Ask a Guy: All He Talks About Now is Hooking Up… post image

Ask a Guy: All He Talks About Now is Hooking Up…


I was set up with a cute guy recently- we talked loads on the phone first and had a great laugh. Our first date was really lovey as well.  I ended up getting snowed in at his house so had to stay, but nothing happened.

Anyway, I sent him a message the next day thanking him for his hospitality and didn’t get a reply until the following day and it was pretty blunt, just saying “thats ok”. He  texted me a few days later asking if I would like to see him again, so I agreed and this time we ended up sleeping together.

Now he only texts me if I text him first and he’s only interested in talking if it’s about sexual stuff.  It’s been 2 days and I haven’t texted him, but he hasn’t text me either!

I felt we really had a connection but I don’t want to freak him out by asking him how he’s feeling when we’ve only met each other twice! Any help would be much appreciated.

Read our guy’s response after the jump!

I would say that you’ve already “set the bar” so to speak as far as what your standards are. I’m not an advocate of women holding out on having sex for a certain number of days just because some dumb book says so, BUT I do think that you should have standards on the connection you have with a guy before you sleep with him.

I mean think about it… If you just go and sleep with a guy after he’s barely shown any interest in you, what makes you think he’s going to put in any additional effort, especially if he knows he can get laid regardless.

I understand that you liked this guy, but I think it’s important that you look for signs that he’s made some kind of investment in you before you sleep together (if you care about the connection).  For example, you said that you spent a bunch of time together and then after you texted him the next day, he barely responded.

There are some signs you can look for with guys to see if they’re connecting with you or just “gaming” you.  Being funny and charming and entertaining is one thing.  But it doesn’t mean he’s connected to you or invested in you.

You can usually tell if a guy’s invested in you if he’s willing to show some level of vulnerability with you.  Maybe he shares something with you that he wouldn’t say to just anybody.  Maybe he has a conversation with you that he wouldn’t have with the average person because he thinks you’re special.  Those are signs that he values you beyond just sex.

If you want to have sex with a guy, go ahead and have sex (although I encourage you to be safe about it). If you want to have a relationship with a guy… if you want to have a connection with a guy… if you want the guy to care about you or like you as a person, then make sure he really sincerely does like you FIRST before you hook up with him.

Again, I am not saying hold out for the sake of holding out… what I am saying is have standards for the type of connection you have with a guy before you sleep with him if you care about the connection at all. Guys are all about saving energy – if they don’t have to put the energy in to get sex, they won’t. They’ll save it for a girl who actually challenges them and just have sex with you in the meantime.

Please don’t think I’m trying to be mean or judge you. I’m being blunt, but it’s tough love.

Plus, if sex was your only objective with this guy, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. All I’m saying is that if you want a connection with a guy, having sex with him after he basically dismissed you the day before is not the best way to go.

Hope it helps.

– eric charles

10 comments… add one

Leave Your Comment Now...

harley

Very helpful, straight to the point…. I love the part about “setting the bar”. I needed this over a decade ago.

Reply April 6, 2016, 1:21 pm

kaye

I don’t think the question was answered. Or maybe I’m looking for a different answer. After she has slept with him and is not getting the results like before, what should she do? is it too late, should she runaway now because she slept with him to soon. What are some signs to stick around and when should you just leave and chop it up as a guy who just got what he wanted. I’m in a similar situation. The guy doesn’t try to see me like before and only really wants to come by my house. He texts everyday some silly “how are you” text but that’s about it. What is that all about?

Reply February 29, 2012, 9:24 am

Chels

Charles,

I have been talking to a guy for about a month now, on online video chats. He seems to like me because he texts me, and we talk almost every day. We have also had “cyber-sex,” a few times. I brought up that I don’t think that a relationship like ours should be all about sex. He says that he agrees. After this, when we talk about meeting up, he adamantly says that he does not want to have sex when we first meet..

Is he serious, or is he just saying that so I’ll stick around?

Reply September 23, 2011, 6:10 pm

Jasmine

I wish you had a like button. This is great.

These are the rules I (try) to follow.

Reply May 12, 2010, 11:40 am

kendrea

charles or sabrina please help me with your advice!!1
thanks in advance!

Reply February 11, 2010, 6:49 pm

kendrea

Charles (or any body else with insight); i have a question, i know it might sound ridicullous but what are ways a girl can challange a guy?? you stated that guys will save their “energy” on “a girl who actually challenges them and just have sex with you in the meantime” so what are some good ways or ideas for a girl to challange a guy and makes that guy see you as more than just sex?? ——reason i ask is because i am talking to a guy whom i really like, but recently it feels like he just talks to me whenever he wants to, or for a makeout session, and i dont want that. i want him to like me for me, not for sex. He says he really likes me, but the great connection that we had at the beginning is fading…what do you think? help…
-p.s no i have not been intimate with him.

Reply February 11, 2010, 6:48 pm

Brianne

ummm… “charlie” is definitely a girl posting under a guys name. guys dont talk like that…. not even gay guys talk like that. only preachy girls who want to push their moral agenda on other ppl talk like that.
not that i don’t agree to a point but come on.

Reply January 27, 2010, 12:06 am

Charlie

Where do I begin ? It is really really really simple. If you dish it out too soon all they will do is take it and leave. If a guy really likes you and is interested HE WILL CHASE YOU like you have never been chased before. He will walk on hot coals and go through a desert without water to see you, to be with you. He will call you and he will leave you in no doubt that you are the one he wants to be with. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE ladies if you are handing out your candy on the second date you deserve what you get. You will also turn him OFF ! Guys want to be with women who have standards and who like themselves and are strong and are not needy or loose. Don’t make it too easy for him. If you have standards and make him work for it you will find out whether he is really interested in a long term relationship or whether he only wants to sleep with you. If you let them they will sweetheart. It’s a fact.

Reply January 26, 2010, 12:29 am

Megan

My sister was in almost similar situatoin as this girl. She slept over at a guy’s place first time after some drink. Then the second time the guy asked to hook up she said no….she’s now confused about how to reverse the ‘wrong standard’ she set first time?

Reply January 22, 2010, 3:54 pm

Leave a Comment

Recent Relationship Forum Activity

STOP LETTING MEN
CONFUSE YOU

Sign up for our
free newsletter
and get a free chapter
of our book,"He's Not
That Complicated"