Ask a Guy: How Can I Get My Ex Boyfriend Back? post image

Ask a Guy: How Can I Get My Ex Boyfriend Back?


My ex broke up with me last month after being together for over a year. The last few months were rough because his grandmother passed away after being in the hospital for a few months. I tried to be there for him but he totally withdrew and would reject my advances and we started fighting a lot because of it.

He told me he loves me, but felt like I was smothering him and he needed to find himself. I told him I would give him space while he figured things out but he said he couldn’t ask me to do that. I asked if there was a chance for us once he got things sorted and he said he isn’t sure if he sees a future. He said he worships the ground I walk on and should never change because I was perfect in the relationship and will go far in life whereas he feels like he has nothing to offer since he is grieving and stuck in a job he doesn’t like.

He suggested we stay friends but I told him that would be too hard on me and he said I can contact him anytime. I know I came across needy over the last couple of months and am wondering if there’s anything I can do to get him back. Should I text him? Try to stay friends? Is there any hope of getting him back?

I can relate to both your situation and his.

I remember, years ago, when I was extremely unhappy with my job and a few other areas of my life. I was dating a woman who really was a great girlfriend, but I was totally not in the right place to be in a relationship.

The fact is… when men don’t feel like they’re “winning” at life or that life is good, they want to shrink away and withdraw from the world.  Men want to mentally work out whatever is bothering them, solve it, and then they’ll re-emerge, ready to conquer the world.

MORE: Why Guys Withdraw

Men don’t want an audience for this. I can tell you firsthand that when people try to probe why I am being distant, it feels very invasive to me and I withdraw even further.

That doesn’t mean I think the person “probing” is a bad person or that they have a bad intent.  It’s more like I don’t want to feel exposed and vulnerable while I’m already in pain.

All I want is to quietly solve the problem by myself.  I don’t want to be coddled.  I don’t want to be reassured. And I definitely don’t want to be pitied.

I do want the woman I’m with to be OK though; I don’t want her to worry or be upset.  And I don’t want her to see me as anything less than the man that I aspire to be – the man that I am when I’m at my best.

So with all that in mind, you could sum it up by saying:  I want her to give me space and I want her to be OK while she’s giving me space.

All relationships are going to require moments where you give the guy space.

RECOMMENDED QUIZ:  “Can I Get My Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?” Quiz

What exactly does it mean to “give the guy space”?

All it means is that you trust that everything is going to work out for the best.  It means that you allow yourself to feel OK instead of feeling nervous, worried, or frantic. It means you take on the belief that things always work out exactly as they should and abandon the idea that you can make things work out how you want them to…

The truth is, everything always works out as it should, but sometimes this can be hard to see in the day-to-day experience of life.

We can’t control other people. We can’t make them do what we want them to do.

There’s no amount of analyzing, probing or searching for signs your ex-boyfriend still loves you that will give you relief over worrying what they might or might not do…

The truth about people is that everyone is always going to do whatever they want to do, so it’s in your best interest to surround yourself with people who do what you want without any effort on your part.

Moreover, it’s in your best interest to live your life in a way that brings you happiness in your moment-to-moment existence without effort… and abandon any perspective or pursuit that has you feeling crappy in your moment-to-moment experience in service of some imagined better future.

Another thing that you have to realize is: Neediness is a mindset.

What I mean by this is that if you take on a certain perspective, you are guaranteed to act needy.  And if you take on a different perspective, you will never act needy.

MORE: How to Redeem Yourself After Acting Needy

What’s the deadly mindset/perspective that will guarantee you act needy?  It’s believing that you could “lose something” or that something could happen that would create a “lack of something” in your life.

At the heart of it, it’s the feeling of fear of loss.

When you believe that you could lose something, you’ll instinctively shrink inside and it will take the wind out of your sails. That feeling does not feel good, and the source of it is how you’re thinking about your situation, it’s your perspective.

The fact is, relationships are not “things” that you could lose or gain. They are not objects like a stone or purse or car.Relationships happen in-the-moment, as they’re happening.

Relationships are like music. You could have 100,000 songs on your iPod, but if you’re not playing any of the songs… you’re not hearing any music. In that same way, your relationship is exactly what it is in the moment that you’re with that person, experiencing that person and interacting with that person.

You don’t have a relationship… you experience it in the moment you’re with the person.

So you can’t “get it back” because there’s no thing to get.  In another sense, you already have a relationship with him… your relationship with him is what it is.

Relationship “titles” are meaningless.  It is only the quality of experience that matters and the quality of your experience is determined by your perspective and mood.

So, to answer your questions about what to do and if you can get him back…

If you want your relationship to improve with this guy… if you want to “get him back,” so to speak, this is what you need to do:

First, recognize that you are single right now.

It is counter-intuitive, but when women fixate on a guy (and worse, a specific outcome with a guy), they are destroying their mood and ability to be attractive.

When you take on the perspective of, “I need this guy to be this specific way with me… or else I won’t be happy,” then you set yourself up for tremendous unhappiness.

You see, that style of thinking is completely backwards and it will drive the guy away.

Why?  Well, it’s simple: Men are attracted to women who are happy (not feeling like they are unhappy unless they “get” specifically what it is that they want).

Men are attracted to women who have the vibe of being OK (not anxious, worried, hostile, upset, etc.).

Men are attracted to women who have the vibe of being enthusiastic (not insecure, pessimistic, negative, etc.).

So what does this have to do with recognizing that you’re single (and why should this be something to be very happy about)?

You should be happy recognizing that you’re single because it means you can have limitless options. It means that you are not imprisoned in a reality where you can’t be happy unless you get a very, very specific outcome with one particular person.

MORE: Everything You Need to Know to Get Your Ex Back 

When you fixate on a specific outcome with a specific person, you ruin your attractive vibe since you can’t be happy unless you have the outcome you want… and every moment you’re unhappy you push the guy further and further away.

When you let go of the idea that you need things to work out a certain way, then you cut off that poisonous negative cycle.

Instead of making a specific outcome your goal, make happiness your goal.  Be open to the idea that your happiness, enthusiasm and enjoyment of life is the most attractive thing in the world to men.

And be open to the idea that if you are tremendously happy in your own life as a single person, the perfect guy will appear and he will lock you down in the relationship you’ve always wanted… because being around you feels so good, he can’t imagine living his life without you.

A man gets into a relationship with a woman who makes his life feel better than it did without her in it.  Men marry women because they want to feel that good forever.

MORE: How Do I Get Him to Marry Me?

This is great news for you because the path to being that kind of women is very simple – follow all that makes you feel happy in the moment… cut off and drop all that does not make you feel happy.

This goes for thoughts, habits, situations, circumstances, activities, environments, and relationships with other people.

When you live your life in line with what makes you happy, your attractiveness will shine through.  The more happy you are, the more attractive you’ll be to guys.

The bottom line is that when you drop your fixation on getting the guy back, you free yourself up to becoming happy… and thus, becoming tremendously attractive to men.

And here’s why it’s so important:  When you become incredibly attractive to men, men will want to date you.  Men will want to lock you down.  Men will want you to be exclusive with them.

The thing is, … (continued – Click to keep reading Ask a Guy: How Can I Get My Ex Boyfriend Back?)

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Reply November 17, 2016, 12:48 pm

mara

my boyfriend broke up with me, but we are still talking, pls what can i do to help me him come back, cause i cheated on him, he is ready to come back but he dnt no how, pls help me out

Reply October 21, 2016, 5:26 am

sam

Hi
My ex and I broke up 2 weeks ago and we tried not talking at all, however we could only go two days without talking. He broke up with me because he said he is unhappy in his life right now and that he has to figure his life out and that he doesnt want to drag me down too. He says he still loves me. I still love him to. I just am confused on what to do. We talked and I asked him if he wants to hang out and be friends and have sex sometimes. He said he doesnt want to do that because he doesn’t wanna make it harder for either of us, but I convinced him to hang out with me. We started having sex and hanging out. He has been worried that we both won’t be able to move on if we continue to do this. I told him that I still want him in my life and he said he still wants me in his. He just doesn’t understand why I can have sex with him without feeling guilty. He told me that me having sex with him confuses him and he wants to but is worried it will make it hard for him in the future. I wanna be with him. I wanna get back together with him I just dont know how. I have tried everything.

Reply September 30, 2016, 10:27 am

Glorimar Velez

Hi me and my broke up 3 days ago and we been together for 1 year and it was my fault cause I kept getting mad. He told me his going to his friends house because we both woke up early to go to boxing class. And I told him we can go to his house instead and rest. But he didn’t want to and I kept getting mad and said no your staying here and he still left and went inside and I kept knocking trying to tell him to come here when he did he said he was breaking up with me and I slapped him because I was mad. We’re still talking and we hang out still but he doesn’t want to be with again but he told me he still loves me. I’m not ready for us to be over even his mom told me not to give up. I just need help getting him back because I love him. Any advice on what I should do. Because I’m no n US. I just need help

Reply August 5, 2016, 3:39 pm

signe Ericksen

I just wanted to say thank you soooo much for the time that a man of Allah proffsaha took with me in helping me to get my ex boyfriend back. Through it all, you were there for me and helped me to get him back. Allah has truly blessed you with a very special gift. Never give up and always continue to follow Allah’s light as you have been and things will continue to look up for you. I have been blessed and I am grateful that Allah put you in my path. If you’re in such a situation contact him on this number 00733947689

Reply July 28, 2016, 2:58 am

james mike

If you want him to come back quickly within 3 days contact me on +2349035852955.

Reply July 25, 2016, 4:10 pm

Jay

Hi, so I came across your blog and want to know if it’s pointless to think he is coming back or I have a fair shot?
I was with my boyfriend for 8 years (he is 35, I’m 29). He has broken up with me twice before this one, and I’ve been crushed every time.

We lived together only once before this last time, you see his mom was diagnosed with a rare cancer and he and his sister basically did it all(their dad just couldn’t handle it emtionally, I guess. I even helped with cleanings) she died slowly and painfully in the house. While his sister lived down the street with her husband he and his dad stayed there and then I moved in. It wasn’t ideal only in the sense of living under the same roof his mom died and it wasn’t our home, but I didn’t want to say anything cause she was his rock. We had our ups and downs we didn’t necessarily fight (rarely raised our voices)more like bickered and yes I nagged:/

He went on a road trip to Chicago alone(we are in San Diego so this was a big trip) after memorial weekend cause he wasn’t working to visit family. He was gone for two weeks, called and text me daily I really felt like he missed me and I never get that from him only cause he isn’t he cuddly, not always romantic type which isnt a big deal to me. He came back and completely stonewalled me and wouldn’t talk. That’s when the bickering really started. He would talk to everyone except me. He is so social and playful I knew something was wrong. I asked over and over which I shouldn’t have I even asked specifically “do you love me, do you want me here, and is everything OK?” He said yes, we don’t need to talk 24\7 I let it go. I would ask here and there if everything was okay, again I know probably shouldn’t have. This went on for 2 weeks, then about 12 days ago he dropped it on me. Came in the room told me we shouldn’t be together, he needs to work on himself, we aren’t where we should be after all these years and then I said you don’t love me? He said he was sorry. I didn’t cry or beg(learned my lesson the first time) I said okay “I’m not gonna force you or make you do something you don’t want to do I’ll get my stuff and leave”. He offered to help me move my stuff I said no and did it by myself the next day.

When I came the next day after crying myself to sleep he was painting in the backyard I did it all by myself, he eventually came in I said I was done he said OK bye, walked me to the door said bye with a blank stare and closed the door behind me. It was cold, I have been so broken ever since. I haven’t tried calling or getting a hold of him, but I am best friends with his sister, and am incredibly close to all his relatives. I have talked to his sister, and his aunt\uncle…huge mistakes cause they told him:/ I didn’t want him to know but I know I was taking a chance. I also spoke with his best friend’s girlfriend which we aren’t close but I thought I could confined in her and ask her not to tell his best friend…yeah he told him. His sister told me…I am beyond broken. I’ve cried everyday, I get anxiety attacks and can barley sleep.

He told his best friend’s girlfriend i smothered him which I was never home I worked, ran errands alone watched t.v alone at times and hung out with friend’s. He told his sister we bickered and that’s why…now I know I need to step away from his family, but I was told by his sister he is content, he misses me and is sad ,but he is OK with being alone. He just doesn’t want to be responsible for someone else right now…he told his sister not to tell him if I find anyone and he “says” he doesn’t want to date anyone for a while…all he has is his sister really his dad really just works and stays in his room.

I don’t want to loose him, he is the one I know I want to grow old with…he isn’t always the easiest person, can be obnoxious at times and a bit bossy ,but I love him for who he is… please help…I don’t know what I can do..if anything. I would do anything. Please.

-J

Reply July 22, 2016, 9:44 pm

Priya

Hi Eric,
I need your advice.
I am 37yrs old and few yrs back i had registered myself on a
matrimonial website.
There was a guy from Mumbai 40yrs old who showed interest in my
profile and took my contact no from the matrimonial people and came
down to Goa to meet me all of a sudden after texting me.
We spoke for one hour in a public place (garden) and after the
discussion was over he said i would like to chat with you. is it ok if
i call you? i gave him the permission to call me as I too like him.
Later the next day he dropped me a message saying It was nice meeting
you and I am looking forward to meet you again. I would like to speak
to you so that we can understand each other better.
When he called me when he reached Mumbai he said that he liked me and
wanted me to shift to Mumbai with mom but had to wind up my
recruitment business.
To this i said first and foremost i don’t know you and i cannot make a
big decision to come down to Mumbai.
The next saturday again he called me and said tell me about your
business so i told him the pain and trouble i took to come up in my
recruitment business after talking to me by 7pm he drops me a message
saying there is no future in us as he wants me to take up a job in
Mumbai by winding up my business.
He winded up with me three times and suddenly on Christmas day he
sends me a warm wish. i wanted to know what happened suddenly he is
trying to reconnect with me.
Boldly i called him and said i would like to know what you
misunderstood about me.
whenever you come down to Goa let me know we can sit and talk.
he kept saying he can come down only in April 16 as he was not getting leave.
Suddenly my uncle went to Mumbai and called him and wanted to meet him
as he kept himself as a stranger to me.
He didn’t meet my uncle but said that he would talk to me when he was
coming down to goa as i misunderstood him.
he stopped communicating with me as if i fought with him.
As the month was getting over i was calling him he was not picking up
my calls nor replying to my messages so i called him from my mothers
no he took the call and said i am done with you and i came down to goa
and went. will let you know when i will be coming down to Goa next.
I am confused with this guy is he playing games or is he serious?
I cannot understand this guy please advice me how to speak to this guy
and find out what is disturbing him right now. how to approach him?
how to convince him?

Reply July 20, 2016, 6:57 am

Priya

I am 37yrs old and few yrs back i had registered myself on a
matrimonial website.
There was a guy from Mumbai 40yrs old who showed interest in my
profile and took my contact no from the matrimonial people and came
down to Goa to meet me all of a sudden after texting me.
We spoke for one hour in a public place (garden) and after the
discussion was over he said i would like to chat with you. is it ok if
i call you? i gave him the permission to call me as I too like him.
Later the next day he dropped me a message saying It was nice meeting
you and I am looking forward to meet you again. I would like to speak
to you so that we can understand each other better.
When he called me when he reached Mumbai he said that he liked me and
wanted me to shift to Mumbai with mom but had to wind up my
recruitment business.
To this i said first and foremost i don’t know you and i cannot make a
big decision to come down to Mumbai.
The next saturday again he called me and said tell me about your
business so i told him the pain and trouble i took to come up in my
recruitment business after talking to me by 7pm he drops me a message
saying there is no future in us as he wants me to take up a job in
Mumbai by winding up my business.
He winded up with me three times and suddenly on Christmas day he
sends me a warm wish. i wanted to know what happened suddenly he is
trying to reconnect with me.
Boldly i called him and said i would like to know what you
misunderstood about me.
whenever you come down to Goa let me know we can sit and talk.
he kept saying he can come down only in April 16 as he was not getting leave.
Suddenly my uncle went to Mumbai and called him and wanted to meet him
as he kept himself as a stranger to me.
He didn’t meet my uncle but said that he would talk to me when he was
coming down to goa as i misunderstood him.
he stopped communicating with me as if i fought with him.
As the month was getting over i was calling him he was not picking up
my calls nor replying to my messages so i called him from my mothers
no he took the call and said i am done with you and i came down to goa
and went. will let you know when i will be coming down to Goa next.
I am confused with this guy is he playing games or is he serious?
I cannot understand this guy please advice me how to speak to this guy
and find out what is disturbing him right now. how to approach him?
how to convince him?

Reply July 20, 2016, 6:53 am

Priya

I have read your blog.
I am 37yrs old and few yrs back i had registered myself on a
matrimonial website.
There was a guy from Mumbai 40yrs old who showed interest in my
profile and took my contact no from the matrimonial people and came
down to Goa to meet me all of a sudden after texting me.
We spoke for one hour in a public place (garden) and after the
discussion was over he said i would like to chat with you. is it ok if
i call you? i gave him the permission to call me as I too like him.
Later the next day he dropped me a message saying It was nice meeting
you and I am looking forward to meet you again. I would like to speak
to you so that we can understand each other better.
When he called me when he reached Mumbai he said that he liked me and
wanted me to shift to Mumbai with mom but had to wind up my
recruitment business.
To this i said first and foremost i don’t know you and i cannot make a
big decision to come down to Mumbai.
The next saturday again he called me and said tell me about your
business so i told him the pain and trouble i took to come up in my
recruitment business after talking to me by 7pm he drops me a message
saying there is no future in us as he wants me to take up a job in
Mumbai by winding up my business.
He winded up with me three times and suddenly on Christmas day he
sends me a warm wish. i wanted to know what happened suddenly he is
trying to reconnect with me.
Boldly i called him and said i would like to know what you
misunderstood about me.
whenever you come down to Goa let me know we can sit and talk.
he kept saying he can come down only in April 16 as he was not getting leave.
Suddenly my uncle went to Mumbai and called him and wanted to meet him
as he kept himself as a stranger to me.
He didn’t meet my uncle but said that he would talk to me when he was
coming down to goa as i misunderstood him.
he stopped communicating with me as if i fought with him.
As the month was getting over i was calling him he was not picking up
my calls nor replying to my messages so i called him from my mothers
no he took the call and said i am done with you and i came down to goa
and went. will let you know when i will be coming down to Goa next.
I am confused with this guy is he playing games or is he serious?
I cannot understand this guy please advice me how to speak to this guy
and find out what is disturbing him right now. how to approach him?
how to convince him?

Reply July 20, 2016, 6:45 am

sharon

I’m not sure if you can help me or not. So me and my ex boyfriends for nearly 2 years before we got together and after a discussion we decided that it would be a good idea to try dating each other (both of us had been wanting to date the other for at least 8months but hadn’t told eachother due to the friendship). Everything was going great and we made a promise that if things didn’t go to plan we’d stay friends because our friendship was important to both of us. We made it to just over 2 months and then broke up. It was a pretty easy break up, nothing too traumatic but the way he acted could perhaps been seen as a bit out of hand by some people. Though out the relationship everything was great, he treated well and with respect and he wasn’t pushy for sex. I also was respectful to him and treated him really well throughout. Everyone including myself always thought that we would last forever but I guess good things come to an end at some point. My boyfriend is 18 and I’m 16 so I guess that makes things more difficult. Anyway, we were great with eachother even up to the day of the breakup and then I found out that he had messaged his mate a week before saying he was “getting bored” of being in a realtionship with me and his mate told him to keep going on seeing how things went. Having found this out pretty late at night, I asked him as soon as I could the next morning. When I did, he agreed with what I had found out and we broke up. He told me that I had done nothing wrong and that he wanted to remain best friends as we previously were. He explained that due to me being his first girlfriend, he didn’t know what to expect in a relationship and due to this, he didn’t wanna be in a realtionship with anyone. He messaged me the next morning saying that he was sorry and felt like he had let me down. I didn’t reply. I decided to start no contact and have been doing so for the last 15 days. Before we broke up, it was planned that we would come to my school prom with me but now due to the break up and no contact this is no longer a plan that we have. I have been recently debating about whether or no I should ask him to come because even though we have broken up, I still love and feel bad because he shouldn’t have to miss out because of the breakup as he didn’t have a prom of his own and was really Looking forward to going to mine. He also organised a suit and we talked of how we were matching te dress and tie etc. I know that even if I keep up the 30 or 60 day no contact, I am still going to feel the exact same way about him as I always have and so I’m thinking of ending the no contact and asking him to prom with me, even if it just be as friends. I need to decide pretty quickly as I only have 2 days left to purchase the ticket but I’m scared that he will say no and I’ll end up hurt and I don’t know if it’s a bad idea to end no contact. I thinking that perhaps if I do ask him to prom and he says yes. I continue the no contact until the date of the prom? Do you think I should end no contact and ask him to prom with me?

Reply July 12, 2016, 2:41 am

Brian

Hi,

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Reply July 7, 2016, 10:25 am

sarah

How can I get my ex boyfriend back please I need someone’s help i really love him it was a stupid reason I broke up with him

Reply June 22, 2016, 6:04 pm

Chloe

I’m not sure if you can help me or not. So me and my ex were friends for nearly 2 years before we got together and after a discussion we decided that it would be a good idea to try dating each other (both of us had been wanting to date the other for at least 8months but hadn’t told eachother due to the friendship). Everything was going great and we made a promise that if things didn’t go to plan we’d stay friends because our friendship was important to both of us. We made it to just over 2 months and then broke up. It was a pretty easy break up, nothing too traumatic but the way he acted could perhaps been seen as a bit out of hand by some people. Though out the relationship everything was great, he treated well and with respect and he wasn’t pushy for sex. I also was respectful to him and treated him really well throughout. Everyone including myself always thought that we would last forever but I guess good things come to an end at some point. My boyfriend is 18 and I’m 16 so I guess that makes things more difficult. Anyway, we were great with eachother even up to the day of the breakup and then I found out that he had messaged his mate a week before saying he was “getting bored” of being in a realtionship with me and his mate told him to keep going on seeing how things went. Having found this out pretty late at night, I asked him as soon as I could the next morning. When I did, he agreed with what I had found out and we broke up. He told me that I had done nothing wrong and that he wanted to remain best friends as we previously were. He explained that due to me being his first girlfriend, he didn’t know what to expect in a relationship and due to this, he didn’t wanna be in a realtionship with anyone. He messaged me the next morning saying that he was sorry and felt like he had let me down. I didn’t reply. I decided to start no contact and have been doing so for the last 15 days. Before we broke up, it was planned that we would come to my school prom with me but now due to the break up and no contact this is no longer a plan that we have. I have been recently debating about whether or no I should ask him to come because even though we have broken up, I still love and feel bad because he shouldn’t have to miss out because of the breakup as he didn’t have a prom of his own and was really Looking forward to going to mine. He also organised a suit and we talked of how we were matching te dress and tie etc. I know that even if I keep up the 30 or 60 day no contact, I am still going to feel the exact same way about him as I always have and so I’m thinking of ending the no contact and asking him to prom with me, even if it just be as friends. I need to decide pretty quickly as I only have 2 days left to purchase the ticket but I’m scared that he will say no and I’ll end up hurt and I don’t know if it’s a bad idea to end no contact. I thinking that perhaps if I do ask him to prom and he says yes. I continue the no contact until the date of the prom? Do you think I should end no contact and ask him to prom with me?

Reply June 19, 2016, 2:44 pm

Jennifer

Hello my name is Jennifer.? I feel like I just keep getting knocked back in all areas of my life. I’m a single mom and I have been single for 2 years now. I knew being single was what I needed to try and build myself up. The truth is I can’t ever think of a time in my life where my life felt genuinely good and I was trying to work on that. Trying to build my confidence, strength and life and I thought it was working. I recently found out my ex, whom I did still stay friends with has met someone else and for some reason it crushed me. The truth is I knew this would happen eventually and I don’t think I want him back. I’m upset, angry and jealous that it happened for him first. I feel like ” what’s wrong with me why doesn’t someone want me”. I know in some way I’ve done this to myself. Being a doormat, being too generous. I thought by making others happy it would make me happy too. But it doesn’t and I don’t know how to find happiness for myself. I don’t have family to speak to or ask advice and only a couple of friends. I don’t like unloading on them and they wouldn’t be able to offer any good advice. Because they have been just as hurt and scared by past relationships as me that they don’t know anymore than I. I feel like I need some help and advice to put me on the right path to get out of this vicious cycle. That I don’t know how to get out from. I have no one to turn to and I’m so lost, confused and lonely. Please help me, I’m so tired of living this way.

Reply May 4, 2016, 6:49 am

Sherri

Excellent article!

Reply April 29, 2016, 12:02 pm

Maria sanchez

So ive been dating a online boyfriend for 1 month and last night we ended because I used a fake picture now yes I guess I catfished him. But not my point okay so he told me thst I should not lie and stuff like that but I couldn’t have the ? to tell him i was fake last night I did it because I was quilty for not saying anything in the beginning so right now idk what I am supposed to do can you help me plz I don’t wanna be deppresed or without my ex boyfriend I want him hack really really really really really bad he means everything to me and I lost everything last night and since last night Alex my ex boyfriend hasn’t contacted me in any way ajd im upset that I l7ed to Alex If you can help plz do I just want my EX BACK!!!!

Reply March 30, 2016, 9:48 am

Jean

So I’ve been with this guy for nearly 3 year we lived together for a year and Half I have children to a previous relationship he hasn’t got none we’ve had it pretty rough last year we fell pregnant and Sadley lost our baby and had to deal with a funeral and things so emotions have been all over for both of us since then we’ve argued a lot fell out a lot he’s even moved out a lot but we always end up back together over the lay few months things have got rapidly worse his mood swings ect he has finally admitted he needs help after trying to kill himself he’s severely depressed on medication and starting to get the help he needs all though I’m the only person who seems to have supported him he keeps pushing me away we’ve just found out I’m pregnant again so it’s a worryin time at moment but he’s got up and left me again saying he can’t do it anymore that this time it’s over for good I no he loves me and I no he wants nothing more than for us to have this baby he’s said he will be there day or night for baby but as for us it’s done with my emotions are all over and don’t no what to do he has said this in past when he’s left so I’m unsure of if it really what he wants or weather it’s the depression any advise would be much appreciated as I’m at my wits end

Reply February 9, 2016, 5:14 am

Susan

My question is this my relationship ended about 5 months ago, I found out he was texting a girl he worked with and that they had been texting back and forth for about a month I think. I saw a text that said good morning baby how was your night. My X and I lived together for 3 year but we had been together for 10 plus years. He has in the past cheated on me more times than I can count but I did know about 3 others women for the past 15 years together. I am 12 years older than he is. the words he said to me when this all came to a head one night of his revealing that he loves me but he did not love me the way that I loved him, and that he never thought of me of marring me but that I was and would all way’s be nothing more than his girl friend. But that he does love me, and that he was concerned about my age even when he knew I was 12 years older than he was, and he is having problems with it.
That he could not accept my family, I have two daughters and that the way he looked at is that he should be dating my 30 something daughter in stead of me.
We have had lengthly conversations and texts over the last month or so, him say that he knows he lost the best thing he ever had when I walked out, and that he is sorry so very sorry for hurting me and that he would do what ever he could do to get me back.
But he is still seeing the other women, and this is something that he has to go through. And he knows if we got back together that he would marry me and accept my family as his.( he has never been married nor does he have any children.)
But he knows that he messed it all up and that he wants me to stay in touch and he that he knows he lost the best thing that every happened to him and that was me.
So I think he say’s all the things he thinks I should hear.
Am I being taken in by words, they say that actions speaks louder than words and in my book that’s true. Help me to understand

Reply February 3, 2016, 2:18 pm

Tasha

My boyfriend has been acting distant the past couple weeks. He used to be so in love with me and made me feel so loved. But lately it’s been kind of different. We both hVe careers that keep us apart for long periods of time. I never really knew what people meant when they said “they just knew” until I felt it for myself. I am certain this is the man I want to spend the rest of my life with without a question. For Christmas he had bought me a promise ring and yesterday he dumped me.. He said “I think we would be better as good friends.” Since he’s been distant I was over affectionate in hopes his demeanor would change and he would go back to how he was with me. I’m afraid the past while I’ve maybe come across as needy or I’ve been too much and maybe that’s what pushed him to this point? I love this man so incredibly much and I know his love for me can’t just vanish like that. I guess I’m just extremely confused about why this is happening and I want to do anything I can to get him back. Please, help!

Reply January 27, 2016, 9:17 am

elizabeth

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Reply January 20, 2016, 10:17 am

Dr akhereoboh

This dream is the reason you are not over him yet and won’t be any time soon. Unless you let go of that, you won’t be able to truly grieve and move on. But I know it’s hard since all the signs and everyone around you is saying that it will happen. 6 months is a long time. Have you asked yourself how long are you willing to wait for him?

Reply December 28, 2015, 2:58 am

Amy

My boyfriend broke with me 2 weeks ago after a years. Said he had issues he needed to work on and focus on his kids and work. One week after not texting he finally did asking if we could talk. He told me he loved me and hated he was hurting me. I told him I thought our relationship was worth it and would give him time. Since then he has been out of town for work and has text and face timed me non stop. He actuallycalled me last night to ask if I had talked to any guys since he broke up with me. I want him back , what do I do

Reply December 10, 2015, 1:06 pm

Emily

We don’t like to call each other “ex”, so my friend and I were together, but we broke up a year ago due to a stressful issue. We have remained friends, and still wished to be together. But now, he is starting to date someone else who is more similar to him. I did some stupid things, and it felt like I got this big slap in the face- he was always right. He always was telling me things that were disconnecting us that were things I needed to work on. He admitted to me that he was scared of being with me, let alone staying friends. I’ve told him that I felt this slap and everything and that I’m going to change because I’ve been making myself unhappy. But I’m also very determined to reestablish our relationship as a couple and not just friends. I’m scared of what will happen, but I know I have to move forward and be better for myself. I realized I’ve been letting my emotions control me and that it has been destroying myself and my relationships with other people. He is someone I see frequently (fyi, not a co-worker) and we text a lot still. I’m still afraid. He loved me once, he even got me a promise ring of sorts… If he sees me changing for the better, will I still have a chance? The fear comes with the fact that there is another woman who could steal his heart. Yet the funny thing is, she loves and adores me beyond anything. I am not sure if she is romantically interested in him, but I definitely wouldn’t call it unlikely. She also knows my history with him. It’s tough, but I want to become the woman he always thought I could be, which is someone amazing. I don’t really know what I’m asking now, I think I just need some support and to know that I’m doing the right thing, and that I’ll be okay… I can’t just forget about how much I want him back by my side.

Reply November 14, 2015, 11:13 pm

Madalin

My boy friend and i had a great relationship but we never saw each other and we had a couple of fight.then i meet someone new that i thought i liked more but i was wrong so i broke up with my boyfriend for tge other guy. We havent even been dating for a week but i want him back do you think he would even want to take me back.

Reply November 14, 2015, 1:52 am

Judy

I have been a faithful fan of yours over 3years now and i must admit that your team has been a source of inspiration and help to me. Sabrina has been awesome. Thank you. My case is simple. I have always wanted to marry a white guy right from my childhood though I am a black lady. When I grew older after high school? I worked in a company where they have lots of whites. But I didn’t get to hook up with one because I had to go to college. I’m in my final year. I will be graduating next year and hope to get scholarship to study abroad. I am 23years old. if anyone can hook me up with some white friends I would be grateful. or simply just recommend me to someone. Thanks a lot.

Reply November 11, 2015, 4:28 pm

Kim

My ex boyfriend contacted me after 18 years. We were together for 3 years and the last 7 months got really bad because of his ex wife and then his family got involved and he got really depressed. I had to leave so we didn’t kill each other. he contacted me 9/18 to see how I was doing and at first we just talked then all these feelings I had buried deep down inside came out and I told him exactly how I felt. We would be talking and all the sudden he was having a party with 100 people over and he had to go. He would go from talking and laughing to having parties or he was going to Italy to How rich he has become since his dad passed. It was so confusing because I thought I did the right thing leaving him but now I am regretting it. I still love him. i told him I don’t care about his money. He would only talk to me via Facebook. He kept accusing me of cheating then i figure it out he was the one cheating so he un-friended me. After a couple of days I sent him a friend request and he accepted within 30 seconds. after a couple of days we started talking again. He knew I was going through a break up with someone I had been with for 6 years. he wanted to see a picture of him and after him bugging me for ever I sent one. within 10 min he had a band at his place with all this food and 100 people and they were going to party all night. He said he would come and visit because we live in different states now. he wanted a picture of me a sexy one then he unfriended me and when I asked why he said not interested so I told him whatever i was the best thing that has or ever will happen to him. Then he blocked me. I am confused on why he wanted a picture of my ex boyfriend and I have gained weight and I don’t hide it on Facebook. He remembers thing that happen when we first met and things I had told him about. I have loved this man since I first laid eyes on him and I made a mistake by leaving. I have never married but he has twice. I love him with all my heart but I am so confused on his actions. I just don’t understand. it has been a month since he blocked me. I wrote him a litter apologizing for my mean words because i told him his ex wife looks like a guy and she does but i had no right to say that. I talk to his oldest daughter but i don’t bring her into this. I just want to understand why he contacted me again and why he still wants to hurt me. i have apologized for leaving and hurting him. I am just confused. I just want to understand why he came back.

Reply November 10, 2015, 10:28 am

Marry

I really need some advice, my ex and I have known each other since childhood. One day last year he started flirting online with me and then we started texting and really hit it off. He lived out of state and I wasn’t ready for long distance, but he still kept trying for me. So after months of flirting and falling more and more I decided we can give long distance a try since he comes back to our home town often and I can go visit him. After a few months of that things were good and he actually as able to move back home and we were so perfect for each other. Saw each other all the time and fell more in love, spent time with both our families all the time and every one was happy. Then my life got stressful with work and studying for Med school applications. And he got a new job that was very demanding and took a lot of his time. I noticed things became distant when he didnt have time to see me or even just relax with me, he always had work first and his family is also very demanding and took a lot of his time as well. I was planning on talking to him about the issues but he’s not one to be up front and talk things out, he rather tell me “its okay ” so i thought there were no issues, when in reality i pushed him to far and kept asking to see him or plan things or complain when he didnt even have energy to talk after work. We had date night once a week and i would see him maybe once or twice on weekends and that was okay with me, but i still made him feel bad about it. One day he had so much work he asked for me to leave him alone for a weekend and that upset me and i ended up calling him one to many times, and he exploded and told me he can’t do this any more that he needed his space and to break up, he said he wanted to figure himself out and get his life in order and that he felt bad that he didnt have the time a girl friend like me deserves and that he didnt want to hurt me anymore. I was devastated, this messed up my studying and my life for weeks. We didnt communicate for a week then i ran into him at an event, we talked some but knew it wasn’t the right time or location for a chat like this. Then we talked a few days later but everyone was still heated, he said he didnt have the answers i needed and he doesn’t know what the future holds and that he’s sorry he had to do this to me and hopes we can be friends later that we just need space now. Yet he says he cares about me and still has feelings for me. Im so confused, and probably asked to soon if he can see himself with me again, since he did the same exact thing to his last girlfriend for the same reasons and took her back. He tells me he doesn’t know what our future will be more then friends or not and doesn’t want to give me false hope…. If he worked on his own issues and i worked on mine could we get back together in a few months? he keeps saying i did nothing wrong and its all him and his own issues, but i know i was needy and acted ways I’m not proud of. I was just so scared to lose him i ended up pushing him away. I just want to know how to get him back or make him realize if we just talk about our issues instead of running from them maybe things would be smoother when were both on the same page. I really love him and deep down know he still cares for me and loves me. Im just so scared to say the wrong things now and push him away even more. He is having a major surgery soon and i care so much, but don’t want to make him think I’m needy. Could he really have his own personal issues? or did he just use that excuse to let me down easy? He tells me there is no one else but i don’t want him to move on without me during this space period if we don’t talk about things. Please help I’m a lost soul, this is my first heart break and after over a year of talking and almost 9 months dating i just can’t see why he would leave me so suddenly with out answering any questions. Is there any way to get him back? I try to contatct him as little as i can so he has space but its hard and we are still friends on social media even though he deleted all signs of our relationship together. i just worry so much that i lost my best friend and will never have him back in my life as even a friends. When we do talk i ramble and talk in circles and i know thats pushing him away more so I’m trying to stop. I just over think everything and always questioned everything and i guess it showed I’m insecure when i really have bad anxiety over a lot of things. he was always so supportive and calming and then he just left me over one fight, our first fight….I just want to talk about all i have thought about since he left me and how i hope to fix things so we can grow together. what should i do!? sorry for the long post I’m just a very confused heart broken girl who lost the love of my life, at 25! thanks for the help

Reply November 9, 2015, 12:01 pm

Vicki

This is great advice. This is why I come back to this site to try to rid myself of the negative thoughts–your points are spot on.

Reply November 8, 2015, 11:21 am

Alice

Hi Eric

My bf split up with me last week after 2.5 years living together. We were committed to each other and always were making plans for the future. This article really resonated with me as I can see where things went wrong perhaps (I have been confused all week) I feel I pushed him away by trying to get it to go in a certain way (ie pressuring him about children – but then feeling like we came to agreement) I am 36 and had come out of a toxic marriage when we met. I then got made redundant he had two lots of sugery on his hand and then I had a brain haemorrhage! All within 3 months! We then spent 3 months recovering together with each other everyday meaning that sex was off the table as we were both too ill and the fun disappeared. I felt it was just about getting back to normal and starting doing what we used to. He then started acting very distant and said he didn’t know what was wrong and that he didn’t want to break up. I then started feeling incredibly vulnerable and probably a bit needy as I felt everything in my life was slipping through my fingers. And then he ended it. I’m in shock I feel that a combination of stress and situation has pushed him away from me and I’ve lost him forever. I felt we were so solid and committed and now he says there’s something missing and we can never go back. Is there any hope?

Reply November 8, 2015, 7:51 am

sonali reang

I cheat and lie my bf and now iam really rigret and day bay day iam going to change my habit I don like my habit that’s why now my bf leave me but now I really want him back plzz help me and tell me he will come back again

Reply November 1, 2015, 3:55 pm

Beth

Last week my boyfriend told me that he needed time to “think about us” because he wasn’t sure if my family would accept him, this was 2 days after he repeatedly told me he loved me and that he would make an effort to be a better boyfriend. Initially when he told me this I said my piece and explained to him that he was hurting me by shutting me out, but the following days I didn’t contact him and he didn’t contact me. On the 5th day I decided that I didn’t want to be in a relationship with a man who wasn’t sure about being with me. So I sent him a text stating I wanted to pick up my belongings and that I would come by after work the following day to retrieve them. The next day I contacted him to make sure he was home, he wanted me to stop by later than I planned, but I told him I wanted to get my things as soon as possible and be done. My exact words, he agreed to meet me and said he would be there when I arrived. I walked in his place grabbed my things didn’t say a word accept thank you when he handed me my shades and walked out without even looking at him. I deleted his number and unfriended him on facebook before I drove out the parking lot. I showed zero emotion but they truth is I’m really hurt because I loved him. I would be open to getting back together with him. I have been on a date since we broke up and another man is presently pursuing me(he has stated he wants a relationship) and I am rejecting him because I still have feelings for my ex. Did my actions drive him away for good, ( he knows I unfriended him because he blocked me) I don’t know if the No Contact rule will work with him because he uses the silent treatment himself. I will NEVER initiate contact with him because my pride simply won’t allow it. However, is there anyway to know he wants me back?

Reply October 14, 2015, 12:53 pm

Ana Reyes

My ex broke up with me 8 months ago. The reason he broke up with me was because he said I was immature and I didn’t take him seriously. So when he broke up with me we didn’t talk until and like 4 days later I found out he was dating his ex again. So we completely stop talking to each other until one day my parents and I went to his house (my parents and his parents get along very well). He was acting so nice to my parents but he didn’t say a word until I got a message from him and he was apologizing about everything he did and of course I forgave him. So that day we were talking again and when we were talking out of no where he hugged me and that made me get a lot of flash backs of us together. After the hug he kissed me so we kissed and then I asked him what we were and he said whatever I wanted and I said we can try this again if you want. After I left his house we were still talking and I decided to ask him about his ex. He told him he still had feelings for her and I asked why he was with me and he told me because I reminded him of when he and the girl started dating supposedly I was being like her. I got really mad and we broke again. But we still talked cause we ended up being friends. One time when we were talking he told me that he regrets breaking up with me. But the next day he didn’t talk to me again. We lasted for a very long time without talking but I noticed that every time he and the girl broke up he will talk to me. So I got tired of that and didn’t talk to him no more. I decided I needed to move on but it took me along time since I still have really strong feelings for and even when I got a boyfriend I still had feelings for him. Barely this passed Saturday I saw him again. It was so awkward my mom noticed that he was really nervous when he saw me and that he was looking at me. I wanted to cry so bad because I remembered all our dates and every single time we said i love you’s. And I thought I was over him but I’m still not I still love him with all my heart. What can I do to get back with my ex???

Reply October 13, 2015, 9:48 pm

Amaretto

I like this article. It was very insightful, and really aimed to help the obsessive psyche of women fixated on what they can’t have, relationships that they want to mend, trying to get married…etc. While I agree that being happy and getting over the guy truly can attract him back, the truth is most of the time it doesn’t. And well, this tactic is rather hypocritical ‘cuz if a women has truly moved on, what will make her want the guy back if he comes back? It’s a tricky maneuver to do. It’s basically saying get over him, no strings attached, but ya, look over your shoulder in case he does. It’s not a true method of getting him back, in my opinion. But sometimes this method is the best outcome for both parties.

I myself have recently stopped being friends with an ex. I was no longer single, and had moved on, but held onto the hope he would want me miraculously again one day. That day may or may not happen, but life must go on. I cut off friendship with him despite his protests. I told him our significant others would be jealous and left it at that. A year has passed now and I have not heard from my ex. And yes, he’s moved on, but it still hurts, because I used to really want him. I bumped into him last week and he told me he was seriously living with a new gf now. So ya, he’s definitely moved on. And I told him I was happy for him, but deep inside, I’m not. If you want a a guy back, it’s always going to be messy emotionally. All I do now is just look positively on life and realize I have to appreciate my current boyfriend, which I do. But ya, the pain doesn’t really go away when I think of my ex.

Reply October 8, 2015, 2:57 pm

Kristin

Eric I need help… The love of my life and I broke up like a week ago…. After agreeing to get our relationship right this time. And I believe it happened because we still had such tension that we never took care of… And I suggested that we start over… Like get back together and start over and that that would be the healthiest idea…. And he is so convinced that it’ll never work out cause we will always end up fighting and I’m convinced that that’s not the case. I believe this is worth fighting for. We have been through so much in over the year we were together. And instead of giving him space I kept pushing and I guess in order for me to finally give him space, after I asked him to just be friends for now until we decided to try again… He said he didn’t want to be in my life. My mom said that he only said that so I would finally give him space. She said I haven’t lost him and that he knows I’m always here (cause he said that was the reason we got back together before). I just don’t know what to do. I’ve been praying for a miracle to get him back.. But everyone keeps saying just give him space. I’m scared and all I want to do is talk to and see him. Help.

Reply September 8, 2015, 4:11 pm

priya

I have been dating a guy for the past 6 months, last week I did throw a surprise birthday party for him. everything was going good when all a sudden he started ignoring me for the past 3 days. I got the guts to go at his place today in order to talk to him. He said that he wants us to be best friends and we will still meet and be the same was we were the only difference is we are no longer dating. I know there was nothing serious between us but I’ve started loving him and he made a promise to me that he will not tell me to date someone till he doesn’t find someone. Somewhere somehow I still have a hope to be back with him. I don’t know how to win over him. Anyone can help me.
Thanks priya from Montreal Canada

Reply August 30, 2015, 3:02 pm

diksha himalyan

I just to ask i need my boy friend back he is very nice actully he loves me a lot but i dont know why he left me alone i want him back at any cost cause my life means nothing without him he is my best friend i dont have any friend i had very bad past but he expect me as i am loves me like a baby care like a parent hold me like god he is my everything actully were living near a place but now am far from that place so when i start living in far place i did not get that much to talk that much so our missunderstanding are becoming more and more day by day one he said i m furstred with u and dont want to talk to u i said ok really l will not call you then at night i was very much anger and use abuse word to him that was why he is not talking to me please help me i am stupid mad u can any thing but i want him back i love him very much i really need him please help please

Reply August 21, 2015, 3:54 pm

Yesha

hi
My boyfriend broke up with me in June and we got back together in July. One day we went out for lunch and for some reason I got mad at him and said some mean things. And he broke up with me again. He said he wants his space and he is in frustration because he is not getting his degree. So we decided to take a break for 6 months. I help him with the paper things for his college so we at least see each other once a week. I know he loves me but I really don’t need a break. Please advice me how do I get him back? I feel like we are soulmates and just can’t think of being with other man. We are really strong emotionally and physically attracte but something went wrong in our relationship that we can’t figure it out. Please advise me how to get him back

Reply August 20, 2015, 9:21 pm

Annie

Hi Eric,

All of this makes sense, but for me the question of the day is: how does being happy and “on the market” help if he’s not in the right place to be in a relationship because he’s not “winning” at life?

My situation with my ex fits this profile perfectly. He left me over four years ago because of some really emotionally tough stuff that he was facing. He’s made A LOT of progress since then, but he’s moving at an excruciatingly slow pace. I understand; I really do. But, it’s hard. And no amount of me being happy and attractive is going to speed up his progress. In the meantime, because he IS making progress, I can’t stop hoping that he’ll call me and I can’t bring myself to date anyone else. And as long as I’m still hoping that he’ll call, my pain never ends.

Reply August 16, 2015, 12:14 am

Eric Charles

If you’re on the market, that means that he could lose you to another guy if another guy steps up…

So one of two things will happen… he will either get his act together and clearly, unambiguously and boldly do what he needs to in order to get on the same page with you in terms of the relationship you want… or he won’t and you’ll know that it was never going to happen.

You’d be shocked at how quickly a guy gets his act together when there’s a woman he wants that he thinks he’ll lose if he doesn’t get his sh*t together. A lot of women don’t see this, though, because instead of staying single until they’re clearly, totally and unambiguously in a full-on defined relationship with a guy, they accept his excuses and wait around thinking that somehow he’ll just all of a sudden want a relationship with them (even though he knows the woman isn’t going to leave him)

Reply August 16, 2015, 12:59 am

Annie

Thanks for your reply.

I get what you’re saying. I’m just not sure what to do with it. Yes, I’m in pain, but I’ve been out and about living my life. As far as he can tell, I’m very much “on the market” and have been for about three years.

What kills me is that he seems to be in love with me from a distance. I don’t want to go into details here, but, yeah, it’s pretty obvious. But, he’s been dealing with some pretty intense emotional trauma (the woman he dated before me abused him) and if he could speed up his recovery, then I’m sure he would, but abuse recovery just doesn’t work that way (I know; I’ve been abused too). I agree that minor sh*t can be quickly dealt with when necessary, but major sh*t takes time.

Reply August 16, 2015, 5:05 pm

Jade

Great advice Eric! This article is going to help me now and in the future!
Right now, I’m going through the exact same thing. My ex broke up with me after he lost his father. We were together 3 years and lived together for just over 2 years. I love the idea of your relationship is what it is right now regardless of a title because that’s exactly how it is for us right now and I see how my being happy and poaitive now has made a huge change in how we interact with one another. My plan is to go on the market and really be open to what life has to bring my way, even if it’s not my ex in the future.
So my question is this. He is going to be living 3 hours from me and I won’t be in contact with with anyone that he talks to and I have been advised of doing the no contact rule. I’m not sure of how I feel about the no contact rule because regardless of our relationship status, I care very deeply about him and I have for the 15 years I have known him and vice versa. I can’t imagine not being there for him during such a hard time in his life. We are both the type of people who are not into mind games and are honest no matter what and act honestly. Anyways, if no contact is something you also advise,then it’s worth a shot. But with him and me, we are what we are no matter the status or title. Ok now for my question, if I am not talking to him, how is he going to find out Im on the market? Do I tell him myself because there is no other way he would know. I highly doubt if I am casually dating someone, their picture is going to end up on my facebook lol. What do you think?

Reply April 17, 2016, 7:44 am

Not sure really

Hey Eric Charles,
Not sure about this stiring of jealousy so to speak. I’ve tried to use a little bit of jealosy for my guy to realise I want him to call me as we haven’t spoken for days and also another time to make us ‘official couple’ and it backfired. As these events were near each other he exploded in once about both accusing me of being unloyal. Though my fault was that I simply sent him a screenshot of a guy (whom I talked to while we were on a break with him) who asked me out and I answered I’ve got back with my boyfriend. I said to my guy I was rejecting others while I didn’t even received responce from him. He got even more quiet and few days later after finally asking him was he angry about something he pushed me away saying he didn’t think it would work with me as I was chatting to others. He’s been hurt by an ex gf and is pretty much on the lookout for clues about unloyalty. Maybe for guys who are not that jealous yeah but I wouldn’t use this method any more!

Reply September 9, 2016, 8:04 am

ashleyH

The weird part was when I had one guy leave me as soon as I had another he got jealous. He was so pissed he set his carpet on fire. I usally do the break ups but when he broke up I went with another guy I wasn’t realy all that interested in. I basiclly went with him because I was bored. Needless to say it was interesting when his brother told me the guy was so pissed he set the carpet on fire, I told him the truth and we got back together. I’m not sure how long it lasted but he and I stayed friends after I broke up this time. The last I heard he had issues with his life. Oh well boys will be boys I wonder what Eric thinks of that.

Reply August 9, 2015, 10:51 am

Kiwi

Thanks for your article, this makes so much sense. I just went through bad time where after a three months break requested by my boyfriend, he decided he was not sure he wanted to resume our relationship. I cut all contact. I needed to re-organize my life, rethink my situation and create a back-up plan. Since, I am trying to organize to get my stuff out of his place as we were staying together. He does not answer my messages, I don’t know what to do. I have to dride 14 hours to get to his place so I can’t just knock on the door. First of all, I don’t understand what happened as I really thought we were sole mates. Then, why is he acting so distant and non-cooperative. It hurts. I try to be realistic and independent but my heart is broken in so many small pieces.
Do you have any advise? Why would a man not want to get all this over and move on??

Reply August 6, 2015, 6:50 pm

Eric Charles

Nobody is forcing you to be in a relationship… so it isn’t true that the woman “always has to adjust herself”. You don’t *have* to do anything.

But if you want something… and you’re not getting it right now… then the question becomes, “What can I do in order to get what I want?”

And that’s what I speak to — I tell you what would be most effective in getting what you want. You’re the one who wants it and the only person you can control is you, so why wouldn’t I talk about things you can do if you want to get what you want?

I see this kind of comment a lot… but… what alternative could you possible expect than for me to tell someone what they could do if they’re telling me they want something and they’re not getting it?

Remember: nobody is forcing you to be in a relationship. But if you want a relationship, doesn’t it just make sense to do what’s effective instead of whine about it and act like you’re some victim?

There are no victims in relationships… you choose to be in a relationship and you can just as easily choose not to be. Don’t make this into some sort of “this is not fair” or “man vs. woman” thing… it’s not. The only question here is, “Do you want to be effective or not?”

Good luck.

Reply August 2, 2015, 4:11 pm

Hailey

I just wanted to acknowledge that this piece of writing was very insightful and inspiring. Sort of the exact words I needed to hear/read in order to put my thoughts into perspective. A good kick in the ass, really. Thank you for writing this!

Reply July 21, 2015, 1:07 pm

Eric Charles

Thank you… I hope that reading it helps guide you to getting what you really want… and all that good stuff. Good luck.

Reply August 2, 2015, 4:14 pm

msm

Hi, i need some advice my boyfriend broke me up i love him and i want him back.. buy i dont know how..because he broke up with during our last big fight and he say that he never want tp back with me anymore and he cut our skype and more lines.But now sometimes i do email him and asking how he is.. then he replying me like same cold still what can i do pls help me how to het his feelings back to me

Reply September 13, 2015, 5:57 pm

ashley mary

i need my ex lover back urgently

Reply July 7, 2015, 5:10 am

kivi

i was having the relationship problems for around one month…..fault was mine i was so indulged in my bfs lyf…so that he felt so bounded…..i was feeling no important to him…i didnt supported him for his work which he was doiung for me….i blamed him for physicallity and asked for break up many times and put ol the gifts in garbage in front of him….but after that i realized that i was so wrong…i know he loves me..and he know that i love him truly too…i tried alot to make him conveinced that i m so sorry feel guilty and changed….some how i managed to do so…we went in relationshp again but just for 10 days….after that he suddenly messaged he can never get comfortable again he cant forget what i have done…his will power is just so strong..that if he says its no……is there an chance or way to get him back….coz i realy love him alot

Reply July 2, 2015, 7:16 am

Vanessa Lopez

Yes, this is true, when a relation broken up then She thru the cause to he and he thru the cause to she. Actually they don’t know whats the main reason for broken up. After read the article somebody get back their ex and somebody actually knows how to maintain a perfect relationship.

Reply June 14, 2015, 7:44 am

Cassie

Ok this is really long but will someone PLEASE HELP ME, it all spiraled out of control and it’s killing me. I’m going to refer to my now ex, the one I want back as J.

J and I were together for a little over 4 years and for about the last year of the relationship things got really rough. We went off to separate colleges but didn’t think it would be a problem since we had went to different high schools and lived about an hour from each other anyway. The summer before we moved to college J started acting different, like a real ass, and the week before I moved in to school he broke up with me. I convinced him to still help me move in so I didn’t have to explain to my parents. That night, after I moved in, he begged me to come back home so we could talk so I did. We ended up crying and saying how much we didn’t want to lose each other and got back together. About a week after I had been in school I got this gut feeling and so I checked his social media messages (we had each other’s passwords, it was fair game). Sure enough my gut was right. There were messages from many girls from his college, asking for his number, him inviting them over, back massages, all the typical. One girl (we’ll call her C) he seemed really interested in. But I didn’t overreact I just simply asked him if he’d been talking to any girls, inviting them up, any of that. His response was no. I asked him three times. He said no every time. So I sent him the screenshots, apologized for getting on his stuff, and said you lied to me we are done. That was late August 2013. He started begging pleading apologizing and I would see him some but then a guy from my school, that I was really attracted to, came into the picture. I started hanging out with him a lot, we kissed, nothing more (we’ll call him V). I really liked him but he started talking bad about J and bashing my lifestyle, kinda made me mad. I had told J I had kissed him and really liked him. Then J’s grandpa got really sick. I knew I had to be there for him. Finally after going round n round we got back together at the beginning of November 2013. I didn’t fall in love with him again until the end of January. V was still persistent and we talked a lot. However, J won me back and I fell all over again. School started back late January and things started going down hill again. Me and V started talking some again and J started being a butt. Then it happened. Early February I found out I was pregnant…me and J were devastated, terrified. It’s all we ever wanted but we knew we couldn’t do it. We made the executive decision to abort it. Two days before I was to terminate my pregnancy I got a call from J asking if I could come get him, he had “locked his keys in his truck”. I said I’d meet him half way but I was too sick (from the pregnancy) and very tired and couldn’t make that drive. He agreed. So I went to get him and took him home. Two days later I made the most regretful decision of my life (I hate myself for it) to terminate my pregnancy. At first things were hard. But we got better, him and I. Then on spring break, I was playing games on his phone and checked his messages. He had a texts from C, the girl he was interested at the begging of the year. The text read: from him: where’s my pants? Lol from her: I don’t know haha. I WAS LIVID. Thinking the obvious, obviously. Then I put two and two together. I checked the date on the messages and sure enough they were from the night his keys supposedly got locked in his truck. The truth was they had actually been thrown away with his pants with the girl he was interested in. I didn’t break up with him though because of everything that had happened and his grandpa was still really sick. We got better, celebrated a great birthday together (only a day apart), and things were looking up. I was in love with him. He was in love with me. We grew close again. Then V started wiggling his way back in. We texted casually, quite often though. J got mad. I wasn’t meaning to hurt him but idk, I guess my thought was look how much you’ve hurt me I can at least talk to him, immature I know. In early June we lost J’s grandpa. It was devastating. He was so broken, it hurt to see him hurt. It brought us close again. We had a wonderful family vacation at the lake, gosh I loved him. Then when school started back things got bad again. We fought a lot. We broke up again, I started hanging out with V, kissed, nothing more. I kinda stopped trusting J. We got back together, the last date we went on was mid October 2015. We fought at first but ending up having a wonderful time and that’s when I decided I was going to move close to him and be with him and we were going to get right. Not too long after that though, he broke up with me. It made me mad. He kinda begged for me back, we fought, said a lot of mean things to each other, it got really really bad. He told me he wanted me. Finally i softened up and three days after that I agree. However he tells me it’s too late. 3 DAYS! So I begged, pleaded, cried, apologized, stalked, hacked. Name everything not to do to get your ex back and I did it. He claimed his new girl was better than me and he wasn’t happy and didn’t love me and didn’t care. I heard it all. He was so mean. (This started January 2015). I still begged, cried, called. He started blocking me. (End of feb) After the second time he blocked me I got mad and left him alone..for 10 days. During that time he called and facetimed but never text. I Finally answered him late one night and he was crying. Saying how much he love loved me, how sorry he was, asking if I changed, all that. He then text me that night and said “you’re the only one I’ve been with. I’m tired of f***ing it up with us. I want to f*** it up with everyone else then hope you will love me again one day.” So I begged and pleaded some more. By the time spring break came around I had given up. Then of course he contacted me again. Trying to apologize. He got mad because I thought I didn’t tell him happy birthday but I did, he just didn’t get it. 2 weeks later he tried to contact me asking if I was going to a certain concert and who I was going with. He even logged on to my Instagram, made it public, and added himself back then messaged me so I would talk to him, deleted the conversation when we finished. This was mid April and I was thoroughly confused because he’s told me to move on, he’s moved on, he loves her, he doesn’t hurt anymore, to leave him alone. So I was trying to do that. He contacted me again on facebook at the end of April 2015 trying to convince me we were not meant to be together, of course I didn’t agree, we messages back and forth some then he stopped talking. I just left it alone. That was a Tuesday, the following saturday I got a friend request from him on facebook and realized that after our conversation he had deleted me as a friend. Every time we had a conversation on social media and he didn’t agree with what I had to say he deleted me so at this point I had changed my number and blocked him on everything but facebook. But after I realized he deleted me I blocked him on there too. Ok, so now it’s about a month since that happened. His girlfriend is all about him. I went to his little cousin’s baseball game this past Monday and his family was there but he was not. His aunt cried as did I when I had to leave. That night I text his mom just to see how school and everything went for him. Then he text my mom asking her to have me text him. I didn’t. Then he tried to turn it around that it was my fault. He said he tried to talk to me and would talk every time I wanted to but now I had him blocked on everything. Saying how he had been hurt too and all of that jazz. I still haven’t gotten ahold of him. If he’s moved on like he said why won’t he just let me be? I want to make amends with him because I realize all the hurt I caused. I know what to do better now, I just need to know if there’s a chance to get him back. There’s been a lot of damage but I honestly can forgive it all because I love him. He’s very stubborn and he’s saying never again. Someone please give me some advice on what to do. I want him back and a better us, I’m ready to grow up and get passed all this stupidity but it’s hard when he is being so stubborn. I need some coaching on what to do, is there any hope? He still told me he loved me on spring break, and always would, he just thinks we were no good and all I see is the good. HELP PLEASE, I know it’s messed up, but it can be better, I just need him to see that. I love him, I miss him, and I want to make us right. We used to be so good but distance, school, and stress got in the way.

Reply May 24, 2015, 6:44 pm

Fatima

Well, logically I totally agree with what’s been said in the article.
However, right now I feel a bit frustrated. All my life I am following exactly this path – I do enjoy my surroundings, my life, people around. And many people, even strangers, frequently comment that they rarely see a person as happy as me. Yet, unfortunately, very very few find me attractive enough to just start simple conversation, let alone anything like a relationship.
Guess, my question is what am I doing wrong?

Reply May 15, 2015, 6:46 pm

joe

is good to have good relationship ask how can u get it good relationship

Reply May 23, 2015, 4:19 pm

laura

It sounds like a man only wants a woman who never feels anything other than shiny happy perfect. She can never be anxious, worried, upset, hurt, pessimistic, negative, angry etc because it’s simply too much for a guy to deal with. A robot lady with no soul will do just fine. Great advice guys.
How about women just be themselves and if the guy starts withdrawing, then he’s lame and doesn’t want a real person anyway. It’s not my problem that he can’t deal with someone who is an actual feeling, thinking, bleeding human being. I’m so sick of this type of dating advice, that women always have to be the ones to adjust themselves to appease someone else’s weird tepid behavior. That we have to be the ones to “work” on ourselves t in order to land some dud dude who’s half interested. I’m over it.

Reply May 15, 2015, 9:54 am

eva

You just speak my mind 😉 so true!

Reply May 15, 2015, 10:43 am

alice

Lol true

Reply May 15, 2015, 11:31 am

Ariah

I actually disagree with this perspective. In general, I think women should absolutely try to be happy and stop torturing themselves about the “what ifs”…but not for other men to be impressed (who gives a sh*t what other people think). Happiness is something a person can work on for themselves. Take this from a person who’s anxious often by nature. (I’ll drink a cup of coffee and the next thing I know I’ll be having a panic attack). I can’t always control how I feel , but I can have control over how I think…and that eventually does influence my moods.

Reply May 15, 2015, 3:32 pm

Eric Charles

I agree – I would encourage women to do it for themselves.

And… I think it’s useful for people to understand that their mood directly affects the quality of their relationships. To be clear, though, I’m definitely not advocating forcing a good mood to impress guys… that would be silly.

Reply May 15, 2015, 3:39 pm

Marijes

I am basically a happy person, and i agree that being happy is magnetic enough to attract people, not just men, effortlessly. I find that freedom to be who you are, accepting yourself as you are, loving and enjoying every moment of your life as you are, and feel that you belong to the universe as a whole, makes things easier to think that possibilities are going to be in your favor and you open yourself up to more beautiful things in life, positive things naturally come your way….hope these ideas help. 😉

May 15, 2015, 7:54 pm

Marijes

When you are truly happy, there is a natural glow that radiates from within and manifests on the outside. You tend to be more graceful and allowing the sun shine in you like in spring warming the earth and encouraging new life and new beginnings. There is hope, love, joy, and commitment in the enjoyment of life. You naturally become more enthusiastic and loving of life in a serene yet indomitable way. A certain relaxed yet powerful coolness makes you become an authority in confidence and strength inspiring multitude of followers to emulate you. You become somebody others look up to, want to be with, and want to become. Life springs up on you like natural spring water from a mountain, quenching the thirst for heroes of the people around you. And this does only make you more courageous to forge ahead because you are naturally a warm and happy person. It can be a state of mind or you can really be born a jovial person. Either way, it is still up to you to become such a person. A person of total happiness, enthusiasm and joy, who enjoys life and shares it with others. Be that person, and your life will always shine through. Stay blessed! 🙂

May 15, 2015, 8:10 pm

Marijes

In conclusion:
If you want a feeling of being in heaven, think and focus being in heaven. Heaven is basically just a state of mind. Focus on where you want or what you want. Concentrate on it. Be it!
“Whatever the mind can conceive, the body can achieve.”
Have a definitely happy, powerful, successful, strong weekend with great impact.!
Cheers! 🙂

May 15, 2015, 8:40 pm

Eric Charles

There’s nothing wrong with being human and having bad days or negative emotions when they come up.

However, there’s a tremendous difference between a woman who takes responsibility for her emotions and a woman who feels the world should just deal with her crappy, negative, burdensome attitude and personality.

It’s important to realize that people, men and women, want to be around happy people. It’s important to realize that nobody, man or woman, wants to “deal with” your negativity and negative emotions. They are your responsibility.

Sorry that you’re “so sick of this type of advice”… go seek out advice that tells you what you want to hear… see how it works out for you. I don’t care whether or not you like what I have to say… I care if what I say is effective in the real world and gives people the result they want.

You want to be negative and whine? That’s fine… but do it somewhere else. The rest of the people here actually want good results in their life, not a platform to anonymously whine about what they think is fair.

Moreover, I have worked with many thousands of men and you know what I tell them when they’re not getting the results they want in their love life? I tell them that they need to change something… and some of them whine, “Why do men have to do all the work? Women just have to show up and their desires and wanted, men have to move mountains, etc.”

The fact is, you’re either a complainer or you’re not. You either believe you’re a victim or you’re not.

And hopefully you’re not either of those things, because when you’re not, you give yourself the opportunity to improve your life…

Complainers don’t tend to be super successful… they feel by virtue of them feeling angry that it somehow makes them right. They feel that perceiving injustice from their perspective actually means there IS an injustice…

At the end of the day… there’s one question worth asking yourself: Do you want to be effective or not?

Reply May 15, 2015, 12:30 pm

Katy

Whilst perpetual moaners and negative people are difficult to be around, sometimes, people, male or female, need a little help and encouragement, to reach a state of happiness and contentment after a difficult time, and whether you are male, female, partner, mother, father etc, being there to help them is a compassionate thing to do. Only a sociopath can function without feelings or compassion and everyone knows the disruption they can cause in people lives.

Reply August 5, 2015, 10:52 am

katy

It can take some time to feel happy again, the brain has to go through the grieving process in most cases, before you are released.

Reply August 5, 2015, 10:55 am

Marijes

Hey! I can relate, BUT rather prefer to choose to be happy. Although it’s hard at first, but once you get the hang of it, it’ll be a breeze. Just a few suggestions…try smiling no matter what, even if you feel phony at first, just DO IT! Nike says that. Then sing happy songs with positive lyrics that make you happy, like “Wistle a Happy Tune”, “Singing In the Rain”, “My Favorite Things”, “Something Good”, etc., anything to focus your mind on positive things. Then surround yourself with people who truly love and accept who you are, basically HAPPY AND POSITIVE. Please do yourself this favor. And start saying good things to yourself. Appreciate, love, and accept yourself the way God created you: beautiful, whole, naturally warm and happy person. Good-luck and stay happy the rest of your life… 😉

Reply May 15, 2015, 9:01 pm

Shannon

I LOVE your reply. I could not agree more. I cant even tell you how much I love what you said. Thank you!

Reply July 13, 2015, 5:04 pm

Jane

I recall a girl I knew who would met guys and have her heart broken./ She would buy champaige and put on rick ashley all night and play his songs over and over”Never gonna gi ve you up, never gonna let you down,never gonna runaround or dessert you. Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye never gonna tell a lie or hurt you!

Reply August 5, 2015, 7:14 am

smith Cynthia

I’m really heart broken and confused. Me and my now ex boyfriend
met off an app two years and a couple months ago. He lived in a
different state so it was long distance for a couple of months at the
beginning. We were head over heels crazy for each other. He actually
decided to move states to where I was so we could be closer. We met
up and saw each other in person and things were even better. Me and
him made promises and plans for the future, just loving every minute
of it. This was my first real relationship and his longest. All his
passed relationship ended horribly, all the girls he’s ever dated has
cheated on him or treated him badly. So with my lack of experiences
relationships and his horrible ones, our relationship took a twist on
things. He was very insecure when we first met, he didn’t want me
going places or doing things and he always freaked out if I didn’t text
him back in a few minutes. I thought it was a little extreme at first
but I loved the attention and everything else with it. I started to think
that relationships were suppose to be that way, having to know where
that person is and what they are doing… just putting all their
attention on you. A year went by and we were still in our happy
honeymoon stage of our relationship, but some things started to
change. He started to become more confident in himself and wanting
more space and his own time. This was all great but in my eyes at
the time I thought that this is him becoming more board of me and
wanting me less. While his confidence grew mine started to become
smaller. The more I pulled him in the more he pushed away. We
started to fight and he started to lie and keep things from me. One
morning he decided to end things on April the 29th which seemed like
it was just out of no where. With this break up I’ve had a big
realizations that I need to let him have his guy time, that giving him
space isn’t pushing each other away it’s brining us actually closer.
One of my other mistakes is not letting the passed go and just
bringing them up in fights like ammo. I told him that I’m really sorry
and that I’d change these things, that I understand where he is
coming from. I also told him if he needed a break to just have time for
himself and go visit his family to figure things out that we could do
that too. He said no to all of my options. He said that it’s not going
to work the whole time he couldn’t give me answers or even look at
me in the eyes and just started crying his eyes out. My heart is
broken, I can’t sleep, eat, or dink, even my own family is starting to
become worried. I haven’t spoken to him since or tried to contact him
in anyways. My brother and my ex boyfriend live in the same
apartment together. My brother keeps telling me how much of a wreak
he is and how he’s afraid to leave him alone. My brother said when I
left the apartment after he broke it off with me that my ex just started
blowing up his phone with messages saying how he’s on the kitchen
floor crying in pain and doesn’t want to be left alone. My ex told my
brother that it’s like that saying “You don’t know what you have tell
it gone.” I’m just really confused…it’s obvious he still loves me and
he’s going threw a hard time too. All I want is my boyfriend back, I
gave that boy everything, he was my best friend. I just don’t
understand how this could of happened, I really could use some
advice and insight on my situation. and this man bami help me to get my ex boyfriend back and he can back and we were very happy you can call the man if you need your own back and you we also be happy like me +2348100275325.omotayobamidele54@gmail. com

Reply May 7, 2015, 11:43 am

Marijes

Try singing these songs for yourself repeatedly over a few days or better yet, a few weeks and see it’s effects: “Happy Song”, “Singing In the Rain”, “Whistle a Happy Tune”, “My Favorite Things”, “Clim Every Mountain”, “Something Good”. and every song that makes you focus on positive and joyful things in life that you can be thankful for….
Cheers!

Reply May 15, 2015, 8:52 pm

Kaylee

I’m really heart broken and confused. Me and my now ex boyfriend met off an app two years and a couple months ago. He lived in a different state so it was long distance for a couple of months at the beginning. We were head over heels crazy for each other. He actually decided to move states to where I was so we could be closer. We met up and saw each other in person and things were even better. Me and him made promises and plans for the future, just loving every minute of it. This was my first real relationship and his longest. All his passed relationship ended horribly, all the girls he’s ever dated has cheated on him or treated him badly. So with my lack of experiences relationships and his horrible ones, our relationship took a twist on things. He was very insecure when we first met, he didn’t want me going places or doing things and he always freaked out if I didn’t text him back in a few minutes. I thought it was a little extreme at first but I loved the attention and everything else with it. I started to think that relationships were suppose to be that way, having to know where that person is and what they are doing… just putting all their attention on you. A year went by and we were still in our happy honeymoon stage of our relationship, but some things started to change. He started to become more confident in himself and wanting more space and his own time. This was all great but in my eyes at the time I thought that this is him becoming more board of me and wanting me less. While his confidence grew mine started to become smaller. The more I pulled him in the more he pushed away. We started to fight and he started to lie and keep things from me. One morning he decided to end things on April the 29th which seemed like it was just out of no where. With this break up I’ve had a big realizations that I need to let him have his guy time, that giving him space isn’t pushing each other away it’s brining us actually closer. One of my other mistakes is not letting the passed go and just bringing them up in fights like ammo. I told him that I’m really sorry and that I’d change these things, that I understand where he is coming from. I also told him if he needed a break to just have time for himself and go visit his family to figure things out that we could do that too. He said no to all of my options. He said that it’s not going to work the whole time he couldn’t give me answers or even look at me in the eyes and just started crying his eyes out. My heart is broken, I can’t sleep, eat, or dink, even my own family is starting to become worried. I haven’t spoken to him since or tried to contact him in anyways. My brother and my ex boyfriend live in the same apartment together. My brother keeps telling me how much of a wreak he is and how he’s afraid to leave him alone. My brother said when I left the apartment after he broke it off with me that my ex just started blowing up his phone with messages saying how he’s on the kitchen floor crying in pain and doesn’t want to be left alone. My ex told my brother that it’s like that saying “You don’t know what you have tell it gone.” I’m just really confused…it’s obvious he still loves me and he’s going threw a hard time too. All I want is my boyfriend back, I gave that boy everything, he was my best friend. I just don’t understand how this could of happened, I really could use some advice and insight on my situation.

Reply May 4, 2015, 8:13 pm

Swagathika

hi guys…. This is swagathika
I was having a great love for the past 10 months I know him for 3 yrs he had all bad habbits but wen he got interest over me he left evrythg jus for me and just to be happy
he took care of me like my mother.. I was very much blessed
the problem was I had three family frd (boys)
I am very close to them…. my boy didn’t like me talking to those boys he didn’t tell me tht first he was always afraid that I would leave him… so he kept his fear inside his heart and was worrying a lot.. fa 8 months
now wen I came to know tht he zz hving this feari decided to stop talking with everyone but my boy is telling me tht he lost his pure love on me.. he is telling me tht he loves me but not like before I begged him very badly… for 8 days I cried and begged him….. v both are very close…. v are mutually into evrythg even sex…. now he zz telling tht he is tired of fear and he can’t be like before frdzz what should I do?
what should I do to get him back? plz tell me

Reply April 29, 2015, 12:14 pm

C

This is great Eric. I’ve struggled for a while with a guy that’s not really been putting in much effort, I think because I was always there waiting for him and over functioning. He’s just broken up with me and I realise how much of myself I had lost and how I wasn’t taking care of my own happiness. I kind of for drawn into his hot/cold behaviour and felt anxious uneasy. I’m going to take my life back and take care of myself and be gracious and honest with him. I shouldn’t pin all my hopes on another person but all my hopes on myself. I really hope for a big shift on perspective on the inside after this. Of course I am heartbroken but I realise I fall into the same pattern in every relationship so this breakup is a big sign to change.

Reply April 3, 2015, 6:51 am

Stephanie

Hello. This is my first time posting. I would really appreciate some advice because I don’t know what to do. I feel almost like a fool over this. I am a 30 year old female. My ex is a 29 year old male. We dated for 18 months. Two weeks after the breakup, I ran into him at a bar. He was with two 22 year old girls from his gym. I tried to talk to him and he was very cold to me, wouldn’t give me the time of day, and then yelled at me when I touched his shoulder. We have been in no contact for 6 months. He unfriended me on facebook in October and blocked me on facebook at the end of January. I found out at the end of December that he reported me to the police because he thought I keyed his car. This occurred sometime in October (which makes sense why he and his friends and family all suddenly dropped me from facebook during that time period). I was really hurt that he thought I would do such a thing, and more so because he knows how hard I’ve worked at my job and he thought I would jeopardize it like that or even do something so low to him (on a side note” the report was made in October but I didn’t learn of this until late December when the detective called me to tell me that there was zero evidence tying me to it – there was surveillance in his complex but obviously was not me). Because of that, I have stayed away from him completely because I don’t want to have more trouble Or give him an excuse if he’s still of the mindset to do something to me. I feel like enough time has passed that he would have cooled off. I wasn’t even the one to initiate the breakup. He was. I don’t know why he’s so angry with me. I’m hoping he’s not angry any more because I do miss him and I would like another chance to make it work. I feel like if we’re going to get back together, then it needs to be his move. Please help.

Reply March 25, 2015, 1:19 pm

Jana

I googled this and found zero! My ex-husband continues to reach out to befriend by ex-boyfriends. I know it has no impact on my life, but me and my children find it to be very odd, especially because when I was dating my boyfriend(s), he talked bad about them. ?? Someone please explain…

Reply February 24, 2015, 11:09 am

Crysle

Hey,
basically i really like my ex, even though we only went out for three days, like he keeps trying to make and effort to talk to me and said i have banging boobs. Does this mean he’s moved on or still into me?

Reply February 9, 2015, 5:45 pm

Annabella

Well i am absolutely in love with him and Im actually the one that broke up with him, because I knew he was cheating and he is still always flirting with me but he is also still flirting with the girl he cheated on me with and I don’t know what to do.

Reply February 4, 2015, 10:35 am

ximena

Even if you think your relationship with your ex boyfriend is completely torn, there is a way to make him fall hopelessly in love with you again (or at least give you a second chance!).

Reply February 7, 2015, 6:19 pm

Aana Sharma

I tried all this things but someone suggested me “Melerigamy” so I downloaded it and it really worked.

Reply January 17, 2015, 3:19 am

sunny

hey! i dont have enough money to buy it,can u please tell me about it and how to work it?

Reply June 16, 2015, 8:17 am

magdeline

My ex boyfriend broke up with me because his fiancé I didn’t know abt found out about us and my ex told me I ruined his life because his fiance dumped him we have been staying together for a year I love him alot I asked for forgiveness and beg him to get back together and he told me we will never be together I xld stop contacting sending him message he blocked me on whatsap and m thinking of talking to him face to face at his place. He unblocked me and told me we can be friends he told me I xld pretend as if we never met and blocked me again what xld I do I love him can’t move on please help me its been a week since we broke up

Reply January 8, 2015, 4:15 am

Elisha

Magdeline, you need to first realize that you are amazing and have so much more worth than he is making you out to have. He was with you for a year and had a fiance too?? He is the total loser. And not only did he cheat on you with someone he was engaged to, but then he tried to make you out to be the bad guy? Magdeline, please move on from him. You should block him, not the other way around. You need to see your value and realize who you are. Find yourself and know what you are worth. And then someone will come along who will treat you right. It is totally worth it to be single for a little while than to be with a 2-timing jerk like him. Please say you’ll stay away…

Reply January 8, 2015, 10:56 am

PINK24

Why would you want to be friends with an ex boyfriend who didn’t tell you he had a fiance?

Reply January 18, 2015, 10:57 am

katy

When he said you ruined his life, I think he means you ruined his set up (which of course you didn’t, he had set himself up to be doomed), and if he loved his fiancé why would he need you too. Perhaps he needs to leave and join a polygamist culture where they can all pretend to love each other equally on tap, whereas you will be free to find the exclusive partner you deserve.

Reply August 5, 2015, 11:05 am

destiny

i feel hurt i feel diffrent without him its not the same, and i want him back bad

Reply December 18, 2014, 9:24 am

Dr Love

Good day readers how are you doing? Am Dr Love and I make things possible. If you want your relationship to last forever, and you looking for love or you want your boyfriend or girlfriend back then reach me and I will make it possible for you. You can contact me with my phone number. +2348109717085 you will be happy when you try.

Reply November 22, 2014, 10:40 am

Diana

Excellent! Love this article!

Reply October 8, 2014, 10:22 am

Gabby

My ex broke up with me 2-3months ago… We still talk & he says he still loves me. Idk if i should believe him. He hurt me real bad. I found out he was telling one of my friends that e loves her too. He changed alot. I love him alot even tho all he does is hurt me. I want him back but i just dont know how to get him back….

Reply September 13, 2014, 3:57 pm

Siwazuri

Eric,
Thank you very much for your article it is really good and helping. Thank you…

Reply August 26, 2014, 1:51 pm

Karen Turner

Eric,

I was so glad to read an article by you again, instead of the other guys whom you often attach links to, because in my perspective, your wisdom regarding helping women understand beats anyone else’s that I’ve encountered. This article was a great example and I believe 100% that not only are you right in this regard, but that you shared what is probably the very most important of all of the aspects of what men find and don’t find attractive in a woman. You summarized it all very well in this one article that I found to be quite valuable. Thanks so much and please let us hear from you directly more often! 🙂

Reply August 26, 2014, 12:01 pm

pink24

Thank you so much for this great article. You’re right! Happiness is the key. I’ve been single now for a few years, post a really bad breakup, and I’ve spent all this time focusing on myself, on what makes me truly happy, independent of guys. And I can honestly say it’s an amazing feeling to be comfortable with yourself. I feel more attractive now than I ever did in my relationship. And I was in my twenties! Thanks for breaking it down in such an honest way. Everyone should follow your advice!

Reply August 26, 2014, 9:14 am

T

Hi Eric,

I’m in a complicated situation with my ex and I really need some help as he’s starting to pull away again.

Jim and I met at a house party in October, and shortly after, we did the whole exclusive boyfriend/gf thing from November, breaking up in February. Right before we met, we’d both left destructive relationships so the debris of that, combined with work stresses and poor communication lead to the inevitable breakup.

Over the past 4 months, we’ve hung out every weekend, although I’m always the one to initiate communication and making plans. When we’re together, the intimacy is there and It’s like we’re a couple again. He never texts or calls- unless he’s replying to my texts and he takes hours or days to respond. I feel if I never contacted him, I’d never her from him again and it’s strange because he doesn’t seem to have an issue making plans to hang out and stick with them in advance.

I often leave items at his house and when I return, they’re usually in plain sight where I left them, so I’m pretty sure he’s not seeing anyone else and he confirmed that with me.

He is a musician, always playing music, spends a lot of time alone or with family. He’s introverted with a ton of hobbies and creative projects and he’s also a gamer. He’s completely different than any man I’ve ever dated, and I just don’t know what to do.

Can you suggest ways that would help deepen our connection or a communication style that would open him up and act the way he did when we first got together-assertive, attentive, or how to get into his emotional mind??

Thanks

Reply August 11, 2014, 1:33 pm

Elisha

To reply to Renne’s comment, you should act happy. Not overly happy, as if you are just so glad that you are single but you should be the same vibrant girl that he fell in love with. He liked you from the beginning because you were happy and were out there living your life and doing you. So, be that same girl that is still out there living her life regardless of him. A man doesn’t want your happiness to be based on him or what he does. He needs a girl that is going to be just fine with or without him. You should still be there to listen if he wants to talk but do not force him to talk about anything he doesn’t want to. He’s not trying to shut you out. He just needs space to get it figured out on his own. And being able to figure things out on his own is something that builds confidence in himself and will help him be ready for you sooner rather than later. So, give him space. Be happy regardless. And be there for him when/if he needs you… but no pressure.

Reply May 8, 2014, 11:30 am

Renne

This is exactly the situation I am in… I was dumped by my bf, and though I knew he loved me before, things changed.

My question is if you are taking this advice into practice in your life, how should you act around the guy if you still see him or have contact with him? What is appropriate, what is not. How can you show him that you want him to approach you and develop that relationship with you without compromising what was said in this article?

Reply April 27, 2014, 12:02 pm

stella best

yea thanks that great

Reply April 25, 2014, 6:36 pm

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