I was set up with a cute guy recently- we talked loads on the phone first and had a great laugh. Our first date was really lovey as well. I ended up getting snowed in at his house so had to stay, but nothing happened.
Anyway, I sent him a message the next day thanking him for his hospitality and didn’t get a reply until the following day and it was pretty blunt, just saying “thats ok”. He texted me a few days later asking if I would like to see him again, so I agreed and this time we ended up sleeping together.
Now he only texts me if I text him first and he’s only interested in talking if it’s about sexual stuff. It’s been 2 days and I haven’t texted him, but he hasn’t text me either!
I felt we really had a connection but I don’t want to freak him out by asking him how he’s feeling when we’ve only met each other twice! Any help would be much appreciated.
Read our guy’s response after the jump!
I would say that you’ve already “set the bar” so to speak as far as what your standards are. I’m not an advocate of women holding out on having sex for a certain number of days just because some dumb book says so, BUT I do think that you should have standards on the connection you have with a guy before you sleep with him.
I mean think about it… If you just go and sleep with a guy after he’s barely shown any interest in you, what makes you think he’s going to put in any additional effort, especially if he knows he can get laid regardless.
I understand that you liked this guy, but I think it’s important that you look for signs that he’s made some kind of investment in you before you sleep together (if you care about the connection). For example, you said that you spent a bunch of time together and then after you texted him the next day, he barely responded.
There are some signs you can look for with guys to see if they’re connecting with you or just “gaming” you. Being funny and charming and entertaining is one thing. But it doesn’t mean he’s connected to you or invested in you.
You can usually tell if a guy’s invested in you if he’s willing to show some level of vulnerability with you. Maybe he shares something with you that he wouldn’t say to just anybody. Maybe he has a conversation with you that he wouldn’t have with the average person because he thinks you’re special. Those are signs that he values you beyond just sex.
If you want to have sex with a guy, go ahead and have sex (although I encourage you to be safe about it). If you want to have a relationship with a guy… if you want to have a connection with a guy… if you want the guy to care about you or like you as a person, then make sure he really sincerely does like you FIRST before you hook up with him.
Again, I am not saying hold out for the sake of holding out… what I am saying is have standards for the type of connection you have with a guy before you sleep with him if you care about the connection at all. Guys are all about saving energy – if they don’t have to put the energy in to get sex, they won’t. They’ll save it for a girl who actually challenges them and just have sex with you in the meantime.
Please don’t think I’m trying to be mean or judge you. I’m being blunt, but it’s tough love.
Plus, if sex was your only objective with this guy, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. All I’m saying is that if you want a connection with a guy, having sex with him after he basically dismissed you the day before is not the best way to go.
Hope it helps.
– eric charles