Quite frankly, I find our culture rather perverse about how we have this fascination and feeling of entitlement to dive into anybody’s private lives no matter who they are. Whether they’re politicians, celebrities, or whoever.
I really don’t know what’s real and what’s not when it comes to celebrities. However, as a relationship writer, I do think there are lessons to be learned from these relationships that unfold on a public platform.
Bottom line, I’m not a celebrity gossip columnist and I don’t aspire to be.
However, I do see an opportunity to share some good relationship lessons here, so I’d like to discuss this very public Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart breakup and share some insight as to what went wrong, and why their relationship was doomed from the moment she got caught cheating.
Okay so here’s the background for anyone who might not know: they broke up briefly in July after photos of Kristen Stewart making out with Ruper Sanders, a married director of a film she starred in, were splashed all over the covers of the tabloids. They got back together soon after and now they have broken up for good it seems.
In terms of the cheating scandal itself, I don’t think she woke up one morning and said “I want to make out with a married man today.” Things were probably going on for a long time before they actually made out. Who knows if she did it intentionally, but I mean, she’s a major celebrity who gets followed by paparazzi on a daily basis and she was making out with the guy outside in broad daylight, so who knows?
After getting caught, she issued a public statement apologizing for what happened. In her statement I bet she is deeply sorry. I bet she is embarrassed and I bet she feels bad that she embarrassed Robert and Rupert Sanders.
However, I don’t think it was a “momentary indiscretion.” I think that she had something going on for whatever her reasons are.
People make mistakes. She is young. Her fame blew up. I’m sure she has all sorts of men vying for her attention and there are probably types of men and types of experiences that she wants to have.
She’s a young woman after all. Robert Pattinson—to every girl who can’t have him—is this fascinating, mysterious, attractive male figure and they want a piece of that.
It’s a weird thing with humans. When we have someone—even if it’s someone amazing and extremely desirable—and we know they’re not going anywhere, we will start to take them for granted.
We don’t know how Rob is in a relationship. Maybe he was a total pushover. Maybe he was boring. Maybe he was an eager puppy dog and she knew she could do whatever she wanted and he would put up with it. We really don’t know, we can only speculate.
So, Robert Pattinson ends up dumping her and then they get back together a month later. Now people wonder what was going on with that.
The fact that she cheated on him suggests to me that he was probably more into her than she was into him.
It doesn’t matter if millions of girls all over the world want him and think he’s hot and would literally do anything to be his girlfriend.
Basically, it doesn’t matter how many girls want him it’s the simple fact that he wanted her and it seems to me like he couldn’t quite have her. He probably tried and then tried harder and harder and was always chasing her.
A lot of readers write to me saying they feel like they’re “chasing” the guy or the relationship. This can also happen the other way around. A guy can be completely infatuated with a girl and be the own chasing her down. It doesn’t matter if he could have any other girl, he want’s that one.
When one person is chasing the other, what often happens then is the chaser invests more and more of their heart and their energy while the person they’re chasing becomes more and more complacent.
They realize that they can get away with more and more stuff because the other person is trying harder and harder. The chaser’s self-esteem lowers and they continue to chase the object of their desire, maybe as a way to be validated.
So the one being chased realizes, “Hey, wait a minute. I can get away with anything! They’ll always be here. I can do anything I want! I already have one boyfriend who will put up with anything from me. Why not have two? I want to explore the world. I want to experience different things.”
You might have a glamorized image of Robert Pattinson, but if you are Kristen Stewart and in her position, you have to think about the options she has, the amount of money she has, the guys she has interested in her.
Those options allow her to live in a different position than most of the girls in this country. So while you might want to be with Robert Pattinson or hook up with him, she might be in a place where she could take him or leave him.
For all we know, Bruce Willis might be the guy she really wants. She might be into a totally different type of guy. You don’t know. Just because you want him doesn’t mean that she did.
So he probably invested more and more and more. They eventually broke up for a month or so and during this month he probably felt really hurt. But he probably also felt really lonely and depressed and found himself in a really messed up spot.
Here he is. His stardom skyrocketed and he went from nobody to sex symbol. He went from that world of being an unknown actor to major movie star that women swoon for.
If you were a guy, you might see that as the greatest thing ever, and in a lot of ways, it is. At the same time, being at the top and being a fascinating figure in the public eye is kind of isolating.
No one really understands what it’s like to be scrutinized like that. No one’s really going to know what it’s like to have everything you do analyzed and to have websites devoted to picking you apart.
To find someone who isn’t trying to get something out of you—whether it’s an agent trying to leech money off of your success or your brand, or some girl who wants to hook up with you because she wants a story and doesn’t actually care about you.
All of these people trying to exploit you for their own means can be isolating and he probably feels misunderstood by a lot of people.
Then he had a month of being single, of being away from this person who shared the same experience of rising to super-stardom and who understood what he was going through. It was probably a very lonely time for him.
He probably had to make a tough call within himself and say, “Look, I’m really hurt by this. What she did was really messed up and I don’t know if I can trust her again. But at the same time she understands me and she’s with me on a level that I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to find with another woman again.”
A breakup is tough enough for a guy when it’s a girl who he really loves. It only makes it tougher if he felt that she really understood him and he could share himself with her, that he didn’t have to hide himself from her or act a certain way or be a certain person around her.
When that girl is gone and he feels like he’s just alone in the world, that woman who inspired him and was there for him and was a sanctuary for him and made him feel complete, its an extremely tough thing.
Whether it’s Robert Pattinson, some other celebrity, it’s tough to just walk out the door and jump right back into the saddle. Hooking up with some random girl isn’t going to be a quick fix for someone in his upper-tier position and might make him feel more isolated. So he was in a difficult situation and had to make a tough call.
He probably just said, “You know what, it sucks but I’m going to give it another shot because being alone and heartbroken is even worse than being humiliated and embarrassed. I’d rather at least try to salvage this.”
So he gets back together with her, maybe he even forgives her. However, there’s something to be said when someone does something heartbreaking and it colors everything.
She cheated on him and his mind probably went back to a bunch of different times where she made an excuse not to see him or she wasn’t in the mood to hook up with him that night. Maybe she stopped being interested in him sexually, or whatever it happens to be.
He starts making connections in his head and he says, “Oh my God. She was cheating on me. She betrayed me.”
In relationships, it’s a really messed up thing when someone cheats because you have all of these memories with this person and all of this nostalgia. When you’re in a relationship and your partner hasn’t violated your trust, you