Ask a Guy: How To Fix My Relationship post image

Ask a Guy: How To Fix My Relationship


I know you talk a lot about how men love a happy woman, but I’m having a really hard time being happy with my relationship as is. I always feel like I need to figure out why my boyfriend is acting a certain way, and I can’t help but worry that he’ll leave me for someone else.

I also get really frustrated when he doesn’t do things I ask him to do, like basic chores and stuff. I don’t want to be needy or a nag, but things like that make me feel loved and cared for. I want to enjoy the relationship and bring happiness to it, but it’s hard for me to get there when I feel like he doesn’t care most of the time. I don’t want my relationship to be a constant struggle.

So my question is,  how can I fix my relationship and stop it from falling apart?

If you want true love, you have to stop caring about it. On a similar note, if you want him to do chores, you have to stop caring about it. Although (and this is something I say a lot), when I’m talking about caring here, I’m actually talking about stressing about it….

I care very much about my family… I love them – my parents, siblings, extended family – they are the center of my world and I do everything I can to help them. I care about them, but I don’t stress over them. True caring is just simple – it doesn’t involve stressing over the person/people you care about.

And worrying and stressing over the state of your relationship never serves a positive function. It doesn’t solve problems, it just creates them.

I just wanted to point that out before I say the next part…

In order to  be a happy person in a relationship, you have to realize that happiness is something you bring to the table… not something you extract from situations when the conditions are to your liking (and get angry and pouty about when they’re not).

Society has it wrong – most of society believes that you get happiness when you get what you want (like it’s a little reward or something). So, like a pouty child, they hold their breath until they get what they want… they whine about it, cry, scream, throw tantrums, etc. until they get what they want… then, once they do, they might be at peace for a few moments, but then quickly move on to the next thing they want and repeat this insane cycle.

This isn’t a cycle that leads to happiness – it’s simply a cycle of causing one’s self to suffer 99 percent of the time and allowing one’s self 1 percent of the time to experience relief to that self-induced suffering.

It’s insane… but it’s incredibly normal and common for people to do this in today’s day and age.

Quiz: Are You Accidentally Destroying Your Relationship?

So if any of this sounds remotely familiar in any part of your life, get out of that cycle… for the sake of your happiness and your relationship!

The key to breaking free of the cycle is to no longer view happiness like it’s something you get as a “payoff” when your outside circumstances happen to line up with some set of criteria in your head.

Instead, view yourself and your purpose in life as someone who brings happiness and awareness into every moment. Not just when you’re in front of people, but within the privacy of your own mind.

Our challenge in life (and the way to unlock all of life’s greatest rewards) is to master the ability to bring happiness and awareness into how you relate to every moment.

Thoughts come and go… but you do really have a choice as to whether or not you’d like to participate in that line of thinking or not. If you participate in a line of thinking that feels negative (whether it’s sad, angry, hateful, jealous, resentful, hostile, etc.), then I guarantee you it will lead to suffering… suffering you wish you were without.

And you can be without it. Stop participating in negative lines of thought as if there’s something positive to be gained from it somehow… drop it immediately. Drop it immediately.

MORE: How to Stop Stressing Over Your Relationship

When I am looking at things in a way where I perceive that I could lose something, then I feel that fear of loss feeling and I start to stress over it. That stress feeling can take a situation that normally would have had me feeling slightly bothered and send me into a full-blown, long-lasting depression.

I can tell you that I have suffered tremendously with battling depression over many long periods of my life. So if you want to talk about pain, sadness, and anxiety, you’re reading something written by a member of the depression all-star team. In a way, though, it was good I went through that much pain because it gave me an understanding of it… and an understanding of how to get out of it and bring love and happiness into my life… and then, to write about it.

One of the biggest differences between people who are successful in an area of life and those who aren’t is that the unsuccessful people take on a perspective that causes them to stress over that area of life, whereas the successful people don’t take on a perspective that stresses them out.

MORE: 10 things Confident People Do Differently In Relationships

There is no such thing as happiness in the future. If you’re not happy right now, you need a perspective change in your life before your love life will improve. Your own peace and happiness leads your love life success.

When you’re happy, enjoying the moment and at ease, you are allowing the process to just flow naturally. When you start thinking in a way that feels negative, you destroy your vibe and you block the process from unfolding.

In essence, all you’re doing in a relationship is enjoying being around the other person.

Nothing to think about. Nothing to plan. Nothing to “make happen.”

When two people are incredibly compatible, they instinctually want to get closer and be with each other more. It’s taken care of.

However, nature has also programmed humans (men and women) to want to get away from someone who has a negative vibe. Even if they’re compatible – having a bad vibe is the most repulsive, most unattractive condition on the planet… even if you’re a young, fit supermodel with fame and fortune.

A bad vibe (created by a negative mood, which is created by continually participating in negative thoughts) repels everyone. If you are constantly thinking about the ways in which he isn’t making you happy, and what you wish he was doing differently, then you are transmitting a negative vibe. You may not even realize it, but engaging with this negative line of thinking will come across.

The reason is that you don’t extract happiness from a relationship (or a life circumstance in general). Happiness is something we bring to every moment….

It can seem like certain situations and circumstances bring a person happiness, but that’s more often us identifying relief (from the negative thinking they’re constantly indulging in) as actual happiness.

Actual happiness is pure, simple, and right in the moment – nothing is making you happy, you’re actually bringing it to the moment.

The reason that believing a relationship … (continued – Click to keep reading Ask a Guy: How To Fix My Relationship)

31 comments… add one

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Sheila

Well said. Thank you 🙂

Reply January 7, 2016, 10:30 pm

Carol Morales

I need to fix my relationship.

Reply January 26, 2015, 11:12 pm

Jordyn

So I’ve been in this relationship for about 4 months. The guy I’m with has a son who’s 1 year of age but is going through a lot of stress because he is involved with Dcfs , there making him take all these classes and has been since we started dating. Well needless to say I’m pregnant with a child that’s not his and so my family totally disapproves of him.. I’m crazy about this guy but it seems his “baby mama” broke all his trust he could ever have for a female.. We are engaged now , (I asked him) and since my family disapproves of him they told me I can no longer love at home while I attend college! So I live with him.. I’m so stressed and am not even sure what to do? He says he loves me but he isn’t done falling like I am.. It’s like he’s scared to fall in love with me completely. He even told me the other night that he told his counselor that he feels bad because I’m head over heels for him and he isn’t there yet

Reply January 13, 2015, 12:29 pm

Ashleigh

I know they say you shouldn’t chase a guy if you like him and that he will chase you if he is interested blah blah blah, I really like this guy and I’ve gone on coffee like dates and the odd movie with him and he accepted each time I asked. He did ask once or twice, but I had to nudge him a bit. I don’t know if he is shy. just being nice, or lazy, but sometimes when he talks to me his voice gets softer? He winks at me occasionally and he seem OK talking to me, no weirdness or anything. One time I casually mentioned how I liked the smell of old spice when I was with our group of friends and the next time I saw him, he was wearing it. The thing is I know he likes me as a friend, but I am not sure what’s going on with him as he is guarded individual , although he is slowly opening up. I really want to progress in our relationship and I enjoy his friendship. It feels like things are going good, but still stagnating a bit, like there could be more but we are both shy. At the end of the dates or whatever they are called sometimes there are these lingering silence like there is something there is needed to be done other than talk. I’m not sure how to explain it. When I am with him there is a strange neutral comfortableness. This is driving me mental.

Reply December 29, 2014, 1:00 pm

yasemin

so around November last year i met this guy, we were friends for about a month before we started going out. he is the type of guy who can make you laugh while cursing his name and wanting to kill him. i remember endless nights of him teasing me and making me smile. i broke down every single wall i had ever built up, for him. about a week after we started going out he tried to kill himself and i thankfully stopped this. he suffers from depression and anxiety and he has been through a lot in his short life. we then broke up a few days later. a few days after that he told me he wanted me back and he was sorry and we got back together. for nine months there was a constant cycle of me and him breaking up and getting back. regardless to say he has commitment problems and a lot of them. he has been cheated on 7 times before and i think hes scared now and anyway around June we had been together without splitting up for over a month until one day he over thought a lot and i remember him coming out of his room really stressed out and we broke up. i had this friend who was a very manipulative girl and they got together 3 days later. ridiculous right. this girl is the type you see in films , the man eater she knows what to do and say to get a man to fall and then has no problems with hurting him. i however am the complete opposite. i love him and ill never leave because i believe that he is it for me. hes the one i want.
and so she told him he couldn’t talk to me and we stopped talking for a while.they then broke up and its like hes free. we started talking again recently and its clear that he has some feelings its just no one is sure of what they are, not even him. about two weeks ago he was leading me on. we’d talk all night and day, he’d make me lay in his arms or when i gave him a hug he’d refuse to let go. needless to say we ended up hooking up and doing stuff as there was a lot of tension and still is. he was acting like we were in a relationship in every way without saying that we were. and when i confronted him he said we were only friends and said he hadn’t been leading me on. last few days i’ve been getting very angry with him. arguing and starting on him when i know he doesn’t need it .i cant help it. i guess i’m scared. but yesterday we were at a friends house and i was completely ignoring him. when it was time for me to leave he went onto the balcony and sat down waiting for me to go say goodbye. the balcony is usually where me and him talk a lot lately. i only went out there to say goodbye but he asked me to sit down and he asked me what was wrong. i explained to him that my problem was him, that the sweet guy who would talk to me about his thoughts hopes and dreams had dissapeared and that hes become someone i don’t even know. this effected him a lot because he actually broke down and opened up to me for the first time in such a long time. he told me that i was special to him and he never stopped caring but that he doesn’t know how he feels. i brought up the subject of other girls and his anwser was simply other girls don’t care , you do. i tried to give him brief hug but he wouldn’t let go , it was like he was holding onto me for dear life and i think he may of been shedding a tear or two. he spoke to my friend and he broke down crying saying that he’d hurt me so much and couldn’t believe he let himself do that. he also said that he didn’t know how he feels and if he loves me or not.my friend then rang me up saying that she thinks he truly loves me but that hes scared. now i know he has feelings for me its clear as day light but its been over a year since the day i met him and i just want to be with him, i love him so much.i just have hope that he will eventually comeback to me because every time we break up he always comes back and its like everything is perfect. and i want to be angry with him for all the pain hes ever caused me but i cant . because i know i need him and he told me he needed me yesterday a swell. i’m not sure where this is gonna head , i just really needed to let this all out… like a confession
if anyone has any thoughts or ideas please do help me, god knows i need it

its probably also important that i mention the fact i was pregnant with his baby and miscarried, her name was zara and i didn’t tell him when i was pregnant and hes always gonna be upset because i took the option of having a child away from him. i know it was wrong but i only did what i thought was right and i am only human.
i just really need some other peoples opinions cos i don’t know whats going to happen next , we may get back togethher or we may not

Reply December 27, 2014, 10:35 am

Tamara Smith

HI, I been with this guy since I was 11 years old and we broke up In January so it will be a whole year since we were together. Now on Facebook I see him with His new girlfriend but he messaged me he said he still has love for me a couple months ago it seemed like he didn’t want to respond to me what should I do? He’s my first love and we been dating for 4 years now and I miss him should I persue him first?

Reply December 26, 2014, 8:40 pm

suhani

my boyfriend broke up with me we had 3years of relationship…..just because we fght each othr many times…we are physicaly involved……….2 months we didnt talk to each other….but now when i met him after breakup we talk to each other he told me that we are just friends not more than and sometimes when i asked about our status than he told me its complicated…. nd nw he lust on me am so confused what he wants….when we chat on facebook he romance with me ..video chat with me….and nw he asked me for night out …..plz help me …..i love him i want my boyfriend back……..

Reply December 24, 2014, 1:01 am

suhani

my boyfriend of 3 years relatnshp broke up with me…..just because we fght each othr many times…we are physicaly involved……….2 months we didnt talk to each other….but now when i met him after breakup we talk to each other he told me that we are just friends not more than and sometimes when i asked about our status than he told me its complicated…. nd nw he lust on me am so confused what he wants….when we chat on facebook he romance with me ..video chat with me….and nw he asked me for night out …..plz help me …..i love him i want my boyfriend back……..

Reply December 24, 2014, 1:00 am

Shannon

t wonder if sociopaths or people with a slight touch of sociopath-ness (lol I know that’s not a word) have the best relationships? Being that they don’t care about much…

Reply December 20, 2014, 10:35 pm

Susan

Hi, I have a question. I met a guy on dating site and we have been out a few times. He does something irritating to me. He pulls out his phone to see if he has texts. I am assuming they could be from other women because i know he is still active and I am too. That is not the issue, the issue is I feel odd when I see him checking his phone. Should I do or say anything? I don’t check my phone when I am with someone,

Reply December 15, 2014, 6:16 pm

Lisa

Hi I haven’t long speperated from my ex of just over a year. He has not given me a reason what’s so ever! I have made the bad mistake by txting him all the time to make sure that this is what he wanted and today after a week of silent treatment he actually txted me and said we are over and to leave it like that and he will contact me when he’s ready to collect his things. He had blocked me on nearly everything so I couldn’t see what he is doing. I then found out that he is bk on dating sites as that’s were we actually meet each other over a year ago.We have had are ups and are downs but always pulled through things and sorted it out but this time around he doesn’t want this and sounded unsure about the situation. I really love him And have feeling for him I feel so bad this time around as o should not of carried on texting him whiles he was ignoring me. Have I pushed him away from me and the chance of getting him back.

Reply January 11, 2015, 1:59 pm

Gina

I’ve been seeing this guy, we met on a dating site. Things are great between us it seems. When we are together we are all into each other physically and mentally..ridiculous connection. We are so connected it’s almost unbelievable. He lives about 45min away and is only in town 2 weeks and away at work a month. So when he’s in town and doesn’t have his kids we try to see each other as much as possible. I have found that he has a woman friend that he hangs with. Their kids are friends and he goes over to take them and just stays and hangs with her while watching football etc. He says they’re just friends but she calls him on occasion at all hours and is going through a divorce from an abusive man and seems to need him as a friend quite a bit. Im not usually a jealous person but i have a bad feeling about this. He’s very involved in her situation.
This is very new so I’m not sure how to handle it. He texts me all day and stays in contact with me but when he was over there he doesn’t text or call etc. He doesn’t think that their relationship is unusual. I think it’s healthy to have friends that are of the opposite sex but how close should they be and why am I feeling like I just got punched in the stomach?
I’m feeling at this moment like I want to run and move on regardless of our connection because I feel I’m going to get hurt.
How do I handle this?

Reply November 16, 2014, 9:19 am

Gina

I’ve been seeing this guy, we met on a dating site. Things are great between us it seems. When we are together we are all into each other physically and mentally..ridiculous connection. We are so connected it’s almost unbelievable. He lives about 45min away and is only in town 2 weeks and away at work a month. So when he’s in town and doesn’t have his kids we try to see each other as much as possible. I have found that he has a woman friend that he hangs with. Their kids are friends and he goes over to take them and just stays and hangs with her while watching football etc. He says they’re just friends but she calls him on occasion at all hours and is going through a divorce from an abusive man and seems to need him as a friend quite a bit. Im not usually a jealous person but i have a bad feeling about this. He’s very involved in her situation.
This is very new so I’m not sure how to handle it. He texts me all day and stays in contact with me but when he was over there he doesn’t text or call etc. He doesn’t think that their relationship is unusual. I think it’s healthy to have friends that are of the opposite sex but how close should they be and why am I feeling like I just got punched in the stomach?
I’m feeling at this moment like I want to run and move on regardless of our connection because I feel I’m going to get hurt.
How do I handle this? PLEASE HELP

Reply November 16, 2014, 9:50 am

Nan

Hey I really need advice, my partner and I are both in a long distance relationship.
Recently he has been withdrawn to me cause of work stress and I did not understand that and became too needy . Now he doesn’t want to talk to me and ignores my text. But I know he still loves me, how do I repair the damage?. I want to assure him that I will be there for him and be a supportive and be a loving girlfriend. How can I do that ?. I wish to be supportive and show him I am there for him, at the same time I want to give him his space ?. I dont want him to think I am too desperate or anything.

Reply November 12, 2014, 10:41 pm

Jeni

I really enjoyed reading this article. It opened up my eyes on issues I may be having with negative thoughts. I want to be that happy person that guys and my friends want to be around. Your advice is a very nice stepping stone. Thank you.

Reply November 8, 2014, 1:26 am

Hannah

I’m worried !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m 17 me & my boyfriend use to have sex like every night now he dont want to have sex with me i have to beg hi & when we do it’s only for like 5 seconds what should i do???

Reply November 5, 2014, 8:43 pm

Mel Mel

Am so confused! He does things that need to be done without me asking and I appreciate all of it, and just the other day he told me he like me just as I am. Hmm! then why the does he not answer my texts or stay around longer like after we have been imitmate, and when he is around his friend he speaks pataw I can’t understand what is going on.

Reply November 3, 2014, 4:41 pm

Hails

We’ve known each other since we were 14. I really liked him and told him when we were 17 he had no idea I liked him. Left it at that, We remained friends then at 19 i got a text out of the blue from him all it read was “i love you”. Although I still felt the same, i couldn’t believe what I was reading. I panicked and replied “hi, how are you” Now we have never been together, relationship nor sex, but I always find myself thinking about him. wondering ‘what if’. But I hadn’t seen him for 7 years and I’m always drawn back to him. Now we are 29 and both single and recently we met up… it was as if nothing changed. He still had the same cheeky, cheesey smile. I constantly catch him staring at me… lock eyes at times. Pretty sure there was a little flirting too. It’s strange… he stares at me from afar and gets his cheeky smile when I catch him looking at me. I caught him out a beauty… he watched me walk across the room and where ever i am he stares. When he’s lost sight of me I see him looking around until he’s found me again and he’ll stare. He’ll sit close to me… for example, I had my arm rested on the arm rest and he sat next to me and put his arm on top of mine and he’ll lean in to chat. Another example he came and stood next to me but I could feel his body pressed against me. I’ve noticed he’s not like this with other female friends. But I know I’m too nervous to speak to him. Sometimes I think he’s the same. Unless he has something he has to tell me or the basic hi, how are you… i think he finds it hard to talk to me. I know he listens when others talk to me. I don’t know if it’s just me or there is something there. Or was him putting his arm on mine, him making his move and he’s waiting for me to make mine. If so I don’t know where to from here.

Reply October 31, 2014, 3:31 pm

Megan

I am dating this guy. He has recently been a little distant and I found out it is because he has strong feelings for me but is fearful to express them. How can I help him understand I have the same feelings and won’t hurt him?

Reply October 25, 2014, 3:07 pm

K

Help!! I met a man through an online dating site and we met and connected immediately! We went on 2 great dates and talked about getting together again but have not been able to make our schedules work. We used to text daily throughout the day or at least used to check in daily. The last conversation we had was a great one and we talked about getting together and he told me how much he missed me. That was over a week ago and I have heard nothing! Radio silence! I have sent him 2 texts just to check in and no response. What do I do now? Do I move on and just assume he lost interest or do I wait a few more days and reach out again? I’m so confused.

Reply October 23, 2014, 9:36 am

G

I’ve been doing the online dating thing and when that has happened yo me it usually means something crazy is going on in their life or they have moved on. I wouldn’t contact him anymore. Just see if he eventually contacts you but in the meantime…don’t wait around. Gg

Reply November 16, 2014, 9:23 am

Sasha

HELP!!! I desperately need some advice! I met my bf 3 months ago from a dating app.( Hes 38 and im 34. I have 1 child, he has none). Neither one of us had high expectations that meeting would turn into anything serious. I have had my heart torn out of my chest many times with past unfaithful ex’s and he was 7 months out of a very long term relationship. I was open to meeting someone and hoping that something amazing could form and he was just thinking he would meet someone and casually date, nothing serious. Well, it didn’t turn out quite that way. We immediately realized that there was an undeniable connection and our quick coffee date turned into four hours of talking & enjoying each others company. We had to pull ourselves out of that date and immediately set up a second date. He was very honest with me about his break up, how recent it was and how he feels hes at a cross roads in his life with his career. He said hes feeling “lost, confused and unsure which direction hes going g in” He also said that due to this, he wasn’t sure that he has any business getting involved in a relationship….but we did anyways. I heard him, i tried my best to “understand” and to be honest, in the beginning I was ok with it, because at the time I wasn’t so attached and hes a great guy and i didnt want to let him go…Now fast forward three months…we are exclusive, we actually waited 3 weeks before having sex, hes told his mom about me. He also told his mom about his fears of possibly hurting me because hes still unsure what hes doing or where hes going in his life. He has told me tgat he wants me to meet his family (however they all live a 3hr plane ride away). He has expressed interest in meeting my family and my daughter. However, when the time came, he freaked out and didn’t end up meeting them. He suddenly expressed that things were moving fast, that he felt a tiny bit pressured and that he wanted to slow down. I told him that I don’t want to push him into anything hes not ready for, so I left it alone. But then he will talk about coming out on Halloween with my daughter and I. The other day I brought my daughter to a haunted house and he said he would have liked to come….He occasionally talks about a future with me or at least the idea of one, but then also says that he has to hold back on his feelings for me until he figures out his life. I’M SO CONFUSED! one min hes telling me he misses me, inviting me into his private family circle, then the next hes throwing up all kinds of walls. I feel like because of this ive shut down a bit, the walls I had brought down are slowly coming back up. He says he likes it when I share with him how i feel, he even said he keeps a screen shot of my sweet texts to him and reads them when hes missing me or having a bad day…but how can I be the only one sharing! ? That just feels uncomfortable and heart breaking. I asked him what he wanted in life, he said to make a lot of money (hes currently in a career field that can offer that, he wotks in film- no not an actor) and then he said he wants a longterm relationship, marriage and to just enjoy life without having to worry about money…That’s all great, but what im wondering is, where do I fit in all this? And do I have a place? Is this relationship doomed? Has it expired any progression??? Hes an awesome guy and I just want to be apart of his life, growth and change. What’s going on!!???? And what do I do!?!? *sigh*

Reply October 20, 2014, 3:26 pm

Cathy

You’re awesome! This totally makes sense!!!

Reply October 17, 2014, 11:31 pm

Roooo

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Reply October 17, 2014, 10:49 am

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Reply October 12, 2014, 5:39 am

V

I am so confused I have been w this guy going on 2 years. He recently gave me title of girlfriend. And I’ve basically been living at his place but still have my own. In this time I have stood by his side through loss of job and even custody battle w his ex. However, he gives me girlfriend title then takes it back when he wants to go play. He tells me the only thing holding him back is that I can’t give him another baby. We have even talked about reversing my tubes. However, after all the rollercoaster rides and other females he speaks too. I have bacKed away from the baby discussion I feel him pulling away. I would love to make us work. I just don’t know how to go about this w/out causing an argument or wanting put pressure olon our relationship. Please help.

Reply October 11, 2014, 12:04 am

Dee

Hey everyone, I could really use some advice with my “relationship” now. There’s a guy who saw me on his friend’s FB and added me because he liked me. I didn’t like him at all, but I added him anyway thinkin: what is there to lose? We started to talk, he messaged me all the time, but I still didn’t like him. Then after like 3 months of chatting he asked for a date. We agreed on a time and place, but he couldn’t make it. I was really disappointed, because he came up with the lamest excuse (car broke down), but I visited him, because I wanted to see if we click. We did. After a few dates things happened, and even after the first one he called me his girl, asked me not to talk to his friends anymore, cause I’m only his. The thing I liked about him was that at that time I was pregnant by an other man and had an abortion. He supported me all the way. I really thought I found an amazing guy. But there was something with him. When he says “Hey babe I gotta go, will hit you up in a few”, it usually means he wouldn’t talk to me until the very next day. I was fighting a lot about it, like “if you decide to disappear why can’t you just drop me a a text and say you’re busy?”. The constant fights started to make him think that he can’t make me happy, and he kept saying “you make me feel like I’m not good enough for you”. Then I found this page and read a lot, realized that after two weeks of being his girlfriend I shouldn’t act like that, so I started to change and he noticed. He already introduced me to his friends, and treated me like a queen in front of them. Not ashamed of holding my hand, kissing me, etc. I really thought everything was gonna be all right. But the thing is that we live an hour away from each other, we both work, so we can only spend two days/one night together a week. Which I don’t think is a problem, because we are only at the beginning, we both need our space a little. But here’s the problem that started last week. He doesn’t have a smartphone, and only uses FB at work, but his working hours are the most flexible I’ve ever seen as he is a real estate agent, so if he can’t he won’t work for a week. That’s what happened just now. He hasn’t been on FB for more than a week now, so we don’t have that daily communication. I asked him to at least send me one text in the evening, saying everything is all right. He said ok I will. But of course he didn’t, in fact days go by without us even communicating. Thank God I found this page, because I was already about to freak out on him, but I read everything carefully and when he finally called me two days ago, I was calm and happy and he noticed it. He was like “wow I thought you would kill me for not texting or calling you for three days but I see you are doing great”. I told him “yea I understand you had to handle your business and I kept myself busy, I went to the movies, went out, and actually going out right now as well”. He told me to enjoy myself and to call him when I get home. I did, and he was like “oh babe I’ll call you back” then hang up. It was two days ago, of course there is no word from him. I’m trying to be patient, because I don’t want him to think that I’m the “Why didn’t you…?” type of girlfriend, who acts like this after 2 weeks of dating, and will get even worse later. But at the same time I want him to show me attention as much when I wasn’t his girlfriend. How do I do that? Or even is it worth to try or he is just not that into me? When we are together in person, I feel like everything is perfect, he treats me so well. But when I travel home, communication,texting, phone calls happen very rarely. Please help… Thank you!

Reply October 9, 2014, 12:54 am

Elisabeth

Eric, you are a Blessing. I appreciate you, my friend.

Reply October 8, 2014, 7:14 pm

Diana

My boyfriend of 5 years broke up with me. I can honestly say that was one of the best things that could have happened to me. I sought for advice and comfort through friends, family and though that process it also led me to your website. The way you delivered the messages really hit home.

I now have an understanding why it didn’t work out. I was overwhelmed with stress from a terrible job I hated, and other parts of my life that were wearing me thin. I wasn’t my best self and I let it spill into my relationship for a long time with the person who loved me. Looking back…gosh I feel sorry for the poor guy. I took him for granted for so long. After he broke up with me, I had immediately wished more than anything to get back together but I realize, honestly I’m not in the right place to do so with him or anyone.

I just had 4 wisdom teeth removed so I had some time to really think about my life and how i could make it my best possible life. One of the themes that stood out was how a relationship isn’t a thing to be gotten but an experience to be shared. And In order for it to be a great experience you have to make sure you are your best self in order give and receive love.

I’m not sure if you’re real people writing all these wonderful gems that I see in my inbox, but I just wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I can’t find the words to convey how truly grateful I am for you and the time effort you have given in order to help and reach out to people like me in similar situations. Gosh this really was meant to be a short comment but oh well. Do people even read these comments? Ok, I’m talking to myself now…

Reply October 8, 2014, 6:30 pm

Elisabeth

Diana, thank you for sharing, I read your comment, and I loved your words. The part where you said, “… a relationship isn’t a thing to be gotten but an experience to be shared. And In order for it to be a great experience you have to make sure you are your best self in order give and receive love.” It’s refreshing and empowering what relationships can do for us, even when we are succeeding in them, and when we may feel we have “failed.” But in the end, when we learn such valuable lessons from our “failed” experiences, and realize how blessed we are from them, we have only enriched ourselves, and blessed our journey. And not just our own journey, but the journey of that person who we loved, whether they realize this or not… including all those who we come in touch with. Just because of our experience. We become a different person, and we bless others from who we become. Thank you for touching my life through your words, Diana. Thank you for sharing your wisdom through your experience. Your words did not fall on deaf ears, nor blind eyes. You are one Phenomenal Woman, and you are appreciated in so many ways. Thank you for You.

Reply October 8, 2014, 7:00 pm

Diana

Elisabeth, I appreciate all the kinds words you expressed. I know we can’t always control the things that happen but we can always control how we view them. You’re right, our outlook in life and what we’re feeling inside really does somehow affect every person we come in contact with. Even though we may not know each other, what you wrote really means a lot. I don’t know why but I’m feeling really excited. I really hope you’re doing well too. It’s kind of neat how I feel like I’m in a mini support group. This website should have links to nearby support groups or something.

Reply October 9, 2014, 12:00 pm

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