen.i was so hurt,i cried,he got up,i pleaded he escorts me but he refused.i swore to him ad never got back.I went silent for one month.then he text-ed again,and i went back.he never changed at all.just keeps saying i act like a baby and i need to change,that i should be free with him to the point i can stay naked with him.we talked about sex and he says you cant ever plan to have sex that it just happens.I told him for me,i don’t want to ever have sex before am married in church.he put that off lightly.This same day,i told him of those tablet i got form his trousers.he dint get mad at all.he just said he needed to relax but i felt kind of its a lie.I could not live without talking to him,he never called as he used to,i could call him and he says he is at a meeting he will call back but he never called.I still could call back cause i couldn’t concentrate with anything if i hadnt talked to him.he could just not text back,not call,and i still followed him up.He is so wierd,he never involves me in his anything,i realized just the other day that he has weekend classes for his masters,i was hurt because i think that is so minor to hide.he never asks how my studies are doing.even when i tell him i have exams he never cares to wish me anything,when i get sick and we cant meet,the next time we meet he never remembers i was unwell.he never ever told me i look good in anything i wear,he never rtakes me out,never jokes with having dinner with me as he used to before.he never talks or looks at me in school.he claims its forbidden for staff to befriend students.and now its july,am done with school,am finishing my exams tomorrow.on friday i went to his place and we just got joking,i said something and he asked if i take weed,i said yes back just like a joke.he asked when so serious if thats true and i said yeah.then,he said he would get me some and i said ok.he said again he doesn’t ha weed at the moment but has something better that would relax me.he got two tiny pills pink like actals,and said they were heroin!!!i was shocked,he was giving me and a glass of water to take!i got so scared because he got so serious suddenly and he was kind of nervous.i pretended my mum was calling and that i was on phone,but i was checking him out,he couldn’t meet my eyes.after the fake call,i stood up,and told him am so shocked that he can ever think of giving me such stuff,he started saying it was all joke and the are APCs.they are tiny than the usual actal size.so i went away mad at him coz i knew he was lying and it really freaked me.we dint talk the whole weekend..he texted i go we talk.so yesterday,i went to his house again,he left me in and said he was with his friends and he is just dropping down there and like goodbye them then come back.he took one full hour,no call,nothing.i was just sitted watching,the house was untidy as always and i decided i wont make it up at all.I remembered the jacket pocket i had seen him pick the pink tabs the other day and i went through the pockets and saw some weird drugs-Lexotan,Dezit.i haven’t inquired what they are for but am just worried.he came after and we just went out he escorted me.g to the gym and forget him,reading,writing some things but i cant concentrate.now am going away,i dont know what to do,i love him so much despite all these but i dont know what to do.i have never been happy with him,never had peace because he clubs alot and me i dont take alcohol.we never talk anything sensible with him,he just wants to kiss touch all that but i never had sex with him ever.I love his looks,his career,his age(26) am 22,but i hate the way he treats me.there is no day we meet up and i dont cry.am hurt always,am bitter with him,but when he kisses me and calls me baibe,i cant help it.i get sick and cry and weak when he says he is not around and i wont see him.I try talking to him always,he promises to change and never does.What do i do?I cant tel any of my friends anything because they might tell everyone and that might ruin his career.I have been with him for the last 5months now and no one knows.I am confused,please help…Thanks.

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Lauren July 21, 2011, 11:09 pm

Hi! I’m Lauren and I just wanted to know if u could help me. Im in 8th grade and I’ve been with the same guy for almost a year. He hasn’t called me ALL summer and I’m getting really mad and sad about it. We never see eachother outside of school he never even texts me. I do love him bit I think that I should just give up because it’s going no where fast. Everyone if our friends say that were just friends because he didn’t even ask me out (which is true). But I’m not sure if I should break up with him. I don’t think I have the heart. I really need help. It would be awesome if u could respond!

Thanks!
Lauren.

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Cari June 29, 2011, 12:38 pm

The reason it didn’t get serious was because he wasn’t that into you to begin with. That’s why he didn’t call. If a guy is interested. He’ll call. Even though you had fun for a few months, it was a waste of time. So if a guy doesn’t call the rule should be not to call him.

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determinedmummy June 24, 2011, 7:32 pm

There’s this guy at work, I made the first move to let him know I was into him, I have him my number and no call, we have texted one another, he responds when I send a text but won’t lock in a day or time to spend time together to see if this is going somewhere, YET he bangs on about in his texts that something should be organised, WTF? He leaves his job in 2 weeks and told me in a txt all will be sorted out by his farewell night out, really he has to wait that long to figure it out?

He’s touchy feely at the office, stares right at me, goes out of his way at work to stand close etc, yet won’t even make the effort to make time for coffee and told me by text to “relax and lets wait to make it happen” come guys he’s not into me is he??????? Is the rat mongrel just fishing?

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Cari June 29, 2011, 12:41 pm

one theory is that he has a girlfriend or some other girl in his life. If he had no one, I think he would’ve already made plans….and if he’s waiting for you to make plans because he wants to feel wanted…then maybe you should make an offer if you don’t mind doing that, but personally, I let the guy make that first move to arrange a date or at least let him say what day he wants to go out.

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Cat/Mouse June 6, 2011, 11:14 am

CAT/MOUSE UPDATE: I was the mouse and he was a rat.

So I finally called this guy after 7 months of our cat and mouse game. He set up a Saturday night date and then stood me up. He never called to cancel and he never called after that. No apology, no phone call, nothing. The only thing I got was dodged.

I felt like a total idiot, but I learned something. If he IS interested, nothing can hold him back. If he’s NOT interested, nothing can hold him…period.

These guys are fishermen (players). They set up many different fishing poles with bait. When a fish comes along and bites one of their lines, they have options. They can leave it hanging on the hook, reel it in, throw it back, whatever. It’s a win/win for them. They become so accustomed to putting out the bait, they don’t even think twice. It’s ‘play now–decide later’ for these guys.

After watching countless episodes of Two and a Half Men, I finally figured out what’s going on inside men’s heads . . . absolutely nothing. There’s no convoluted mind game, no twisted set-up; nothing. They fish, they eat, they play, they sleep.

If they want you, they’ll call. If they don’t, they won’t. It’s that simple. Accepting THAT is what gets complicated for us.

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Fancy Grace June 7, 2011, 4:26 am

Wow, i can’t believe you decided to call him after 7 months. Thats a clear indication from the both of you that you guys didn’t think an attempt to see each other was worth it.

At this point, I think it’s safe to say forget him. I’m a stickler for promptness and letting people know when plans change. SOMETIMES you maybe be presented with an issue and not been about to let your part y know you’re running late or you just can’t make it might. That’s fine, but when you can’t give a courtesy call the next day either…total disregard for other peoples time.

Also, I do think it is that simple. If they want to call they well if they don’t feel like it they wont. Also, another thing that I think a lot of us forget is that , we have no clue what’s going on it this new guys life and he just my be doing us a huge favor by disappearing!

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marilyn June 5, 2011, 12:25 pm

Met an old friend at a reunion.We had sparks. He lives in another city. I called him we hit it off. Texts back and forth . He wants to come for the weekend. Which weekend? I dont know. He hasnt called in a week. Forget him right?

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Fancy Grace June 7, 2011, 4:18 am

If you really thing he’s worth it, I’d say go for it. However, I still feel like if he’s interested enough he call you. I suspect that will always be the case for me. It’s only been a week and perhaps it’s been a busy week for him.

If you were gonna make contact, I’d send him a general text like “Hey, Just wanted to say Hi!How was your week?” If he doesn’t answer after that, I’d say forget about it.

One thing that I”m learning is to pay attention to NOTHING a guy says before the date/initial meeting or during the date. The only way you’ll ever be able to know if he’s truely interested is by his actions AFTER that initially meeting/date. That’s when it counts and that’s when the effort really begins. In my opinion anyway! :)

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SpecialK May 30, 2011, 2:44 am

Lol waiting for a call right now, we dated he slept over last week now nothing have known him 20 years but guess all he wanted he now has so he’s off my list. Think the old rules are right and won’t be calling, will actually be avoiding. I think if he’s really into it he’d call. Lifes too short to waste time even on someone you’ve known forever. Kinda wish I’d seen it coming tho could have avoided wasting any time on him at all.

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Fancy Grace June 4, 2011, 10:59 pm

Yeah, I’m going through something similar. Guy basically followed me around with plenty of accolades and compliments about how cut, smart, and funny I was. In my head I was playing it as a one night stand, but he was coming on strong as if I was the bees knees and a one night stand is out of the question for our two totally compatible souls! We hooked up and made plans for the next day. Next day come, I send him one text about our plans. He says he’s still going but he’s not feeling well. Ha! Sent him a text back saying get well soon. Two weeks still haven’t heard from him;however, my sister says I should give him time because in all honesty his life is sorta hectic at the moment (relocated, no furniture, new job), but I say BS! Even still if he was interested he’d send at the very less a text saying something to convey his interest. Right?! I thought about it that day, but not much more. It was what it was and we had a great night! Hey was yummy! Lol

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Cat/Mouse May 11, 2011, 1:39 pm

My daughter is friends with a girl in her class who has a single dad. He’s hot and potentially out of my league. But he flirted with me and kept saying things like “we should go out sometime; call me”. I’d say, “or you can call me”. He said he called once but my number changed (which it did). But he never called after that. I arranged play days for our girls and would see him in passing about once a month. Each time he’d say “let’s go out; call me”. But I never did (he should call me right?). After 6 months of this cat and mouse game, I finally said, “so when are WE going to have a play-day”? He said he’d call, but never did. The next time I saw him he said AGAIN, “we should go out sometime; call me” like nothing happened. So I said “sure, but just friends, ok?” I said this to protect myself and take the pressure off. But now I’m too scared of rejection to call him. Is he just playing games? Why would he ask me out 5 times, if he WASN’T interested? Why would he not call if he WAS interested? Is he just teasing me so I’ll set up play days for our girls? Is he a pathological flirt? Each time we talk it’s brief and the girls are usually around, so it’s tricky. I keep getting mixed messages. I feel like he’s into me when we see each other, but his actions don’t mirror that. Am I the cat or the mouse? (I feel more like the mouse.)

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BJ April 26, 2011, 9:04 pm

I have been divorced for two years and I am so done with the dating games. I just wish guys would just be up front if your interested great if not have the decency to say so. I met this guy at a baseball game had a blast we exchanged numbers he texted me first saying all kinds of sweet things wanna c u when are u going to take me on a date and I feel this connection with you.Within two weeks we texted, flirted and met a few times after the third time we talked the next day then I tried to call and text later that night nothing, would not answer my calls refused to even give an explanation. It would be nice just to meet someone honest and genuine and after saying all those things have the decency to call if it doesnt work out.

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Roni~ April 18, 2011, 12:02 pm

Thank you Flower White.. I needed to hear an honest unbiased opinion.

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Flower White April 17, 2011, 6:09 am

Tsk.
You young beautiful girls have to only mirror his behavior.

STOP overanalzying! @Roni girl he DOESN’T WANT YOU. YES he’s playing games!!

An interested man contacts the woman, a playa or a pimp lets the woman chase him, wasting months and years of her life.

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Roni~ April 14, 2011, 6:22 pm

Oh boy, so glad I found this thread! I need advice as well LOL.

I’ve been out of the dating scene for over a year (by choice). Had a bad breakup last year and needed time to myself.. A very good friend has been trying to hook me up w/her guy friend who has had a crush on me for awhile ~ so she says. She keeps insisting we’d be “perfect for each other”. Like myself, he is worried about getting hurt and being used (he’s successful and apparently has had numerous run-ins with gold diggers). We start chatting (via-FaceBook) our conversations went well, tons of flirting. I haven’t felt excited like this in a looong time..had given up on finding a BF.
Only once in our conversations did he mention us hanging out, however he never asked for my number… frustrated I give-in and gave him my number telling him “I hoped he used it”. His response “do you mind if my number remain private, just for now? Just being cautious” WTF! It’s been 2 months, still no call or text. Only occasional comments on FB?? Honestly I’m really pissed that I let my guard down, gave him my number only to be rejected. I feel so stupid! Not to mention now things between my friend & I are a little awkward since she’s the one who got us talking..

My friend tells me “he’s intimidated by you and gets jealous when other guys write on your wall”. Are you serious?! Now I’m not sure what to think… then the other day he post a comment about how he thinks he blew his chance to become close w/an amazing person and his behavior has been unacceptable, generated by nothing more than jealousy and insecurity. Is this guy just playing games or what!?

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Ivette January 26, 2011, 10:28 pm

Well this jock just started talking to me randomly i was talking with my friend in the line and asked him if i still owed him a dollar then the jock said that i owed him a dollar so we talked for a while until i left, the next day i had a game and was helping my coach when he passed by and mouthed me that i owed him a dollar, the day after i saw him holding a girl’s hand but then he saw me sitting at a bench and pushed the girl away(they aren’t going out)
The next weekend i sent him a message through facebook and it said hey cutie what are you doing he then added me and replied i told him to txt me so we just started txtin i asked him if he had a gf but told me only did hookups so i’m not sure if i should keep on talking to him
Then today i saw him and my friend said he stared and smiled and me but i didn’t notice because i txtin so i think this guy is cute should i txt him or is he just trying to play me?

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claire January 21, 2011, 3:41 pm

@Meghan:

I think he DOES love you.

I had a very similar thing with a guy 2 years ago. It lasted a year. I wish I had read “why women love bitches” when I was with this guy. Really.

I think the problem with your guy is that he’s scared.

Seriously meghan, you don’t need to buy the book. Go to a bookshop and just read “A hint of indifference acts as a trigger and it hooks him”.

I think he thinks he’s the one that has to pace the relationship because he senses that you obviously want one. The moment that you move from “exclusivity” to “uncertainty” he’ll no longer know what’s going on and will stop playing hot and cold.

I wish you all the best, just my 2 cents on what would have definitely helped me back then. xxx

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Meghan January 17, 2011, 10:27 pm

hey everyone, what a great thread! i came upon it while obsessing over a guy i’ve been dating for a month, lol. i’d really appreciate some advice :)

it all started when i talked to him at a concert…. he was super stoked and we hit it off instantly. we spent the week hanging out lots and being pretty lovey-dovey. he introduced me to his friends, showed me around his work, held my hand, told me once (drunk) that he thought he was falling in love with me, and even said he wanted to wait to have sex so that we could invest in each other a little and know for sure we liked each other enough for it to go somewhere.

the next week things slowed down a little. he kept telling me how much he likes me, calling or texting almost every day, and we hung out a couple of times. i always spend the night but we hadn’t slept together yet. the conversation turned towards ‘the talk’ one day – i swear it wasn’t me, just happened – and he said he wasn’t sure that he wanted a girlfriend right now cause he was so busy with work and his kids (we’re both single parents). i was shocked….. but he said he wasn’t saying he didn’t, it was just really soon so let’s talk about it after a little while. fair enough.

week 3: no more romantic dates, just drinking and hanging out. i slept with him because i felt it was safe to say he liked me a lot and things were going somewhere. he talks a lot about how stressed out he is, and seems distracted. i don’t hear from him for a couple of days and i’m bummed, thinking he’s over it and i messed up by sleeping with him. i texted him to see how he was doing and he said he needed a few days to himself and to bear with him because he liked me a lot and it wasn’t to do with me. however, i really start to get the idea that he is afraid of making a commitment.

week 4: we’re still hanging out once or twice a week and sleeping together. but, we haven’t held hands in public since week one. he hasn’t talked about doing stuff together in the future since week one, either. he continues to refer to us getting together as ‘dates’, and there’s still lots of cuddling and kisses and telling me how much he likes me. i rarely contact him first, and he still contacts me almost every day calling me babe or saying he misses me etc.

now, it’s been just over a month and i am head over heels for this guy (obvs!). i’ve decided to give it another month or two to see if he brings up wanting to take things further. the last time we hung out we had an argument but we made up and everything seemed fine. now it’s monday night and i haven’t heard from him since saturday afternoon. i feel like i’ve been too available and possibly come off as needy. i’m sitting here staring at my phone wondering why he hasn’t contacted me. i know two days isn’t reason to freak out, but i want a relationship with this guy so i want to do everything ‘right’. i’ve been careful to give him space and let him come to me, but now i’m wondering if after a month i should be saying hi. or…… after a month, should i be saying ‘bye’?

i know i’m being silly and i’m way too old for this. perhaps it was just too good to be true. i’d like to get some unbiased opinions before i decide what to do, however, because i really think this deserves a chance.

thanks to all of you who got through this :)

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Leonie January 9, 2011, 2:13 pm

@Fashioncandy: OMG your story sounds almost exactly the same as mine, are we dating the same guy? Don’t worry, we’re not, I live in England.

Met a guy, he’s amazing, we get to know each other for 6 weeks and he already promises that he wants me “forever and ever”, tells me he wants to marry me in 6 months time, house, kids etc etc. I felt this was going way too fast and didn’t trust him.

He worked long hours too but text and called me all the time, once I was at his place and when we went out he kept looking over his shoulder or some such. I grew suspicious and thought he was seeing other girls. I brought it up with him, he became furious, had a huge argument, he told me he doesn’t know if he can be with me anymore, that he wants to but doesn’t know if he can (whatever that means). We’re still together, but he likes to ignore me a lot now, plus throw in some emotional and psychological manipulation (this guy is a genius and can work you out and work you extremely competently).

I’ve suggested breaking up, having a break, seeing other people, all of which he rejected so am now confused about the whole thing, (whether he wants me or not, whether he’s just taking his sweet time being indecisive or if he’s waiting for someone better to come around so that he can leave me having wasted all my time and leave with the satisfaction that he was the one who found someone “better” and I’m the one who got dumped (he has a HUGE ego) – makes little difference to me, I have no real ego and I refuse to dump a guy because I just can’t bear to hurt anyone and tend to just wait till they dump me, plus I’m indecisive that way too so would prefer the decision be taken out of my hands).

Anyway, I’ve almost all but given up and just seeing what happens. My advice to you is that he probably does like you, he’s head-over-heels for you, but be cautious, he could be like a firecracker and it could all burn out very fast. Just don’t let him know you’re being cautious.

Enjoy it, treat him well, be happy with what you have with him, be careful of becoming too expectant of his attention though – this level of attention is difficult to maintain and I would suggest you take the lead and try to reduce it – it would make him keener as well as keep the passion burning longer. You need to slow it down basically.

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SharnaLondon November 8, 2010, 5:30 pm

Loving this blog…..I’m a single girl dating in London and let me tell you it’s a jungle out there! The biggest thing I have learnt though is about myself. And just to relax. And have FUN. So many times after a date I have agonised about whether a guy will call, if he’s into me, should I call…the list goes on! I’ve perhaps sometimes come across as needy, without meaning to. Because we all want to be liked – right? But this is what it comes down to -I have nothing to feel insecure about – I’m a successful, confident, attractive girl. And that eventually, it WILL happen!! The best way to date I think (for me) is to just keep busy, lead my own life and put me first. There don’t need to be any games, but I’m finally realising that when things are right, things will fall into place. If a guy calls – great. If he doesn’t – life goes on! Dating isn’t easy….but let’s try to enjoy it. I know I intend to. Happy dating girls :)

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Fashioncandy November 7, 2010, 5:55 pm

Hi ladies, I am loving this blog….so question…as I need help to.
I met this wonderful guy at my job in which he took interest in me first and at the time Ididn’t even notice he was interested. Finally (smiling) I caught on…he walked over to my job as his company was across the hall from mine someone asked him why was he smiling so much. He replied I can’t help it everytime I see this pretty lady sitting here who can’t smile. From that moment on we exchanged numbers and started having lunch together…. okay so next chapter

We have now begun long talks on the phone until like ouch 4 or 5am and he asks me not to get off the phone when I tell him he needs to get some sleep. We have only been out together twice outside of work and I slept over his house once (no intimacy just cuddling and holding each other). The challenge is that he works really long hours and my mother is saying he doesn’t really like me that much or he could make more time for me because we don’t see each other that much. He works late hours in the city of New York and I live in a different burrow.

He constantly text me throughout the day. He has questioned me about my plans for having a family and what type of house would I like one day. When I first met him he indicated that I would be married within a year and have a baby within a year. When I asked him how did he know all of this he said because I do. He kisses me on the lips in public as if we have been together for ever…
so my question is do you think he is really serious about me or just knowing ther right things to say ?

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cinamonsweet November 7, 2010, 4:53 pm

Hi there,

I had something done similar to me…with a few exceptions. We met, it went great. He didnt call me back, so i made the first move by contactiing him. After that we continued the convo. When i asked him out to a friends halloween party, he said he would make it…however he didnt, nor did he call/text to say he wouldnt. In fact i still havent heard from him since last saturday.

Should i give up? or should i make one last effort?

Everyone keeps telling me to pride myself and NOT contact him.

HELP!

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Sabrina Alexis August 10, 2010, 1:58 pm

The thing is, attraction and interest aren’t black and white, they exist in a vacuum and are so susceptible to change, especially in the beginning. Sometimes you can like someone and then they do or say something and you’re over it. Or you can not like someone and again, something happens or they do something and all of a sudden you get that warm fuzzy feeling and bam, you like them. It’s happened to me many times. And sometimes you meet someone, are into them but not overly so, more in the i can take them or leave them sort of way and then you hang out again and get to know them and then really do start to like them.

I wasn’t trying to use this as a success story because obviously it wasn’t a success in the end. Rather, I was showing that you can’t be so quick to reach for the “he’s just not that into me” card. In this situation, he was into me but not enough at first to follow through and initiate future plans. I took him a bit off guard by calling him but after that there was no question that he was into me and pretty soon, he was the one that was more into it than I was. The point is, attraction and even affection can’t be defined in absolute terms and sometimes it helps to take control of the situation, at least then you won’t be left wondering…

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Elin June 3, 2011, 1:45 pm

Well, I’m in a very bad situation, I was with a guy for 9 month, it was him that was very interested in me, on the xmas eve, I send him sms for congradulate him, but he didn’t answer, I was so desparate, after 4 days he send me a sms saying that he was in a city that mobile phones didn’t work properly and he hasn’t receive any sms from me, then I asked him if he still love me, he just said that why I was asking this and didn’t answer. Few weeks later after that, I called him, but he didn’t answer, he used to send me emails, but he stopped to do so. One day I send him 4-5 sms he didn’t answer. So I was very furious and send him a goodbye sms. Didn’t hear anything from him. I love him so much, but I don’t want to force him to love me like before. It’s about one month that I didn’t hear from him. Other adviced if he likes you he will call, but didn’t, I really don’t know what to do…

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Roni~ June 3, 2011, 2:03 pm

Elin, sorry to tell you but it sounds like there’s someone else… and truthfully why would you want to be w/someone whom you had to “force” to love you?? If a man wants you, nothing will keep him away – if he doesn’t nothing will make him stay. But I understand the heartache and confusion, I’ve been there… I’ve begged guys back before, and let me tell you once I was over them (obviously months later) I felt like a total pathetic idiot! Even worse when the “love goggles” came off and was able to see the real man I was totally disgusted w/myself…

Wish you the best of luck

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Elin July 9, 2011, 11:18 am

Dear Roni
It is more than 3 months that I didn’t hear from him, I’m afraid of contacting him, but I still miss him so much, I’ve tried to see other men, each time that I date a man, I compare him with my ex and start to miss him more than ever. I want to send him a sms telling him that I just want to see him, because I miss him badly but I’m too afraid of not getting any answer from him which make me more sad. Today I couldn’t bear staying at my office I went out and called him to hear his voice but I couldn’t say anything. I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

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Roni~ July 11, 2011, 11:59 am

3 months? Yikes sweetie, time for you to move on. It’s totally normal to compare other men to him, we’ve all done it (even me). But there comes a time when you NEED to let go. Let the past be the past, move forward. You could possibly miss out on something great (with a new guy) but you’ve let yourself be consumed w/your ex who obviously doesn’t feel the same for you ~ sorry but it’s true.
Keep going on dates, eventually you’ll meet a guy whom you click with. You know the saying “you need to kiss a lot of toads before you find your prince”, it’s super cheesy but very true. Not every date is gonna be a match-made in heaven. You’ll probably experience some VERY awkward and uncomfortable moments as well. But remain positive and confident.

R~

Elin July 12, 2011, 11:25 am

Thank you Dear Roni for answering me, but unfortunately I think it was my fault that he left, and I can’t conceive myself that he was not as good as I thought, because he was very good to me. Maybe time will mend my broken heart … Thank you once more …
Best
Elin

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Roni~ July 22, 2011, 11:50 am

Elin,

You shouldn’t blame yourself for him leaving, don’t do that to yourself! If it makes you feel any better, yesterday I found out my BF has been juggling 3 women (including me) w/me being his #1 chick. Talk about a kick to the gut. I was completely blindsided, never saw this one coming… I too thought this guy was an amazingly perfect, honest, decent man. So you’re not alone Sister, I feel your heartache….

Elin August 20, 2011, 1:44 pm

Dear Roni

A month ago, he come on messenger and told me that he want to start it all over again, I told him that I missed him so much and we met once, we talked as two normal friends, he said that he don’t want to talk about past, didn’t want to recall what he has done, and said that we will meet again, since then, he didn’t even call, just once text me, he just send me forwarded emails almost everyday, that’s all. Since when I saw him I feel better, because I missed him so much. But why he came back when he didn’t want to see or call me again. Is it because he felt guilty or something else. Now I know he really don’t want me. But just why did he say that he want to start it all over again. On that visit he didn’t even spend much time with me just 30 minutes or so. Then his brother came after him and he left. If he is happy with someone else why he get in touch with me? I just wonder why?
Thank you

Anonymous August 5, 2010, 6:40 pm

this was a great read! i dont know why youre hating on sabrina, louise.. she took initiative and found out that hey… the guy is human, and while it may not have ended in the pretty Tiffany ring or what have you, at least she learned something and is passing that insight on to the rest of us all of which is to be commended. the long and short of it is that she enjoyed herself with the time that she had with the guy and that speaks volumes, because as sabrina said herself… she could have spent those months pining over her ex.. which we all know is accompanied with our friends Ben and Jerry.

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Louise28 July 25, 2010, 1:52 pm

But… in the end, didn’t it turn out he really WASN’T all that interested? You said yourself “it never got serious” – So you spent several months with this guy, nothing “serious” ever developed and that was a good outcome for you because it got you out of your shell?

How about this instead – don’t waste several months on a guy who clearly was never that into you (He brightened up only when he ‘remembered’ how good looking you were???? That’s so sad that that was okay with you), and instead use that time to work on yourself BEFORE you date someone else. Having been there, done that, the most success I’ve had when dating is being very, very clear about what I wanted going in. And not needing ANY guy to call me back. Not NEEDING it, is the key. Yeah, you want it, but you can live with it either way, I don’t care who it is, and move on.

So I’d say you have a long way to go with this thing. You shouldn’t have called. You shouldn’t ever be that desperate. If the guy was into you, HE WOULD CALL. And when you called and he was fumbling around, you should have been prepared to say “You know what, never mind. I get it.”

Sorry, this is not a success story… But good luck going forward!

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Margo June 4, 2011, 8:13 pm

I agree totally with what you’ve said Louise.

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Sally October 8, 2011, 1:17 am

I couldn’t disagree more. Just bc she didn’t get the guy Lousie28, doesn’t mean she didn’t win. Sometimes the guy isn’t the ultimate goal. Sometimes they are a process that you go through in order to move through something. I hate the judgement you gave and it feels so negative and old fashion. It is a success story bc she feels good about it. Getting a man doesn’t denote success, sometimes there are different goals.

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Louise28 October 8, 2011, 6:52 am

Hey, if you’re okay with wasting your time on a guy who is “slumped down in the chair looking miserable” when meeting you for a date, and then only gets woken up when he sees (cause he didn’t REMEMBER) how good looking you are, have at it. I know the type and please don’t think he’s suddenly going to be Prince Charming for the rest of your life. Yes, there is a process to things, but the story struck me like a huge waste of time for this girl. That frustrated me so I said something. I guess because I had my own time wasted in the past. But you’re right… Maybe the process helped her learn when to walk away, sooner. But can we please dispense with calling every single differing opinion as “hating”? I don’t know anyone on here enough to hate them. They came here for help, and sometimes you gotta hear things you don’t want to when you do that.

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Louise28 October 8, 2011, 7:09 am

More thoughts… I think that we all need to acknowledge that we didn’t come to this site because everything is fine and dandy with our relationships. We needed/need help. I, for one, came here seeking answers for what I was doing wrong… And I got them. Of course we all need supportive help, but what I really wanted was someone to look at me (or, rather, for me to see myself in some of other people’s stories) and say “THIS is what’s happening to you and THIS is how you can try to fix it”. I didn’t need any more pats on the back or “things will work out.” I came here for answers. The site isn’t named “Life is great and I completely understand what I’m doing.”

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Sarah January 7, 2012, 7:50 am

I think you’re being a bit harsh and dramatic – it’s not a big ‘game’. It’s not that black and white. 99.9% of all your relationships won’t end in marriage.

This girl was in a tough place at the time – dealing with the pain of a breakup – not feeling anything for anyone else – trust me been I’ve recently been there and done that for 6 months straight…… but this guy came along and was a happy spark in her life for a few months…..totally pulled her out of the rut and she was all good again…..and likely in a better place and ready for the ‘right’ person.

Like the saying goes, sometimes people are there for a reason, a season or a lifetime….

I personally believe the guy was like most of us – drunk – had fun – made plans and promises – all forgotten and not a big deal by the next day. This stuff happens all the time – it means nothing. It’s often just another random fun night. The End. Repeat the story the next time you go out. But in this case he really struck a heart string with her – so she pushed it and who knows – it could have worked out longterm. Like I said 99.9% of the relationships aren’t going to work out!! It didn’t NOT work just because she called one time.

I once had a guy msging me that I wasn’t that into, I was just duty dating sort of thing – but one night I was bored and I msged him. It turns out he had totally given up on me by that point – but that one text from me made him sit up and keep trying. We ended up having a beautiful amazing relationship – it didn’t work out because we had different goals and timelines – not because I happened to ‘push it along’ one day.

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Gilly June 26, 2013, 4:18 pm

I agree completely, Sally. Why is it wrong to feel good? For whatever reason? Another thing is that we have become so overtaken with constantnonstoptotalandsomehownecessary communication, we flip out if it doesn’t happen. Whatever. Maybe guys are reading and contributing to a thread called “SHE’S NOT INTO YOU!!” Want to contact him? So do it. Is he being a jerk? Well just turn off and hide the electronic devices if you need to.

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Gilly June 26, 2013, 4:10 pm

Maybe after three months, Sabrina felt satisfied. Maybe he was fun to hang with, fun to have sex with…Maybe after three months, she said to herself “Cool, that was fun…” Mind you, when I have had my two relationships like this, where I did in fact make the first contact, we clarified the status of our relationship. We communicated openly about it. We revisited it. We addressed that we were enjoying ourselves, we would share what was going on for us emotionally, and let things transpire. When it got more serious for me, I told him, knowing I’d miss him…now, he is one of my best friends. The other? The second I felt manipulated and insecure? I stopped all contact. I think the bigger issue is that we base so much of our self worth on whether or not a man sees us as worthy. That, and sometimes I just want to have sex. Maybe that makes me “easy”, but you know what? He may not be into you per se, but just into you in another way. If I overly pursue someone I like and it pushes him away? Well, cool…I’m like this, I’m not going to change this, and if it bothers you, well I probably will too…”Just not that into you” is a zillion shades of gray.

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Miss City Girl July 21, 2010, 7:14 am

You did the right thing in calling. I agree with Jaimie though. If he’s really keen he will call and the move. If he’s not then it’s fine to call him but also remember he clearly has some reservations about the situation.

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Ve June 18, 2010, 7:47 pm

I do agree with Jaimie, time is the 0nly way to find out if someone really wants you, not only likes you at some beginning. Sometimes we want to get that guy who is absent physically and mostly absent emotionally. That is a fact, and why not a woman do the same, I mean being cool and just be there now and then and let things evolve in his mind more and more to can be sure he will give more than what we could be asking him to give.

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JustMe April 16, 2010, 12:40 pm

I disagree with Jaimie about him not showing real interest. I think when a guy says “7 pm Thursday” that is a clear sign that he is interested. Men also are human too and get nervous and play out in their minds possible rejections.

I think women get in trouble when there are no signs of interest and they chase a man, with the thinking they can “make” him interested.

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Jaimie April 14, 2010, 5:32 pm

Really liked your article. My comment is, it sounds good that you were able to have confidence to make the move, but sometimes it is possible to miss the important signs as to when you should.

Whilst it is great to take charge in some situations and it shouldn’t be gender specific, you missed a massive signal. He didn’t make demonstrate any effort that suggested REAL interest.

Men are relatively simple…not as complicated as we sometimes think and I doubt he thought as much about this as you did.

It’s about raising the bar you set for yourself.

From a lot of experience if the guy doesn’t call and I am only looking for a butterflies-short term-non committal fling, then great, I would call! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If I wasn’t worried too much, no emotional risk and if it worked out to something more, great! No pain…

However, if it would be the possibility of a good relationship, or if I was invested enough to obsess about an ‘amazing connection’ (that would suggest possible emotional investment on my part) then I would want to know if he would make the small effort to call or not initially… its basic courtesy, confirms his interest and his intention of a date up until this point.

From what you said, J was acting all sheepish and apologetic because deep down you both knew he should have been the one to call…and his tone…didn’t sound happy or excited to hear from you, more surprised that you would still bother when he didn’t call…turning into a awkward exchange…yes am sure he changed his tune when he turned up and he knew he might get lucky… and that it required so little effort on his part…

Sounds a little like he was playing field and had other girl(s), otherwise he would find time in his ‘busy’ schedule to arrange a date. This indicates straight away that it was never going to be serious… and if you were okay with that, great, but it sounds like you may have had some emotional investment.

Not calling in itself is sending a message, men communicate with actions not words. Trust that if a man really wants it -he will make the effort, its part of the excitement he won’t be able to stop himself, rightly or wrongly its part of the human mating ritual.

The problem is that you exchanged numbers and this caused some ambiguity as to who should call and made it easy to over-analyze what should be simple, it gave him an excuse not to bother and it also demonstrated to him that your personal time is not that important that you would call on the night of the date (two words…booty call).

As far as ‘The Rules’ go, in context they are far too regimental. Yet there are some truths to basic dating etiquette and by raising your standards. By only giving out your number and not taking his if he doesn’t call, it’s simple you know he is not worth serious consideration…NEXT! :)

Save a lot of stress and valuable time spent doing far more important things…. ;)

All the best :)

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Eric Charles April 11, 2010, 12:53 am

You brought up some good points in the story…
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I think guys and girls mess a lot of good things up by misinterpretting events and making it mean something about themselves (something bad). That’s the whole “taking it personally” part you mentioned.
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It’s good that you made the move when you felt there was nothing to lose. Everyone is so reluctant to face reality when it could potentially be awkward, embarrassing or ego-bruising. It’s amazing how much we’re willing to sacrifice in order to preserve our fragile egos.
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And for what? I mean… if you hadn’t called the guy, you wouldn’t have been able to escape your thoughts about the matter – you disappointment, your self-questioning, your self-blaming, etc. Usually facing a situation with a person straight-up is never as bad as what we imagine it could be in our heads.
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Good stuff, Sabs.

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Roxy April 10, 2010, 10:19 pm

I say “go for it girl!”. I too have been in situations where i’m a little unsure if i should be “less damsel” and “more bold”. And i have to tell you, everytime i WAS bold, the guy’s appreciated it and actually thought it was pretty cool. It’s still nice to feel “courted” though, but if you really want him: go for it!
— Roxy xo

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Ellen April 10, 2010, 6:52 pm

Get it, girrrl. I usually have traditional opinions about dating, but sometimes I think it’s OK for the girl to make a move. More times than not, guys are disappointing when you give them the benefit of the doubt, but if you have a good feeling about it, go for it. The ONLY time I have ever made a move was with a hot HOT guy I made out with at a bar when I first moved to NYC. He said he would call and after waiting a week, I took matters into my own hands. He was a football player at Columbia, so I did a little detective work and found his email address online. I wrote him a cute, flirty email. No response. I later found out he LIED about his age. He was like five years younger!

http://www.firednfabulous.blogspot.com

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