Ask a Guy: Is My Relationship Heading in the Right Direction? post image

Ask a Guy: Is My Relationship Heading in the Right Direction?


I have been dating a guy for six months, but we’re not official. I like him a lot and really enjoy spending time with him and I know he feels the same about me.  Since we both have busy work schedules and children, we do not see each other often, maybe every other week, and we’ve taken two trips together (including one last weekend). In between seeing each other i person, we text and e-mail sporadically. 

I’m just wondering if this relationship is heading in the right direction, and if it will lead to something lasting. I am also worried about coming across as needy and sometimes I hesitate to initiate texts with him. For instance, is it needy behavior to send the text: “Thank you for yesterday – I like when we see each other, it feels good”?

In your question, I didn’t see anything particularly alarming… you’ve been seeing the guy for six months even though you both have busy lives (work, children, etc.). Logistically speaking, it sounds like you both don’t have much spare time, and yet you are making time for each other.

You asked me whether or not it’s needy behavior if you send that text, “Thank you for yesterday – I like when we see each other, it feels good.”

To answer if it’s needy behavior… that depends on one thing: What was your mindset when you wrote that and sent it?

Let me explain….

I get a lot of questions from women asking me if their behavior is or isn’t needy. Neediness is not a set of behaviors. Neediness is a state of mind; it is a mindset.

Essentially, the neediness state of mind is when you believe that you need the relationship to be a certain way to make you happy, or make you feel OK, or make you feel complete, or make you feel significant, etc.

The needy mindset happens when you believe that your emotional state is determined by what happens in the relationship. You have the belief that this other person or relationship holds the keys to your emotional well-being, whether that’s happiness, a sense of relief, a sense of wholeness, a sense of significance, etc.

This sort of thing is common… “normal,” even… but it is also completely self-destructive. It doesn’t help you or the relationship at all – in fact, it destroys it.

MORE: 10 Things Confident People Do Differently in Relationships

The issue here is that nobody and nothing outside of yourself is responsible for how you feel. I know it might not always feel like that’s true (we can get sucked into the drama of situations and circumstances), but it is the truth. Ultimately, you are responsible for your mood and emotions. Moreover, your mood and emotions are entirely sourced by how you relate to the world… and not by what happens or doesn’t happen in the outside world.

The ultimate trick to never being needy is simply this: Enjoy other people, but never need them.

In this way, you enjoy every moment you have with the other person, but there’s never any pressure or agenda on your part.

When you embrace this, not only will you never be needy, but your relationships will also massively improve. You will enjoy the other person exactly as they are, which gives them the space and freedom to relax and enjoy themselves with you too.

Regardless of how they’re acting or not acting. Regardless of what they’re doing or not doing. Regardless of what they’re saying, the title of your relationship, etc. When you can be OK with the other person simply being as they are, the relationship flows effortlessly.

MORE: How Do I Get Him to Commit? 

Conversely, if you fall into the trap of believing you need another person to be some other way before you can feel happy/OK/at peace, then your mood is going to be poisoned by the feeling that you’re not OK right now. Emotionally, you’ll feel like you’re suffocating and that they are the ones who hold your oxygen….

In that case, you will be desperate to them. You will cling to them. You will resent them. You will have an agenda with them – to bring about whatever it is you think will make you feel OK.

It’s a trap. All that you’ll accomplish is to poison your mood… your energy… your vibe… and being around you will feel like suffocation to him. He will want to run away.

Is this relationship going anywhere? It might, it might not. There is no use in trying to figure it out. No one can predict the future, you just have to wait and see. And in the meantime, you can focus on just enjoying what you have and building a meaningful connection.

While your question was about neediness and the state of your relationship, I believe you were really asking me a deeper question, which was,  “Am I OK?”

Yes. You are OK. And you will continue to be OK, so long as you remember to enjoy every moment of your relationship as it is, without needing to make it go somewhere… your genuine and thorough enjoyment of him is the attractive energy that a man can’t resist.

Hops this helps,

eric charles

24 comments… add one

Leave Your Comment Now...

Candy

So I’ve been dating this guy for almost 3 months. We aren’t official and I’m okay with that. I’m fine w taking things slow. We are great together and very happy. Today he was supposed to come over but blew me off last min to watch football w guys. I’m completely okay w him having guy time. Just the fact that he blew me off last minute is the problem. How do I set that boundary and let him know that is NOT okay. We were just going to go shopping, had nothing crazy planned but I’ve been in relationships where I allow bad habits Bc the guys I usually date aren’t good. Should I let it slide this time , or just voice my opinion and tell him how it made me feel?

Reply November 7, 2015, 5:23 pm

naomi

So this started about 12 months ago, im 26 he’s 35 now i live next door to his parents and he had moved back to his parents due to separating with his partner at the time. i was married when this started my relationship was pretty bad but still no excuse for my what i did, we both agreed that this was just abit of fun nothing more which we were both happy about that, i ended up braking up my marriage because what i had done that was around 7 months ago now, so me and this guy continued to see each other we both have kids and our kids always play together when he has his, we were only msging each other when we wanted some, then all of a sudden he started calling me and texting me more hanging out more, then he tells me that he likes me and i started to like him before he told me i just didnt want to say to him i did, so we started hanging out more he took me out etc, now 6 months later we still arent together and ive told him how i felt and what it is i want, all he ever seems to say is that hes scared to let someone in again because his ex hurt him pretty bad or that hes a rebound and he cant give me what i want atm, he says he wants me and him to work out, he stays at my house pretty much every night he has clothes and all that at mine he has my house key, he goes to work and not long after he gets home hes coming down to see me, we spend our weekends together with our kids and the weekend we both have off its just me and him, he has talked about the future together and has referred me as his partner then corrects it and says friend, then i ended up finding out hes been on a dating site talking to other chicks so that makes me question it, he tried to say it werent him on it it was his mate but find that hard to believe, at times ive tried to get some and hes like no not tonight i want to cuddle with you instead, my friends think hes playing me but as they said they dont know him to well, he has also met my parents aswell,ive told him i keep getting mixed signals from you one min i think you want more then it seems like we take 10 steps back, and he said yeah that is happening because i keep bringing his walls down and he trys to put them back up because he scared im going to hurt him,he says he dont want to hurt me and says he isnt playing me when ive asked him, he helped me get a new car payed for most of t but we are only friends, i just know dont if hes playing me or he acutally does have feelings and is just scared to commit,

Reply October 26, 2014, 7:47 pm

Elyse

Dear Eric,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and well I feel stuck. He claims to love me and what not but I feel that he doesn’t want to move on to the level. When I say next level I mean living with each other. He keeps telling me he wants to save money for a house but I don’t see why we can’t get an apartment now.. Mind you he’s Almost 30 and I’m 27. I keep dropping subtle hints and I don’t think he gets it. What should I do? Give it more time or keep hinting? Thanks so much!

Reply September 23, 2014, 7:10 am

Sara

I know it’s a lot I’m sorry please help!!!! I got a match on Tinder with this cutie on July 3rd. He’s absolutely adorable, and honestly the most amazing man I could ever imagine God sending me. There are only a few things that make this too good to be true: 1) I’ve never dated a younger guy before just for the maturity sake, I am a very mature 23 year old and I’ve been in and out of long and hard relationships and I am no longer up to playing games. He is 22 and though it scares me, it seems he has his life figured out and he is pretty darn mature. 2) He is in the army. I love our troops and honestly I am really into this guy and I would gladly support him in whatever, but we all know the army guys have a reputation for being dogs. 3) He is getting out of the army around May and is moving to a different state.
I know this already sounds crazy and believe me once finding all of this out I expressed my concerns to him early on. I plainly said I think you are a great guy, but frankly I’m not up to getting to know you in that type of way if you are moving next year, because I don’t want to fall in love with you and then there be no us after May. He basically said he is not the type to fall in love and leave and to give him a chance so I did. The first week he wanted to meet me and of course considering I hadn’t been talking to him that long I was too shy and told him I was busy. He left for 14 days on leave visiting family and friends and then once he got back we kept trying to make plans and things kept coming up on my end unfortunately. I constantly apologized and would try to still meet up on another day, well finally we got the chance to meet, and I swear if you could fall in love on a first date I was probably there. This guy was everything I’ve been praying for and he is absolutely more than perfect. The date was amazing and of course I did something I have never done before and I let him stay over. I’m never that type of girl and I assure you nothing went on but a bunch of snuggling. (PERFECT DATE).
He seemed just as into me as I was into him, he constantly texted me and complimented me, it couldn’t have been any better. Then all of a sudden I noticed this other girl on his fb, instagram and snapchat. I tried not to worry because he hasn’t given me a reason to, but due to my last relationship full of being cheated on I can’t but help to worry. This girl eventually ended up being his number one on snapchat, still not a big issue right?! Well we made plans for that Saturday but the closer it came to it he began to become distant, he texted me Friday saying how much he hated his job and how he had punishment on Saturday for the army and wouldn’t be able to see me. His punishment was a 24 hr duty, well later Saturday when I got home and got on Facebook I saw this picture of him at a white trash bash. The party was just a small gathering of him and his buddies with a few of their wives and gfs, but still I felt like I had been lied to and blown off. I waited for him to text and basically he fibbed about it I believe and I just went off. I explained that I am an understanding girl and that if he had plans all he had to do was explain the party came up and could he see me Sunday or even invite me to go. I mean I wouldn’t have cared just don’t blow me off and don’t lie to me. Well he apologized a million times and I told him to drop it and he continued to apologize so I believe he was sincere about it. Then he made plans to see me Sunday and of course right before he left he got a migraine (he gets them all the time and takes medication for it) so I just tried to dismiss it in my mind as the truth.
I still felt he was being distant that week and I confronted him and just basically said look you know I am really into you (we’ve both already admitted it) but I just want to be sure you are even looking for anything considering you are moving possibly for good next year, because I don’t want to fall for you and you not even be interested in having anything. He replied back,” I want to see where things go. I really like you, but I’ve had relationship mess up fast in the past and I don’t want that to happen to us.” so I tried easing my mind a little. We ended up seeing each other that Friday and I hate to admit it because I’m seriously a good girl, but things kind of went too far and we slept together. I regret it sooooooo much because that’s just not who I am. It wasn’t either of our intentions as we’ve both only prior been with 3 people all super long relationships.
After that he seemed to be a lot better, we they have been super busy at work and I seriously am a very understanding girl, but he just seemed to fade away again, I confronted him the past Friday once more, because I am a straight up girl. I plainly said look I think you are an amazing guy but I don’t feel you are that into me, and that’s fine if that’s the case and once again he assured me he is into me just super busy. He said he will put in more effort and he promises after all this training we will spend lots more time together.
Here is my thing though. As you all can tell I fell really fast for this guy, I feel like I’ve known him my whole life and I am serious about him. I have already thought about careers I could do with my degree if things worked out and I moved with him. I know it sounds a little crazy but seriously I feel like God sent him to me.
Now on the flip side, I believe he is a great guy and he is sincere but honestly I have been hurt so much before I feel like maybe he is just saying that to appease me and that in fact he maybe likes me but definitely isn’t looking for anything. I just believe if a guy is into you that he will make time to see you. And we’ve been texting for 2 months and we’ve only talked on the phone a handful and face timed once and only hung out 2 times. I am beginning to get super bummed and I feel like I am getting mixed signals. I am so scared because I know I am falling super hard super fast and I don’t know what to do. I like him entirely too much to quit talking to him because I already couldn’t imagine my days without him, but I don’t want to be strung along to fall in love and then after May there be no more me and him.
PLEASE HELP ME!!!! =((

Reply September 22, 2014, 9:48 pm

Dee

Hello Sabrina,

I don’t know if you already covered this subject but I’m really in some need of advice……

We’ll here it goes:

I have been dating this guy for about a 3 months. He messaged me on Facebook after not seeing him for 7 yrs. We dated in high school for a short time period then went out separate ways. He told me that he just got out of a 6 yr relationship with his ex-fiancé. I was skeptical at first but we loved being around each other. We go on dates just about every weekend. Then he started to work more then I started to see him every two weeks.

This past week I spent a lil vacay at his house. He took off and came to see his mom and ask me to come along too. I met his mom and we had a good conversation. Then we go over to my parents house and he talks to my father. We then go to his place spend the whole week together until while he was asleep I went through his phone. I see text from his ex. They were talking about seeing each other and talking it out. I was so heated…….I wake him up out of his sleep then said” we need to talk now”! He wakes up mad and says “what”! I freeze up and lie to him that I didn’t go through his phone because I was scared of his reaction.

He eventually finds out that I went though his text. I tell him that I am truly sorry. Then the day after he is really distant from me and won’t talk to me at all. He starts to warm up to me later on when we went shopping for food. He explained to me that he talked to her about a week ago but he thinks about me more. He says he doesn’t want a relationship but he treats me as his girlfriend.

Did I ruin the relationship? What should I do? I really care about him but I’m lost at what I should do next…..

Thank you for your time,
Confused potential girlfriend

Reply September 21, 2014, 11:07 am

Ivy

If the guy says he doesn’t want a relationship then you are most likely NOT his potential girlfriend. He has given you his escape clause by telling you he doesn’t want a relationship. A man’s actions and words should match, his don’t. You probably didn’t ruin the relationship because you are NOT in a relationship, he said he doesn’t want one.

Reply September 22, 2014, 5:29 pm

Sara

OK so this is going to be really long and I apologize but I seriously need help!

I got a match on Tinder with this cutie on July 3rd. He’s absolutely adorable, and honestly the most amazing man I could ever imagine God sending me. There are only a few things that make this too good to be true: 1) I’ve never dated a younger guy before just for the maturity sake, I am a very mature 23 year old and I’ve been in and out of long and hard relationships and I am no longer up to playing games. He is 22 and though it scares me, it seems he has his life figured out and he is pretty darn mature. 2) He is in the army. I love our troops and honestly I am really into this guy and I would gladly support him in whatever, but we all know the army guys have a reputation for being dogs. 3) He is getting out of the army around May and is moving to a different state.
I know this already sounds crazy and believe me once finding all of this out I expressed my concerns to him early on. I plainly said I think you are a great guy, but frankly I’m not up to getting to know you in that type of way if you are moving next year, because I don’t want to fall in love with you and then there be no us after May. He basically said he is not the type to fall in love and leave and to give him a chance so I did. The first week he wanted to meet me and of course considering I hadn’t been talking to him that long I was too shy and told him I was busy. He left for 14 days on leave visiting family and friends and then once he got back we kept trying to make plans and things kept coming up on my end unfortunately. I constantly apologized and would try to still meet up on another day, well finally we got the chance to meet, and I swear if you could fall in love on a first date I was probably there. This guy was everything I’ve been praying for and he is absolutely more than perfect. The date was amazing and of course I did something I have never done before and I let him stay over. I’m never that type of girl and I assure you nothing went on but a bunch of snuggling. (PERFECT DATE).
He seemed just as into me as I was into him, he constantly texted me and complimented me, it couldn’t have been any better. Then all of a sudden I noticed this other girl on his fb, instagram and snapchat. I tried not to worry because he hasn’t given me a reason to, but due to my last relationship full of being cheated on I can’t but help to worry. This girl eventually ended up being his number one on snapchat, still not a big issue right?! Well we made plans for that Saturday but the closer it came to it he began to become distant, he texted me Friday saying how much he hated his job and how he had punishment on Saturday for the army and wouldn’t be able to see me. His punishment was a 24 hr duty, well later Saturday when I got home and got on Facebook I saw this picture of him at a white trash bash. The party was just a small gathering of him and his buddies with a few of their wives and gfs, but still I felt like I had been lied to and blown off. I waited for him to text and basically he fibbed about it I believe and I just went off. I explained that I am an understanding girl and that if he had plans all he had to do was explain the party came up and could he see me Sunday or even invite me to go. I mean I wouldn’t have cared just don’t blow me off and don’t lie to me. Well he apologized a million times and I told him to drop it and he continued to apologize so I believe he was sincere about it. Then he made plans to see me Sunday and of course right before he left he got a migraine (he gets them all the time and takes medication for it) so I just tried to dismiss it in my mind as the truth.
I still felt he was being distant that week and I confronted him and just basically said look you know I am really into you (we’ve both already admitted it) but I just want to be sure you are even looking for anything considering you are moving possibly for good next year, because I don’t want to fall for you and you not even be interested in having anything. He replied back,” I want to see where things go. I really like you, but I’ve had relationship mess up fast in the past and I don’t want that to happen to us.” so I tried easing my mind a little. We ended up seeing each other that Friday and I hate to admit it because I’m seriously a good girl, but things kind of went too far and we slept together. I regret it sooooooo much because that’s just not who I am. It wasn’t either of our intentions as we’ve both only prior been with 3 people all super long relationships.
After that he seemed to be a lot better, we they have been super busy at work and I seriously am a very understanding girl, but he just seemed to fade away again, I confronted him the past Friday once more, because I am a straight up girl. I plainly said look I think you are an amazing guy but I don’t feel you are that into me, and that’s fine if that’s the case and once again he assured me he is into me just super busy. He said he will put in more effort and he promises after all this training we will spend lots more time together.
Here is my thing though. As you all can tell I fell really fast for this guy, I feel like I’ve known him my whole life and I am serious about him. I have already thought about careers I could do with my degree if things worked out and I moved with him. I know it sounds a little crazy but seriously I feel like God sent him to me.
Now on the flip side, I believe he is a great guy and he is sincere but honestly I have been hurt so much before I feel like maybe he is just saying that to appease me and that in fact he maybe likes me but definitely isn’t looking for anything. I just believe if a guy is into you that he will make time to see you. And we’ve been texting for 2 months and we’ve only talked on the phone a handful and face timed once and only hung out 2 times. I am beginning to get super bummed and I feel like I am getting mixed signals. I am so scared because I know I am falling super hard super fast and I don’t know what to do. I like him entirely too much to quit talking to him because I already couldn’t imagine my days without him, but I don’t want to be strung along to fall in love and then after May there be no more me and him.
PLEASE HELP ME!!!! =((

Reply September 18, 2014, 11:31 am

sara

PLEASE GUYS, I need all the help I can get! I don’t know what else to do and I don’t want to call a quits because I really like him!!

Reply September 18, 2014, 11:33 am

Veronica

Dear Eric,

Why is it that your advice columns are so concise and read genuinely, but the videos always seem so scammy and take forever to get to a point? I don’t get it.

Veronica

Reply September 16, 2014, 10:08 am

Eric Charles

Good question and I’m happy to answer that —

First, thanks for the compliment about my articles — that’s really appreciated.

In terms of when I recommend other people’s products (via the newsletter), there’s a few factors at play…

For starters, I should mention that I only promote people who I know personally as relationship experts who are passionate about helping women with their relationships. I’ve known most of these other experts for years — so just to be clear, they’re not random folks… they’re all people I know and they’re good people (and for the sake of your question, I should highlight that they’re *honest* people too).

The thing is — I don’t have any control over their sales content itself… however, one thing I intend to do in the future is create a product review section of A New Mode, where women who have bought those products can rate the product itself and share their comments on it. I don’t think anyone likes the marketing, but if I want to share the product with the audience, I end up having to share the marketing too since that’s how they choose to sell it…

For the sake of full disclosure, I do get a kickback for referring customers to my fellow relationship experts (and this is disclosed in every email at the bottom). I understand that some people might balk at that, but it’s actually what allows us to give away so much content without charging anything for it.

Most of our readers tell us that our articles are better than many of the popular relationship books out there, which makes me feel good about the work we’re doing. Helping our readers is one of my favorite parts of my life and if I could do it all day for free, I would… but the reality is that in order to give away as much as we do, making money is just a business reality… we have to keep the lights on…

I have a ton on my plate right now, but I am doing my best to find ways to share the “good stuff” without upsetting our awesome, savvy and loyal audience. Hope that makes sense about where I’m coming from with all that.

Reply September 18, 2014, 4:11 pm

Amanda

Hello Eric,
28 year old and I (24) have been talking for a month and a half, but only texting, every day. We say our ‘good morning’, ‘good night’, and ‘I hope you have a great day at work/school’. We both like each other (he told me he does and he confessed he would visit my job because I am there). I took the chance. He knows my mother since they are good friends for about 3 years now and she really likes him for me.
About 5 days ago I asked if i can call him for the first time a few days ago (since texting is, maybe cold to communicate?), he made an excuse that he was cooking and mentioned after dinner. I told him okay and to enjoy his dinner. Nothing. Next morning he texted last night he cooked, did his dishes and went to bed right away. I told him it’s okay and to have a great day. I didn’t bring it up anymore but he could at least tell me he doesn’t want to.
I put most of the effort by seeing him 3 times and what is weird is he is not always flirty on text but in person, he is very flirty and sweet to me. 1st time: We only chat for 5 minutes since I stopped by before he left for work. 2nd time: I stopped by to bring him coffee in the morning and stayed over for only about 30 minutes and chat and watched TV. That day that was when he started hugged me from behind and was very sweet to me. 3rd time: A week and a half ago I visited him around nighttime for only an hour since I left for school the next day (an hour away) and that was when he kissed me and hugged me from behind and everywhere, being very sweet. Of course nothing else beyond that (he knows I never had a boyfriend before). He wants to take it slow and wait for a month for a relationship to see how things go when I asked him if there will be a chance since we kissed the third and last time I saw him (since I go to school now). Plus he told me he works so much and is afraid he won’t give me the time.
I guess he stays to his word by taking it slow because he texts less and when I don’t message him first at all, he messages me but took about 1-2 hours to reply when I replied back even if he is home from work. The last time I ever heard from him was three days now. That never happened since we texted non-stop. The last message I received from him was what was I doing and if I have a lot of studying to do and I replied that I am not studying but doing research for a project that is due in a week and a half and just want to be ahead. That was at nighttime and he never replied or the next day after… I would admit that I flirt saying ‘I miss you’ or ‘Wish you were here’ sometimes but he didn’t respond to them and now I see that maybe or yes I was being forward with the flirting since he said he wants to take it slow?
I don’t know what I should do? I wish I know what is in his mind.
I want to talk about it with him, how I feel since we told each other in the beginning we can talk about anything but don’t know if it is the time? If yes, text or in person to talk? I already have a message telling him how I feel (not anything asking him like why he didn’t text) but if he does message me (which I am not sure if I should wait a few more or just send it) or better yet just text I hope you have a great day like nothing? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

Reply September 15, 2014, 12:10 pm

Stacy

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and some months now. He use to date one of my friends and few years before we met. I was a little weirded out by the situation but he said it wasn’t serious and that they just went on a couple dates and that was it. They never were intimate or even kissed so I decided to continue to get to know him and things escalated between us pretty quickly. As time went on my friend ( the one he went a couple of dates with) would bring him up randomly in conversations. She would say how he had feelings for her and how she didn’t feel the same for him. I never asked her about it she was just bringing it up randomly whenever we hung out. I brushed it off. I also later found a valentine’s day card from her in one of his drawers. When I asked him about it, he claimed he didn’t know it was there and immediately threw it away. I found it hard to believe because it was in his top drawer on top of everything else, so how did he not see it. Later, I finally asked my friend what really went on between them two and she said he caught feelings for her fast and she just wanted to be friends. But when I asked him he denies having any feelings towards her, he just said he liked her but it was nothing more than that.He told me later that he did want to be in a relationship with her but he still denies having feelings for her. That doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t know what to believe. I think something happened between them that no one is being completely honest about. Is she just with me because he couldn’t be with her? Please tell me what you think.

Reply September 14, 2014, 9:37 am

stacy

I also wanted to ad that a month before he and I met he had texted her to ask her to come out with him and his friends. This was years after they had stopped talking. She stopped talking to him because she wanted to be with someone else. He said he still wanted to remain friends with her. He always told me that when he stops dating someone he never speaks to them again so why was he trying to still talk to her?

Reply September 14, 2014, 9:39 am

Rach

So, I met him accidentlly one night on the way to a friend’s place after a party. th is guy’s bike had broke down n he also had bruises on him because had slipped. i asked my friends to stop to help him. my friends helped him n I, God knows why, invited him over to my friend’s place, one of the reasons may be because it was late at night and he stayed close to my friend’s place. He accepted. We hit it off right away. we stayed up all night, all of us and talked. next morning he also stayed back for breakfast. he randomly gave out his #. but i did not save it. instead one of my friend(guy) did. I was leaving the city pretty soon. so, my friends and i were planning for house party at my place. he offered to come, too and suggested he’d cook as a thank you for helping him.
well, i agreed (how could i not, he’s cute 😉 ). i wasn’t sure if he’d show up. but he did. he did cook n it was awesome. during the party he asked me not to leave the city. when i told him i had no reason to stay back. he said there may be now. so we saw each other everyday after that. went out . he really took care of me, shared about his family. we really like each other. he even said lotta times he really liked me and that he was sad i was leaving. asked me to stay, coupla times. but i really needed to leave. he even came to see me off. things changed totally after i left. he did not call. when i did, he spoke normally and said he had been caught up. later after a week or two, he did nt show any interest to call. so i stopped calling too. once i called him n asked what was goin on. to my surprise he said we enjoyed together. but he cant do long distance. I’m flabbergasted how can anyone just shut off things just like that. was he pretending all the while?
there was this thing with him, though, Eric, he had these 10-12 hour he never said what he was upto. when i asked him, he brushed it off saying its confidential and i wouldn’t understand so soon. but he promised it was not another woman or relationship.

What do i do? what should i understand from this?

Reply September 13, 2014, 3:51 pm

Marie

Why is everyone worried about being needy? Do you ask those questions when you text a friend to say hey I had a great time? No, probably not. If a guy dumps you for initating a text and saying it feels good to be together then there was no future anyway and you both deserve better. If a guy likes you and you like him everything will fall into place and you’ll never worry about being needy because he will be right by your side and contact you regularly. Also, you’ll figure out a routine that works for both of you. With the right person things fall into place and even if you can only see each other once a week because of your schedules you’ll feel loved and cherished. Screw feeling doubt and insecurity. Be with someone that loves you for you and you love them for them. With the right person it’ll all come together.

Reply September 4, 2014, 11:17 pm

Claire Rose

My boyfriend and I broke up a week ago. We had known eachother for many years and started off as good friends and our love blossomed. It was such a deep love that everyone said I had changed this guy for the better and he was telling everyone he was done and he had found the one. We went though a bit of drama and he always told me had no intention of breaking up but he hates drama and stupid arguments. Two weeks ago we had a lot of alcohol and something small escalated into something bigger than it was meant to and we ended up breaking up over it. He said I’ve set the bar so high he will probably never love anyone like me and says he still needs me in his life. I just don’t think it will be easy for us to be friends when we have such a deep connection and love. Is there any chance of me being able to prove to him that I can erase the drama and that I am the perfect girl for him?

Reply August 25, 2014, 11:40 pm

Kat

What does it usually mean when a guy answers your text but only with an emoticon?

Reply August 20, 2014, 5:24 pm

Katy

So I’ve known this guy for a short time, about two weeks, but we’ve hung out twice in public and text everyday. He even kissed me the first time we went out and I feel we have a real connection. However, he sometimes cancels on plans even though he is the one that makes them. Recently he invited me over to his apartment to watch movies but as I was about to head over and hang out he said he had a headache and was apologetic and said we would reschedule for when he gets back from vacation. This would have been my first time over too so he seemed excited I was coming when I first told him. My question is why does he cancel plans even though he is the one that wants to hang out? I feel like we could be in a relationship but I don’t want to put all of myself in it if he is going to bail every time we set something up. He’s cancelled before with a headache excuse so maybe he really does get them, but I don’t know. I just want to hear what everyone thinks could be going on. Thanks!

Reply August 15, 2014, 7:23 pm

Ivy

If you have known him for two weeks and he has already cancelled plans a few times I would say that is a very bad sign. First, in the least he simply is not reliable for whatever valid, or invalid reason. Second, I think it’s a pretty bad sign in terms of his genuine interest in you if he’s cancelling plans so early on, or even at all. If I were you I wouldn’t be so invested in this guy, a good kiss is chemistry, not a connection and you are already using the word relationship when you barely know him and he isn’t really showing that is is reliable and his interest in you is questionable. The only one who really knows what is going on with this guy’s cancellation is the guy, everyone else would be guessing. You could ask him politely, I noticed that you’ve rescheduled plans a few times, and reliability is important to me, is there a reason why you’ve cancelled? Good luck 🙂

Reply August 18, 2014, 9:55 am

Anonymous

I dated a guy for two years, we got engaged and we were planning to be married. I know he loved me and I loved him too. He let his friends convince him about me and he changed. We had our first IVF and it didn’t work(we were still not married) I went through a lot for him. Made sacrifices and he walked away without a reason. It was hard for me. I saw a psychologist, I quit my job. I was grew fat from the IVF. I thought I was gonna die. After a month of him telling me he had someone else and it was just not meant to be between us, I heard he had engaged another girl. As usual, I was distraught. To my surprise, he came back after 2months of his engagement and started begging me. He said he was confused and he still loved me but he had gone too far with the other chick and he couldn’t let go of her for fear of hurting another. Funnily enough, we spent the night and weeks later I found out I was pregnant. He was very elated and his family were too. Barely 2 weeks after his announcement to me that he was still gonna marry her and come back to marry me, he did his wedding. I am confused. Now he doesn’t pik my calls anymore. I feel like I should take my life a second time. I’m pained. It hurts. I hate him more than ever now but I need to move on.

Reply August 13, 2014, 11:32 am

Ivy

Please go to a new psychologist, it is very concerning that you would talk about taking your life, please talk to friends and family and tell them of your issues so they can support you. This man is no good. He left you, cheated on his fiance with you, married her and told you he would marry you after marrying her, that is just crazy. You are lucky he doesn’t take your calls, cut this guy out of your life forever if you can, if you can’t cause he’s gonna be your baby’s father then please don’t be intimate with him. The sooner that you move on the better. All the best, be strong!!!

Reply August 13, 2014, 4:15 pm

Drianna

Hey, I have a question, I’ve been talking to this guy…we met online I’ll first start off with so you understand the nature and situation. We’ve been only talking for a week but things went fast we really like each other and seem to vibe really well, ya ya I know it’s over texts so how would you know, well whatever haha! I like him because when he texts me (no I don’t wanna txt forever, this is just unfortunately how you get to know someone before you meet him/her in real life, and Yes I will call eventually to hear his voice, before I really meet him) anyways, when he txts me it’s not some douche guy trying to get laid, I think haha, it’s someone very extremely romantic and so polite and just sweet and caring overall, totally just an awesome person, and I am too and won’t settle so someone like him, that speaks that passionate language like me, I’d definitely like in my life! Also, I do feel he has made it very clear to me that Yes he wants to meet me and likes me a lot and whatnot. He’s also sent me a lot of pictures of himself, I’ve sent some back, not tooo many just cause idk i dont feel I need to do that? Only when he said will I be nice return the favor type thing lol. Anyways, he lives far, 3 hours, it’s whatever though, he’s invited me to come over and show keep the time of my life just have amazing adventures, (he lives in mountains area so it would be amazing ) sorry just don’t wanna say location, anyways, he’s super hot, I’m super hot, our brains are both sexy, it seems like such a good recipe, and he always txts me good morning and goodnights, but he didn’t lastnight, or this morning, last he ti txted me was hope you have an amazing day my sexy kitten rawr. And a lot of kisses Smileys lol. So I responded with sexy pic in red lighting, not naked or anything, just looking up into camera while bending back enough to see my ass if that makes sense. I thought it was hot idk! Thought he’d like it, and then said rawr you have a beautiful day too, then he never responded so I txt him two more times, first one said how are you (name ) then the second it was pretty late I was going to bed it was almost midnight so I said goodnight guapo. Haven’t txted him since cause I don’t care to be trying to get him to rrspond, I’m just wondering, has he decided he can’t be txting 24/7 lol or has he already lost interest? I’d be very surprised if he lost interest, I mean he invited me to come stay at his place!! Which I politely said no I’ll stay in a hotel and just meet up with you, which he said good I’m glad you’re cautious, smart girl, my kinda girl. Also, Yes he could visit me but wtf noo I need a vacation anyways I’m so going to those beautiful mountains /lake and amazingness. Anyways, ya, what you think? Still like me? I mean I shouldn’t care after only a day of no txts haha but look, it’s been awhile that I was attracted and mentally attracted to someone at the same time, I got excited and looking forward to meeting him, so it would suck a little if he decided, randomly, after all the romantic texts. And things he says, to just mmmm nope I’m good lol! So ya watcha think?

Reply August 10, 2014, 1:14 pm

Amy

I have to say though there are valid points in this response, I think it’s a very narrow answer and questionable advice. Two people can enjoy their time perfectly together and yet the two people might have different ideas of what they want relationship wise at that time in their lives. Having fun, connecting, enjoying the moment – these do not signal that two people both want a relationship. What if the two people never discussed their relationship goals yet they are both having a blast but both on different pages. One thinks they are dating to see if it will continue into a relationshp, the other is enjoying the moment with no intention of it ever being a relationship. I am not saying have an agenda, but I am suggesting that people dating should know if they are open to a relationshp or not so they don’t fool themselves.

Reply August 7, 2014, 4:14 pm

Gabby

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 4 months. We have had some problems recently almost to the point we broke up. We are still together but I have a question he invited me over to his house last night and then texted me to tell me that he was going to bed and that he would call me tomorrow. I asked him why and he said he was going to his moms house. So I decided to take a drive to his home and to my amazement, he was there! Why is he lying to me? he says he loves me but if he loved me why would he want me to give him space? he has a guy roommate and I believe he told him that he broke up with me and that was the reason why he said he wouldn’t be home because he was there. Help!!!

Reply August 7, 2014, 11:37 am

Leave a Comment

Recent Relationship Forum Activity

STOP LETTING MEN
CONFUSE YOU

Sign up for our
free newsletter
and get a free chapter
of our book,"He's Not
That Complicated"