Whenever I tell people that I write about relationships, the first thing they want to know is the most commonly asked questions we receive. Next, of course, they want to know what my answers are to said questions. When it first started happening, I would get kind of nervous, especially if I was being put on the spot by a bunch of guys who didn’t think I could possibly know anything about the male mind. Let me tell you, proving them wrong is one of the best feelings ever!
In time, however, I got it down and could quickly rattle off brief, yet on-point, answers to even the most seemingly tricky relationship dilemmas. After getting grilled for what felt like the trillionth time the other week, I decided that I should make an article out of my “bite sized” answers to the most common relationship questions.
On ANM, we got into a lot of depth about relationships, in our articles, our newsletter, and of course, in our book. However, it’s always nice to have a refresher course. Even though you might know something, it’s very easy for that knowledge to get knocked out by your emotions, and nothing gets the emotions going quite like boy drama.
Anyway, here is your handy guide to get your relationship questions answered on-the-go.
Problem: “My guy used to text me all the time, now he takes days to respond, what gives?”
What It Means: There are several common reasons why a guy may go days without texting, but it usually boils down to the fact that he’s busy. Yup, the answer is as simple as that. Men aren’t as good at multi-tasking as women; their minds can usually process one thing at a time. If he’s at work, his head is in work, not in the relationship. Also, if he knows you’ll be there no matter what, he has no incentive to text so he’ll only text when he feels like it.
Solution: If you back off, adopt a more relaxed attitude and fill your time doing things you enjoy, he’ll make an effort to text more because he’ll start to feel nervous that you’ll forget about him if he doesn’t.
Problem: “I’ve been with my guy for a while but he says he can’t be in an official relationship for XYZ reason”
What it means: When a guy says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, believe him! The truth is, he’s saying he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you. I know it hurts, but it’s the reality of the situation. When a guy wants to be in a relationship, he’ll make it happen. There are very few exceptions to this.
Solution: Move on and stop wasting your time. If there’s any hope of this guy committing to you, he’ll only do it when he’s afraid of losing you. If he knows you’ll be there no mater what, he’ll never commit. If he knows you’ll leave unless he gives you what you want, he’ll snap into gear.
Problem: “I’ve been seeing a guy for a while, everything was going really well and then he started to withdraw. What can I do?”
What it means: When a man is feeling emotionally off-balance or when a relationship deepens, a man may withdraw in an attempt to get a handle on how he feels about things. This often has nothing to do with the girl. The mistake women make is in taking this personally and badgering the guy for answers. When this happens, he feels suffocated and withdraws further. Men deal with issues differently with women. When something’s eating at a guy, he wants to work it out by himself.
Solution: When a guy withdraws, it’s because he needs space. What should you do? Give it to him! If you can’t give him space to get himself together, he will either end the relationship or will grow to resent you. Instead of banging your head against the table trying to figure out what it means and what you did wrong, go out and live your life. Stay busy with work, friends, hobbies, exercise– anything that makes you happy. When you can do this, your guy will notice and he’ll love you even more for it. (More: Ask a Guy: When a Guy Withdraws)
Problem: “How can I get my boyfriend to treat me better? He used to be so romantic and considerate and now I feel like I have to beg him to do the smallest things”
What it means: Men want to feel like winners in the world. They want to feel like they can handle anything and can succeed at anything. When a woman points out what a man is doing wrong, even if her intentions are good and she’s doing it so that he can be better in the relationship, he feels defeated. He feels like he can’t make her happy and it will make him less likely to do what she wants.
Solution: If you give him what he wants, he’ll give you anything you want. And what do men want most? Appreciation. It’s as easy as that. If you appreciate him for the small things he does, and I mean genuinely appreciate, and show him how happy it made you when he did X and that it made you feel Y, he will want to keep doing things to make you happy. Focus on the small things he does, show genuine appreciation, and it is guaranteed to lead to him doing bigger, nicer things for you.